The UnMothered Podcast

I was so excited to talk with my new friend Kim Hardy today. This episode dives deep into mental health and how to recognize the incorrect narratives we have for ourselves. She is an author and speaker passionate about giving women hope through Biblical truth. She seeks to inspire, renew, and restore hurting women so they can thrive and live joy-filled lives. Kim loves to read, write, and spend time outdoors. She is married to her knight in shining armor who keeps her laughing.

I hope you enjoyed this episode peeps, and if you want to connect with Kim head to her website or Facebook page!

Facebook: Facebook

Website: Kim Hardy | Sunflowers of Hope Ministry | motivational speaker

Amazon: Fighting My Battles with God on My Side  https://a.co/d/2o9bVrd

Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunity

This podcast is on YouTube now! Go watch this episode: https://www.youtube.com/@phylismantelli/podcasts

Purchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmothered

The UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/

Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/

*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

This week's episode came as an anonymous request through my weekly newsletter, Tuesday Talks With Phylis (link in bio to sign up or head to my website!).

Let’s talk about the do’s and don’ts of letting our children be a part of our mothers’ lives and what do you do when your toxic mom wants to be a part of your children’s lives?

Can we let them have a relationship with their grandchildren even though we have a dysfunctional one? If there is a special relationship that your mom has with her grandchildren, you can set a boundary around it. But if she isn’t respectful of your rules or intentions then I think you need to set some limits.

Listen to your kids! If they are not comfortable being around her, respect that too. Your children will find their voice if they feel safe with you and know how to speak up. Don’t use your kids as pawns in this family game. Listen and watch. 

We are not trying to be cold mamas that just cut off our moms for no reason. There is no easy answer to each individual situation, and I won’t be someone who will say “Do it this way or else!” 

What I know about God is that He will take things we don’t understand and do what he plans all along. We can’t be in control of every little thing, but we can have hope that maybe our children’s relationships can be beautiful. If not, then we can be the safety for them that they need to stay away from someone who could hurt them. 

The choice is ours, with prayer, common sense, and thought. I’m praying you find peace with all of this!

Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunity

This podcast is on YouTube now! Go watch this episode: https://www.youtube.com/@phylismantelli/podcasts

Purchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmothered

The UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/

Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/

*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

We talked with Cheryl Lutz today about being a pastor’s wife, being a recovering people pleaser, and some of her own mother's issues. 

Cheryl Lutz is an inspirational speaker, certified biblical counselor, Bible teacher, and podcast host. She is likewise the author of Securely Held: Finding Significance and Security in the Shelter of God’s Embrace, the 2024 1st place Selah award winner in the Christian Life category.

Her mission is to assist Christian women in breaking the power of others; opinions and find their significance and security in God. Cheryl and her husband, Alan, live in a quaint cabin snuggled in the North Georgia Mountains, a good gift from their Abba Father. They have four adult children and one son-in-love. Cheryl is a proud Mimi to Elle, Luna, and Yoda, their two granddogs and grand-cat! Please reach out to Cheryl on her website and let her know how she can serve your women’s group! CherylLutz.com

Social Links:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.comcheryllutz_securelyheld

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SecurelyHeld/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cheryl-lutz-31755b58/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@cheryllutz_securelyheld

Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunity

This podcast is on YouTube now! Go watch this episode: https://www.youtube.com/@phylismantelli/podcasts

Purchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmothered

The UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/

Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/

*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

Part of breaking generational dysfunction is to stop allowing the excuse of, “But it’s your family.” 

When do we stick by family because it’s family, and when do we have to decide on something better? Over the years I’ve come to a realization that loving families show up and it’s a safe place, not a place that makes you more miserable when you are around them.

Knowing that unless THEY (your mom or family member) want to repent and change AND show that difference over time, you are not required to “hang in there”. That serves no purpose and you will never change the dynamic of your future life or family.

Stand strong in this journey of breaking generational dysfunction. 

Remember you have a community here. If you haven’t joined “The Unmothered Community” our private group on Facebook is growing each day, and I have a lot of new plans for these amazing, strong women in the future. Just answer 3 questions and you are welcome to join us! 

Family is not just the people who gave birth to you, but people who show up and love well! 

Check out the book I mention: "But It’s Your Family…: Cutting Ties with Toxic Family Members and Loving Yourself in the Aftermath" by Dr. Sherrie Campbell: https://bit.ly/3X387yj (this is a affiliate link)

The movie mentioned is “Hillbilly Elegy” which is the true story of VP Candidate JD Vance.

Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunity

This podcast is on YouTube now! Go watch this episode: https://www.youtube.com/@phylismantelli/podcasts

Purchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmothered

The UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/

Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/

*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

I had the pleasure to interview my good friend Christine Trimpe on the podcast today! She told her origin story of how this journey of being an author, speaker, and coach began.

Her story starts with a mountain she wanted to climb but couldn’t because of her weight. From struggling with debilitating sleep patterns to a multitude of health issues, she knew something needed to change. When she started diving into her faith more not only did her weight improve but her emotional health did as well.

Christine wants to help you call on your faith that will free you from the physical, emotional, and spiritual burdens you can no longer drag up whatever mountain you’re trying to climb. Her free guide is linked below and does ‘SugarFreed Me’ coaching. Check it out today!

Connect with Christine:

The “Crush Your Cravings Guide” gift: Crush Your Cravings: The Ultimate Wellness Guide for Christian Women

Check out her program SugarFreed Me: https://christinetrimpe.com/weight-loss/

Invite Christine to Speak: Christine Trimpe, Speaker

Website: www.christinetrimpe.com

Social media links:

         Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChristineTrimpeLLC

         Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/coachchristinetrimpe/

         Twitter: https://twitter.com/KetoChristineMI

         YouTube: @ChristineTrimpe https://youtube.com/christinetrimpe

         Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/coachchristinetrimpe/

         LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/christine-trimpe-07123299/

Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunity

This podcast is on YouTube now! Go watch this episode: https://www.youtube.com/@phylismantelli/podcasts

Purchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmothered

The UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/

Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/

*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

Can the things that were said to you as a child create a negative narrative as you become an adult? 

When I was watching the show Bridgerton on Netflix, the plot of the series stood out to me. The son had always held a narrative over his head because of actions or words that were said to him when he was younger. There is no need to have held a spot in your body and mind that has made you make decisions that could negatively impact your life. 

We need to be able to slush out information that no longer serves us and get to the truth of what is holding us back because of it. We can learn to have beautiful, raw conversations with honesty and love. Then we can change the generations so that our behaviors are better suited for the future. Our parents didn’t know better, or even if they did and they were being vindictive because of something, like a divorce, we can allow ourselves to question their motives and not deny ourselves the happiness we deserve!

One last thing, in this episode I touch on the show Bridgerton on Netflix. I kept referring to ‘Colin’ as the son I was referring to, but it was really ‘Antony’ that this storyline was about, whoops!

Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunity

This podcast is on YouTube now! Go watch this episode: https://www.youtube.com/@phylismantelli/podcasts

Purchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmothered

The UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/

Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/

*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

Over the past few years, I’ve been studying the different types of toxic moms. Imagine my surprise when I started studying about toxic parenting and realized my mom was emotionally immature AND narcissistic! 

I never knew what to expect from my mom from one day to the next. It was exhausting trying to figure it all out. It made so much sense, but also it hurt to see that her characteristics were so manipulative. 

As I look through each of these problems, I have a story to match each of them. I bet you do too. I pray you find a way to keep working through this and start making change worthy behaviors where you don’t get bogged down with your mom’s immature, toxic behavior. 

Know that immature parents have been raised by immature parents. This has to stop with you! You must be the chainbreaker in your family! God has given you this assignment, do it well and show the family you raise that those kinds of behaviors will NOT happen in your home.

Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunity

This podcast is on YouTube now! Go watch this episode: https://www.youtube.com/@phylismantelli/podcasts

Purchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmothered

The UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/

Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/

*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

One thing I’ve learned over the years is that you can self-sabotage by letting your triggers control you.

Let’s talk about the everyday life habits that may keep you stuck negatively. Are you allowing your scared feelings to control you and prevent you from becoming the confident, strong woman you are meant to be? How can we find some ways to slowly change our thinking patterns so we can start living life in a positive view?

I’m all for recognizing when something feels “off”, but I’m also aware of people I meet that are so untrusting because of things that have happened in the past that they trust no one or nothing! I see people questioning every tiny thing that isn’t even relevant to what is actually going on and then they in turn never get to participate the way others do because of their fear and paranoia. 

The best thing to start with is the power of ‘The Pause’…take your time with your thoughts before you speak them out. 

Write out things you would like to start changing. It can be small or big. Don’t limit yourself. Ask God to show you what changes you need to make and let him guide you. Journaling and praying go hand in hand. Don’t skip this step! He has shown me so many times the direction I should go and I wrote it out in my journal.

Don’t let your fear keep you in the same place this year. Start small and start deciding what you want to do.

Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunity

This podcast is on YouTube now! Go watch this episode: https://www.youtube.com/@phylismantelli/podcasts

Purchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmothered

The UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/

Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/

*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

How do we find the heart to heal those who have hurt us? We will explore what it means to forgive people who hurt you deeply. Do you need to forgive them? Should you? What does that look like? Let’s talk about this.

I was asked in my private Facebook group of my Unmothered women, what to do when they are having a hard time wanting to heal a relationship with their mom and sometimes with their siblings. This can be a tricky, touchy subject. I want to be sure we are always doing something that will begin OUR OWN healing process and not focus on revenge or bitterness.

Our healing depends on getting real about what the situation is and how we can work through it. 

• Your own healing is THE most important part of the healing relationship. It doesn’t matter if they want to join you on this journey. Oftentimes they probably won’t. You must not stifle the progress you need to make in order to heal. 
• The way they accept the process will tell you a lot about whether you should continue a conversation about this or not.
• Are you wanting the healing to make yourself feel better (comforted temporarily), or do you really want to change the relationship, when is it time to take a break or walk away in love?

Always decide whether the thing you want is moving you towards your own healing process and God’s healing or if it is just a temporary fix.

Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunity

This podcast is on YouTube now! Go watch this episode: https://www.youtube.com/@phylismantelli/podcasts

Purchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmothered

The UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/

Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/

*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

As I was channel surfing I stopped on The Bachelorette. I never watch this show anymore, but of course, I was curious! I swear God wanted me to hear this, Gabby Windey was on a date and they were talking about family.

His parents had been married forever and loved each other fiercely. She started telling him about her fractured relationship with her mom! How when she graduated her mother wrote her off …she started to cry..it broke my heart. She excused herself and was crying to the producers. They asked her what “triggered” the reaction.

If we look at the history of where your parents came from, chances are there has been a lot of dysfunction for many generations. It may have started with them, but it ends with you! You have the potential to end the cycle of dysfunction and unhappiness.

Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunity

This podcast is on YouTube now! Go watch this episode: https://www.youtube.com/@phylismantelli/podcasts

Purchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmothered

The UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/

Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/

*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.