We Still Like Each Other

This week we discuss an alternative definition of self love. Love isn't just grand gestures and admiration. It is the day to day work and acts of service that make living life easier and more enjoyable. What ways are we showing ourselves love? It is beyond “self care” and hobbies. Self love isn’t always pretty. 

To snip “it” or not? Why do humans want biological children? Why do parents decide to stop having more children? Are these reasons self-centered? We discuss our indecisiveness with going through with a vasectomy and the possibility of adoption. 

Tune in to hear how I have lessened the impact of my cycles of sadness. I have revealed my healing journey with you all, little by little, in an unstructured way. It has just felt natural to do so. Let me know if you want to keep hearing about it.

-Stephanie

This week we discuss Gabrielle Union's “controversial” statement that she felt “entitled” to cheating because she paid all the bills in her previous marriage. Are the blogs feeding the “battle of the sexes” we discussed in recent episodes? Or was she completely wrong for that statement? 

Has a song, movie, podcast ever made you break up with someone? This week's “Did You Know?” shows us it happens more often than you think. 

What does authenticity mean to you and how does it show up in your relationships? Does change impact authenticity? What is more authentic, your unfiltered reactive response or a thoughtful one? -Stephanie

Happy New Year from the WSLEO family to the world. This week we reflect on our year, the year ahead, and how our very different brains can use the same tools for personal growth. While setting the bar too high at the beginning of the year can be a recipe for disaster, there is nothing wrong with taking advantage of “new year new me” energy to set goals. There is something super attractive about vulnerability. If you haven't already, prioritize talking with your partner about how you envision 2023. 

What does filling your cup look like? Why does it matter that your cup is filled? I read from my personal reflection on this topic of cup filling. It is my reminder to prioritize me so that my family gets me at my best. We also talk about Johan Hill’s new movie about his therapist, Stutz. His tool “Life Force” really resonated with me mostly because it was reinforcing something I sort of already knew about my mental health. Spoiler alert, there is no surprise to why I feel better mentally and emotionally when I am taking care of my physical body. 

Lastly we reveal our most listened to episodes of 2022, which was your favorite episode of the year? What topic have you been dying for us to cover? - Stephanie

They are back! COVID hit their home for the third time in the past 2 years, but they are fully recovered and ready to do all things WSLEO. They had a lot to cover and shared their thoughts and perspectives on the passing of Stephen tWitch Boss, the Tory Lanez and Meg Thee Stallion trial, the unfortunate yet predictable impact of men becoming an extra child in a marriage, and TWO “Oh So Y’all Can Relate” submissions. Yes this is a long one!

9-8-8 is the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline which is available 24/7 to anyone in the United States in suicidal crisis or emotional distress.

Things that were unintentionally discussed: Stephanie opens up about her recent venture into therapy. Stephanie and Travis had a miscommunication in the bedroom, it includes a toy.

Sponsor: Midnight Electric
https://mec-ny.com

This week Stephanie shares some gems she has encountered in Yung Pueblos new book Lighter. We have discussed extensively how our childhoods impact our perception and our behavior, but what about tough moments now? How can self awareness and great communication skills prevent us from falling into and staying in toxic patterns? As creatures of habit, we have to be intentional in our attempts to be better and do better. 

On ‘Oh So Ya’ll Can Relate’ Travis tells us about a young woman who put up with way more than she should, yet was still doubting if she was in fact abused and manipulated. Financial and emotional abuse are often harder to define. Getting out of a toxic situation does not feel good or euphoric. Just because it's hard doesn't mean it was the wrong call. This submission is heartbreaking with many valuable lessons. Hopefully it will help others realize they also need to leave similar situations.

Stephanie and Travis are back after a heavy couple of weeks. Stephanie has a PSA about how our emotions are all over the place right before that time of the month. “Did You Know” Men make up their minds about marriage pretty fast? Umm in what universe? 

Stephanie is reading another Terrence Real book: The New Rules of Marriage. She talks about what Real calls a losing strategy, withdrawal. Withdrawal can be easily confused with acceptance but one comes with resentment, the other is achieved through gratitude. What is the difference between stonewalling vs responsible distance or space taking? 

It’s that time of the year where the pressures of the world start to feel even heavier. The holidays can add multiple layers of stress even onto healthy relationships. From finances, family traditions, and social media influencers, they all can suck the joy out of the holiday season. Stephanie and Travis discuss how they are working on creating new traditions and reflect on their upbringing. They also get into the fact that maybe you don't always have to be the bigger person. It is okay to stay away from places and people that do not bring you joy.

Stephanie and Travis are back after taking a week off to recharge and recalibrate. What is the logic behind why we can be super productive while we are clocked in at work, but then lack productivity while working on personal projects? Is it just decades of conditioning? Are we burnt out? Whatever it may be, Stephanie and Travis are working on developing a new relationship with productivity. 

While on an interactive live recap last week, the topic of masculine vs. feminine energy was brought up. It is very complex but Stephanie was intrigued with the separation of masculine and feminine energy from male and female. Meaning gender expression is separate from how masculine and feminine energy impact our behavior.

Lastly, they were inspired by an article in which Kiara Luna, LMHC was featured in discussing mistakes to avoid in the bedroom. They discuss suppressing your desires, fantasies and kinks. What are the top 10 kinks Americans fantasize about the most? They try their best not to kink shame, but there were a couple of kinks that just required an eyebrow raise.

Sources:
https://medium.com/sex-with-a-side-of-quirk/5-scary-sex-mistakes-to-avoid-34f1db3d737b
https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a33338854/kinks-fetish-list/

This week Stephanie and Travis reflect on which love language they use to love their friends. Stephanie’s “friendship love language” may be outdated considering how her life has evolved. Travis unfortunately wasn’t able to identify his “friendship love language”. Maybe from a lack of friendships or a lack of expressing love. 

On “Did You Know?” Travis tells us about yet another unfortunate side effect of hormonal birth control. A reminder that men should pay up cause women pay way more in non-monetary ways. From menstruation to child birth to menopause. 

Stephanie is candid about how she disappointed herself this week by speaking to both Eli and Travis in a way that does not reflect her healing. Why is it that we try to justify our negative behavior? It is easy to blame others for triggering us, but what if we took responsibility for our own actions? 

Lastly, for almost everyone, infidelity is a deal breaker. The big relationship NO NO. But, that is easier said than done. What does a relational therapist say about the reasons people cheat? How do we decide when a second chance is warranted? Why are we more understanding of the person who is shamed into silence but not the person who was falsely entitled into narcissism? 

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Did you know, “married women are more than twice as likely to use a vibrator than non-married women?” Great more rhetoric that implies your sex life dies when you get married. It’s honestly not surprising anymore. But what if we flipped that idea on its head? Team work makes the dream work, sometimes a vibrator is on the team.   

This week Stephanie and Travis discuss wet dreams. Wait… aren’t wet dreams limited to teenage boys? Actually they are a lot more common than we think and happen to both men and women even in adulthood. Sex dreams can be tricky when in a committed relationship. What happens when your partner isn't the co-star in your dreamland fantasies? Are our dreams trying to tell us something or are they just a random combination of our memories?  

“Oh So Y’all Can Relate” is back with an obvious case of trauma bonding. Unfortunately this one involves a love triangle of sorts, with one side leading to a healthy marriage, one side leading to the reunion of a trauma bond, and the other leading to giving up on love. Having recurring thoughts about our exes is normal, until it's not. Where do we draw the line? This story also serves as a reminder as to why we need to cut off all ties from our toxic exes. Including ending relationships with their friends and family.

What in the world convinced two 21 year olds to get married while the rest of us were trying to figure out the right water to shots ratio to avoid a hangover? Tabitha and Pete Fields try to help Stephanie and Travis make sense of it. Six years, one baby, buying and selling a home, and moving to a different state later, they still like each other. We all know marriage comes with challenges, mostly because two people who have lived as individuals now have to learn how to live relationally. Doing this before their brains had fully developed into adult brains came with its unique but relatable challenges for the Field’s. From pathological lying to navigating and reducing erratic and intense emotions.

They refused to model the broken homes they lived through, so they leaned into mentorship to save their marriage. They also speak very candidly about how intentional they were to deliberately change behaviors that they learned in childhood. They identify childhood trauma not to live in the victimhood, but to acknowledge and heal.

Oh and we have a question for y’all, who is worse? The passive aggressive person or the person that is outwardly angry and direct? The answer may lie in perception.

Sponsor: Cloud 9 Butters
https://cloud9butters.com/
https://twitter.com/cloud9butters
https://www.instagram.com/cloud9butters/