The Relationship Guy

In this episode in John’s series on narcissism, he will discuss the causes of narcissism, how to manage a narcissist if you choose to or find yourself in a relationship with one and if a narcissist can change for the better. The origin of the narcissist is rarely discussed, the damage that they do much more so. Is it genetic, environmental or parenting that causes someone to grow up with narcissistic traits?

Related Episodes:
From Codependent to independent 
Codependency

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Not everyone that has narcissistic traits is a narcissist. We all have some traits of narcissism and it is considered a spectrum
• The environment you grow up in will determine if you have narcissistic tendencies or not. If you are placed on a pedestal as a child or were overly controlled you may develop a grandiose or vulnerable type of personality.
• A narcissistic parent does not necessarily create a narcissistic child. A lack of empathy can create a person with the same trait, but can also cause hyper-vigilance creating an empathic individual.
• Grey rocking, or the grey rock method, is a tactic some people use when dealing with abusive or manipulative behaviour by keeping dialogue to an absolute minimum to reduce their interest, giving short answers and asking closed questions, sticking to facts only, and creating physical distance if possible. Never ask for favours, and never refer to the past.

 

BEST MOMENTS

‘As someone who craved attention and validation and love, this was my way of seeking it out in order to feel better. I don’t believe I was actually being a narcissist, just reaching out to be seen.’

‘We can’t determine if a child is narcissistic or not as nearly every child will be selfish and self-focused trying to get their needs and wants met at all times.’

‘It is important to put yourself in a head space where they can’t disturb your thoughts or feelings.’

‘Work on your own self worth so you can’t be easily influenced. Set your own uncrossable boundaries, be assertive and confident in your own space. Don’t react to put-downs or even big-ups as this will just feed their manipulations of you.’

‘Please do remember that they will only change something if they see it as a problem and want to change it which, with a narcissist we know, is quite rare.’

 

VALUABLE RESOURCES

Links:

www.johnkennycoaching.com

 

The Bicycle Affect:

https://youtu.be/oO7XZGvdWno

Video Course with 1-2-1 coaching -

https://the-relationship-guy.teachable.com/purchase?product_id=3607138

Video Course –

https://the-relationship-guy.teachable.com/purchase?product_id=3607134

Link to my workshop -  

https://www.johnkennycoaching.com/5- things-you-need-to-create-a-healthy-loving-relationship/

To get in touch - email –

[email protected]

 or book a complimentary call –

https://calendly.com/johnkennycoaching/30min

 

If people want to order a copy of the book then they can just pay postage of £4.95 (RRP £8.99) - www.johnkennycoaching.com/podcast-book-offer

 

Want to be able to address the relationship issues in your life? - Why not book in for a complimentary call and we can discuss how you can get the new started with some new types of relationships - https://calendly.com/johnkennycoaching/30min

 

The Relationship Guy Podcast - https://omny.fm/shows/the-relationship-guy        

 

ABOUT THE HOST

I am John Kenny, Award Winning Relationship Coach.

Coaching people to experience healthy loving relationships. Having spent a life choosing unhealthy relationships and self sabotaging my own success, I now coach people to live a life they choose.

 

CONTACT METHOD

Facebook –

https://www.facebook.com/johnkennycoaching

LinkedIn –

https://www.linkedin.com/in/john-kenny-coaching

Insta –

https://www.instagram.com/johnkennycoaching/


Twitter –

https://www.twitter.com/johnkennycoach}

YouTube -

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHTj9x6Tlo7lcIJITyx-tgQ

Clubhouse - @relationshipguy

 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Mindfulness is the practice of tuning into our inner world so we can understand how it controls our lives. Anna Zannides is a Mindfulness Coach for those suffering a difficult separation, illness or those experiencing work stress. She offers her advice to businesses and clients on how to identify inner habits and beliefs that may be negatively affecting our outer emotions, actions and decisions. 

John and Anna talk about her work in Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy, how she came to coaching, her past relationship, inner habits and limiting beliefs, breakups and recovery, and the reality of long-term relationships. 

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Anna has worked in education and has used her qualifications to work in cancer support and school and youth projects such as Tottenham Hotspurs and Enfield council dealing with mental health and stress. 
• Mindfulness is a long-term sustained practice enabling us to respond differently and bypass our habitual learned responses that are unhelpful. 
• Everyone is different in how long it takes to move forward after a loss or breakup but often we are put under pressure by the people around us to recover more quickly than we should. This leaves unresolved issues that still need to be addressed and Mindfulness Coaching can achieve this. 
• Indoctrinated ideas can fade throughout life and this is what may cause changes in long-term relationships. 
• The expectation that you are going to meet one person who is going to fulfil your needs throughout your entire life is unrealistic. 

BEST MOMENTS

‘It’s about helping us to build awareness of ourselves so that we are better able to respond in life rather than react to our external conditions.’ – Anna 

‘The first thing that I did when I separated was to actually take myself to Nepal but don’t ask me why because I have no clue! Somehow I said to myself, yes, I’m going to check myself into a Buddhist monastery and I’m going to learn all about this thing that I’ve been interested in since I was very young.’ – Anna 

‘I’ve recently worked with someone and they divorced five years ago and they were still experiencing these bouts of anger.’ – John 

‘I can honestly say without it sounding really negative, I’m not a big believer in relationships anymore, in the context of how we grow up believing in them, let’s put it that way.’ – Anna 

‘The idea that you have to have a body next to you so that you’re not lonely is wrong. Loneliness comes from inside, loneliness is a feeling we have when something is lacking in us.’ - Anna 

GUEST RESOURCES

Links: www.annazannides.com

Email: [email protected]

VALUABLE RESOURCES

Links:

www.johnkennycoaching.com

The Bicycle Affect: 

https://youtu.be/oO7XZGvdWno

Video Course with 1-2-1 coaching -

https://the-relationship-guy.teachable.com/purchase?product_id=3607138

Video Course – 

https://the-relationship-guy.teachable.com/purchase?product_id=3607134

Link to my workshop -  

https://www.johnkennycoaching.com/5- things-you-need-to-create-a-healthy-loving-relationship/

To get in touch - email – 

[email protected]

 or book a complimentary call – 

https://calendly.com/johnkennycoaching/30min

If people want to order a copy of the book then they can just pay postage of £4.95 (RRP £8.99) - www.johnkennycoaching.com/podcast-book-offer

Want to be able to address the relationship issues in your life? - Why not book in for a complimentary call and we can discuss how you can get the new started with some new types of relationships - https://calendly.com/johnkennycoaching/30min

The Relationship Guy Podcast - https://omny.fm/shows/the-relationship-guy        

ABOUT THE HOST

I am John Kenny, Award Winning Relationship Coach.

Coaching people to experience healthy loving relationships. Having spent a life choosing unhealthy relationships and self sabotaging my own success, I now coach people to live a life they choose.

CONTACT METHOD

Facebook – 

https://www.facebook.com/johnkennycoaching

LinkedIn – 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/john-kenny-coaching

Insta – 

https://www.instagram.com/johnkennycoaching/

Twitter – 

https://www.twitter.com/johnkennycoach

YouTube - 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHTj9x6Tlo7lcIJITyx-tgQ

Clubhouse - @relationshipguy

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In our current era we fully accept that the Narcissistic personality is amongst us affecting us in all walks of life, but especially in our relationships. In this episode John advises on how you can spot a Narcissist before they attach themselves to your life and begin to apply their self serving, toxic methods. 

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Narcissists aim to make a great first impression and come across as arrogant or pretentious.  
• Bragging about achievements, a tendency to finger-point at others for their failures can be signs of a narcissist. 
• ‘You’re just too sensitive’ and ‘I know you’re upset but don’t blame me’, are the kinds of things a narcissist will say. 
• Asking questions and then ignoring your reply and speaking only about themselves is another danger sign. 
• Narcissists may use illnesses to create practical explanations for shortfalls in their personalities, perhaps to explain away irritability or lack of interest. 

BEST MOMENTS

‘They will hide under a charismatic veneer with the aim to manipulate you into believing that you can trust them, that they have your best interests at heart and are highly moral individuals.’

’The narcissist has a tendency to communicate differently to others as their words are tools and weapons and are disingenuous.’ 

‘Keep an eye out for them trying to isolate you within your relationship, turning you against your family and friends as though they are the only ones that truly care about you.’ 

VALUABLE RESOURCES

links:

www.johnkennycoaching.com

The Bicycle Affect: 

https://youtu.be/oO7XZGvdWno

Video Course with 1-2-1 coaching -

https://the-relationship-guy.teachable.com/purchase?product_id=3607138

Video Course – 

https://the-relationship-guy.teachable.com/purchase?product_id=3607134

Link to my workshop -  

https://www.johnkennycoaching.com/5- things-you-need-to-create-a-healthy-loving-relationship/

To get in touch - email – 

[email protected]

 or book a complimentary call – 

https://calendly.com/johnkennycoaching/30min

If people want to order a copy of the book then they can just pay postage of £4.95 (RRP £8.99) - www.johnkennycoaching.com/podcast-book-offer

Want to be able to address the relationship issues in your life? - Why not book in for a complimentary call and we can discuss how you can get the new started with some new types of relationships - https://calendly.com/johnkennycoaching/30min

The Relationship Guy Podcast - https://omny.fm/shows/the-relationship-guy        

ABOUT THE HOST

I am John Kenny, Award Winning Relationship Coach.
Coaching people to experience healthy loving relationships. Having spent a life choosing unhealthy relationships and self sabotaging my own success, I now coach people to live a life they choose.

CONTACT METHOD

Facebook – 

https://www.facebook.com/johnkennycoaching


LinkedIn – 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/john-kenny-coaching


Insta – 

https://www.instagram.com/johnkennycoaching/


Twitter – 

https://www.twitter.com/johnkennycoach


YouTube - 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHTj9x6Tlo7lcIJITyx-tgQ

Clubhouse - @relationshipguy

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode's guest is Ashlee Whiteman, one half of Yes2Fitness couple Ashlee and Nicky. At Yes2Fitness, Ashlee offers comprehensive fitness coaching based on the premise that you do not have to sacrifice all aspects of your life to achieve your desired level of fitness. With comprehensive health guidance in fitness and exercise, mindset, nutrition and lifestyle, Ashlee helps his clients achieve complete transformations in confidence and lifestyle for good. 

John and Ashlee talk about his move into the fitness industry, online training including life coaching, relationship challenges and support with fitness goals, understanding and shared interests in partnerships and how you can start your fitness journey with Yes2Fitness. 

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Ashlee attained all his fitness qualifications with online training during lockdown which began his love of the fitness industry. 
• Yes Fitness online training is fully tailored to the individual through bespoke goal setting and a full understanding of the clients requirements, be they starting out in fitness, readying themselves for a specific fitness presentation event or progressing into full bodybuilding competition. 
• If life coaching is necessary when blocks to training occur, Nicky is a fully trained life coach and can help deal with relationship problems caused by family or partner reactions to the clients change of lifestyle. 
• Ashlee and Nicky’s shared interest allows for a better home relationship for them and an improved service for their clients. The fitness and bodybuilding industry has specific considerations and pressures that are surmountable with the support offered by their relationship.  

BEST MOMENTS

‘I understood that I didn’t have that knowledge but I thought I’d start and help friends and family and if I could help them then I would venture into the business myself.’ – Ashlee 

‘We try to make the process as easy as possible with apps and video tutorials and really going back to simplifying it. Everything is tailored to the individual.’ – Ashlee 

‘The relationship that you need to build with your clients has got to be hugely significant as well. With the ones I have to build with my clients, mine need to trust me that I’ve got their best interests at heart and I want them to get the best results from the coaching programs that I offer.’ - John 

‘Your main interests have to align or be understood very much by the other partner.’ - Ashlee

GUEST RESOURCES

Links:

Instagram - @yes2fitness_couple

Youtube: (6) Yes2Fitness Couple 

Website: Online coach | Yes2Fitness |

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Continuing with his series tackling narcissism and its effect on modern relationships, John asks who are the people that are drawn to a narcissistic personality? What is displayed by narcissists that draws a potential partner in, why are they not immediately visible as a narcissist and what sort of personality do narcissists target?

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• A narcissist will offer generosity and kindness to draw a person in only to withdraw it later, returning to it if they sense their target pulling away.  
• If you are not in a good place when you meet them a narcissist will target you in the role of rescuer or saviour. 
• An emotionally healthy individual is perceived as a threat by a narcissist to their sense of self resulting in them fault finding or fault creating to cement their sense of superiority.
• Narcissists create a trauma bond with their victims by alternating idolising one moment and devaluing the next. 
• To regain a lost relationship a narcissist will revert to old behaviours, offer previously refused gifts or become temporarily emotionally present.

BEST MOMENTS

‘Thinking that a narcissist actually cares about them because of the good moments, these good moments are, however, false and manipulative and the mask of these will drop more and more frequently.’ 

‘Initially, a truly kind and open-hearted person can be appealing to a narcissist as they think they can get them on their side to be able to use them for their own needs. As time moves on, however, the narcissist realises that they are genuinely nicer and better than they are and this threatens their sense of self.’

‘As time goes on they lose their sense of self, feel inadequate and become dependent on the feedback they receive from the narcissist.’

‘if you had a parent that you wanted to please and accepted a level of behaviour that made you feel you didn’t deserve much more you are more susceptible to the narcissist.’ 

 VALUABLE RESOURCES

Link to previous episode - What is Narcissism? - The Relationship Guy - Omny.fm

links:

www.johnkennycoaching.com

The Bicycle Affect: 

https://youtu.be/oO7XZGvdWno

Video Course with 1-2-1 coaching -

https://the-relationship-guy.teachable.com/purchase?product_id=3607138

Video Course – 

https://the-relationship-guy.teachable.com/purchase?product_id=3607134

Link to my workshop -  

https://www.johnkennycoaching.com/5- things-you-need-to-create-a-healthy-loving-relationship/

To get in touch - email – 

[email protected]

 or book a complimentary call – 

https://calendly.com/johnkennycoaching/30min

If people want to order a copy of the book then they can just pay postage of £4.95 (RRP £8.99) - www.johnkennycoaching.com/podcast-book-offer

Want to be able to address the relationship issues in your life? - Why not book in for a complimentary call and we can discuss how you can get the new started with some new types of relationships - https://calendly.com/johnkennycoaching/30min

The Relationship Guy Podcast - https://omny.fm/shows/the-relationship-guy        

ABOUT THE HOST

I am John Kenny, Award Winning Relationship Coach.

Coaching people to experience healthy loving relationships. Having spent a life choosing unhealthy relationships and self sabotaging my own success, I now coach people to live a life they choose.

CONTACT METHOD

Facebook – 

https://www.facebook.com/johnkennycoaching


LinkedIn – 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/john-kenny-coaching


Insta – 

https://www.instagram.com/johnkennycoaching/

Twitter – 

https://www.twitter.com/johnkennycoach


YouTube - 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHTj9x6Tlo7lcIJITyx-tgQ

Clubhouse - @relationshipguy

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, John chats to Luke Burrows who is dedicated to raising consciousness for all, a mission that has driven him to create and become the Founder of Raising Consciousness, a lifestyle brand and podcast that combines passions for personal growth, health, spirituality, sports, and leadership & business to inspire people to reach their goals and live their life to the fullest. 

John and Luke talk about how he has made such great strides at such a young age, the skills and knowledge he shares with others to help them follow him on his experience, self-improvement and growth, consciousness in relationships and the service he offers through Raising Consciousness.  

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Luke hopes for a better tomorrow by raising the consciousness of all to create a more connected and spiritual future generation.  
• Raising Consciousness offers coaching, consulting and public speaking as well as the podcast.
• After issues with depression and anxiety and altering and redirecting his life, Luke knew that he could share his knowledge and experience to help others. 
• Reflection is a powerful tool that can be utilised by everyone to recognise difficulties within their own lives. Daily journaling can be a lifelong habit that will constantly improve and reveal positive changes that can be enacted. 
• Intention setting to pay attention, perhaps be kinder, more generous, or set boundaries are all part of self-improvement within relationships. 
• A slow reaction, a delay in response can lead to a more thoughtful interaction that, instead of being driven by emotions of the moment, can be inspired by a more thoughtful response, resulting in better relationships. 
• Raising Consciousness The Podcast contains in-depth conversations on such topics as health, environmental issues and personal growth.

BEST MOMENTS

‘I always knew that I wanted to impact people and help people in a positive way to make progress and move things forward. It was really coming to the realisation of what that is for me  and that I can bring my strengths and skills into the world to serve and help people.’ – Luke

‘It’s fascinating that you were able to make such a big leap within yourself.’ - John

‘For me, consciousness is in everything that we do. It’s a part of becoming a better version of ourselves which is the ultimate goal.’ – Luke 

‘I keep my circle very small. When I was starting my entrepreneurial journey that was a very challenging time because I was experiencing anxiety as well and I grew up with people who were very much more into the traditional youth stuff.’ - Luke 

‘So maybe my family doesn’t get what I do; ”go get a normal job”. Beforehand I would feel hurt by that, now I’ve come to the realisation that they’re just operating from their level of consciousness and so I am just going to show gratitude and kindness towards them’ – Luke

‘If you’re able to be self-aware and be, ok, I can feel what I feel right now but if I can just take a breath, take some time to respond rather than react I think that’s an amazing quality to be able to have.’ – John

GUEST RESOURCES

Website: https://lukeburrows.com/

Podcast: https://anchor.fm/raisingconsciousnessshow

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/reallukeburrows

Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/reallukeburrows

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/reallukeburrows

VALUABLE RESOURCES

links:

www.johnkennycoaching.com

The Bicycle Affect: 

https://youtu.be/oO7XZGvdWno

Video Course with 1-2-1 coaching -

https://the-relationship-guy.teachable.com/purchase?product_id=3607138

Video Course – 

https://the-relationship-guy.teachable.com/purchase?product_id=3607134

Link to my workshop -  

https://www.johnkennycoaching.com/5- things-you-need-to-create-a-healthy-loving-relationship/

To get in touch - email – 

[email protected]

 or book a complimentary call – 

https://calendly.com/johnkennycoaching/30min

If people want to order a copy of the book then they can just pay postage of £4.95 (RRP £8.99) - www.johnkennycoaching.com/podcast-book-offer

Want to be able to address the relationship issues in your life? - Why not book in for a complimentary call and we can discuss how you can get the new started with some new types of relationships - https://calendly.com/johnkennycoaching/30min

The Relationship Guy Podcast - https://omny.fm/shows/the-relationship-guy        

ABOUT THE HOST

I am John Kenny, Award Winning Relationship Coach.

Coaching people to experience healthy loving relationships. Having spent a life choosing unhealthy relationships and self sabotaging my own success, I now coach people to live a life they choose.

CONTACT METHOD

Facebook – 

https://www.facebook.com/johnkennycoaching


LinkedIn – 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/john-kenny-coaching


Insta – 

https://www.instagram.com/johnkennycoaching/


Twitter – 

https://www.twitter.com/johnkennycoach}


YouTube - 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHTj9x6Tlo7lcIJITyx-tgQ

Clubhouse - @relationshipguy

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A word commonly used in the discussion of modern relationships is ‘narcissism’ and is frequently brought up in John’s sessions with clients. As the awareness of narcissism among us grows, John is going to offer insight and clarity on its various aspects and dangers and how it can affect our search for a meaningful relationship. In this episode, John will explain the different types of narcissism that present themselves within society and their associated dysfunctions.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Narcissism is based on fragility and insecurity. It results in a grandiose sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy for others, superficiality and a tendency to manipulate and exploit other people.
• Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is rare, affecting an estimated one per cent of the population. It is suspected when narcissistic traits affect a person’s daily functioning.
• Grandiose Narcissism involves overestimating one's abilities, exerting one's dominance over others and having a generally inflated sense of self-esteem.
• Overt Narcissists can be charming but lack empathy. In conversation, they don’t relate to people but aim to ‘one-up’ them. This may be because they crave attention or enjoy seeing others hurt or confused.
• Covert Narcissists tend to be shy and self-effacing despite being highly self-focused. They can appear highly sensitive, crave recognition and are envious. They cannot take criticism and believe their suffering is beyond anyone else’s.   
• Malignant Narcissists are manipulative and malicious. They are sadistic and aggressive and are often mistaken for sociopaths or psychopaths.
• Seductive Narcissists use praise, gifts and outright flattery to gain attention and affection in return, but will drop someone and move to the next as soon as that attention diminishes.
• Communal Narcissists see themselves as highly altruistic but behave in the opposite way. They are outraged by injustice but do not apply it to their own actions and behaviours.

 

BEST MOMENTS

‘’Narcissism is the second-hand smoke of our time. If you stand too close to it you are going to get sick’ – Dr Ramani Durvasula’   

‘There is a hunger for appreciation or admiration, a desire to be the centre of attention, an expectation of special treatment, a perceived higher status.’

‘A pathological narcissist naturally views everyone else as inferior and may be intolerant of your opinions if you disagree or ask questions.’  

‘They are predatory in their seeking of vulnerability in other people, highly competitive and show aggressive tendencies.’

‘Competitiveness is a personality trait that is associated with many narcissistic types but is especially noticeable with the Antagonistic Narcissist. A low level of trust in others creates a tendency to see the people around them as rivals, arguing frequently with others and regarding most social interactions as a competition.’  

‘A sexual narcissist feels entitled to have their needs met. They have a self-centred view of sex and tend not to be skilled at emotional intimacy and are therefore not very interested in their partner's needs.’

‘In small amounts, it (narcissism) may even give you a healthy edge in getting ahead in the world and this is termed as Healthy Narcissism.’

 

VALUABLE RESOURCES

 

links:

www.johnkennycoaching.com

 

The Bicycle Affect:

https://youtu.be/oO7XZGvdWno

Video Course with 1-2-1 coaching -

https://the-relationship-guy.teachable.com/purchase?product_id=3607138

Video Course –

https://the-relationship-guy.teachable.com/purchase?product_id=3607134

Link to my workshop -  

https://www.johnkennycoaching.com/5- things-you-need-to-create-a-healthy-loving-relationship/

To get in touch - email –

[email protected]

 or book a complimentary call –

https://calendly.com/johnkennycoaching/30min

 

If people want to order a copy of the book then they can just pay postage of £4.95 (RRP £8.99) - www.johnkennycoaching.com/podcast-book-offer

 

Want to be able to address the relationship issues in your life? - Why not book in for a complimentary call and we can discuss how you can get the new started with some new types of relationships - https://calendly.com/johnkennycoaching/30min

 

The Relationship Guy Podcast - https://omny.fm/shows/the-relationship-guy        

 

ABOUT THE HOST

 

I am John Kenny, Award Winning Relationship Coach.

Coaching people to experience healthy loving relationships. Having spent a life choosing unhealthy relationships and self sabotaging my own success, I now coach people to live a life they choose.

 

CONTACT METHOD

 

Facebook –

https://www.facebook.com/johnkennycoaching




LinkedIn –

https://www.linkedin.com/in/john-kenny-coaching




Insta –

https://www.instagram.com/johnkennycoaching/




Twitter –

https://www.twitter.com/johnkennycoach}




YouTube -

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHTj9x6Tlo7lcIJITyx-tgQ

 

Clubhouse - @relationshipguy

 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Happy New Year! Are you stepping into the New Year with a new relationship in mind? If so, you may want to listen to John’s 6 things that are essential to understand if we want to attract or create the healthiest relationships possible. From understanding your Attraction Style and Relationship Beliefs to what you need to do to avoid repeating all the same mistakes over again, John explains clearly how to identify and eliminate self-sabotaging habits to ensure a brighter, happier New Year.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Attraction Style is created throughout your life from the early relationships you had as a child right the way through to now, including your friends, acquaintances and colleagues. Early experiences inform your attitudes to a relationship into adulthood and how you approach them.  
• Attachment Style, proposed as Attachment Theory in the 1950s, is the idea that as a child we learn how to emotionally and physically attach to someone through our primary relationships. Knowing your attachment style can inform you why you choose repeated situations and encounter similar problems from relationship to relationship. 
• Relationship Beliefs are your core beliefs about the nature, function, and validity of relationships. They are assumptions held due to your past experiences, for example, a dysfunctional relationship between parents can lead a child to grow assuming that such dysfunction is normal or expected in relationships. 
• Relational Patterns are formed by childhood experiences, for example, the forming of ‘safe spaces’ that you construct alone to escape from the potential abuse you expect within a relationship.    
• Implementing changes can be difficult and result in resistance. Referred to as ‘The Bicycle Affect’, it is the difficulties encountered when trying to effect change, or to further the analogy; ‘put on the brakes’. John explains via the link in VALUABLE RESOURCES. 
• Consider what you want in a relationship and what you want to give to a relationship. Do not consider only what you don’t want as you will miss occurrences of what you do want.

BEST MOMENTS

‘When you interact with your caregivers as children they will give you signals on your importance to them and behave in ways that will make you decide how you are going to gain affection from them.’

‘If this is healthy, loving, caring, supporting and encouraging we will likely develop what is called a secure attachment. If, however, we feel unloved, unworthy, and/or rejected or unwanted we will develop what is called an insecure attachment.’

‘The thing about beliefs is that they then determine the kind of relationships you then have in your life, they are, in all essence, your truths but are really just your ideas about things.’ 

‘Have you always chosen a certain type of person ending in the same or similar outcome? Have there been lots of bickering, arguments? Verbal or even physical abuse? Do you find they don’t attend to your needs or are pushovers and give you too much?’

‘As you’ve listened to this podcast today you may have even noticed that you dismiss certain things out of hand immediately. This could mean that you don’t resonate with them or it could be that you aren’t allowing yourself to hear the things that I’ve said.’ 

‘Your energy is constantly being picked up by others and if you have a closed energy or an energy that is anti-relationship in any way, still in a negative space from your past, you will likely attract people who are interested in this energy.’   

VALUABLE RESOURCES
links: www.johnkennycoaching.com

The Bicycle Affect: 

https://youtu.be/oO7XZGvdWno

Video Course with 1-2-1 coaching -

https://the-relationship-guy.teachable.com/purchase?product_id=3607138

Video Course – 

https://the-relationship-guy.teachable.com/purchase?product_id=3607134

Link to my workshop -  

https://www.johnkennycoaching.com/5- things-you-need-to-create-a-healthy-loving-relationship/

To get in touch - email – 

[email protected]

 or book a complimentary call – 

https://calendly.com/johnkennycoaching/30min

If people want to order a copy of the book then they can just pay postage of £4.95 (RRP £8.99) - www.johnkennycoaching.com/podcast-book-offer

Want to be able to address the relationship issues in your life? - Why not book in for a complimentary call and we can discuss how you can get the new started with some new types of relationships - https://calendly.com/johnkennycoaching/30min

The Relationship Guy Podcast - https://omny.fm/shows/the-relationship-guy        

ABOUT THE HOST

I am John Kenny, Award Winning Relationship Coach.
Coaching people to experience healthy loving relationships. Having spent a life choosing unhealthy relationships and self sabotaging my own success, I now coach people to live a life they choose.

CONTACT METHOD

Facebook – 

https://www.facebook.com/johnkennycoaching


LinkedIn – 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/john-kenny-coaching


Insta – 

https://www.instagram.com/johnkennycoaching/


Twitter – 

https://www.twitter.com/johnkennycoach


YouTube - 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHTj9x6Tlo7lcIJITyx-tgQ

Clubhouse - @relationshipguy

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, John talks with Stacey O’Callaghan of SJS Coaching Services who helps others to achieve outstanding improvements in their lives by using a blend of psychological techniques to empower them to own and adjust their behaviour, so they feel confident to take meaningful actions so that their ideal becomes their reality. Utilising her skills as a distinction-accredited cognitive behaviour therapist, personal performance and corporate executive coach, Stacey guides individuals in their personal lives and corporate teams in the working world to realise and action the true definition of thriving within their environments.
Stacey offers a rich variety of self-coaching tools, tips and insights including personal development tools and her gifted coaching experience within her online community as well as offering a bespoke coaching service to all her clients including her Surviving to Thriving Framework, her trusted method to improve quality of life.
Stacey and John discuss how people become stuck in unfulfilling and detrimental lifestyles, what they can do to improve their situation and the nature of relationships and external pressure on one's ability to thrive. 

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Stacey helps people understand why they are living their current lifestyle, what core beliefs they have that are keeping them caught at that point and then replace their external influences to create their own, personal, sustainable idea of thriving.  
• Someone in survival mode is living from day to day with just tasks that they feel they ‘should’ be doing and have very little fulfilment or satisfaction to place alongside it. 
• To live with intention, ask yourself a few simple questions daily. How am I feeling today? Why am I feeling this way? What can I do to make today just that little bit better than yesterday?
• Develop a toolkit of behaviours that counteract any negative responses you may be having on a bad day. Knowing which actions you can take in a given emotional situation can be the solution to feeling stuck. Be aware of the things in your life that cause good days and do more of them. 
• Stacey’s coaching journey started with one coaching session for herself that changed her life where her core belief at the time that those around her expectations had to be fulfilled was challenged.  

BEST MOMENTS
‘I support people to develop and build a greater understanding of who they are and what it means for them to strive instead of just survive. I believe that so many of us live our lives from day to day reacting from one thing to the next thing and we can very often fall into a life that we either didn’t want or didn’t think we would fall into.’ – Stacey
‘Just those tiny little changes that you can make in your life can really start to make a difference. That then puts you on the path from surviving to thriving.’ – Stacey
‘I found that myself actually when I was working at the NHS as a counsellor. It was just trying to keep people’s heads above water all the time.’ – John
‘Even when you’re thriving you’re not thriving all of the time. Thriving is a mindset that means that you develop that resilience and that self-awareness so that when you’re having a tough day you know what you need in order to get through it.’ – Stacey   
‘Fundamentally you are your own person, you have your own life, you make your own decisions and you need to aspire to build a network of people around you that will respect that, even if they don’t agree with the actual decisions you’re making.’ – Stacey
‘As a coach our clients have their freedom to choose and create their own tools.’ – Stacey

GUEST RESOURCES
Links:
Email: [email protected]
Website: www.sjscoachingservices.com
Instagram/Facebook: @sjscoachingservices

VALUABLE RESOURCES
Link to my workshop - https://www.johnkennycoaching.com/5- things-you-need-to-create-a-healthy-loving-relationship/
To get in touch - email – [email protected] or book a complimentary call – https://calendly.com/johnkennycoaching/30min
If people want to order a copy of the book then they can just pay postage of £4.95 (RRP £8.99) - www.johnkennycoaching.com/podcast-book-offer
Want to be able to address the relationship issues in your life? - Why not book in for a complimentary call and we can discuss how you can get the new started with some new types of relationships - https://calendly.com/johnkennycoaching/30min
The Relationship Guy Podcast - https://omny.fm/shows/the-relationship-guy        

ABOUT THE HOST
I am John Kenny, Award Winning Relationship Coach.
Coaching people to experience healthy loving relationships. Having spent a life choosing unhealthy relationships and self sabotaging my own success, I now coach people to live a life they choose.

CONTACT METHOD
Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/johnkennycoaching
LinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/in/john-kenny-coaching
Insta – https://www.instagram.com/johnkennycoaching/
Twitter – https://www.twitter.com/johnkennycoach
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHTj9x6Tlo7lcIJITyx-tgQ
Clubhouse - @relationshipguy

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ryan Hartley is Chief Heart Officer at Always Better Than Yesterday (ABTY), which exists to help develop heart-centred leaders, teams, organisations and communities to reach their potential and make a positive impact on the world. ABTY is a heart-led organisation built on the belief that real leadership is the act of putting your own needs aside to serve others. ABTY shares this philosophy through coaching a heart-centred model and developing courses to lead its clients from the heart to how we think and make decisions through how we serve people and onward to how we leave a positive impact on our communities. 

In this episode John and Ryan talk about how he came to be a coach, the definition and modern placement of the word ‘love’, the modern absence of heart-sensitive men in the workplace, his relationship problems, finding faith, love languages, self-care and self-love. 

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Ryan took a job with his police force as a Dispatcher and became a parent as well as a Manager. Through these two roles, he developed his enthusiasm and interest in Leadership which he felt was about serving other people rather than the rank-and-file type established in the police force.
• From coaching part-time Ryan is now training people full-time through consulting, coaching, community leadership and podcasting in the concept of helping people be better than yesterday. 
• Our workplaces are full of self-serving leaders. That is an abuse of power, true leadership is about serving and protecting. 
• Our panic-based fight or flight response restricts our ability to choose a response in situations. Constant stress means unconsidered decisions based on emotion.
• If we can bypass our childhood learned patterns we can understand others’ learned patterns also and see things more clearly and respond in a more logical, thoughtful manner.
• Time to ourselves is essential to be the best version of ourselves to other people. 

BEST MOMENTS

‘I guess I just describe myself as a curious human being. When I was a kid I must have watched all of the serial killer profiles. It led me to want to know more about people. I’ve always been curious about his topic of psychology.’ – Ryan 

‘In a lot of cases it seemed like following orders for the sake of following orders and that didn’t sit with me very well either. Tell me about that and how it may have impacted on you.’ – John

‘I think that is what a masculine man when he has love in his heart is willing to do. He is honourable, he is noble, he will create safety for those around him and he will be willing to serve and sacrifice himself should he be required to.’ – Ryan 

‘Isn’t it funny that we don’t say “I love you with all of my mind”? So I’ve come to understand that emotion and love is deeper than thinking. I can’t force myself to think I love you. I can’t force myself to think that I value the company values.’ – Ryan 

‘The mind is never supposed to be the leader. The mind is always supposed to be the servant. It is the heart that leads the way.’ – Ryan 

‘The minute we wake up someone wants something from us. So we have to factor in some time, particularly as men and as dads, and in doing so realise that other people get a better version of us.’ – Ryan 

‘That’s the problem with human beings, they’re so conditional. When we try to receive love from another human being it's generally conditional and yet self love and acceptance needs to be unconditional.’ – Ryan 

GUEST RESOURCES

Website: www.abty.co.uk

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alwaysbetterthanyesterdayuk/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ABTYUK

Podcast: www.abty.co.uk/podcast

VALUABLE RESOURCES

Link to my workshop -  

https://www.johnkennycoaching.com/5- things-you-need-to-create-a-healthy-loving-relationship/

To get in touch - email – 

[email protected]

 or book a complimentary call – 

https://calendly.com/johnkennycoaching/30min

If people want to order a copy of the book then they can just pay postage of £4.95 (RRP £8.99) - www.johnkennycoaching.com/podcast-book-offer

Want to be able to address the relationship issues in your life? - Why not book in for a complimentary call and we can discuss how you can get the new started with some new types of relationships - https://calendly.com/johnkennycoaching/30min

The Relationship Guy Podcast - https://omny.fm/shows/the-relationship-guy        

ABOUT THE HOST

I am John Kenny, Award Winning Relationship Coach.

Coaching people to experience healthy loving relationships. Having spent a life choosing unhealthy relationships and self sabotaging my own success, I now coach people to live a life they choose.

CONTACT METHOD

Facebook – 

https://www.facebook.com/johnkennycoaching


LinkedIn – 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/john-kenny-coaching


Insta – 

https://www.instagram.com/johnkennycoaching/


Twitter – 

https://www.twitter.com/johnkennycoach}


YouTube - 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHTj9x6Tlo7lcIJITyx-tgQ

Clubhouse - @relationshipguy

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.