Three Percent

What actually makes a man feel safe to others?

In this conversation, Amy Alexander—therapist, co-founder of The Refuge Center, and someone who has spent decades working with survivors of trauma and abuse—offers a perspective most men rarely hear. Not from theory, but from real stories of women navigating fear, harm, and healing.

Together, they explore the dynamics of power and control that often go unnoticed, and how even subtle patterns—people-pleasing, image management, avoidance, or lack of self-awareness—can erode safety in relationships over time.

But this isn’t about shame or blame. It’s an invitation. A chance for men to listen, learn, and grow—not from defensiveness, but from humility. Amy names three powerful markers of a safe man: transparency, accountability, and a willingness to sacrifice time and energy for the good of others.

If you’ve ever wondered what healthy masculinity actually looks like in practice—or how to become someone others feel safe with—this conversation offers clarity, honesty, and a path forward.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

CHAPTERS

(00:00) The story behind The Refuge Center

(04:00) Making therapy affordable, excellent, and accessible

(08:00) A vision shaped by real human need

(12:00) Working with survivors of domestic violence

(16:00) Understanding power and control dynamics

(20:00) How identity slowly erodes in unsafe relationships

(23:00) The cycle of abuse explained

(26:00) Why people stay—and why it’s more complex than you think

(29:00) What healthy masculinity actually requires

(31:00) Why transparency creates safety

(36:00) The role of accountability (and what it’s not)

(42:00) How shame-dumping damages relationships

(45:00) Becoming the man your younger self needed

(47:00) Why sacrifice matters more than you think

(51:00) Practical examples of showing up in everyday life

(56:00) How to support The Refuge Center

LINKS & RESOURCES

- The Refuge Center: https://refugecenter.org/

- Amy Alexander Bio: https://refugecenter.org/staff/amy-alexander/

- Support The Refuge Center (Faith Builders): https://refugecenter.org/

- Power and Control Wheel: https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/

- Join The Basement (private Q&A + community): https://threepercentco.com/membership

KEYWORDS

Amy Alexander, Refuge Center, Three Percent Podcast, healthy masculinity, emotional safety, relationships, trauma and healing, domestic violence, power and control, accountability, vulnerability, men’s mental health, transparency, personal growth

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Why does anger feel like the only emotion you can access?

In part two of the AI & Mental Health series, the guys take on one of the most common questions men are asking right now: “Why am I always angry?” It’s a question that often carries shame—but what if anger isn’t the problem?

Drawing from their work as therapists (and their own stories), they explore how anger often becomes the default emotion—not because it’s the only thing you feel, but because it’s the safest one to express. Underneath it is usually something more vulnerable: sadness, fear, shame, or even unmet needs that have gone unnoticed for years.

This conversation reframes anger as a signal, not a failure. It’s an invitation to slow down, get curious, and begin connecting with what’s really happening beneath the surface—so you can move from reaction to awareness, and ultimately, to real change.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in frustration, quick to react, or disconnected from your emotions, this episode will help you understand why—and what to do next.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

CHAPTERS

(00:00) Why Jamie first went to therapy: numb or angry(02:00) The AI & Mental Health series explained(04:30) The #1 question: “Why am I always angry?”(08:00) Anger as the illusion of control(10:30) What anger is actually protecting(12:30) When anger is your only emotional outlet(14:00) Why more men are asking mental health questions(16:00) Anger as a signal, not a problem(18:00) A real-life example of anger masking sadness(21:00) The “anger iceberg” explained(23:00) Why compassion changes everything(25:00) The impact of culture, media, and overwhelm(27:00) Why control isn’t the goal—connection is(29:00) Practicing self-compassion in real time(31:00) Final thoughts + invitation to The Basement

LINKS & RESOURCES

KEYWORDS

Three Percent Podcast, AI and mental health, anger, men’s mental health, emotional awareness, vulnerability, shame, emotional regulation, relationships, masculinity, trauma and healing, self-compassion, anxiety, personal growth

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Why does friendship feel easier when you’re young—and harder when you need it most?

In this crossover episode with Dadville, the guys from Three Percent sit down with Dave Barnes and Jon McLaughlin for an honest conversation about friendship, fatherhood, and the quiet loneliness many men carry. From the outside, it can look like life is full—marriage, kids, work—but underneath, something is missing.

Together, they explore why relationships often drift in adulthood, how marriage and parenting subtly reshape your friendships, and why most men aren’t lacking relationships—they’re lacking depth.

This episode is both lighthearted and deeply reflective. It’s about the courage to go beyond surface-level conversations, the intentionality required to build meaningful friendships, and the small but powerful step of sharing your “3%”—the part of your story you usually keep hidden.

If you’ve ever felt disconnected, even in a full life, this conversation will help you name it—and take a step toward something deeper.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

CHAPTERS

(00:00) Introducing the crossover: Three Percent x Dadville(03:00) The origin of Dadville and longtime friendship(08:00) The story behind the “3%” concept(14:00) Why we hold back the most important parts of ourselves(18:00) Friendship in your 30s and 40s: what changes(21:00) Why proximity disappears—and intentionality must replace it(25:00) The loneliness most men don’t talk about(28:00) Why friendships don’t just “happen” anymore(31:00) Are women actually better at friendship?(33:00) How marriage and kids reshape your relationships(40:00) What it takes to build meaningful friendships as a dad(43:00) A real story of vulnerability changing everything(47:00) Why sharing your struggles brings connection, not rejection(52:00) Modeling vulnerability as a parent(56:00) The long-term impact of repair and honesty

LINKS & RESOURCES

KEYWORDS

Three Percent Podcast, Dadville, Dave Barnes, Jon McLaughlin, male friendship, fatherhood, loneliness, vulnerability, relationships, emotional health, masculinity, connection, parenting, community, personal growth

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What if the way you respond to your kids has less to do with them—and more to do with what’s unresolved in you?

In this conversation, Eli Harwood (aka “Attachment Nerd”) helps us see how our childhood experiences quietly shape the way we parent, relate, and react. From parentification and emotional neglect to people-pleasing and control, she unpacks how the patterns we learned early on don’t just disappear—they show up in our homes today.

But this isn’t about becoming a perfect parent. It’s about becoming an aware one. Eli shares a hopeful vision of what it looks like to acknowledge your story, take responsibility for your growth, and create relationships where your kids feel safe, seen, and supported—even when you get it wrong.

If you’re a parent, want to be a parent, or are still working through your own story, this episode will help you understand what’s really going on beneath your reactions—and how to start showing up differently.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

CHAPTERS

(00:00) Why no parent is perfect(02:00) Introducing Eli Harwood (“Attachment Nerd”)(04:00) Growing up in a family shaped by trauma(08:30) A mother who chose to break the cycle(12:00) Why attachment changes everything in therapy(16:00) What is a parentified child?(20:00) “I don’t emotionally rely—I emotionally supply”(24:00) Why receiving care is so hard(28:00) How attachment patterns show up in marriage(32:00) What your kids are really asking for(36:00) Why parenting triggers your own unresolved story(38:00) Inside Eli’s new book and how to use it(41:00) Why your kids will still have “stuff” (and that’s okay)(43:00) Where to find Eli + final thoughts

LINKS & RESOURCES

• Eli Harwood Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/

KEYWORDS

Eli Harwood, Attachment Nerd, Three Percent Podcast, attachment theory, parenting, emotional health, trauma and healing, parentification, relationships, masculinity, vulnerability, family systems, childhood wounds, secure attachment, personal growth

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Join The Basement – ⁠https://threepercentco.com/membership⁠

Three Percent Website – ⁠https://threepercentco.com/

⁠Follow Three Percent on IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/threepercent.co/⁠

Why do certain patterns in your life keep repeating—no matter how much you try to move forward?

In this conversation, Dan Allender and Rachel Clinton Chen invite us into the deeper work of understanding our stories. Not as something to “get over,” but as something that continues to shape how we relate to ourselves, God, and others. Through powerful personal examples and honest reflection, they explore how early experiences—especially moments of shame, neglect, or harm—form the internal narratives we still live by today.

This conversation moves beyond surface-level self-awareness into something more embodied. It’s about learning how to revisit your story with compassion, allowing old interpretations to be challenged, and discovering both the brokenness and beauty that have been formed in you. Along the way, they name the cost of avoiding your story—and the freedom that comes when you finally begin to engage it.

If you’ve ever wondered why certain reactions feel automatic, why vulnerability feels unsafe, or why you keep chasing validation that never quite satisfies—this episode offers a way forward. Not quick fixes, but a deeper invitation into healing, connection, and becoming who you were meant to be.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

CHAPTERS

(00:00) Can you bear your beauty—and your brokenness

(01:00) Introducing Dan Allender and Rachel Clinton Chen

(05:30) Why this season is about story

(06:30) Why engaging your story actually matters

(09:30) How childhood shapes your capacity for vulnerability

(12:00) The story that still lives in your body

(14:30) Why story work is never “finished”

(18:30) What story work actually is (in simple terms)

(22:00) Attachment, interpretation, and survival

(30:00) Why men avoid their stories

(33:00) Brokenness, beauty, and the tension we avoid

(39:00) When strength becomes a coping mechanism

(41:00) A real-time example of story playing out

(48:30) Where do you start if this feels overwhelming?

(52:00) The cost—and gift—of doing this work

CONNECT WITH THE ALLENDER CENTER

KEYWORDS

Dan Allender, Rachel Clinton Chen, Three Percent Podcast, emotional health, men’s mental health, story work, trauma and healing, attachment, vulnerability, shame, masculinity, relationships, spiritual formation, inner critic, personal growth

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Join The Basement – ⁠https://threepercentco.com/membership⁠Three Percent Website – ⁠https://threepercentco.com/⁠Follow Three Percent on IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/threepercent.co/⁠

What happens when the version of Jesus you believe in always agrees with you?

In this conversation, Jon Guerra shares the quiet but unsettling realization that his faith had become too comfortable—too aligned with his own preferences, frustrations, and perspectives. What followed wasn’t a crisis, but a slow return. A reintroduction to the real Jesus through the Gospels. One who comforts, but also confronts. One who invites, but also challenges.

Together, they explore what it means to rediscover Christ in the middle of ordinary life—parenting, marriage, stress, and even subtle pride. This conversation moves beyond surface-level faith into something deeper: surrender, attention, and the kind of honesty that leads to freedom.

If you’ve ever felt disillusioned with faith, unsure how to reconnect with God, or tired of a version of Christianity that feels flat or performative, this episode offers a different path—one that is slower, truer, and ultimately more alive.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

CHAPTERS

(00:00) What is the “3%”?(02:00) Introducing Jon Guerra and his music(05:30) The heart behind the Jesus album(07:00) When Jesus becomes a version of yourself(10:00) The challenge of the real Jesus (rich young ruler)(13:30) Faith in the middle of ordinary life stress(18:30) Where is God in parenting, pressure, and fatigue?(22:00) Surrender, the cross, and where life is actually found(30:30) What does it mean that “Christ is the treasure”?(40:00) Experiencing God in the places you avoid(45:30) Why vulnerability and relationship lead to healing(49:00) Gethsemane: grief, surrender, and light(53:00) Seeing clearly: attention, presence, and everyday faith(56:00) Where to find Jon + closing thoughts

LINKS & RESOURCES

• Jon Guerra Website: https://www.jonguerramusic.com/

• The Jesus Album: https://open.spotify.com/album/4jMmHLhkvQToncD10srcty?si=M8Ikc0TSQ_i-Mcw4qfHfGg

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamjonguerra

KEYWORDS

Jon Guerra, Three Percent Podcast, Christian music, emotional health, faith and doubt, masculinity, vulnerability, spiritual formation, inner life, surrender, trauma and healing, relationships, parenting stress, proximity to God, honest faith

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Join The Basement – https://threepercentco.com/membership

Three Percent Website – https://threepercentco.com/

Follow Three Percent on IG: https://www.instagram.com/threepercent.co/

What happens when artificial intelligence meets emotional health?

In this episode, Jamie and Blake begin a new recurring series exploring the intersection of AI and mental health. Rather than offering quick answers or bold predictions, this conversation slows things down and asks better questions.

They reflect on how AI is already shaping the way people process emotions, seek support, and understand themselves. From using AI as a sounding board to the risks of outsourcing vulnerability, they explore both the opportunities and the tensions this technology introduces.

Takeaways

Resources:

Chapters

(00:00) Introduction to the AI & Mental Health Series

(03:45) Why this conversation matters right now

(08:20) How people are already using AI for emotional processing

(14:10) The benefits of AI as a reflective tool

(20:35) The risks of replacing human connection

(27:50) Isolation, convenience, and emotional habits

(34:15) Where AI falls short in empathy and presence

(41:05) Using AI without losing your humanity

(48:30) Final thoughts and what’s ahead in the series

Keywords

AI and mental health, emotional health, vulnerability, human connection, self-awareness, technology and relationships, therapy tools, emotional processing, isolation, personal growth, Three Percent Podcast

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Join The Basement – https://threepercentco.com/membership

Three Percent Website – https://threepercentco.com/

Follow Three Percent on IG: https://www.instagram.com/threepercent.co/

In this episode, Blake and Jamie sit down with poet, speaker, and author Tanner Olson for a conversation about suffering, hope, creativity, and the honest work of getting through difficult seasons.

Tanner shares the heart behind his new book Getting Through What You’re Going Through, a collection of poems, essays, and reflections meant to be a hopeful companion for people navigating life’s hardest moments. Rather than offering easy answers or quick fixes, Tanner explores the power of naming pain honestly and sitting with others in their suffering.

The conversation moves through humor, storytelling, and deeply personal moments—from Tanner’s health scare and the lifestyle changes it forced him to make, to the ways stress, pride, and striving can quietly shape our lives. Along the way, the group reflects on why empathy is often more powerful than advice, why information alone doesn’t lead to healing, and how poetry can give language to emotions people struggle to express.

Tanner’s writing invites readers to slow down, acknowledge what they’re going through, and trust that hope can still exist in the middle of uncertainty.

This episode is a reminder that sometimes the most meaningful thing we can offer each other is not a solution—but presence.

Takeaways

Resources

Check out more from Tanner Olson:

Learn more about Three Percent:www.threepercentco.com

Chapters

(00:00) Welcome to the Episode

(02:00) Introducing Tanner Olson

(04:30) Poetry, Humor, and Writing About Real Life

(06:00) The Heart Behind Getting Through What You’re Going Through

(10:30) The Power of Words During Difficult Seasons

(15:30) Why Empathy Matters More Than Easy Answers

(20:30) When People Try to Fix Your Pain

(26:30) The Limits of Self-Awareness and Information

(33:00) Why This Was the Book Tanner Needed to Write

(36:00) A Health Scare and the Wake-Up Call of Stress

(40:30) Lifestyle Changes and Letting Go of Control

(47:00) Childhood, Wonder, and Finding Peace Again

(50:00) Humor, Poetry, and Being Fully Yourself

(58:30) Hope in the Middle of Hard Things

(01:01:00) Where to Find Tanner and His Work

Keywords

Three Percent podcast, Tanner Olson, poetry and faith, emotional health, Christian spirituality, healing and suffering, personal growth, stress and burnout, empathy, vulnerability, faith and creativity, hope in hard seasons, mental health, trusting God, spiritual formation, processing emotions, poetry and healing

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Join The Basement – https://threepercentco.com/membership

Three Percent Website – https://threepercentco.com/

Follow Three Percent on IG: https://www.instagram.com/threepercent.co/

Season 2 of Three Percent is officially underway.

In this episode, Blake Roberts and Jamie Haigh pull back the curtain on what’s ahead for the podcast this year. After releasing nearly 40 episodes in their first season, they’re returning with a clearer structure, deeper conversations, and a brand-new way for listeners to engage beyond just listening.

They share the vision for Season 2, including a new rhythm of guest conversations, therapist-led discussions, and a new series where they respond to the most common mental health questions people ask AI.

Blake and Jamie also reflect on the tension of creating meaningful resources while inviting people to support the work financially—and why they believe real transformation happens when people move beyond information and into vulnerability and practice.

If Season 1 was about building the podcast, Season 2 is about building a community.

Takeaways

What Is “The Basement”?

The Basement is the new private Three Percent community.

Inside the community, members will find:

Membership helps support the podcast while creating a space where listeners can move beyond passive consumption into active engagement.

Join The Basement – https://threepercentco.com/membership

Chapters

(00:00) Welcome to Season 2

(01:50) Looking Back at Season 1

(04:10) The New Structure for Season 2 Episodes

(07:10) The AI Mental Health Question Series

(10:30) The Benefits and Limits of AI in Emotional Growth

(14:00) Understanding “Top Plate” Episodes

(16:30) Introducing The Basement Community

(19:20) Why It’s Called “The Basement”

(22:00) Moving from Consumption to Engagement

(24:30) The Vulnerability of Asking for Support

(26:30) What They Hope This Community Becomes

(28:30) Progress, Not Perfection

(30:00) Final Invitation to Join

Keywords

Three Percent podcast, men’s mental health, emotional health, masculinity, vulnerability, personal growth, emotional awareness, therapy conversations, faith and psychology, AI mental health questions, community building, recovery, emotional honesty, The Basement community, relationships, spiritual formation

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**Learn more about our new membership community, The Basement: ⁠https://threepercentco.com/membership

Season 2 opens with a courageous and deeply important conversation with therapist and author Jay Stringer about unwanted sexual behavior, shame, trauma, and the pathway toward lasting healing.

Blake and Jamie sit down with Jay to unpack the often-hidden connection between sexual struggles and unresolved stories of pain, loneliness, and attachment wounds. Rather than reducing these behaviors to mere self-control issues, Jay reframes them as signposts, clues pointing toward deeper unmet needs and past experiences that shaped how we cope, seek comfort, and manage distress.

Takeaways

• Unwanted sexual behaviors are often rooted in unresolved pain, loneliness, or trauma.

• Shame thrives in secrecy but loses power in honest, safe relationships.

• Curiosity about our story leads to deeper transformation than simple behavior management.

• Sexual struggles often reflect attempts to regulate overwhelming emotions.

• Healing requires honesty, community, and addressing the underlying wounds—not just the symptoms.

• Integrity grows when we align our behaviors with our deeper longings for connection and wholeness.

Check out more from Jay Stringer:

Website – https://jay-stringer.com

Instagram – @jay_stringer

Books by Jay Stringer

• Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing

• Desire: The Longings Inside Us and the New Science of How We Love, Heal, and Grow

Learn more about Three Percent:

https://threepercentco.com/

Join the Basement, our new membership community: https://threepercentco.com/membership

Instagram – @threepercent.co

Chapters

(00:00) Introduction & Why Shame Is a “Merciless Narrator”
(02:00) Season 2 Kickoff & Introducing Jay Stringer
(04:30) The Core Thesis of Unwanted — Behaviors as Signposts
(08:00) Moving from Moral Failure to Story & Curiosity
(12:00) How Shame Blocks Understanding and Keeps Men Stuck
(16:00) Sexual Behavior as an Attempt to Regulate Pain
(20:00) Attachment Wounds, Loneliness, and Early Life Stories
(24:00) The Power of Curiosity Over Condemnation
(28:00) Arousal Templates & How Our Stories Shape Desire
(33:00) Faith, Sexuality, and the Limits of Behavior Management
(38:00) Naming the Underlying Longings Beneath Struggle
(43:00) The Role of Honest Community in Breaking Secrecy
(47:00) Practical Steps Toward Healing and Integrity
(51:00) Rewriting Internal Narratives with Compassion
(55:00) Hope, Transformation, and the Path Forward

Keywords

Jay Stringer, unwanted sexual behavior, sexual integrity, shame, trauma, healing, pornography, addiction, men’s mental health, story work, attachment wounds, emotional regulation, masculinity, honesty, recovery, spiritual formation, Three Percent podcast