We Still Like Each Other

It has been a hectic couple of weeks for the We Still Like Each Other family. Is mercury in the microwave to blame? Or is life just life-ing?

This week Stephanie and Travis discuss our inner child vs. our adaptive child. One is curious, creative, and forgiving, the other is living out a trauma response. One can be nurtured and celebrated in our adulthood and intimate relationships, the other is a relationship killer. Is our intimate partner responsible for healing our childhood trauma? Or is it our job to reparent ourselves?

Lastly, a listener posed a very important and scary question for us “breaking generational wounds” parents. “Are we prepared for our kids to talk about where we fucked up at? The same way we talk about where our parents fucked up at?” Honestly, we’re shook, but it would be grandiose of us to think that our children will think we are perfect.

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It’S jUsT a PiEcE oF pApeR. Dig into the WHY you are opposed to marriage. Are you truly just holding onto a false sense of control? Are you believing the false narrative that sex suddenly stops? Whatever your reasoning, talking negatively about marriage in front of married people is wack. Stephanie and Travis discuss other people's problems when they give their two cents on the Nia Long and Ime Udoka scandal.

After having a 20 minute argument mid episode, that had to be cut, yeah it was that bad, Stephanie and Travis share that they created a free resource available for couples on their website. Remember that marriage meeting that went mini-viral? They created a template for those wanting to give it a try.

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In reflecting on their week, things got a bit heated between Travis and Stephanie. It was about food, again. They aren't immune to the recurring disagreements. Just like many of you, they struggle with eating the food at home. This issue is not made any easier by the fact that Travis finds no joy at all in preparing a meal. Stephanie sees it as a more serious issue, no one wants to eat food prepared by someone who didn't put love into it, and possibly made it while harboring negative feelings.

Parenting isn’t for the weak! This week Stephanie and Travis reflect on how becoming parents of two have impacted them personally now that baby River is 9 months old. Travis tears up when reflecting on a recent milestone he reached with Eli which he feels was a bit overdue. Like in romantic relationships, our dynamics are ever evolving in our parenting relationships. We aren't going to be the best versions of ourselves and exactly who our children need on day one. Just like in our romantic relationships, we have to do the best we can with the knowledge and support we have each and every day. Stephanie also speaks extensively about the pressures she feels to take care of herself while simultaneously taking care of the home and the children and her spouse. Something or someone has to get the short end of the stick so what is she to do?

Stephanie gives a review of the book, Raising Good Humans by Hunter Clarke-Fields. This book focuses on helping us reduce our reactivity to raise kind and confident children. It forces us to compare our voice and tone when we speak to our children to when we speak to our romantic partners and when we speak to our friends. We often have this ill informed mentality that we have to have complete control of our kids' actions for their own safety. When in reality we have to build mutual respect, not blind obedience.

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Would you look at that… they’re talking about sex AGAIN. But who's complaining? Y’all love it here! How long should good sex last? The answer might depend on what you define as sex. Depending on who you ask, it can be a whole experience. Stephanie and Travis discuss how they unlocked a new level in their sex life. Finding new ways to be sexual nearly 8 years later is pretty satisfying… see what we did there? We all have experienced wanting sex to last longer or even end faster, Stephanie and Travis give their tips on how to make both happen. Somehow a Viagra and Adderall story makes it into the convo.

This week on “Oh So Y’all Can Relate” a listener needs some advice on how to improve her sex life without making her man feel objectified. Is once a week enough sex in a relationship? Honestly, there probably isn't a number to define the right amount, it comes down to compatibility. Basically, y'all both gonna want it equally or at least be willing to compromise. Stephanie and Travis discuss scheduling sex and identifying barriers to having sex.

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Stephanie and Travis did one of their favorite things this past week, enjoy a king sized bed with hotel linens and the air conditioner on blast. The past almost 3 years have been pretty hectic for most of us. Let’s be intentional with getting back to doing the things we love with the people we love.

Smartphones and relationships. We all like to think we can play it cool, but technology adds a new layer of complexity to how we maneuver in love. If you go through your partner's phone, and you find something… is it justified? What boundaries should we have when it comes to social media? Can Stephanie thirst in Drake's comments? What about regular dudes? How many IG models is too many to follow?

Lastly, on this week's "Oh So Y’all Can Relate", they clarify the difference between intimacy and sensuality. They read a beautiful story about how intimacy thrives in an inter-abled relationship between a paraplegic and an able bodied nurse.

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Let’s focus on non-sexual intimacy, cause if we really think about it, if we get good at it, we might actually have more sex. Are we masking a desire for intimacy by blaming it on a “high sex drive”? Stephanie and Travis discuss how learning how to connect without sex can improve your sex life and can also come in handy when sex isn’t an option. Despite having a healthy sex life, Stephanie craves some improvement in the non-sexual touch department.

Travis picked a VERY specific and personal did you know this week, he was trying to make a point. Stephanie reenacted Travis' dramatic plea for her to “let things go” and not be angry with him, not even for a second. So you tell us, who is toxic here?

Finally, on this week's “Oh So Yall Can Relate” a young couple is on the verge of ending things. This submission includes infidelity, drugs, alcohol, and an STD from a couple that has been together since middle school. Did FOMO play a role in this mistake? How do Travis and Stephanie feel about only ever having one sexual partner your whole life?

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Travis and Stephanie speak very candidly about being each other's best friends, but is it toxic that they enjoy doing everything together? When does wanting to spend time together become a red flag? They reflect on Stephanie partaking in Travis' love for film and television, but struggle to identify Stephanie’s passions. Anyone else ever feel passionless or even envious of people who are obviously talented?

What is the fourth trimester? Travis was obviously confused, but it is probably the toughest trimester of them all. How can we support parents during this transitional period? How can the non-birthing/chest-feeding parent support? Acts of service should extend past your romantic relationships.

Oh So Y’all Can Relate: Love & Grief. Stephanie and Travis tapped into some help for this one. Kiara Luna of Knew You Psychotherapy shared her insight on the stages of grief, how they manifest in relationships, and how grieving a loss and grieving a breakup can have similar manifestations. Is breaking up to heal separately advised by a psychotherapist? Also, what is up with our need to keep our ex’s close, but not committed? This is an uncomfortable gray area we have to stop expecting people to live in.

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Kiara Luna, LMHC: https://www.instagram.com/mrskiaraluna/
https://knewyoupsychotherapy.com

This week Stephanie and Travis have three additional producers! They are now accepting topic submissions from their top tier Patrons! Tune in to discover what Travis and Stephanie miss about the city life, how they recover from setbacks and disappointments in their relationship, and their opinion on large age gaps in relationships.

Contrary to popular belief, your partner may disappoint you from time to time, that doesn't mean the relationship is doomed, it means you are human. So how and why do we get past them? Travis shares his biggest mistake in his marriage, believe it or not, it tops the drama in episode 1. Stephanie shares how she envisioned throwing a can of WD40 at Travis computer. Shoutout to growth.

Age gaps in relationships make evolutionary sense, but only to a certain extent. How big of a gap is too much of a gap? Does it make a difference if a 20 year gap is between a 20 and 40 year old versus a 30 and 50 year old? Travis and Stephanie give their opinion while leaving you all with a few tips on how to decide if a large age gap is good for you.

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Patreon Producers:

Pete Fields
Pink Hair Danielle

This week Travis and Stephanie talk about the comfort that comes from having friends you can find common ground with. For them that includes parents, married couples, and now podcasters. They may not all follow the same scripts, but they can respect and understand each other’s journeys.

They also discuss the qualities we seek in our partners that were displayed by our parents. Travis definitely has some similarities to Stephanie’s dad. Just as Stephanie displays some nurturing tendencies similar to his mother.

We all understand that our partners won’t be perfect, but blasting their imperfections can be insensitive and manipulative. Tune in as they discuss a dedication post gone wrong. Lastly, we know the work is hard. What are the hardest things Stephanie and Travis have had to communicate about?

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Has our romanticisation of “Ride or Die” culture enabled toxic patterns, specifically for Black and Brown women? This week Stephanie and Travis explore this with Author Lorraine Avila. In her recent article for Refinery29,  "It's Time to Retire Toxic Ride-or-Die Culture '' Lorraine shares her personal experience with toxic ride or die culture, how it appears in romantic relationships, friendships, and families. But can ride or die culture be reclaimed, decolonized, and perhaps actually romantic not just the illusion of romance?

Now picture this, an adult graphic novel based in New York City. Not the Sex in the City type, but one with BIG BRONX ENERGY and Harlem grit. A graphic novel with odes to Black music, spiritually and protective saints. A provocative story that weaves the Black and Brown community together and forces you to engage in self reflection. A love story filled with psychedelic trips that lead you down a mental rabbit hole of sorts, leaving you to evaluate your ability to let love in, or perhaps, keep it out. This should give you a sense of what Lorraine's newest project, “Celestial Summer” is giving. Stephanie and Travis were able to read it ahead of this conversation with Lorraine, tune in to hear about her process and how COVID-19 birthed this fictional love story inspired by true events. #WeStillLikeEachOther #Podast #LorraineAvila

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Our Guest
Lorraine Avila: https://www.instagram.com/lorraineavila_/

Pre-Order Celestial Summer: https://www.lorraineavila.com/graphic-novel