Thriving Adoptees - Let's Thrive

Have you sought validation from others or through your career? Pursued relationships in the hope that someone else can save you only to find out that didn't work? Listen in as Andrew shares his learnings on finding validation and wholeness within.

Connect with Andrew at:

https://www.facebook.com/AndrewCGlen

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Freedom. Elusive for some of us. Practically impossible for others. Listen in as AJ shares how she's found freedom, the healing power of writing and much more. Powerful and empowering. Listen in with big ears.

Here's a link to AJ's previous interview https://thriving-adoptees.simplecast.com/episodes/aj-bialo

Do you ever feel uncomfortable? AJ grew up in a very toxic environment that left her grieving the loss of what her life might have looked like if she hadn't been adopted. She was very uncomfortable at home and outside was rarely better. She captured her experience in a poem "Alone in the crowd" which she reads to us. Listen in as she shares how she eventually got to feel comfortable in her own skin for insights to help you.

Here's a bit about AJ from her website:

I have read many peoples biographies over the years and the one thing that people usually start with is the line “I was born…(fill in date and place).  I suppose that I could start out the same way.  After all, I do have a birth certificate that has a date and time on it.But, I also have other documentation from the hospital where I was born that contradicts the official date.  So since I am not sure exactly when I was born I will start with the statement:  I celebrate my birthday every year on May 8th.  Born and raised in Syracuse, New York, I still call the Salt City home. 

There is nothing that has impacted my life more than being adopted.  Like a black cloud, it has followed me around every day of my life since childhood.  It has caused abandonment and self worth issues that have affected every relationship I have ever had.  It has plagued every holiday with wondering and yearning to know who my birth family is and to know if they were thinking of me as I often thought of them.  Being adopted has caused me to question my whole identity.  Always wondering, who am I really?  

A fellow adoptee once told me that being adopted was like being a red marble in a family of blue marbles.  You don’t look like them, you don’t sound like them, you don’t act or think like them.  And no matter how hard you try to be more like them you will always be the outsider.You will always be the red marble in the family of blue marbles.  But the sense of disconnection does not end there.  For even if you are lucky enough to find the family of red marbles that you came from, as I have, you still don’t find a place where you fit in because you don’t know what it means to be a red marble. 

There is a spiel that I give at the beginning of every poetry and short story reading that I appear at.  A J Bialo is not my legal name, but it is my legal alias as recognized by New York State and the Federal Copyright Office.  It is the name that I have chosen to define who I am, as a writer and a person.  It is a tribute to  my two maternal grandfathers – without each of them I would not be the person I am today. 

I have always been an introvert and never really connected with kids my own age.My best friends growing up were the characters in the many books I would read every week.  I remember my father would take me to the library every Saturday where I would scour the drama, horror, fiction and science fiction shelves and I would peruse for hours the synopsis on the inside of dust jackets and the back covers of paper backs.  When I didn’t find much new to read at the library I found myself with a notebook and pen writing my own stories.  These stories weren’t great writings but just naïve childhood stories that were more interested in the characters than the stories. 

But my childhood writing career would be short lived.  My mother was very concerned that I spent too much time with my made up friends and not enough time socializing with real friends.  What she didn’t understand was that I didn’t have any real friends.  She discouraged my writing by reading what I wrote and belittling it as stupid and childish.  Of course it was childish, I think now in retrospect, I was a child exploring my world in a way that was comfortable to me.  Despite her criticism I continued to write and make up characters that I found intriguing.  But she would also continue to read my work and continued to criticize what I wrote.I continued writing, hiding my notebooks where I thought she wouldn’t find them.  But it seemed no matter where I hid them she would find them, read them, and have some nasty comment about what I was writing.  When I ran out of hiding spots, I took my notebooks and a book of matches to the park where I hung out and burned them. 

I wouldn’t start writing again until I was in my thirties. The first poem I ever wrote was on a train returning from a long weekend in New York City for a professional conference.  When I found my family of red marbles the one thing that I wanted to know was who my birth father was.  But this information was evidently a red marble secret which was not to be given up, at any cost.  To this day, I still don’t know who my birth father is.  The only hint I do have is that he was from Brooklyn.  So, when I was in New York City I was hit by the fact that I was not far away (geographically) from my roots although I was light years away from knowing who and where he was.  The poem, Melancholy Home, was written quickly on the train and was finished before I reached Albany.  I don’t know where the poem came from.  I didn’t ever remember writing poetry when I was younger.  This was my first, and it seemed so natural. I remember wondering then if it was a fluke, a one time thing. 

From there came many poems, many of them relating to the raw emotions of being adopted.  It was like a flood gate opening:  Odd Marble Out, my thoughts on being a red marble in a family of blue marbles; Nobody’s Child, my personal favorite describing how family is a group of people you decide to be and share with; Control Freak, my rebellion against a mother who tried to force me into a mold of her making and not my choosing; and Uncommon Bond, a poem which I wrote for my birth mother soon after I found her.It was never meant to be published, although it has been several times now.  It was meant for my birth mother to tell her who I was and what made me into the person I had become until our meeting day.  Sort of a mini autobiography written just for her. 

From there the poetry continued to flow, both in realms of adoption and other topics that are either important to me or just make me sit and say hmmmm.  In addition to poetry, I started to write stories again, both short stories, a sampling of which you might see at some point on this site, and a few lengthy novels.

I continue to be an avid reader, although my reading has taken a focus away from fiction and tends more towards non-fiction and history.  I also continue to write poetry, short stories, essays and have been working on a few new novels. 

https://www.ajbialo.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/aj-bialo-0b45b348/

https://www.facebook.com/aj.bialo

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Feeling insufficient - not enough - is rife amongst us adoptees. So how do we get past that to the relief of being enough and beyond even that. Buckle up for a wild ride to places we've not been before on this podcast.

Here's a link to Jeff's previous interview - A Journey To Self on https://thriving-adoptees.simplecast.com/episodes/a-journey-to-self-with-jeff-forney

With our life story missing chapter 1, it's no wonder identity can be tricky or a complete mystery for us adoptees. How can we feel good enough if we don't know who we are? Listen in as Jeff and I explore identity beyond shame, guilt and trauma.

Jeff was adopted at birth. Raised in the Bay Area by two wonderfully loving parents, Jeff still felt a pull to know and uncover the mystery of his origin. Jeff eventually found his biological roots and has been in reunion with his birthmother for almost 30 years.

Now, a photographer living in Los Angeles, a chance photoshoot with Ray Liota and discovering he, too, is adopted, a project was ‘birthed’ to photograph and interview adoptees in reunion with their biological parents.

The project has been a transformative process, but Jeff now finds himself hosting adoptee meetings at his home twice a month. Through Jeff’s involvement with the adoption community and just so happening to be a close friend of Jennifer Griffith and her husband Mark, Jeff has lent his ‘adoption constellation membership’ to Jennifer when her podcast touches the subject of adoption and foster parenthood.

He is not claiming to be an expert on adoption but a mindful devotee to living open and vulnerable. Jeff is happy to help others identify with those who have dealt with adoption/foster care issues and create a community of nourishment.

https://jeffforney.com/

https://www.instagram.com/jeffforney/

https://www.byjennifergriffith.com/jeff-forney/

https://www.facebook.com/jeffforneyphoto

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Here's a link to Nicolle's first interview https://thriving-adoptees.simplecast.com/episodes/experiencing-healing-with-nicolle-tremitiere

We can't talk ourselves out of our pre-verbal trauma. Our intellect can't heal pre-intellectual trauma. So what on earth do we do? Listen in as we dive into healing as an experience with adoptee and therapist Nicolle.

Here's a link to the EMDR International Association  https://www.emdria.org/

Find out more about Nicolle at:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/nicolle-a-tremitiere-lcsw-79199a25/

https://www.facebook.com/TtraumaR/

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Could trauma still be stuck in your body? Perhaps you've done a lot of talk therapy and yet you're still triggered. Talk therapy has a tough time healing trauma that we can't remember or that happened before we had words. Listen in as adoptee and coach Laurie dives deep into somatic healing and how it reaches trauma other therapies can't get to.

Listen to Laurie's previous interview - Healing Our Feelings here https://thriving-adoptees.simplecast.com/episodes/healing-our-feelings

Sign up for her guide to Somatic Healing

Feeling unwanted is a central theme to many of adoptees' lives. We ache for connection. And it's a deep throbbing heartache that hurts like hell.  Listen in as adoptee Laurie and I explore what she's learned to help you heal that heartache.

What does it mean to belong? Laurie James spent most of her life wondering that same question. A lack of belonging and loneliness dictated how she spent most of her life. She rarely shared her secret with others—it was always hidden behind a carefree and can-do attitude.  

In her mid-forties, Laurie is sent down an unwanted path after her mother has a heart attack and her husband’s lawyer delivers some shocking news. She suddenly finds herself Sandwiched between caring for her parents, managing unruly caregivers, raising four teenage daughters, and trying to understand the choices of her husband she thought she knew.  

Sandwiched is a story about one woman’s struggle to do “it all” while facing the reality that the ideal life and family she believed she had created was slowly crumbling beneath her. As she tries everything to keep her family together, Laurie seeks therapy, turns to yoga, rediscovers nature, develops a strong female tribe and begins writing. As she explores the layers of her life and heals her past, she realizes that she’s the only one who can create the life she wants and deserves. 

Sandwiched, is a memoir debut about what it means to let go of the life you planned in order to find the life you belong to.  

https://www.instagram.com/laurie.james/

https://www.facebook.com/laurie.james.79219754

https://www.linkedin.com/in/laurie-james-8336a0168/

https://www.laurieejames.com/

Here's a another episode on the primal wound

https://thriving-adoptees.simplecast.com/episodes/primally-wounded-or-fundamentally-unwoundable-with-nick-mabey

Here's a link to the event on 3 January 2023 about healing the primal wound 

https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/whole-healing-my-primal-wound-tickets-473258638327

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Do you want to do you? Expressing the truth of you are? Feeling the whole of your emotions? Listen in as adoptee and clinical social worker Jean shares her learnings on authenticity so you can do you.

Here's a link to Jean's interview on busting  beliefs https://thriving-adoptees.simplecast.com/episodes/jean-provance

Here's a bit about Jean from her website:

Jean Provance graduated with her Bachelor’s degree in visual arts and psychology and then moved forward completing her Master’s degree in social work in 2008. For Jean learning is a lifelong process and continuing her education to deeply specialize in work with trauma survivors especially those affected by adoption and foster care. Jean’s background in visual arts and play therapy allow her to integrate creative interventions that reach children, adolescents and adults alike. She is an EMDR certified therapist. Jean also holds a certificate in adoption counseling. She completed the training to supervise social workers towards their clinical licensure in 2013 and completed SIFI to provide field instruction to MSW interns in 2010. Jean anticipates her play therapy credentialing to be completed in June of 2023.

Jean loves utilizing known strengths and discovering new ones during therapeutic work with clients. She wants sessions to be collaborative, with mutual consent while providing a safe holding environment that allows clients the room they need to grow and flourish.

When Jean isn’t holding space for client’s she enjoys spending time with her family, running, gardening and caring for family pets. Jean continues to work on many artistic projects and is always looking to have some fun.

 https://www.featherlightcounseling.com/

https://www.instagram.com/featherlightcounseling/

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100086935247788

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

This interview challenged me. And that's a good thing. Introspection and questioning our beliefs can lead to change for the better. A different perspective. A healing perspective. Roderick's perspective is very different. You might find it challenging like I did. Listen in and make up your own mind.

Here's a link to his previous interview: Reconstructing My Identity  https://thriving-adoptees.simplecast.com/episodes/reconstructing-our-identity-with-rodericke

Here's more about Roderick.

Roderick Edwards (aka RoderickE) is a multi-genre author of over 25 books on topics as wide ranging as an autobiography of his being left for dead at the hospital at birth and his subsequent adoption at age 4 and reunion with his birth family at age 50. Or a series of books on WW2 cargo pilots that served in India with one of the men returning to the USA to develop the satellite program during the space race with the Soviets. RoderickE also has time travel fictions, books on politics, race relations, religion, philosophy, and poetry. Sometimes called the "Bansky of Books" due to his unexpected style that bypasses the cookie-cutter market-driven fare, you'll be certain to find something you will enjoy, or you will dive into a new genre with seamless crossover.

https://www.facebook.com/rodericke
https://twitter.com/roderickedotcom
https://www.instagram.com/roderickeauthor
https://tiktok.com/@roderickedotcom
https://www.linkedin.com/in/roderick-edwards-56170a24a
https://www.youtube.com/@roderickeauthor
https://truthsocial.com/@roderickedotcom
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Roderick_E
https://www.bookbub.com/profile/roderick-edwards

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Have you ever numbed, denied or suppressed your feelings? To fit in? Or because the feelings hurt so much they threatened to engulf you? Listen in as Fred shares his insights on feeling to heal.

Here's a link to Fred's first interview https://thriving-adoptees.simplecast.com/episodes/discovering-who-i-am-with-fred-nicora

Here's a bit about Fred from his website.

Fred Nicora has followed a path of unexplained restlessness ignited by undisclosed triggers in his efforts to find the right fit for his own identity and seek truth in his life.  Careers explored on his journey include health care administration, architecture, business consulting, high school and middle school teaching, corporate business management, and his own entrepreneurial endeavors including a startup fitness-based nutrition company and now authoring stories reflecting his perspective and insights of experiences from traumatic events and unusual life altering experiences including his status as a Late Discovery Adoptee.  His work thoughtfully examines self-identity, adoption, recovery from addiction, spiritual, mental, and physical fitness, and faith.

​Fred’s other passion is developing and selling nutrient packed, delicious, gluten free baked products sold as Fred’s Breads, www.fredsbreadstore.com.  Offerings focus on a unique blend of mouth-watering flavor combinations naturally high in protein with additional protein boosts available.  Some products are also offered as vegan gluten free. 

Fred holds a B.S. in Business Administration, an M.S. in Management Technology, a Master’s in Architecture and a secondary lifetime Teaching License via a master’s program.  Following a traumatic life altering event, Fred struggled with drug and alcohol addiction eventually finding sobriety and his need for spiritual, mental, and physical health. 

A father of three grown children, Fred currently lives and maintains a small hobby farm in Southeastern Wisconsin where he breeds and sells registered Dexter cattle.  Lines are bred for excellent temperament, in both polled and horned options with strong confirmation in both milking and beefing lines.

https://www.instagram.com/frednicora.fitness/

https://twitter.com/frednicora

https://www.facebook.com/fred.nicora

https://www.frednicora.com/

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Do you feel you've lost yourself through being adopted? Listen in as adoptee and adoptee coach Rae shares her take on finding ourselves, how insights heal and overcoming emotional challenges. Enlightening and empowering.

Here's a bit about Rae from her website:

I'm a domestic U.S. adoptee, adopted from the foster care system when I was three years old. I spent my whole life trying to be "someone else's child" until my world crashed around me as a senior in college. I was not succeeding while wearing that mask. I was lost. Confused. Unsure what I was experiencing or why things just didn't seem to 'work'. I wanted to self-destruct! When I sought support, the nuances of adoption were rarely addressed. I had never learned how to voice my experience as an adoptee. After college I entered reunion with my biological mother. As our relationship blossomed, there was still so much I couldn't understand. Over time, it became apparent: Adoptees need adoptees.

https://www.adopteereclaimed.com/

https://www.facebook.com/raekrecoverycoach

https://www.instagram.com/adoptee_reclaimed/

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

How clear on you on what heals you? The clearer we get, the better we heal. Listen in as adoptee, birth mother and adoption professional Rebecca shares how lightbulb moments in and after her darkest moments have brought clarity to her healing journey.

Connect with Rebecca here:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/rebecca-ricardo-6766318/

https://www.facebook.com/rebecca.ricardo.9/

Find out more about adoptee advocacy in Michigan here:

https://www.adopteeadvocatesofmichigan.com/

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.