Therapy Brothers

In this episode Brannon dives into some thoughts on masculinity and problems the men face. 

We would love to have you as a guest on the podcast. Go to realtalkrecovery.com to submit your question and sign up!

Join us at our 3 Day "Rising Son" Men's Conference, September 23-25 2021 in Logan, Utah. This conference is for men who are ready to step into higher-level recovery. Sign up on our website: https://risingsonconference.com

Brannon Patrick | "The Expert": Follow Brannon on instagram @brannon_patrick. For more info, find him at brannonpatrick.com. Check out Brannon's Boundary Bootcamp on his website.

Tyler Patrick | "The Wandering Therapist": Tyler is a co-founder Love Strong (lovestrong.com). Check out the Love Strong YouTube Channel for more therapy tips and skills and videos about WHOLEHEARTED living and Christian Based Recovery. Instagram: @love.strong.organization

"My question has to do with trauma around scheduling sex. My husband of almost 15 years (in June) has struggled with a pornography compulsion since his teenage years. He has been sober for almost 3 years now and been in active recovery for a little over 2 years. We both have done specialized therapy on our own and a little together. I have done quite a bit of EMDR for sexual trauma from our marriage. I have also done a lot of my own work on owning and accepting my own sexuality which has helped a lot. However, I still struggle with planning and preparing for sex. We have 3 young children and my husband works a lot of long hours. Being able to schedule sex and for me to get in the mood quicker after kids go to bed would really help our sex life but it seems every time I know that sex is likely to happen or expected to happen (because I am the one suggesting it), I shut down. It’s been very frustrating for me and my husband. He struggles with initiating because of the rejection he felt all the time from me when he was in the throes of his compulsive behavior. What can we do to help work through this? Do you think I may need to do more EMDR? Maybe he needs to do some trauma therapy? Need more time? Not sure how to go about fixing this issue. Thanks so much for your time and your amazing words of wisdom that you so freely share! My life has dramatically changed for the better by listening to your podcasts!"

We would love to have you as a guest on the podcast. Go to realtalkrecovery.com to submit your question and sign up!

Join us at our 3 Day "Rising Son" Men's Conference, September 23-25 2021 in Logan, Utah. This conference is for men who are ready to step into higher-level recovery. Sign up on our website: https://risingsonconference.com

Brannon Patrick | "The Expert": Follow Brannon on instagram @brannon_patrick. For more info, find him at brannonpatrick.com. Check out Brannon's Boundary Bootcamp on his website.

Tyler Patrick | "The Wandering Therapist": Tyler is a co-founder Love Strong (lovestrong.com). Check out the Love Strong YouTube Channel for more therapy tips and skills and videos about WHOLEHEARTED living and Christian Based Recovery. Instagram: @love.strong.organization

"In an episode Tyler referred to a consummate love triangle. I'm wondering if it's possible for one person to feel that love without the other person feeling it?"

"In 2017 after many 15+years of porn addiction and lies my marriage reached a breaking point. I became very sick from all the stress and in 2019 was diagnosed with MS brought on from all the stress in my life . My husband went to therapy and swears he isn’t that same guy anymore but I don’t believe him . I look through his phone and always think the worst because why now did he decide to change . We still don’t have sex because he doesn’t enjoy it , I guess because he has desensitized himself . He is a long haul truck driver and that makes it worsen. At this point I’m ready to just throw in the towel and divorce because I don’t know how I can forget all the pain I have endured . We have been together 25 years and I love him but I just don’t wanna love like this anymore."

We would love to have you as a guest on the podcast. Go to realtalkrecovery.com to submit your question and sign up!

Join us at our 3 Day "Rising Son" Men's Conference, September 23-25 2021 in Logan, Utah. This conference is for men who are ready to step into higher-level recovery. Sign up on our website: https://risingsonconference.com

Brannon Patrick | "The Expert": Follow Brannon on instagram @brannon_patrick. For more info, find him at brannonpatrick.com. Check out Brannon's Boundary Bootcamp on his website.

Tyler Patrick | "The Wandering Therapist": Tyler is a co-founder Love Strong (lovestrong.com). Check out the Love Strong YouTube Channel for more therapy tips and skills and videos about WHOLEHEARTED living and Christian Based Recovery. Instagram: @love.strong.organization

"I was wondering if you could help me. My husband and I have been on the road of recovery for over a year now. We have really been progressing and we still have big hurdles which I know are normal but some of my hurdles I feel like I’m really struggling to grieve through. The disclosures that I am struggling to cope with are: that my husband has admitted to using my body as he has fantasized about other women and at times has come to me for intimacy as an outlet of his arousal from thinking about those other women too. Is there any therapeutic practices that would specifically help with this trauma? I find that I’m dealing with a lot of emotions of feeling violated and used, the worst fact being that it was by own husband who I thought I could trust and who I thought was keeping our promises of fidelity. I guess I still find myself drowning in this emotional pain. Sometimes when my husband expresses his intimacy interest I can find myself internally panicking and instantly turn off any feelings of sexuality. I have boundaries up of where physical interaction only happens after feeling emotionally, spiritually, and physically close. I know my husband’s sex drive is so much higher than mine and he is seeking emotional, etc attachment through sex whereas I need those as a foundation to sex. He expresses that he feels like I “hold all the cards” when it comes to our sexual intimacy. But I feel like he broke all the ties of security, trust, and safety. I feel like these are consequences of his past actions. What can I do? Will consistent steps of recovery be the cure of dealing with these complicated emotions and memories or do I need specific help to move through these insecurities? (If the latter, what kind?)"

We would love to have you as a guest on the podcast. Go to realtalkrecovery.com to submit your question and sign up!

Join us at our 3 Day "Rising Son" Men's Conference, September 23-25 2021 in Logan, Utah. This conference is for men who are ready to step into higher-level recovery. Sign up on our website: https://risingsonconference.com

Brannon Patrick | "The Expert": Follow Brannon on instagram @brannon_patrick. For more info, find him at brannonpatrick.com. Check out Brannon's Boundary Bootcamp on his website.

Tyler Patrick | "The Wandering Therapist": Tyler is a co-founder Love Strong (lovestrong.com). Check out the Love Strong YouTube Channel for more therapy tips and skills and videos about WHOLEHEARTED living and Christian Based Recovery. Instagram: @love.strong.organization

"I understand that you started out working in psychiatry. In my family of origin we experienced several psychiatric traumas (brother diagnosed as schizophrenic, sister who experienced postpartum psychosis shortly after her husband passed away). I don’t think we really processed emotionally. I experienced what I would call depression and anxiety through my life, but was never diagnosed. I’ve always felt like there was something in my way or holding me back. Now, as I’ve been married for nearly 10 years and after 5 kids, last year I experienced a breakdown so confusing, painful and traumatic. The theme of it was my relationship with my husband around his use of pornography. (He was exposed as a child, and I don’t believe he’s truly entered real recovery) We both came into the marriage unhealthy or at least immature emotionally, from my perspective. I have gained information from him piecemeal and I have gained information about dealing with pornography slowly as well. These last few months were the first time I’d ever heard of betrayal trauma. It has been so helpful and validating for me, and I have a strong determination to seek healing for myself regardless of his choices. My question is regarding the connectedness of my earlier life traumas and my ability to trust myself with the realities surrounding the present one. I’m wondering what approach to finding truth and understanding is more helpful? Starting with the earlier life traumas to better understand the current situation, vice-versa, or a combination? Is there an approach to therapy that would be more helpful than others for those like me, with mental health/emotional/possibly hormonal challenges that have us believe that we are a bit crazy already? Or in your mind are these challenges just on a continuum and the solutions one and the same? I really enjoy the podcasts I’ve heard you on (I discovered the betrayed, the addicted and the expert first) and have started your boundary boot camp. Thank you for your work!" 

We would love to have you as a guest on the podcast. Go to realtalkrecovery.com to submit your question and sign up!

Join us at our 3 Day "Rising Son" Men's Conference, September 23-25 2021 in Logan, Utah. This conference is for men who are ready to step into higher-level recovery. Sign up on our website: https://risingsonconference.com

Brannon Patrick | "The Expert": Follow Brannon on instagram @brannon_patrick. For more info, find him at brannonpatrick.com. Check out Brannon's Boundary Bootcamp on his website.

Tyler Patrick | "The Wandering Therapist": Tyler is a co-founder Love Strong (lovestrong.com). Check out the Love Strong YouTube Channel for more therapy tips and skills and videos about WHOLEHEARTED living and Christian Based Recovery. Instagram: @love.strong.organization

"Shut down! My husband had an affair, d-day was 14 months ago, and he is still in what I call shut down. We have the classic semi toxic codependant relationship, Im the anxious attached and he is the avoidant. The more he freezes and disassociate, the more my fight mode and anger rises, I call it my bulldozer... and you know how the rest of that dynamic goes! I have actually chosen to leave, because I don't think there is any future for the marriage, as long as he is so shut down. A part of me still wants to spend my life with him, but I am his biggest trigger, and he is mine, and it just seems hopeless as things are now. Prior to him cheating, he had some tough years, made very bad choices, that only made things worse, and I would say he was getting more and more depressed. Then he cheated, and now the depression is really bad. His go to answer, to what I feel like is almost everything, is "I don't know". My questions are where would you suggest someone like that to start in their healing process? What could be some good first steps? And how do you know if your disassociation comes from trauma or if there might be need for a diagnosis? I really love both your podcasts, and your youtube channel is great! I am really grateful and appreciative for all the work you put into bringing the help, hope and knowledge out! Thank you!"

We would love to have you as a guest on the podcast. Go to realtalkrecovery.com to submit your question and sign up!

Join us at our 3 Day "Rising Son" Men's Conference, September 23-25 2021 in Logan, Utah. This conference is for men who are ready to step into higher-level recovery. Sign up on our website: https://risingsonconference.com

Brannon Patrick | "The Expert": Follow Brannon on instagram @brannon_patrick. For more info, find him at brannonpatrick.com. Check out Brannon's Boundary Bootcamp on his website.

Tyler Patrick | "The Wandering Therapist": Tyler is a co-founder Love Strong (lovestrong.com). Check out the Love Strong YouTube Channel for more therapy tips and skills and videos about WHOLEHEARTED living and Christian Based Recovery. Instagram: @love.strong.organization

My husband says he is working recovery. He even speaks recovery. But I am seeing no change in his habits or our daily life. Lots of talk and no action. We are both working recovery and our relationship has gotten significantly worse. Can it be that he is working and I don’t see it or are my gut feelings right?

We would love to have you as a guest on the podcast. Go to realtalkrecovery.com to submit your question and sign up!

Join us at our 3 Day "Rising Son" Men's Conference, September 23-25 2021 in Logan, Utah. This conference is for men who are ready to step into higher-level recovery. Sign up on our website: https://risingsonconference.com

Brannon Patrick | "The Expert": Follow Brannon on instagram @brannon_patrick. For more info, find him at brannonpatrick.com. Check out Brannon's Boundary Bootcamp on his website.

Tyler Patrick | "The Wandering Therapist": Tyler is a co-founder Love Strong (lovestrong.com). Check out the Love Strong YouTube Channel for more therapy tips and skills and videos about WHOLEHEARTED living and Christian Based Recovery. Instagram: @love.strong.organization

Everything In My Life Is Good. Why Do Things Seem So Hard?

We would love to have you as a guest on the podcast. Go to realtalkrecovery.com to submit your question and sign up!

Join us at our 3 Day "Rising Son" Men's Conference, September 23-25 2021 in Logan, Utah. This conference is for men who are ready to step into higher-level recovery. Sign up on our website: https://risingsonconference.com

Brannon Patrick | "The Expert": Follow Brannon on instagram @brannon_patrick. For more info, find him at brannonpatrick.com. Check out Brannon's Boundary Bootcamp on his website.

Tyler Patrick | "The Wandering Therapist": Tyler is a co-founder Love Strong (lovestrong.com). Check out the Love Strong YouTube Channel for more therapy tips and skills and videos about WHOLEHEARTED living and Christian Based Recovery. Instagram: @love.strong.organization

Q1: "We know that our significant other is not responsible for our happiness, our choices etc. What are some healthy things we are responsible for in a relationship?"

Q2: "In what ways can you support an adult “child” who is unwilling to get the help he needs?"

We would love to have you as a guest on the podcast. Go to realtalkrecovery.com to submit your question and sign up!

Join us at our 3 Day "Rising Son" Men's Conference, September 23-25 2021 in Logan, Utah. This conference is for men who are ready to step into higher-level recovery. Sign up on our website: https://risingsonconference.com

Brannon Patrick | "The Expert": Follow Brannon on instagram @brannon_patrick. For more info, find him at brannonpatrick.com. Check out Brannon's Boundary Bootcamp on his website.

Tyler Patrick | "The Wandering Therapist": Tyler is a co-founder Love Strong (lovestrong.com). Check out the Love Strong YouTube Channel for more therapy tips and skills and videos about WHOLEHEARTED living and Christian Based Recovery. Instagram: @love.strong.organization

"I can see the pattern of resentment and victimization that I have fallen into over my lifetime. The reality I am accepting is that I have developed patterns in my life where I have allowed others to lean too heavily on me to solve their problems. As an adult, I have kept about 50 lbs. of extra weight hanging around, which I believe is a metaphor for the burdens that I carry for others. Overeating is the way I soothe the pain I feel for almost any problem. I have been studying what I believe is my problem with codependency, and tried to live the principles of the 12 Step Program since 2006, but have remained stuck. I am ready to take ownership and accountability for these problems and move forward. How can I create the shifts I need to get the change started?"

"I first became aware of your work because I attended a presentation for women that Tyler did in our small Idaho town about 5 years ago. I kept his contact information because I thought it might be helpful down the road. A month or so ago there was a situation in our family that prompted me to look up Tyler online, and I found your podcasts! I have been binge listening to your podcasts, and it has been a very eye-opening experience. "

We would love to have you as a guest on the podcast. Go to realtalkrecovery.com to submit your question and sign up!

Join us at our 3 Day "Rising Son" Men's Conference, September 23-25 2021 in Logan, Utah. This conference is for men who are ready to step into higher-level recovery. Sign up on our website: https://risingsonconference.com

Brannon Patrick | "The Expert": Follow Brannon on instagram @brannon_patrick. For more info, find him at brannonpatrick.com. Check out Brannon's Boundary Bootcamp on his website.

Tyler Patrick | "The Wandering Therapist": Tyler is a co-founder Love Strong (lovestrong.com). Check out the Love Strong YouTube Channel for more therapy tips and skills and videos about WHOLEHEARTED living and Christian Based Recovery. Instagram: @love.strong.organization