Securely Attached

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about...

• Why it is completely normal for young children to explore their bodies and engage in self-soothing behaviors.
• How parents can respond to self-touching in a calm, shame-free, developmentally appropriate way.
• The difference between setting healthy boundaries and unintentionally communicating shame around bodies or pleasure.
• Why some children may use self-touching as a form of sensory input, comfort, or emotional regulation, especially at bedtime.
• How to teach children about privacy and body boundaries using neutral, age-appropriate language.
• What to do when self-touching is happening in a shared bedroom or around siblings.
• Ways to help children expand their self-soothing toolbox with other calming sensory and bedtime supports.
• Why parents' own discomfort or cultural messaging around sexuality can sometimes shape how these moments feel.
• How to navigate sibling questions or reactions without making the behavior feel scary or secretive.
• The importance of helping children feel safe, accepted, and connected to their bodies while still maintaining appropriate boundaries.

This episode will help you feel more confident responding to common childhood self-soothing and body exploration behaviors with calm, clarity, and compassion.

REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:

👉 Want extra support in your parenting journey? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers therapy and coaching to give parents the tools to feel more grounded and confident as they navigate parenthood and learn how to most effectively support their child. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services and schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the support that's right for your family.

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about what to do when your son always has his hands down his pants

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode with how developmentally appropriate expectations, boundaries, body autonomy, and consent with sex therapist Dr. Holly Richmond

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to get your 3-year-old to do things they don't want to do

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU:

Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!

Collaborative divorce attorney and positive psychology practitioner Andrea Vacca joins me to talk about something many families don't realize is possible: a way to move through divorce without escalating conflict or damaging long-term relationships.

For many people, divorce is synonymous with battle. It's something to survive, something to win, or something to endure at all costs. But as Andrea explains, that model often makes an already painful experience even harder for both parents and children.

In this conversation, we explore how a more intentional, team-based approach can help families navigate divorce in a way that supports emotional well-being, preserves dignity, and sets the foundation for healthier co-parenting moving forward.

Together, we discuss:

• What collaborative divorce is and how it differs from traditional litigation.
• Why you don't need strong communication skills to start this process, just a willingness to try.
• How a team-based approach (including mental health and financial professionals) supports the whole family.
• The biggest myths about collaborative divorce, especially for high-conflict couples.
• How positive psychology can help shift your mindset from survival to growth during divorce.
• The concept of a "good enough" agreement and how it can reduce unnecessary conflict.
• How emotional regulation impacts decision-making during divorce.
• What it actually looks like to create a thoughtful, durable co-parenting plan.
• How to revisit and improve parenting plans, even after a divorce is finalized.
• How parents can protect their child's sense of stability during a major family transition.

This conversation is about more than divorce. It's about how we navigate major life transitions, how we stay grounded in our values under stress, and how we make decisions that support not just short-term relief, but long-term well-being for ourselves and our children.

LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

🔗 Vacca Family Law Firm

🎧 A Better Divorce Podcast

📱@vaccafamilylawgroup

LEARN MORE ABOUT ME:

🔗 https://drsarahbren.com/

📱 @drsarahbren

ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES:

👉 Navigating separation or divorce? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers specialized support at every stage of the process, including therapy and coaching, parenting and co-parenting support, family therapy, and weekly divorce groups for women and children. Whether you're in the middle of a split or adjusting to a new family structure, our team is here to help you and your children feel steady and supported. Visit upshurbren.com to learn more or schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the right support for your family.

https://www.collaborativepractice.com/

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about divorcing with less conflict with Katherine Miller

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about busting divorce myths and breaking down the true effect it has on children Michelle Dempsey-Multack

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about the legal considerations parents need to know with matrimonial attorney Lisa Zeiderman

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about navigating high-conflict divorce while prioritizing your own needs and attachment relationships with Karen McMahon

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about whether "nesting" during a divorce is better for your kids

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about...

• How to support a sensitive, gentle child in becoming more confident using his voice with peers.
• The difference between helping your child build self-advocacy skills and trying to change their temperament.
• How to teach kids simple, effective boundary-setting tools that actually work in fast-paced peer interactions.
• Why "old soul" kids may naturally learn polite, sophisticated communication, but still need help practicing more direct forms of assertiveness.
• Playful ways to practice boundary-setting and self-advocacy skills at home through games and role play.
• How to know when to step in as a parent and when to allow kids space to navigate social challenges on their own.
• Why it's important to match a child's communication tools to the intensity and energy of the situation they're in.
• The importance of checking whether a child is actually distressed before assuming a social interaction is a major problem.

This episode will help you feel more confident supporting your child's self-advocacy skills while still honoring their unique temperament, sensitivity, and personality.

REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:

👉 Want extra support in your parenting journey? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers therapy and coaching to give parents the tools to feel more grounded and confident as they navigate parenthood and learn how to most effectively support their child. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services and schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the support that's right for your family.

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how you can encourage your shy child without making them feel like being shy is bad?

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about temperament, personality, and parenting with Dr. Koraly Pérez-Edgar

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how you can parent your child to not be a people pleaser

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU:

Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!

In this deep dive episode, I explore how secure attachment evolves across development and what children are really needing from us emotionally at each stage of childhood and adolescence. Using Erik Erikson's stages of psychosocial development as a framework, we look at the core emotional tasks kids are navigating from infancy through young adulthood, and how our role as parents shifts alongside them.

Together, we explore:

• What secure attachment looks like at different developmental stages.
• How to stay connected to your child as their needs evolve over time.
• Why toddlers push for independence and what they need from us in those moments.
• How play, boredom, and curiosity support emotional development in early childhood
• Why school-age kids become more focused on achievement, perfectionism, and peer comparison.
• How social media can intensify insecurity during key developmental windows.
• Why adolescence can suddenly feel so emotionally intense and unpredictable.
• How to stay a secure base for your teen without escalating power struggles.
• What today's loneliness epidemic can teach us about raising emotionally connected kids.
• Why repair matters more than perfection in secure relationships.
• How understanding your child's developmental task can completely shift the way you respond to behavior.

This episode is ultimately about learning to zoom out. Not to parent each stage perfectly, but to better understand what your child is actually working through underneath the behaviors, emotions, and developmental shifts that can sometimes leave us feeling confused or disconnected. Because when we understand the developmental needs driving our child's behavior, we can respond with more clarity, compassion, and connection.

LEARN MORE ABOUT ME:

🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren

🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families

📱IG: @drsarahbren

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 02. Attachment Theory and Fostering Secure Attachment Relationships

🎧 102. Breaking the cycle of insecure attachment: How to support your child's secure attachment even if you didn't grow up with it, with Dr. Miriam Steele

🎧 103. Secure attachment vs. social media: Navigating their effects on body image from early childhood to teen years with Dr. Miriam Steele

🎧 76. Secure attachment is optimal, but insecure attachment may not be as bad as we think: A conversation with attachment researcher Dr. Or Dagan

🎧 139. BTS: Can my kid be securely attached to me if I'm insecurely attached in my adult relationships?

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about...

• Whether co-sleeping is actually a problem, or simply a parenting choice that works for some families.
• How to tell the difference between connection-based co-sleeping and anxiety-driven sleep struggles.
• Why independent sleep is a skill that develops over time through practice, not pressure.
• How to support your child's growing independence without making them feel rejected.
• What it can look like when children naturally begin transitioning out of their parents' bed on their own.
• How to approach sleep transitions gently if co-sleeping stops working for your family.
• Why there is no one "right" way to handle sleep arrangements, and how to focus on what works best for your child, your relationship, and your family as a whole.
• The importance of safe co-sleeping practices and understanding how to co-sleep safely with young children.

This episode will help you feel more confident navigating co-sleeping, independent sleep, and nighttime connection in a way that feels aligned with your family's needs, values, and stage of life.

REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:

👉 Stay up to date on the latest podcast episode, tips and tricks, and parenting resources by joining my newsletter. Go to drsarahbren.com, scroll down to the bottom of the page and click "Join my community" to get weekly emails from me.

🎧 Tune into the original question that this episode is a follow up to: Is letting my anxious child sleep in my bed helping or making their anxiety worse?

🔗American Academy of Pediatrics: Safe Sleep

👉 Want extra support in your parenting journey? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers therapy and coaching to give parents the tools to feel more grounded and confident as they navigate parenthood and learn how to most effectively support their child. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services and schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the support that's right for your family.

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode with practical solutions for getting your child to stay in their own bed with Eileen Henry

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about Why toddler sleep is different than infant sleep and how to use the attachment relationship to help them fall asleep with Eileen Henry

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to modify traditional sleep strategies for neurodiverse brains with Dr. Funke Afolabi-Brown

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU:

Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!

Jennifer Wallace joins the podcast to explore a powerful but often overlooked foundation of mental health and resilience: the human need to feel like we matter. While so much of parenting focuses on what we do for our kids, this conversation invites us to look inward, because a child's sense of mattering is deeply shaped by how much their parents feel valued, seen, and significant in their own lives.

Drawing from research and real-life stories, we unpack why so many adults today feel invisible, overwhelmed, or defined by achievement, and how that shapes the way we show up in our relationships with our children.

Together we explore:

• What it actually means to "matter" and why it's different from self-esteem or a sense of purpose.
• Why parents today are at risk of feeling like they don't matter, and how that impacts their kids.
• The connection between mattering, anxiety, burnout, and loneliness.
• A simple framework for building deeper, more meaningful relationships.
• Why "delight" is a critical ingredient in helping children feel secure and valued.
• How to model a healthy sense of self so your child doesn't feel pressure to be your "everything."
• Practical ways to help kids both feel valued and add value in their families and communities.
• How showing others they matter can actually be the fastest way to feel like you matter too.

This conversation is a reminder that parenting doesn't happen in a vacuum. When we feel grounded in our own worth, supported by meaningful relationships and a sense of connection, we create the conditions for our children to internalize that same belief: you matter, just as you are.

LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

🔗Jennifer Wallace

📚Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose

📱IG: @jenniferbrehenywallace

🎧 Listen to Jennie's first Securely Attached podcast about the hidden dangers of an achievement centric approach

LEARN MORE ABOUT ME:

🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren

🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families

📱IG: @drsarahbren

ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES:

🔗 Feeling weighed down by mom-guilt, identity shifts, or the mental load of parenting? Upshur Bren Psychology Group specializes in maternal mental health and offers therapy and coaching to help you feel more grounded and supported. Visit upshurbren.com to learn more about support options or schedule a free consultation call so we can share recommendations for a personalized plan to meet your unique needs.

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how play could be the key to mental health and well-being with Dr. Mike Rucker

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about parental burnout: What it is, why it happens, and how to overcome it

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about fostering deep and meaningful relationships with Dr. Rick Hanson

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about...

• Why it's important to tell your child that they are starting therapy (and why many parents avoid it).
• How to explain therapy in simple, developmentally appropriate language your child will actually understand.
• Why using your child's own words for their struggles, like "worry" or "big feelings," matters.
• What to call a therapist and how to describe what they do in a way that makes sense to kids.
• What to do if your child asks, "Is something wrong with me?"
• Why getting your child's buy-in matters and how to help them feel invested.
• How to frame therapy as something the whole family is working on together.

This episode will help you feel more confident in how to approach this conversation, reduce anxiety around starting therapy, and support your child in a way that builds trust, openness, and emotional resilience.

REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:

📚 Want to learn more about talking to your child about going to therapy? Read Upshur Bren Psychology Group's blog article: How to Tell Your Child You're Taking Them to Therapy: A Compassionate, Practical Guide for Parents

👉 Want extra support in your parenting journey? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers therapy and coaching to give parents the tools to feel more grounded and confident as they navigate parenthood and learn how to most effectively support their child. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services and schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the support that's right for your family.

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to know if your child is too young for therapy

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to know if group therapy would be a good fit for your child

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU:

Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!

Dr. Jay Belsky joins the podcast to explore one of the most important and often misunderstood truths in parenting: the same environment does not affect every child the same way. Drawing from decades of research on nature and nurture, this conversation looks at how biology and experience work together to shape development, and why some kids are more sensitive to their environments while others are more resilient.

Together, we explore:

• Why some children are more affected by parenting, stress, and environment than others.
• The difference between sensitivity and susceptibility, and why it matters for long-term development.
• What "developmental plasticity" is and how it shapes the way kids respond to their experiences.
• Why resilience is not always a good thing and sensitivity is not always a problem.
• How nature and nurture work together to shape each child in unique ways.
• The one thing within a parent's control that can help protect children from adversity.
• How to shift from trying to control outcomes to supporting the child you have.
• The difference between "carpenter" parenting and "gardener" parenting, and why it changes everything.
• How to set realistic expectations for yourself and your child without lowering the bar.

This conversation offers a powerful reframe for parents who feel confused, overwhelmed, or frustrated when what works for one child doesn't work for another. It is about understanding your child as an individual, letting go of the pressure to get it exactly right, and focusing on what truly supports healthy development over time.

LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

🔗Dr. Jay Belsky

📚The Nature of Nurture: Rethinking Why and How Childhood Adversity Shapes Development

LEARN MORE ABOUT ME:

🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren

🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families

📱IG: @drsarahbren

ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES:

📚The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children by Alison Gopnik

📚 The Nurture Assumption: Why Children Turn Out the Way They Do by Judith Rich Harris

👉 Want to get my research-backed framework for increasing cooperation and emotion regulation skills in your sensitive child? Check out Parenting by Design, my guided program to help you parent your unique child in a way that increases cooperation, defuses power struggles, and rebuilds their trust in your authority–all while supporting your child's mental health and your own.

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about orchid and dandelion children with Dr. W. Thomas Boyce

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about the neuroscience of raising emotionally resilient kids with Dr. Kristen Lindquist

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to support your sensitive, "spicy," highly emotional child?

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about preventing burnout when you have a sensitive child

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about...

• What the research actually says about attachment and why one strong, secure relationship is enough for healthy development.
• Why your child asking for the other parent may actually be a sign of a secure attachment, not a problem.
• How toddler development (around age 2) shapes their awareness of family structure and separation.
• How to talk about an absent parent in a way that is simple, neutral, and developmentally appropriate.
• The importance of naming and validating your child's feelings, like sadness, curiosity, or confusion.
• How your own emotional responses can influence how often your child brings this topic up.
• Why these questions often show up at bedtime and how to respond while still holding bedtime boundaries.

This episode will help you feel more grounded and reassured in your role as a parent, and more confident in how to support your child through big feelings, hard questions, and family differences in a way that strengthens your connection.

REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:

👉 Want extra support in your parenting journey? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers in-person and virtual therapy and coaching to give parents the tools to feel more grounded and confident as they navigate parenthood and learn how to most effectively support their child. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services and schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the support that's right for your family.

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about fostering secure attachment

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to support children experiencing abandonment or separation from a parent

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU:

Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!

Rachel Melvald joins the podcast to explore a powerful but often overlooked influence on our children's behavior, mood, and regulation: the spaces they live in. Drawing from her work in Neurodesign, this conversation looks at how our home environment shapes the nervous system and impacts how both kids and parents feel and function.

Together, we explore:

• How clutter and visual overwhelm increase cognitive load and dysregulation in kids (and adults).
• Why fewer toys can actually support more focused, creative, and independent play.
• How predictable, organized spaces help children feel safer and more regulated.
• The role of sensory input, like lighting, color, texture, and movement, in shaping behavior and mood.
• Why natural elements are so powerful for calming the nervous system.
• How to think about different spaces in your home and the function you want them to serve.
• Simple, practical changes that can have an immediate impact on how your home feels.
• How design can support not just individual regulation, but connection, boundaries, and family relationships.

This conversation offers a new lens on parenting, one that goes beyond behavior strategies and focuses on the environment itself. It's about creating spaces that support regulation, connection, and well-being for the whole family.

LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

🔗https://www.psychitecture.com/

📚NEURODESIGN: The Art and Science of Harmonious Living

📱@rachelmelvald

LEARN MORE ABOUT ME:

🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren

🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families

📱IG: @drsarahbren

ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES:

🔗Pikler Triangle

🔗 Toddler Trampoline

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about finding balance in the home, at work, and in parenthood with Chelsi Jo

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how you can teach your toddler to clean up their toys without power struggles?

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about buying less and living sustainably with The New York Stylist, Liz Teich