Securely Attached

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about...

• What to make of advice that tells you not to comfort your child when they're distressed.

• Why a frightened toddler at the doctor's office is communicating something very different than "bad behavior."

• The common misunderstanding about reinforcement that leaves many parents second-guessing themselves.

• Whether responding to your child's fears actually makes them more dependent or "too attached."

• How to know when it's okay to trust your instincts, even when they conflict with advice from an authority figure.

• What attachment research actually says about soothing, separation, and healthy independence.

• Why one difficult interaction doesn't have to become something you worry about "damaging" your child.

If you've ever left a doctor's appointment feeling unsettled by advice that didn't sit right, or found yourself wondering whether comforting your child is helping or hurting, this episode will give you the confidence to better understand what's happening beneath your child's behavior and trust your instincts as a parent.

REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:

👉 Want extra support in your parenting journey? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers therapy and coaching to give parents the tools to feel more grounded and confident as they navigate parenthood and learn how to most effectively support their child. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services and schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the support that's right for your family.

🎧 Is it better for my kids if I send them to daycare, have a nanny, or become a stay-at-home mom?

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode with the basics of attachment theory

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode with a deep dive into strengthening your child's attachment as they grow: What children need from us at every stage of development

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how secure attachment influences children's ability to make sense of their experiences and cope in the face of adversity with Dr. Alan Sroufe

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU:

Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!

Author, speaker, and neuroscience educator Sarah Peyton joins me to explore what happens when attachment theory, Nonviolent Communication, and the science of resonance come together.

Together we explore:

• Why feeling understood is so important for your child's developing brain, nervous system, and sense of self.

• The fascinating difference between empathy and resonance, and why that distinction matters in our relationships with our kids.

• How your own attachment history can influence the way you respond when your child is upset, reactive, or pushing your buttons.

• Why the same behavior from your child might barely bother you one day, and feel completely intolerable the next.

• How Nonviolent Communication can help you look beneath your child's behavior and get curious about the feelings and needs driving it.

• The surprising connection between secure attachment and independence, and why pushing children to become more independent can sometimes have the opposite effect.

• How becoming more resonant with your child can begin to shift your own attachment patterns too.

• Why changing the way you relate to your child doesn't happen overnight, but can profoundly change your relationship over time.

Whether you're trying to break patterns from your own childhood, understand why certain parenting moments feel so triggering, or simply want to feel more connected to your child, this conversation offers a fascinating new way to think about what it really means to feel seen, understood, and securely connected.

LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

🔗 Sarah Peyton

📚 Your Resonant Self: Guided Meditations and Exercises to Engage Your Brain's Capacity for Healing

📱IG: @sarahpeytonauthor FB: Empathy Brain YouTube: Sarah Peyton

LEARN MORE ABOUT ME:

🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren

🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families

📱IG: @drsarahbren

ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES:

🎧 Learn more about what Nonviolent Communication is with Oren Jay Sofer

📚 The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk M.D.

📚 Parenting from Your Heart: Sharing the Gifts of Compassion, Connection and Choice (Nonviolent Communication Guides) by Inbal Kashtan

👉 Looking for additional support? Upshur Bren Psychology Group helps children and adults heal from attachment wounds, relational trauma, and difficult early experiences, so you can feel more grounded in yourself and build healthier, more connected relationships with the people who matter most. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services or schedule a free 30-minute consultation to find the right support for you.

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to support your child's secure attachment even if you didn't grow up with it, with Dr. Miriam Steele

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about understanding sensitivity, resilience, and what really shapes kids with Dr. Jay Belsky

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about Polyvagal Theory with Dr. Stephen Porges

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about the lifelong impact of early relationships with Dr. Alan Sroufe

Dr. Niobe Way, developmental psychologist and bestselling author, sits down with me to explore why meaningful connection is so essential for our children, and what may be getting in the way of their natural capacity to build it. Drawing on decades of research with children and adolescents, Dr. Way challenges some of our most deeply held assumptions about what kids need to thrive and offers a hopeful look at the skills they already possess.

Together we explore:

• Why children may be far more intrinsically caring, cooperative, and curious than we give them credit for.

• What happens to kids' desire for deep, meaningful friendships as they move from childhood into adolescence, and why boys' experiences may surprise you.

• The overlooked connection between your child's social health and their mental health.

• Why secure attachment is incredibly important, but may not be enough to protect kids from the cultural messages they receive as they grow.

• How our well-intentioned focus on achievement can indirectly send our kids a message we never meant to communicate.

• Why the questions we ask our children can either shut down connection or open the door to an entirely different kind of conversation.

• What Dr. Way discovered when she stopped questioning her daughter about homework and started getting curious about something she didn't particularly want her watching on TikTok.

• The surprisingly simple skill that may help children feel more seen, strengthen their friendships, and even support their learning.

• What parents can do at home to nurture the relational skills our children are already wired to have.

If you've ever worried about your child's friendships, wondered how to stay connected as they get older, or felt caught between preparing them to succeed and helping them become caring, connected humans, this conversation offers a powerful new way to think about what our kids need most.

LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

🔗 Dr. Niobe Way

📚 Rebels with a Cause: Reimagining Boys, Ourselves, and Our Culture

🔗 Social Health Institute

📱 IG: @wayniobe FB: Niobe Way LinkedIn: Dr. Niobe Way

LEARN MORE ABOUT ME:

🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren

🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families

📱IG: @drsarahbren

ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES:

🔗 Parenting support for kids who are battling the epidemic of depression, anxiety and crisis of connection in today's society - supporting both parents and the kids themselves

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about the hidden dangers of an achievement-centric approach with Jennifer Breheny Wallace

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about raising emotionally intelligent sons: Parenting boys to combat "toxic masculinity" with Ruth Whippman

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about the lifelong impact of early relationships with Dr. Alan Sroufe

Dr. Marisa G. Franco, psychologist and author of the new book Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment, sits down with me to explore a side of attachment we don't talk about nearly enough: our relationship with ourselves.

Together we explore:

• Why trying to "act secure" may actually leave you feeling more insecure.

• What it really means to become "secure-ish," and why security doesn't require getting rid of your anxiety, insecurity, or uncomfortable emotions.

• The surprising connection between attachment and self-worth, and why changing how you feel about yourself may require more than positive thinking.

• How experiences from your past can become a blueprint for what you expect from relationships today, and the fascinating science suggesting that blueprint can be edited.

• Why being the agreeable, easygoing person isn't always as healthy as it looks, and where all those suppressed emotions can eventually go.

• What your relationship with your own emotions has to do with how you respond when your child is having big ones.

• Why some parents find themselves losing it more with the people they love the most, even when they're working incredibly hard to stay calm.

• How learning to welcome the parts of yourself you've spent years trying to change may be one of the most powerful ways to build genuine security from the inside out.

If you've ever wondered why you can understand secure attachment intellectually but still find yourself falling into old patterns, this conversation offers a very different way of thinking about what it actually means to feel secure, not just in your relationships, but within yourself.

LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

🔗 Dr. Marisa G. Franco

📚 Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment

📱 @drmarisagfranco

LEARN MORE ABOUT ME:

🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren

🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families

📱IG: @drsarahbren

ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES:

🔗 Click HERE to download my free guide, The Four Pillars of Fostering Secure Attachment, helping you parent with a focus on attunement and trust.

👉 Want extra support in your parenting journey? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers therapy and coaching to give parents the tools to feel more grounded and confident as they navigate parenthood and learn how to most effectively support their child. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services and schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the support that's right for your family.

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about fostering secure attachment relationships

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to support your child's secure attachment even if you didn't grow up with it, with Dr. Miriam Steele

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode with what children need from us at every stage of development to foster a secure attachment

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about whether insecure attachment may not be as bad as we think with Dr. Or Dagan

Jennifer Anderson, registered dietitian, founder of Kids Eat in Color, and author of the new book Feed Them Well: A Guide to Raising Healthy, Confident Eaters for Life, joins me to help parents cut through the noise around nutrition, focus on what actually matters, and let go of the guilt, perfectionism, and fear that so often surround mealtimes.

Together we explore:

• Why the atmosphere around the table may matter just as much as what's on your child's plate.

• The surprising reason play can be one of the most effective tools for helping picky eaters become more adventurous.

• How to tell the difference between nutrition advice that's worth paying attention to and the headlines designed to scare you.

• The simple framework Jennifer uses to help parents stop worrying about every food trend and focus on the changes that make the biggest difference.

• Why talking about foods as "good" or "bad" may shape the way children think about eating in ways we don't always realize.

• What parents can do when the usual feeding advice doesn't seem to work for their unique child.

• How your own relationship with food may be influencing your child's, often without you even realizing it.

• The permission every parent needs to stop chasing perfect nutrition and start building a healthier relationship with food for the whole family.

Whether you're navigating picky eating, trying to cut through the endless stream of nutrition advice online, or simply hoping mealtimes can feel a little less stressful, this conversation will leave you feeling calmer, more confident, and equipped with practical strategies you can start using right away.

LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

🔗 Kids Eat in Color

📚 Feed Them Well: A Guide to Raising Healthy, Confident Eaters for Life

📱 IG: @kids.eat.in.color TikTok: @kids.eat.in.color FB: Kids Eat in Color

LEARN MORE ABOUT ME:

🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren

🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families

📱IG: @drsarahbren

ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES:

👉 Need support with picky eating or feeding challenges? If mealtimes have become a source of stress, or your child is struggling with picky eating, ARFID, or other feeding challenges, Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers parent coaching to help you better understand what's driving your child's eating and learn practical, evidence-based strategies to support them. Visit upshurbren.com to learn more or schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the support that's right for your family.

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about picky eating, ARFID, and SPACE with Dr. Yaara Shimshoni

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about nurturing open mindedness in kids through food with Priya Krishna

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about what to do if your child would never stop eating unless you restrict them?

Dr. Siggie Cohen, child development specialist, parenting expert, and author of the new book You Are the Parent joins me to discuss why so many parents today feel overwhelmed, second-guess themselves, and wonder if they're getting it all wrong.

Together we explore:

• Why so many well-intentioned parents get stuck in a cycle of trying new parenting strategies that never seem to work, and what to focus on instead.

• The subtle difference between validating your child's emotions and accidentally reinforcing behaviors that aren't helping them.

• Why behavior doesn't change because of the perfect consequence or script, but because of something much deeper happening within the parent-child relationship.

• The common child development misconceptions that leave parents expecting too much or too little from their children.

• Why repeating the same explanations over and over often isn't the answer, even when your child seems like they "aren't listening."

• How to respond to hitting, aggression, and other challenging behaviors in ways that support both emotional regulation and healthy boundaries.

• What it really means to become your child's leader without becoming controlling, harsh, or authoritarian.

• How to begin changing long-standing family patterns, even if your child is older and you've been parenting a different way for years.

• The powerful mindset shift that can help you stop parenting from fear and start trusting yourself again.

If you've ever worried about whether you're validating too much, setting too many limits, or simply trying your best while feeling pulled in a dozen different parenting directions, this conversation will help you cut through the noise, feel more confident in your role, and better understand what children truly need to thrive.

LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

🔗 Dr. Siggie Cohen

📚 You Are the Parent: Move from Overparenting to Balanced Parenting and Become the Leader Your Child Needs – A Framework for Confident Parenting Through Discipline, Boundaries, and Emotional Skills

📱 @dr.siggie

LEARN MORE ABOUT ME:

🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren

🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families

📱IG: @drsarahbren

ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES:

👉 Want extra support in your parenting journey? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers therapy and coaching to give parents the tools to feel more grounded and confident as they navigate parenthood and learn how to most effectively support their child. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services and schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the support that's right for your family.

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to integrate effective discipline that prioritizes emotional and mental health with Sarah R. Moore

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about teaching children emotion regulation through co-regulation with Dana Rosenbloom

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about what parents can do when none of the gentle parenting scripts and tips work for your kid with Dr. Cindy Hovington

As part of our 5-Year Anniversary Summer Series, we're bringing back one of the most meaningful and foundational conversations in Securely Attached history.

Many parents worry that if they didn't experience a secure attachment in their own childhood, they'll unknowingly repeat those same patterns with their children. But one of the most hopeful findings in attachment research is that our past does not have to determine our children's future.

In this conversation, I sit down with renowned attachment researcher Dr. Miriam Steele to explore how secure attachment develops, how insecure attachment patterns are passed from one generation to the next, and, most importantly, how we can break those cycles.

Together we discuss:

• What secure and insecure attachment really mean, and some of the biggest misconceptions surrounding attachment theory.

• How children develop different attachment strategies in response to their early caregiving experiences.

• Why secure attachment is built through consistent responsiveness, not perfect parenting.

• The surprising research showing that parents don't need to be attuned all the time for children to develop secure attachment.

• What reflective functioning is and how it helps parents interrupt intergenerational cycles of insecure attachment.

• Why understanding your own childhood experiences can transform the way you parent your children.

• The difference between attachment science and popular "attachment parenting."

• Why repair matters more than getting it right every time.

• Practical ways to strengthen your relationship with your child, even if you didn't grow up with secure attachment yourself.

• The hopeful message that it is never too late to create a more secure future for your family.

This conversation is a powerful reminder that secure attachment is not about perfection, nor is it determined by the childhood you had. It is built through thousands of ordinary moments of connection, curiosity, repair, and reflection. Dr. Steele's research offers tremendous hope that when we become more aware of our own patterns and learn to respond with greater understanding, we have the power to change the trajectory not only of our own lives, but of future generations.

⭐ Celebrating 5 Years of Securely Attached ⭐

If you've enjoyed the podcast over the years, we'd love your help celebrating this milestone. Our birthday wish is simple: five stars for five years. If these conversations have supported you and your family, please consider leaving a five-star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen. Your support helps more parents discover the show and allows us to continue bringing these conversations to families around the world.

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about...

• What intrusive thoughts actually are.
• How to recognize when a repetitive question or worry is more than ordinary curiosity, and the subtle clues that can help you tell the difference.
• The types of topics (like private parts, germs, or order) that are most common in intrusive thinking.
• The simple shift that can help your child stop identifying with the thought and begin seeing it as something separate from who he or she is.
• Why reassurance often brings only temporary relief, and what tends to work better in the long run.
• Practical, child-friendly strategies that can help kids feel more in control when their brains get "stuck" on a thought.
• How to respond in ways that reduce shame, build confidence, and help your child develop the skills to cope with intrusive thoughts over time.

Whether your child is experiencing intrusive thoughts because of anxiety, OCD, PANS/PANDAS, or you're simply wondering if what you're seeing is developmentally typical, this episode will help you better understand what's happening inside your child's mind and give you practical tools to respond with confidence and compassion.

REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:

👉 Looking for support for a child struggling with anxiety, OCD, or intrusive thoughts? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers evidence-based treatment for children and families, including SPACE (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and a combination of approaches tailored to your child's unique needs. Visit upshurbren.com to learn more or schedule a free 30-minute consultation with our care team. We'll listen carefully, answer your questions, and help you determine the best next step for your family.

📚 What to Do When Your Brain Gets Stuck: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming OCD by Dawn Huebner

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about PANS and PANDAS and why some children develop sudden OCD, anxiety, or tics after illness with Dr. Nancy O'Hara

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions (SPACE) with Dr. Eli Lebowitz

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to know when your child's anxiety requires a mental health intervention

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU:

Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!

Michael Fried, a family law attorney at Berkman Bottger Newman & Schein joins me to help parents navigating divorce better understand what to expect when it comes to child custody, how courts make custody decisions, and how to create a parenting agreement that truly serves their child's best interests.

Together we explore:

• Why today's courts increasingly begin with the assumption that children benefit from strong relationships with both parents, and what that means for custody decisions.

• The common mistake parents make when approaching custody and why "winning" isn't actually the goal.

• What judges are really looking for when determining a child's best interests.

• How to think about 50/50 custody, and why there isn't one schedule that's right for every family.

• The developmental factors that should shape a parenting plan, from toddlers to teenagers.

• Practical strategies that help children adjust to living in two homes with greater security and less stress.

• The communication tools that can reduce conflict and make co-parenting more successful, even when the relationship between parents is strained.

• What parents should document during a custody case and when it makes sense to revisit a parenting agreement as children grow.

Whether you're considering divorce, actively navigating a custody arrangement, or simply want to better understand how to protect your child's emotional well-being through a separation, this conversation offers practical guidance grounded in both legal expertise and child development.

LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

🔗 Michael L. Fried

🔗 Berkman Bottger Newman & Schein LLP

💻 5 Minutes with Fried

📱 LinkedIn: Michael L. Fried IG: @bbnsfamilylaw FB: Berkman Bottger Newman Schein LLP

LEARN MORE ABOUT ME:

🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren

🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families

📱IG: @drsarahbren

ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES:

📱 Our Family Wizard - A safe platform that takes care of all communication during divorce and co-parenting

👉 Navigating separation or divorce? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers specialized support at every stage of the process, including therapy and coaching, parenting and co-parenting support, family therapy, and weekly divorce groups for women and children. Whether you're in the middle of a split or adjusting to a new family structure, our team is here to help you and your children feel steady and supported. Visit upshurbren.com to learn more or schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the right support for your family.

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about busting divorce myths and breaking down the true effect it has on children Michelle Dempsey-Multack

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode with preventative steps to reduce the risk of children forming insecure attachments during divorce with Una Archer

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about whether "nesting" during a divorce is better for your kids

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about...

• Why staying dry overnight is very different from daytime potty training, and what many potty training books get wrong.

• The surprising reason some children simply aren't biologically ready, no matter how motivated they or their parents are.

• How to recognize the difference between a child who needs more practice and one who simply needs more time.

• The low-pressure approach that can actually make nighttime potty training feel easier for everyone.

• Small ways to build your child's confidence and independence, even if they're still waking up wet.

• Why paying attention to your child's internal body signals may matter more than sticker charts or rewards.

• When bedwetting is still completely within the range of typical development, and when it's worth bringing it up with your pediatrician.

If your child is still wearing pull-ups at night or nighttime potty training hasn't gone the way you expected, this episode will help you better understand the biology behind nighttime dryness and offer practical, compassionate strategies to support the process without adding unnecessary pressure.

REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:

👉 Want extra support in your parenting journey? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers therapy and coaching to give parents the tools to feel more grounded and confident as they navigate parenthood and learn how to most effectively support their child. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services and schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the support that's right for your family.

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode with everything you need to know to successfully potty train your child

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about what to do if your child is potty trained, but still won't poop on the potty

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about potty training, bed wetting, constipation and pediatric pelvic health with Quiara Smith

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU:

Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!