January 30, 2026

THIS Happens When The Avoidant Realizes They Lost You

13 minutes

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If you’re caught in cycles of emotional pain, overthinking, or fear of getting close again, this episode will help you understand what’s really happening beneath the surface, and how to start healing at the root.

Episode Summary

Breakups don’t just hurt emotionally; they can activate deep attachment wounds that keep us stuck in fear, rumination, and self-doubt. In this episode, we explore why commitment can feel so threatening after heartbreak, how the subconscious mind enters “flaw-finding mode,” and why the boomerang effect can pull us back into unhealthy dynamics.

You’ll learn how to separate genuine feelings from fear-based reactions, why holding no contact is so powerful for healing, and how to begin rewriting old emotional stories so you can create secure, healthy relationships moving forward.

Key Takeaways

Why fear of commitment often intensifies after a breakup

How to distinguish real feelings from subconscious fear responses

What “flaw-finding mode” is and how it sabotages the connection

The boomerang effect and why it keeps pulling you back

Why holding no contact supports nervous system regulation

How routines help rewire old attachment patterns

Practical steps to heal emotionally and move forward with clarity

Timestamps

00:00:00 – Intro

00:01:31 – A Fear of Commitment

00:02:40 – Feelings Minus Fears

00:04:31 – Flaw Finding Mode

00:05:56 – Boomerang Effect

00:08:50 – IAT Promo

00:09:43 – Hold No Contact

00:10:44 – Rewrite Our Old Stories

00:11:46 – Find a Routine

00:12:30 – Conclusion / How to Heal From a Breakup

Meet the Host

Thais Gibson is the founder of The Personal Development School and a world leader in attachment theory. With a Ph.D. and over a dozen certifications, she’s helped more than 70,000 people reprogram their subconscious and build thriving relationships.

Helpful Resources:

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By Thais Gibson

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