Today I’d like to talk about how to be mentally strong after a breakup.
Arguably one of the most important things you are going to hear me talk about on this website. Perhaps the greatest irony of this all is that no one really wants to spend time thinking about it. Instead, what garners the most attention, the most clicks on YouTube are the shallow ideas revolving around getting quick ultimately meaningless results.
Here are the three core methods for how you actually stay mentally strong in the post breakup period,
Again, a lot to talk about here.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz
Adopting An I Choose Philosophy
When it comes to all aspects of life I have noticed that people tend to be more reactive than active. This in and of itself may not initially seem like that big of a deal but it can soon snowball into a situation where it is. Most people
are reactive to the world.
Things happen to them and they react.
Yet, it’s this very same person that “reacts” that often feels like they have no control.
Take your love life as an example. You’re here, reading this article, because of a reactive philosophy most likely.
Though you probably don’t think of it that way. You fell for a guy, imagined that “he was the one” or at least harbored those hopes but he
rejected you and you immediately react to this in the hopes to solve your problem.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy you’re here but until you understand that giving other people the ability to choose what you do and when you do it is a core root of your problem you probably can’t be helped. When you care what
a man thinks you give them the power to control how you feel.
From now on YOU choose who you date. Not a man. Not a parent. Not society. Not even me. YOU choose.
Of course, you can nod your head in agreement to this concept but I’ve been doing this long enough to know that somewhere along the way something will happen and you’ll let other people choose your life for you. When this happens people often complain of circumstance.
“This breakup happened because he said he doesn’t love me anymore.”
“He said we can’t be together because the timing isn’t right.”
Some women will blame themselves.
“I’ll never succeed because I’m not worthy of love.”
“Why does this always happen to me?”
“Why don’t men love me? Why can’t I ever find the one?”
Each one of these pretend scenarios revolve around you letting other people dictate how you feel.
In essence, you are letting other people choose the circumstances of your life for you. Now, most people may think that this “ownership” involves listening to what past lovers or friends criticized you
Lose The Guy To Get The Guy
Most people swear by playing hard to get.
Creating a fear of loss so great that the guy you want will suddenly pay attention to you and take action towards making you his forever. Fear of loss can work. I’ve seen it happen more
times than I can count but there’s another element at play there that I think matters more.
I think we can both agree that there is a difference between someone who is playing hard to get with a reverse psychology intent versus someone who isn’t trying to play hard to get they’ve simply become so enthralled with
other aspects of their life that it looks like they’re playing hard to get.
This is the hidden key that I feel so many people miss out on.
One person hasn’t acknowledged failure. Instead, they’ve let that failure define them by trying to make a man fall for them. The other person gets to this place emotionally where they don’t care if the guy falls for them. If he does
great. If he doesn’t great.
There’s a bit of a stoic philosophy in that.
The stoic acknowledges that certain things are out of their control. You can’t control the weather. You can’t control society. You can’t control other people. All you can control is you and so that becomes their focus in life.
They put an intense focus on the factors of their life that they can control and refuse to be impacted by things that they cannot control. In other words, they are willing to lose the guy and by default get the guy because something
is different about her. So, let’s do something that I know you absolutely don’t want to do.
Let’s talk about failure. At their core, people buy my programs or take coaching sessions with my coaches because they are interested in making an uninterested man interested in them. (That’s a hell of a tongue twister, isn’t it?) Most people don’t want to acknowledge failure. They don’t want to consider the fact that the guy they so desperately want won’t want them back in return.
What makes someone ungettable to me isn’t the fact that they get all the guys. It’s the fact that they face this reality and are unfazed by it. And I mean they are truly unfazed by it to the point that it doesn’t even become a
They are willing to lose the guy, truly.
The irony is that the result is often the opposite. Men seem fascinated by this. They’ve never encountered a woman who reacted this way in a relationship.
And perhaps the best tool with which I can give you going forward is how you view failure.
Learning To Fail Forwards
Now, when I take a look around, oftentimes nowadays, I see everyone out there pedaling magic bullet solutions. And this is especially true when it comes to learning to create desire within men.
Oftentimes many of my clients will fall for these magic bullet solutions because they want convenience. They want an easy way to get their desired result. They want to say this certain phrase or do this certain thing and
automatically have this immediate result within the man that they want to fall in love with them.
The reality is it doesn’t really work that way.
And this is kind of the hidden point that I’ve been sort of getting at as we’ve been going through this discussion.
Well, it’s all the stuff that you’re doing when no one’s looking.
It’s working on your trinity, working on your magnum opus, having the right mentality, embracing that ungettable mindset.
Those are the things that create the foundation that make everything work.
And the funny thing that no one really tells you is the fact that if you try to do those magic bullet solutions, you say this really sexy phrase or do this really sexy thing, usually, those aren’t effective until you do all of the stuff that you don’t want to do.
And here we come to what I like to think of as the crossroads, which is failure and how you deal with it.
How To Deal With Failure
Look, the difference between someone who’s ungettable and someone who’s not ungettable is their perception of failure. This took me a long time in my own life to learn, and it’s going to take you a long time to learn. I’m not
expecting you to go through this discussion and immediately have it click for you.
It just doesn’t work that way.
So what do I mean by perception of failure?
Well, everyone likes to think of themselves as above average. We don’t really like to think of ourselves as middling or below average.
Some of us maybe have that perception of ourselves after we’ve been beaten down by failure.
We try something. It doesn’t work out the way we’re expecting.
We try to attract this person.
It doesn’t work out the way we’re expecting and we get caught in this self-fulfilling prophecy where you’re sitting there and saying,
It all starts from failure.
You try something and you fail.
The one thing that struck me as what made people successful in that and what made people unsuccessful in the post breakup period was their ability to respond towards failure.
They did not let it break them.
In fact, instead of looking at it like this horrible misfortune of events, instead, they looked at it like an opportunity to learn and improve, almost a fun problem to have.
I realize it’s really easy for me to sit up here in my high castle and be looking down and saying, “Do this. It’s easy.” It’s not. The problem is usually when you experience failure, the harder you want it, the worse the failure feels. And
it’s really hard in those emotional moments to take control of your emotions and look at the failure as a fun problem.
You feel like you’re going to be alone forever. You feel like you’re going to be unworthy. You feel like, why is this always happening to me? Your mind takes control and you let fear dictate your life. You let that failure overcome you.
Failure Is More Common Than Success
The truth is though that failure, it’s a lot more common than success. I think a really great example is any kind of sport.
We often watch professionals play basketball, tennis, football, baseball, and we see these people who seem like super men or super women going and achieving their goals. They are incredibly athletic. Oftentimes you’ll hear
announcers talk about how athletic this person is. The truth is that person has failed way more times than they have succeeded. It is because of their failure that they have become athletic. It is because of their failure that they
have become strong. It’s because of their failure that they’ve gained experience.
Failure is more common than success.
Poverty is more common than wealth.
Disappointment is more common than ecstasy. So the question isn’t whether or not you’re going to fail. You will. I am telling you right here, when you first try to cope with the breakup, you’re going to fail.
Do not let that disappoint you to the point where you sit there and say, “This doesn’t work.”
What really annoys me is sometimes in support, we’ll get emails from people who buy one of my programs and they sit there and they literally say it didn’t work. They say that because they tried something and it failed and they
inevitably find it easier to blame something else like this program as the reason it failed as opposed to their own inability to deal with their failure.
Instead, Learn To Fail Forwards
Every time you fail, do not let it break you. Instead, let it teach you a lesson. You have two options when you fail. You can either fail forwards or you can fail backwards. 99% of people fail backwards. Why? It’s easier than taking
Sometimes failure isn’t your fault.
Sometimes there’s no ownership to be had.
Sometimes it’s just a simple understanding that you need to have that no matter what you would’ve done, you would’ve failed. But those are usually rare cases. Usually, there’s some ownership. There’s something that you did or something that someone else did that caused the failure and how you respond to that failure will dictate your success as a human being in life.
What I do, my entire career is based around content, building content, sharing ideas. It’s funny because sometimes I’ll get down on myself and I don’t want to make this about me, but I think this is a good analogy and I only have
Sometimes I’ll get down on myself and think to myself, “You know what I’m doing is not special. Anyone could do this. Anyone could sit up there and record a video like this, or write a product, or write hundreds of articles. I don’t deserve the success I have.” And then I remember that most people do try to do what I do.
They want an easier path in life, but they fail and they give up and they let that failure define them and then it becomes their narrative. Oh, that wouldn’t have worked because he’s got all these advantages. Or, “Oh, it didn’t
work for me because of this or this and this,” instead of just taking ownership and saying, “You know what? I failed, but I’m going to get up. I’m going to keep trying. I’m going to keep going.”
They let it break them and move on to the next thing.
That’s the difference between failing forwards and failing backwards. And how does this relate to desire within men? It is almost like this weird universal law that the more you want someone to fall in love with you, the less likely they are to do so.
Usually when you experience this law, it’s heartbreaking to you and it’s really easy you to let this failure dictate your moves going forward.
Instead of looking at it like that, look at it like this: Your failure has taught you a valuable lesson behind what worked and what didn’t work. It allows you to take a step back to look at your situation and say, “Going forward,
I’m going to do this instead,” or, “Going forward, I’m going to that instead.” And by taking that ownership, which is really hard to do, it’s really hard to sit there and take blame when you feel like things are out of your control, or you
feel like this wasn’t your fault.
But if you can take that ownership and be kind to yourself when you do so, you’ll
notice that you tend to have more success after the failures.
Failure is the foundation to your success. This is the secret that no one wants you to know and it’s the most cliched
So here’s my ask for you. Whenever you encounter failure from this point forward, I don’t want it to define you.
Instead, I want it to make you.
Remember, failure is more common than success, but failure will be the reason for your success. If you can learn to fail forwards, there are going to be points in this process where you are going to be so desperately in love with your ex or so desperately want this man to fall for you again.
And my point is if it doesn’t happen and you will absolutely encounter failure, do not let it break you. Instead, take it and learn from it and try to do something different.
Fail forwards
The post How To Be Mentally Strong After A Breakup first appeared on Ex Boyfriend Recovery.
