The Empowered Through Compassion Podcast

Season 2, Episode 22,    Release Date: 3-19-2024

Empathy Through Connection

Stephen Andrew is CEO (Chief Energizing Officer) of Health Education & Training Institute (HETI) (https://www.hetimaine.org/stephen-andrew)

He is the co-founder and President of Agape, Inc. (https://www.agapemaine.org) which supports the Men’s Resource Center of Southern Maine whose mission is to support boys, men and fathers and oppose violence and dignity for people using opiates.

Upcoming Events:

April 9th and April 10th 2024… There is the 4th Annual Recovery, Inclusion, Community, Harm Reduction (RICH) Conference  (https://www.agapemaine.org/dignity) 

Notes From Episode

I mentioned his interview on Heart Centered Therapist Podcast 

Here are the steps of Empathy according to Stephen:

(1) Really see the other person

(2) Listen to the content

(3) Take a breath and drop into your heart

(4)  Offer something: What do you imagine this person is feeling? Thinking?

(5)  Watch how it lands

I believe for Stephen, “Curiosity” is similar to “Detective work” and he cautions us against this saying, 

“Instead of being curious of the other person, we should be curious about our heart, and the felt sense we have of the other person.” 

Stephen shared that concepts of “Self-Empathy” and “Self-Compassion” are problematic for him, because these should not lead to isolating ourselves.

“The key to self-compassion is giving it away.”

“This is about duality; we need to show up for others and ourselves.”

Stephen shares his term “Boundaries with kindness” where we simultaneously focus on our needs and other people's needs. In this way, we do not fall into a “Caretaker” role, and we maintain our own integrity. We can hold the thought, “I am here for you,” while at the same time, not slipping into a more compulsive caretaking role.

Stephen's Three Skills That Everyone Needs:

(1)  Empathy, Compassion, Radical Acceptance

(2)  Boundaries with Kindness

(3) The Heart-Felt Apology—when you don’t do the first two correctly

Near the end of the interview, when Stephen and I are speaking about men's groups and the recent mass shooting in Maine, we were referring to a mass killing that occurred in Lewiston, MA at the end of October, 2023 (this happened about a week before we recorded our own interview). 

Our love goes out to all of those people and families affected by this tragic event!

This week I had the priviledge of speaking with Nancy Simons, who is a trainer at Syzygy Institute (which weaves together EMDR and IFS training). She speaks about some of the strengths of IFS Informed EMDR training (IIE). She also shares some of her wonderful creations in the field, including a very special protocal that she has named, "The Self-Compassion Container." Enjoy this episode, and our special converesation.

This week I had the pleasure of speaking with Daphne Fatter. She is a leader in the field of interweaving IFS and EMDR. She is a teacher and writer who has a lot of first hand experience with these models. I learned so much about the integration of the models from her, and I am excited to share our compassionate conversation with you. I hope you can feel some of our excitement with these models. I hope that this also inspires you to want to learn more aobut these two models and how they could help with trauma healing. Enjoy this episode!

In this very special episode I am speaking with my 7th and 8th grade teacher Mr. Trostli. He is a Waldorf class teacher (grades 1 to 8), high school teacher, adult educator, author, and lecturer. He is the Founder and Director of Hartsbrook High School and served as the Director of the Waldorf Research Institute. We speak about the incredible impact he has had in my life, and how his beautiful views of education and Rudolf Steiner converge with my understanding of IFS and EMDR therapy. 

Today I was fortunate to speak with Annabel McGoldrick. She is a compassionate and amazing soul, who started "Peace Journalism" with her husband, and then went on to become an EMDR therapist, consultant and founder to EMDR Insght: New Horizons in EMDR Therapy and Training. She teaches classes that weave EMDR and IFS together, and has a lot of wonderful insights to share with us!  

Gary Whited has studied philosophy, taught philosophy, and is now a trained IFS therapist. He has published books with his poems, and has done a number of translations of the great poet and philosopher Parmenides. It was so wonderful to be introduced to this ancient world through Gary. It was also a treat to have him read some of his original poetry! It was so interesting to look at some IFS concepts through a poetic lense. I hope you ejoy this episode as much as I did!

In this episode I had the pleasure of speaking with Tammy Sollenberger. She is very well known in the IFS community. She has a popular podcast called "The One Inside" and also has written an incredible book with the same name. She has been trained in IFS, and is an IFS therapist and consultant. It was a wonderful oppotunity to sit inside some of Tammy's positive self energy as we spoke about all things IFS. I hope you enjoy! 

Welcome to this beautiful conversation with one of the masters of IFS-- Cece Sykes. She shows us how IFS can be helpful for people struggling with addictions. In fact, she goes a step further, and we speak about how addictions are all around us, sometimes we don't even recognize how many things we are all addicted to in our culture! Some addictions are even encouraged (think about the workaholics or the greedy politicians as examples). 

In this episode I speak with author and CFO Justin B Long about his book, "The Righteous Rage of a 10-Year-Old Boy: A Journey of Self-Discovery." This is a beautiful book about a man who has overcome a traumatic childhood, with inner resilence, a lot of intention, and the help of his therapist (trained in EMDR). He recounts in detail his experience with EMDR, and how it helped transform his perception of himself and the world. Through a lot of courage and inner stamina Justin is able to reflect on the magic of EMDR with a very personal and open account of his experience. 

I am reloading the first part of this episode as a special bonus this month! Martha was on the second episode from season 1. She was such a fun and interesting guest and a pleasure to speak with. She spoke about her book Internal Family Systes Therapy for Shame and Guilt, which is one of my most favorite books on my bookshelf! Not only did it deepen my understanding of IFS, but it also helps to get a better handle on something that afflicts all of us: shame! Thanks Martha for having this compassionate conversation with me!