Dan Griffin, M.A. is an internationally recognized author, thought leader, and expert who has dedicated his life and work to redefining what it means to be a man in the 21st century. He joins the show this week to talk with Rob about rewriting the rules and rigidity of what it means to really be a man, and the benefits men can get when they get in touch with their own feelings and deeply connect with others. 

TAKEAWAYS:

[2:57] A few of the rules that the world has set up for boys at a young age to define what makes a real man: 

1. Don’t cry. Real men don’t cry, and if you do it shows weakness. 

[8:04] A large portion of men find they have no one to talk to or deeply communicate with, and this further creates a disconnection to self and the tendency to shut out others. 

[11:21] We’re all like fish in the water, feeding off the same environment affecting each other with our actions. When an environment is supportive and fosters growth, it is more likely a man will shine and feel comfortable to show his true self.  

[12:03] The rules themselves aren’t bad, but get in the way because they mandate without choice. There’s nothing wrong with strength and power, it's rigidity that blocks emotion and connection. 

[14:43] Gay men have an experience of having multiple rules: ones set up for gay men, women and straight men all at once. 

[20:38] We would all benefit if men are able to get in touch with their own emotions, and in turn they could access more empathy and understanding when women share their story.

[28:02] Crisis can be an opportunity to get vulnerable and open us up to meaningful, deep conversation.  

[28:39] Each man has the right to choose what type of man he wants to be, which Dan terms as conscious masculinity. 

[29:44] Men define intimacy via sex, and it is important to talk about breakdowns in the area before it gets to point where the partner cheats. 

[33:18] With suicide rates being higher than ever, the impact of feeling isolated and disconnected is more serious than it’s ever been. 

[35:17] We highly benefit when we go below the surface the people in our lives and show them the true authentic selves. 

RESOURCES: 

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101 

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men 

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency

[email protected] 

Dan Griffin 

A Man’s Way Through Relationships 

Terry Real 

I Don’t Want to Talk About It 

Dr. Allen Berger 

American Psychological Association 

The Good Men Project 

QUOTES:

• “This is the armor that protects us, and it’s not a well constructed identity.”