November 19, 2025

What Happens When a Dismissive Avoidant or Fearful Avoidant Shuts You Out

47 minutes

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When someone you love suddenly shuts down and says “I’m fine,” it can be confusing, painful, and triggering — especially if you know something’s off. In this episode, Thais Gibson and Mike de Zio dive deep into what’s really happening when a dismissive avoidant (DA) or fearful avoidant (FA) pulls away.

They explore how shutting down is rarely about spite or indifference — it’s a subconscious protection strategy. Through personal stories and actionable steps, Thais and Mike explain how to understand these patterns, respond without pushing your partner away, and create safety for honest reconnection.

💡 You’ll Learn:

Why dismissive and fearful avoidants withdraw when they’re hurt

The 6 key steps to reconnect without triggering defensiveness

How to validate your partner’s needs without abandoning your own

What to say (and not say) when they need space

How to rebuild communication, empathy, and safety in conflict

Why clearly expressing your needs is a vital part of healing

🕓 Episode Breakdown:

00:00 – Intro: Why avoidants “shut down” during conflict

03:00 – Understanding Avoidant Protection Mechanisms

06:10 – Thais’ Past Experience as a Fearful Avoidant

07:45 – Why Avoidants Retreat When Hurt

09:03 – Emotional Safety vs. Pressure in Relationships

11:00 – How to Support a Dismissive Avoidant Without Overstepping

13:05 – The Power of Asking Gentle Questions

16:12 – How Opposite Needs Create Miscommunication

19:00 – Is It Okay to Sleep on an Argument?

21:15 – Reassurance, Timing, and the Hybrid Approach

22:30 – Step 1: Approach Them With Sensitivity

24:45 – Step 2: Offer Support Without Pressure

27:00 – Step 3: “Timebox” the Conversation

30:19 – Step 4: How to Reconnect When They’re Ready

33:10 – Step 5: Communicate Needs Clearly & Calmly

36:00 – Step 6: Take Your Own Needs Into Account

38:00 – Why Communicating Your Needs Builds Emotional Safety

41:00 – Healthy Conflict vs. Avoidance

44:30 – How Validation and Compromise Foster Secure Attachment

46:00 – Final Reflections: Reconnecting After Withdrawal

Key Takeaway:

Avoidants don’t shut you out because they don’t care — they do it because vulnerability feels unsafe. The more you understand their patterns and communicate your own needs clearly, the faster you both can reconnect from a place of empathy, not defense.

🎙️ Meet Your Host

Thais Gibson is the founder of The Personal Development School and creator of the Integrated Attachment Theory™. With a Ph.D. and over 70,000 students worldwide, she’s a global expert in attachment healing, subconscious reprogramming, and emotional intelligence.

📚 Helpful Resources:

🧠 Take the Free Attachment Style Quiz

https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/?utm_source=podcast&utm_campaign=attachment-quiz&utm_medium=organic&el=podcast

📘 Read Learning Love by Thais Gibson

https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/learning-love

🎧 More Podcast Episodes

https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/podcast?page=1

📝 Read the PDS Blog

https://blog.personaldevelopmentschool.com/

📱 Connect with Us:

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#DismissiveAvoidant #FearfulAvoidant #AttachmentStyles #ThaisGibson #AttachmentHealing #EmotionalSafety #ConflictResolution #RelationshipCommunication #SecureAttachment #SubconsciousHealing

Remember: Silence doesn’t always mean disinterest — sometimes, it’s protection. Learn how to bridge the gap with compassion and clarity. 💗

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