We tend to think of memory as a vault—something that, if built correctly, should always open on command. The vault metaphor is tidy, satisfying, and wrong. In truth, memory is more like a three-legged stool balanced precariously on a floor that shifts beneath us. For people with ADHD, that floor isn’t just shifting—it’s often crumbling. And still, we’re asked to sit perfectly still.

This week, we’re joined by Dr. Daniella Karidi—executive coach, cognitive scientist, and founder of ADHDtime—for a conversation that reframes what we know about memory. She maps its steps—encoding, storage, retrieval—and then shows us exactly where, and why, those steps falter in the ADHD brain. What emerges is a picture of fragility—of a system doing its best under conditions for which it was never optimized.

We explore working memory, the critical minute when new information is either transformed into long-term knowledge or simply lost to distraction. We talk about why prospective memory—remembering to do something in the future—is especially difficult for ADHDers, and how most of our strategies fail because they focus on what to remember, not where or when we’ll need to recall it.

But perhaps the most radical idea Daniella offers is this: Forgetting is not failure. It is human. And for ADHD brains, it’s not about being careless or lazy—it’s about a system built for immediacy, not for invisible timekeeping. The key is not to “try harder,” but to scaffold smarter. Memory isn’t a moral issue. It’s an engineering problem.

Daniella shows us how to work with our memory instead of against it, from post-its and memory palaces to understanding state dependence and the power of meaningful cues. This is a conversation for anyone who has ever walked into a room and forgotten why, missed a meeting they cared about, or been told—once again—that they “just need to focus.” If memory has ever felt like a betrayal, this episode is the beginning of forgiveness.

• (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast