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The most common question we get is "How do I help them to get sober?" Unfortunately there is not magic solution, but any progress is going to include communication. This episode begins a series of episodes regarding communication at various stages in someone's recovery journey. This first episode in the series covers communicating with someone in active addiction. This is perhaps the most difficult period of communication as we battle the one-way street nature of a relationship with an active alcoholic or addict. We cover some  of the challenges, tips on how to best communicate with someone in active addiction, the importance of communication in all healthy relationships and much more. We summarize the conversation with a discussion on detaching with love, managing expectations, and how to achieve acceptance in turmoil. 

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Triggers. The word comes up often in addiction treatment but we're going to shift the discussion to triggers that exist for spouses and partners of people that suffer from a substance abuse disorder. Our conversation today is designed to help people that are with someone in early or established sobriety.  We touch on the origins of triggers and ways to mitigate their severity and ways to have discussions around triggers. Triggers that exist in a relationship where the addiction is active are discussed, but as you'll hear it's often futile as it's very difficult to heal in an environment where your wounds are still very much open.

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The conclusion of our message to those in active addiction, or in sobriety discusses the spouse's perspective with the intent to create empathy. Addiction is HARD and nobody will ever question that for one moment, but it's still important to understand that within a relationship the world does not pause for the spouse like it does for the person in treatment or spending time on their recovery. While a time investment in sobriety is a requirement to create real change, we must learn how to balance our new routines, triggers, with our relationship and hold space for our spouse/partner's experience.

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We continue with our message to people in early sobriety with a discussion about the disease concept of addiction, and whether the disease model excuses abusive behavior in a relationship. We dig into the real meat of our overarching theme and discuss accountability, validation of feelings, and offer a different (albeit controversial) perspective on the acknowledgment and validity of abusive behavior in active addiction. 

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Reactive abuse (defense) occurs when the victim of abuse responds to the mistreatment they're enduring. Often times feelings of guilt are present and the victim then feels like an abuser themself. It's important to recognize that reactive defense does not constitute abuse in itself and in many cases is an involuntary reaction to ongoing abuse. Abusers seize the opportunity of these reactions as evidence or "Proof" that they themselves are victims of abuse, shifting blame onto the victim. The volatile nature of relationships where addiction is present leads to many of these instances. This episode is designed to educate victims of abuse and soften the guilt they have around their reactions to abusive behavior.

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We've been asked to create sharable content for your partners and spouses, so here it is. We hope it's helpful in some way. This is part one that focuses on the benefits of a sober life together.

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The process of empowerment is a journey that takes up time many don't feel they have in the immediacy of a chaotic marriage or relationship. Paige takes a moment to discuss her journey of empowerment and healing while she reintroduces herself. We discuss the timeframe for healing, challenges along the way, and why it's so difficult to discuss being in a relationship with an alcoholic or addict. 

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Our discussion this week is split into two parts. The first half focuses on ways in which addiction affects the family unit. We dive in to the subtle and not-so-subtle ways living with an addict can have emotional and psychological affects on partners, spouses, and children. The second half of our discussion focuses on the current resources available for spouses, specifically Al-Anon. We discuss our thoughts on the program as a whole and what's wonderful about it, and then what we believe it lacks. 

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This episode is special in so many ways. It marks one year of Till The Wheels Fall Off, we have our first guests on, and we hear one of the greatest stories from two of the most amazing people we've ever known. Steve and Kristine were happily married when addiction derailed their relationship. Kristine spent 12 years in a relationship with an active addict when she decided she finally had enough. It was ultimately the decision to leave that woke Steve up and opened his eyes to what addiction had done to his life. Steve has one of the most powerful messages of recovery we've ever heard, and Kristine's strength and resilience is utterly amazing. Their journey is a testament to the power of taking care of yourself when addiction wrecks your marriage, and how leaving someone can save a life.

Learn more about Steve and Kristine's sober living home here by visiting www.hopelivinghouse.com

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The line between challenging your partner to live up to their potential and controlling them is blurry...Often when we challenge people we're labeled as "Controlling" but that's not always the case. Today we discuss the difference between challenging someone or holding them accountable versus controlling them. Challenging someone and growing alongside each other is a mutual process and the byproduct of a healthy relationship. When it comes to addiction however...it's not always so clear.

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