Unhindered

If jealousy is ruining your life, here is how to stop being jealous today.

The problem with jealousy is that it positions you as a victim with no power to improve the quality of your life. It stops your dead in your tracks and leaves you stuck right where you are.

Here are the 3 key questions to move you out of jealousy back into responsibility so you continue moving closer to the life you truly desire again:

1. Do I really want what they have? (Is it actually as good as it looks?)

2. Could I really handle what they have? (Would having what they have actually ruin me at this stage in my life?)

3. What must they believe about themselves to have what they have? (What must I believe about myself to not have what they have?)

Check out the full episode to see how these questions apply to you.

According to father of modern management theory, Peter Drucker, "Productivity consists of NOT doing anything that helps the work of other people but to spend all one's time on the work that the Good Lord has fitted one to do and to do well."

However, in order to have that much laser focus about your work in the world, means first dealing with issues around: - People pleasing, assertiveness, clarity about your purpose and spending all your time and energy working for someone else.

Until you solve these problems, you will always be productive for others rather than living the life you were designed for.

Listen in to today's episode of 10mt to find out how to live a more productive life.

My guest today is Joel Primus.

Joel is a former elite long distance runner turned entrepreneur. He is the founder and creative visionary behind Naked Underwear. He helped raise over $17 million, establishing retail distribution at Holt Renfrew, Nordstrom, Hudson’s Bay, and Bloomingdales. Naked completed a merger with Australian-based industry powerhouse, Bendon Lingerie, exiting in 2018. Recently, Joel co-founded Kosan, a travel clothing company which launched one of the most successful Kickstarter apparel products of all time—reaching nearly $1 million in sales in 30 days. He was one of the inaugural BC Business top 30 under 30 Entrepreneurs and is also an author and award winning documentary filmmaker. 

In this great conversation we cover these topics and many more:

Michael Jordan’s legacy

Comfortable underwear

Insecurity as rocket fuel in your 20’s

Breaking the attachment of identity and performance

Finding yourself through failure

Meeting Dwayne Wade

You can find out more about Joel here.

joelprimus.com

The aim of the game is to be fully human. It is to achieve our potential and each bring our unique gift to the planet while increasing the collective conciseness of humanity.

To experience the wonder and richness of being alive, requires the optimisation of every part of life. Otherwise we run the risk of having a very small experience of life or missing the magic altogether!

Everything can be optimised, however the first and most important piece of the puzzle to optimise is our own story telling.

Seeing overcoming insecurity as the opportunity for optimising your human experience makes it feel like a 'less to more' transaction. (Less to more is explained in ep 92) This dials down the fear and angst often associated with deep change work, and allows you to relax into the process.

Listen in to today’s episode of 10 minute Tuesday to understand more about how this optimisation works.

My guest today is the wonderful Michael Bungay Stanier.

Michael is at the forefront of shaping how organizations around the world make being coach-like an essential leadership behavior and competency. His book The Coaching Habit is the best-selling coaching book of this century, with over 700,000 copies sold and 1,000+ five-star reviews on Amazon. In 2019, he was named the #1 thought leader in coaching, and was shortlisted for the coaching prize by Thinkers50, the “Oscars of management”. Michael was the first Canadian Coach of the Year and has been named a Global Coaching Guru since 2014. He was a Rhodes Scholar.

I’ve hassled Michael to be on my show for nearly 3 years and so am incredibly excited to finally be able to bring you this interview. His book is an absolute favourite of mine and is essential reading

This was a particularly enjoyable conversation and covered a wide range of perspectives on how to understand and deal with insecurity. Here are some of the great topics we explored:

Story telling

The cleft pallet advantage

The paradox of being important and insignificant at the same time.

The definition of great coaching

The value of reading more fiction

How astronauts can help us think more clearly

The darwinian value of insecurity

You can find out more about Michael and subscribe to ‘The year of living brilliantly’ for FREE here: https://www.mbs.works

Your relationship with money is one of the clearest windows to look through to examine your relationship with yourself. In fact for those starting out in the personal development journey it is a perfect place to start.

In today’s episode of 10 minute Tuesday I’ll show you how to develop a very happy relationship with money out of the overflow of a happy relationship with yourself.

The moment you see insecurity as a predictable problem with a predictable solution, the game has changed in your favour forever!

As such, If I’m allowed to have a favourite part of my own book, this would be it:

“Your behaviour is not nearly as weird, broken, messy, or random as you think. Behaviour is simply the end of the assembly line produced by the factory of your beliefs. What’s more, your behaviour never lies. It is an incredibly accurate representation of your beliefs. People think they believe all kinds of wonderful things, but what must you believe in order to behave that way?

If you see that your behaviour is part of a well-constructed system, it takes all the mystery out of the process of self-awareness. System thinking turns the work of personal transformation into a clear scientific process. If our behaviour is a system, then there must be a design. If there is a design, then there is a strategy. If there is a strategy, there is an intention. If there is an intention, it can be observed. If it can be observed, it can be deconstructed. If it can be deconstructed, it can be changed. If it can be changed, it can be improved and reconstructed!

Of course, and you love this!

Of course, you are stuck, broke, unhappy, anxious, depressed, lonely, and/or overweight. What’s the problem? That’s the exact result you’ve designed your system to produce. At some point in time, to solve a problem or meet a need, you’ve created a strategy, designed a system and built a process to get you a clear result. Often that strategy is built around avoiding pain, being safe, or protecting yourself from what you are most afraid of. The point is, it is still working the way you designed it to. And it will continue to keep producing the same results until you change the blinkin’ thing. Of course!

There is no judgment here, but this system is not broken. To take this even further, part of you loves the exact results you are producing right now. When you are willing to stop pretending your results are such a mystery and start examining the system you have lovingly created for yourself, you give yourself an incredible amount of power to change these very results. You love this. If you didn’t, you would have already changed it.

People

Work

Perfectly.

You already are responsible.”

(Unhindered. The 7 essential practices for overcoming insecurity. P.117-118)

Do you have friends and family that find it difficult or even impossible to accept your compliments?

Do you struggle to accept compliments yourself?

On today's episode of 10 minute episode I'll show you exactly why people can't accept compliments and the two things that need to happen for this to change for good.

What would happen if you lived as though your father was dead?

Father of modern psychotherapy, Sigmund Freud, observed that a human’s greatest challenge was to break free from the nest. He taught that there were great forces at play working against this freedom both in the parent and in the child, but that ultimately all dysfunction in life came through this tendency to get stuck within the family bounds.

In reference to Freuds idea, David Deida says therefore a man should live as though his father is dead. That is - A man must love his father and yet be free of his father’s expectations and criticisms in order to be a free man.

He says ‘How would you have lived your life differently if you had never tried to please your father? If you never tried to show your father that you were worthy? If you never felt burdened by your father’s critical eye? For the next three days, do at least one activity a day that you have avoided or suppressed because of the influence of your father. In this way, practice being free of his subtle expectations, which may now reside within your own self-judgment. Practice being free in this way, once each day for three days, even if you still feel fearful, limited, unworthy, or burdened by your father’s expectations.’

This podcast episode is in no way designed to undermine your relationship with your father or to be ungrateful for his contribution to your life. It is simply to understand your need to stand on his shoulders and grow beyond his life as you live your own.

Have you ever been gaslighted? Have you ever gaslighted someone else?

Perhaps you have never understood what this term even means.

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a person makes someone question their own memory, judgment or perception of reality. This often creates cognitive dissonance and massively undermines their self esteem.

In today's episode of 10 minute Tuesday I'll show you what causes gaslighting and the 5 keys to remove yourself from the gaslighting trap.