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When your child says ‘I hate myself’: Helping sensitive kids build self-esteem and get out of a cycle of self-criticism with Dr. Blaise Aguirre
Psychiatrist, author, and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) expert Dr. Blaise Aguirre joins me to talk about how we can help kids—especially emotionally sensitive ones—understand, process, and reframe internalized messages of self-criticism and even self-hatred.
Together we explore:
-
Why even well-loved and supported kids can develop a sense of being “unlovable”
-
How emotional sensitivity can make children more vulnerable to misattunement, comparisons, and internalized shame
-
The difference between skills-based therapy (like DBT) and addressing the deeper emotional roots of suicidality and self-loathing
-
What parents can do in the “before, during, and after” of tough parenting moments to promote co-regulation and connection
-
Why simply telling a child they are wonderful may backfire—and what to say instead
-
How to recognize if your child is living in a distorted self-narrative, and how to gently interrupt that cycle
-
Practical strategies for helping kids build emotional awareness, distress tolerance, and a more compassionate self-concept
-
Why your own nervous system regulation is essential—and how DBT teaches us to regulate before we reflect
Whether your child is currently struggling with self-esteem or you just want to shore them up now to minimize this risk in the future, this episode will leave you with powerful insights and tangible tools for helping them feel seen, supported, and deeply understood.
LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:
🔗 https://www.mcleanhospital.org/treatment/3east
📚 I Hate Myself: Overcome Self-Loathing and Realize Why You're Wrong About You
📚 DBT For Dummies
📚 DBT Workbook For Dummies (For Dummies: Learning Made Easy)
ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES:
👉🏻 Want to get my research-backed framework for increasing cooperation and emotion regulation skills in your sensitive child? Check out Parenting by Design, my guided program to help you parent your unique child in a way that increases cooperation, defuses power struggles, and rebuilds their trust in your authority–all while supporting your child’s mental health and your own.
CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:
🎧 27. What do you do when your child says “I’m stupid,” “I hate myself,” “I’m a bad kid,” or worse?
🎧 129. Q&A: How can I support my sensitive, "spicy," highly emotional child?
🎧 316. Self-compassion, critical thinking, and connection: What the research reveals about raising capable kids with Melinda Wenner Moyer
🎧 318. The neuroscience of control: Helping kids cope with stress and become self-driven with Dr. William Stixrud
🎧 307. Q&A: My toddler is so sensitive that even when I’m being silly with him, he loses it. What can I do?
View all episodes
By Dr. Sarah Bren
5
103103 ratings
Psychiatrist, author, and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) expert Dr. Blaise Aguirre joins me to talk about how we can help kids—especially emotionally sensitive ones—understand, process, and reframe internalized messages of self-criticism and even self-hatred.
Together we explore:
-
Why even well-loved and supported kids can develop a sense of being “unlovable”
-
How emotional sensitivity can make children more vulnerable to misattunement, comparisons, and internalized shame
-
The difference between skills-based therapy (like DBT) and addressing the deeper emotional roots of suicidality and self-loathing
-
What parents can do in the “before, during, and after” of tough parenting moments to promote co-regulation and connection
-
Why simply telling a child they are wonderful may backfire—and what to say instead
-
How to recognize if your child is living in a distorted self-narrative, and how to gently interrupt that cycle
-
Practical strategies for helping kids build emotional awareness, distress tolerance, and a more compassionate self-concept
-
Why your own nervous system regulation is essential—and how DBT teaches us to regulate before we reflect
Whether your child is currently struggling with self-esteem or you just want to shore them up now to minimize this risk in the future, this episode will leave you with powerful insights and tangible tools for helping them feel seen, supported, and deeply understood.
LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:
🔗 https://www.mcleanhospital.org/treatment/3east
📚 I Hate Myself: Overcome Self-Loathing and Realize Why You're Wrong About You
📚 DBT For Dummies
📚 DBT Workbook For Dummies (For Dummies: Learning Made Easy)
ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES:
👉🏻 Want to get my research-backed framework for increasing cooperation and emotion regulation skills in your sensitive child? Check out Parenting by Design, my guided program to help you parent your unique child in a way that increases cooperation, defuses power struggles, and rebuilds their trust in your authority–all while supporting your child’s mental health and your own.
CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:
🎧 27. What do you do when your child says “I’m stupid,” “I hate myself,” “I’m a bad kid,” or worse?
🎧 129. Q&A: How can I support my sensitive, "spicy," highly emotional child?
🎧 316. Self-compassion, critical thinking, and connection: What the research reveals about raising capable kids with Melinda Wenner Moyer
🎧 318. The neuroscience of control: Helping kids cope with stress and become self-driven with Dr. William Stixrud
🎧 307. Q&A: My toddler is so sensitive that even when I’m being silly with him, he loses it. What can I do?
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