What Would Love Do?

I’ve come to the realization that I tend to throw men under the bus when it comes to explaining why relationships don’t work out. So, I just want to clear the air that there ARE great men out there who don’t play games, who believe in doing personal development work, and who want to have long term relationships. They have difficulty finding the right women just as much as women have difficulty finding the right men.

Let’s always remember that it takes 2 people to make a relationship work. If one person is checked out or not taking it seriously, it’s nearly impossible for the other person to make the relationship work without feeling resentment. When 2 people are committed, even if you have disagreements, you have the desire to work through them. Both men AND women can check out…it’s not just men who get bored.

Let’s discuss the DEEPER thoughts that men want you to know about them so you can have a better understanding of our thinking.

Let’s talk about…4 Things Men Wished You Knew (GET INSIDE A GUY’S HEAD)

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We’ve all got biological programming about gender roles in our society. Men grow up thinking that we have to be the protector and provider of our family and women grow up with the idea of being the nurturer and caretaker. While those are still important roles, nowhere in these “lessons” does it tell us how to have a happy, loving relationship.

We often hear from others that it takes work for a marriage to last but few people go into specifics, especially when we’re younger. And let’s face it…younger people think they know everything and don’t have a clue about personal development, so they might shoo away the idea that they need to continuously work on themselves in order to grow. Ultimately, it’s not up to US to change our partners. We can certainly live by example and talk about personal development but if you’re thinking you can change someone, it might be better to step away.

Let’s discuss the DEEPER meanings of “avoidant” and “secure” and how to recognize each of these traits in the men you’re dating.

Let’s talk about…How To Tell If He’s An Avoidant or Secure Man

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Many women take things very personally and let their emotions lead their decisions. If they make a mistake at work, they can feel solely responsible, even if it’s a team project. If they don’t get the right item or brand that their kids requested, they might run out to fix the mistake or feel guilty that they’re not providing what the kids want.

And we all know the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech from the teen years and every sappy movie. Even when the other person seems to be taking responsibility for something, women feel the need to pile on their own guilt that a relationship didn’t work.

Feedback is neutral, meaning they are just words that have no meaning…until WE as humans place meaning on them, either positive or negative. So, if a relationship breaks off, don’t go assuming it was your fault. It takes two to have a strong relationship and you can learn how to avoid placing guilt on yourself for no reason.

Let’s discuss the DEEPER reasons men will retreat and go silent, even if things with their partner is going great.

Let’s talk about…#1 Reason Why Men Pull Away ~ HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU

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Chemistry is a tricky thing. When you meet someone new, you might feel a pull toward that person; a strong liking that makes you think about them all the time and daydreaming about all the ‘what could be’ scenarios.

But over time, those happy chemicals in your brain wear off. That’s when life gets real and you have to decide if this is someone you want to continue dating and this is what scares men. Yes, they like you, but they freak out a little when the chemistry wanes to normal levels. If you subscribe to the idea that chemistry is everything, you’ll be disappointed and may find it difficult to settle down with just one person.

Let’s discuss the DEEPER reasons men become afraid, even when things are going well between you.

Let’s talk about…Why He’s Scared To Commit (Even When He Likes You)

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Think about the men you’ve dated or married. Were they all good relationship material? Or were you attached to them for some other reason? Some women even describe being ‘addicted’ to certain men – or a certain type – and today I invite you to dive deep into figuring out WHY you make those decisions. Very often it revolves around a story we tell ourselves.

When you learn how to predict human behavior, you’ll become better at making choices in dating partners. Not every man is cut out for a long term relationship and that’s OK provided you don’t want anything long term either. However, if you’re main goal is to spend your life with someone, then you need to be honest about the behavior you witness in your dates.

Let’s explore the DEEPER reasons why men lose interest and how you can learn to spot those behavioral hints before you get too involved.

Let’s talk about…3 Reasons Why Men Lose Interest (It’s Not You)

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Since the beginning of time men have had the ‘hunter’ identity. Men have evolved from literal hunters of food for their families or tribes to now hunting for sex. But does sex alone make a foundation of a relationship? No.

So much other dating advice online comes from a form of manipulation or game playing. You’ll hear “if this, then that” scenarios and it’s almost too much to keep up with. Instead of playing games and keeping a scorecard, how about we show up as our authentic selves, be truthful about what we want, and see what happens next. None of us are mind readers and if we continue to “game the system” then chances are high you’ll end up with someone less than ideal and you might miss the perfect guy who doesn’t play games.

Let’s explore the DEEPER ways to connect with men while putting the dating games out of your mind.

Let’s talk about…99% of Guys Respect Women Who Know THIS!

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Even if your man is not the best verbal communicator, there are other signs that he’s very serious about your relationship. Those are the actions he takes. Remember that old adage, “Actions speak louder than words”? Actions should not replace verbal communication but they are a good indication that you’re headed down a serious path.

If you recognize any of these signs, congratulations! If this is a relationship you want to pursue (and if having a long term relationship is what YOU want) I still encourage you to have connected conversations with your guy. Yes, it can be intimidating or uncomfortable. It can definitely qualify at being out of one’s comfort zone. And it’s quite possible that he’s never been challenged to think deeply about what he wants his future to look like. But these are truly the ways you can connect on a deeper level and know that you both want to continue this road together.

Let’s explore the DEEPER ways a man can show you love through actions instead of words.

Let’s talk about…6 Ways A Man Shows You He Loves You and He’s Serious About Your Relationship

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You’ve heard the phrase, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” There’s actually a lot of truth in that, especially when a relationship is new. Life is exciting when there’s a new person in your life and often you’ll find yourself distracted with thoughts about your next date, when he’ll call, or maybe even what the sexual relationship will be like. These are all normal thoughts and behaviors, especially if it’s a long distance relationship or you’re busy with work/family obligations.

Where we get into a bit of grey area is when you purposely play with a man’s emotions, such as purposely playing ‘hard to get’ by limiting your time together. Sure, you might want him to miss you even more but if a relationship is new, you won’t necessarily know his attachment style at this point and that style indicates how he’ll react to the absence or distance in this relationship.

Let’s explore the DEEPER meanings of different attachment styles and how absence in a relationship can be interpreted differently.

Let’s talk about…How Absence Plays With a Man’s Emotions

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High value men are those who are looking for relationships. They don’t want to play the field and bring home a different woman every night. They are looking for the same loving companionship that you are. And they know how to treat a woman right.

But not all high value men find it easy to communicate their feelings. In fact, I think that’s a common human trait because it requires being vulnerable and intimate with your partner. Some people have an easier time being intimate in a sexual setting rather than sharing their innermost feelings and thoughts.

Let’s explore the DEEPER ways to know when your man is totally into you, even if he’s not the best communicator.

Let’s talk about…5 Secret Thoughts A High-Value Man Has When He’s Totally Into You

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In today’s dating world of instant gratification, it’s not enough for women to sit back and take a passive role in finding the man of their dreams. In the olden days, it wasn’t proper for women to pursue men but those days are long gone. Even if you’re not a pursuer, you should be a communicator who’s willing to talk about what they want in a relationship.

Sometimes this dating roller coaster will lead you in circles of finding men who aren’t quite the right match for you. Instead of giving up on dating altogether, define exactly what you want in a relationship and then make those needs known. And give him a few of these subtle hints that we’re talking about in this episode.

Let’s explore the DEEPER ways women can make it clear to the men they’re dating what they want in a relationship.

Let’s talk about…Subtle Ways to Make Him Want More With You

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