Securely Attached

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg and I talk about...

• What a time-in actually is and how it's different from a time-out.
• How to tell if your child's behavior is coming from dysregulation, a skill gap, or deliberate behavior.
• How to know which discipline tools will work best in each unique situation.
• The difference between co-regulating during a meltdown and teaching a behavioral boundary (and how to know when to use each).
• How to use time-outs as a teaching tool, not a punishment.
• How developmental stages affect behaviors like hitting, tantrums, and defiance—and what realistic expectations to set.
• Why trying to find the "perfect parenting script" often makes discipline harder.
• The one question to ask yourself that will help you decide what to do in the moment.

If you've ever found yourself wondering whether you should comfort your child, correct the behavior, or step away entirely, this episode will help you zoom out, understand what's really going on underneath the behavior, and respond more intentionally.

REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:

🔗 Longitudinal Relationship Between Time-Out and Child Emotional and Behavioral Functioning

👉 Feeling confused about discipline strategies like time-ins, time-outs, and consequences? Visit drsarahbren.com/timeout to download my ✨FREE✨ Discipline Guide to learn when and how to use these tools in a way that actually supports your child's development while reducing power struggles at home. This guide breaks down how to respond to common behaviors like tantrums, hitting, and defiance so you can feel more confident in the moment.

📚The Tantrum Survival Guide: Tune In to Your Toddler's Mind (and Your Own) to Calm the Craziness and Make Family Fun Again by Rebecca Schrag Hershberg, PhD

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about using your child's brain, body and nervous system to guide your parenting Dr. Mona Delahooke

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about the psychology behind dysregulation with founder of Parenting Translator Cara Goodwin

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to integrate effective discipline that prioritizes emotional and mental health with Sarah R. Moore

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU:

Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!

Let's revisit the foundation of raising securely attached kids! I'm bringing back one of my first ever episodes to help parents understand the basics of how a secure attachment bond impacts children's resilience, confidence, and overall well-being.

Tune in to hear:

• What secure attachment is and how it plays a key role in nurturing a child's confidence, curiosity, and ability to handle life's ups and downs.
• The powerful influence of feeling safe and seen on a child's ability to be honest, adaptable, and resilient.
• Practical strategies for fostering secure attachment, no matter the age of your child.
• How attachment affects a child's development into a compassionate, kind individual who can build meaningful relationships throughout their life.

This episode offers science-backed insights and actionable tips and is a must-listen for all parents!

INTERESTED IN LEARNING MORE ABOUT ATTACHMENT SCIENCE?

Click HERE to download my free guide, The Four Pillars of Fostering Secure Attachment, helping you parent with a focus on attunement and trust.

LEARN MORE ABOUT DR. SARAH:

https://drsarahbren.com/

FOLLOW DR. SARAH ON INSTAGRAM:

https://www.instagram.com/drsarahbren/

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Breaking the cycle of insecure attachment: How to support your child's secure attachment even if you didn't grow up with it with Dr. Miriam Steele

🎧 Secure attachment is optimal, but insecure attachment may not be as bad as we think with Dr. Or Dagan

🎧 Can my kid be securely attached to me if I'm insecurely attached in my adult relationships?

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg and I talk about...

• Whether it's developmentally realistic to expect a baby and a toddler to "work together" during play.
• If separating siblings in certain moments is helpful parenting… or something we're supposed to avoid.
• The concept of "territory" in child development and why young children often need spaces and projects that feel protected.
• Why pushing young children to share too early can sometimes make cooperation harder later on.
• How helping a toddler trust that their creations and belongings will be respected can actually reduce sibling rivalry over time.
• The difference between communal family spaces and personal spaces for kids' toys and projects.
• Simple ways to set boundaries that support both children's needs without turning every moment into a negotiation.
• Where kids actually learn to get along with siblings — so you can focus on the moments that matter and release some of the pressure around the rest.

If you're parenting siblings close in age and feel like you're constantly refereeing fights over toys, this episode will help you better understand what's developmentally normal and give you practical ways to support both children without feeling like you have to force sharing or cooperation before they're ready.

REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:

👉 Want extra support in your parenting journey? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers therapy and coaching to give parents the tools to feel more grounded and confident as they navigate parenthood and learn how to most effectively support their child. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services and schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the support that's right for your family.

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about encouraging sibling empathy without making them responsible for each other's feelings

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to get your toddler to share

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about soothing your baby and encouraging a closed sibling bond with Dr. Golly

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU:

Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!

Dr. Audrey van der Meer, developmental neuroscientist and Professor of Neuropsychology at NTNU, joins me to talk about what's happening inside our children's brains when they write by hand versus type on a keyboard and what the shift toward fully digital classrooms may be costing their learning, memory, and focus.

Together we explore:

• What gross motor development is and why its sequential nature is so essential for a child's development.
• The research that illustrated that handwriting activates larger neural networks linked to memory, attention, and deeper learning compared to typing.
• Why taking notes by hand improves memory retention and comprehension.
• The "use it or lose it" principle of brain development and what that means for cognitive growth.
• What studies reveal about reading on paper versus reading on screens.
• How screens can be beneficial too, so you can make informed, intentional decisions about when to incorporate technology and when to set limits.
• Practical, realistic ways parents can strengthen brain development at home without banning screens or rejecting technology altogether.

This conversation isn't about rejecting technology or going back to the Stone Age. It's about being intentional. And when we understand how the brain evolved to learn, we can make small shifts that serve to strengthen our children's development.

LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

🔗Dr. Audrey van der Meer

🔗NuLab

FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM:

📱@audreyvandermeer

📱@drsarahbren

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about the hidden dangers of EdTech with Andy Liddell

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to keep your child safe in a world of AI, algorithms, and social media with Imran Ahmed

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about parenting with the "whole-brain" with Dr. Dan Siegel

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about rewiring the way our kids interact with screens with Alé Duarte

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about...

• Why cleanup time can be surprisingly hard for young children.
• What's really happening in your toddler's brain and body when they are resisting transitions.
• Is repeating yourself over and over again a normal part of parenting young kids? And how do you know when it's part of the learning process versus something that needs a different approach?
• How motor planning, executive functioning, and task initiation can make something like "clean up your toys" feel overwhelming to a child.
• Why you might still be doing 90% of the cleanup work at this age (and why that can actually be part of the learning process.)
• Practical strategies to make cleanup easier, including breaking tasks into smaller steps, planning ahead for transitions, and using cues like songs and routines.
• How to shift your expectations so you can stay calm and connected instead of getting pulled into power struggles.

If you find yourself repeating the same requests over and over while trying to stay patient and regulated, this episode will help you understand what's developmentally normal for young children and give you practical tools to make cleanup time and transitions feel more manageable for both you and your child.

REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:

👉 Want extra support in your parenting journey? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers therapy and coaching to give parents the tools to feel more grounded and confident as they navigate parenthood and learn how to most effectively support their child. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services and schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the support that's right for your family.

💥 Tired of constant battles with your child? Watch my ✨FREE✨ workshop, Overcoming Power Struggles, where I'll teach you the exact strategies I use in my clinical practice to help parents break free from the cycle of yelling, threats, and negotiations—and instead foster cooperation, connection, and calm. Just visit drsarahbren.com/powerstruggles to get instant access to this workshop.

ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 94. Toddler sleep: Why it's different than infant sleep and how to use the attachment relationship to help them fall asleep, with Eileen Henry

🎧 90. Seeing the world through your toddler's eyes: Helping your child feel seen, understood, and validated with the co-authors of the Terrific Toddlers series

🎧 209. How can I get my toddler to share and play nicely with other kids?

🎧231. BTS: How can I build my toddler's assertiveness skills?

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU:

Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!

Dr. Jett Stone, clinical psychologist and author of Quiet Your Mind: A Men's Guide, joins me to talk about paternal mental health and the invisible emotional load modern fathers are carrying, many without language, models, or permission to talk about it.

Together we explore:

• Why millennial dads often feel like they're parenting without a blueprint.
• How intergenerational patterns and "boyhood rules" shape the way men show up as fathers.
• Why so many dads feel like the "secondary parent" and how mothers can invite fathers in without diminishing their own needs or experiencing resentment.
• The tension between wanting authority and wanting connection with your child (and how to hold both).
• Why secure attachment with dads doesn't have to look exactly like secure attachment with moms.
• How doing your own reflective work as a parent can transform the entire family system.

This conversation will help you understand the emotional lives of fathers with more compassion and clarity. Because when dads feel supported, included, and emotionally resourced, the whole family benefits.

Whether you're a parent, a partner, or a therapist working with families, this episode will expand the way you think about modern fatherhood.

LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

🔗Dr. Jett Stone

📚Quiet Your Mind: A Men's Guide: Practical Techniques to Stop Overthinking and Take Charge of Your Life

💻 Psychology Today

🎧 No Man's an Island podcast

FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM:

📱@drjettstone

📱@drsarahbren

ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES:

👉 Looking for extra support in your parenting journey? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers therapy and parent coaching for moms, dads, and families who want to feel more grounded and confident as they navigate parenthood and support their child's development. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services or schedule a free 30-minute consultation to find the right support for your family.

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about fostering deep and meaningful relationships with Dr. Rick Hanson

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about what it means to be a father with Kendall Smith

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about becoming a team with your partner-in-parenting with Lauren A. Tetenbaum

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about fostering a secure attachment relationship

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about...

• Whether letting your anxious child sleep in your bed reinforces anxiety or supports emotional security.
• The difference between attachment needs and anxiety accommodations.
• Why distress tolerance and secure attachment are not competing goals.
• How SPACE (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions) approaches sleep struggles.
• What it actually means to "stop an accommodation" — and why sleep isn't always the first place to start.
• How to know if your child can't sleep alone or simply prefers not to.
• Why bedtime feels so loaded for parents and how to zoom out and look at the bigger picture.
• The research on attachment (including why you don't have to get it right 100% of the time).
• How to reduce anxiety without damaging your relationship with your child.

If your child struggles with separation anxiety at night, frequently climbs into your bed, or says he's too scared to sleep alone, this episode will help you step back from the all-or-nothing messaging and make a thoughtful, individualized decision that fits your family.

REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:

👉 Want extra support in your parenting journey? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers therapy and coaching to give parents the tools to feel more grounded and confident as they navigate parenthood and learn how to most effectively support their child. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services and schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the support that's right for your family.

😴 Struggling with toddler bedtime battles? Download my ✨FREE✨ Toddler Sleep Guide with 7 concrete strategies backed by peer-reviewed research and anecdotally tested in my own practice, that you can implement with your children today to turn your bedtime struggles into solutions.

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode with practical solutions for getting your child to stay in their own bed with Eileen Henry

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode to help you understand the basics of attachment theory and fostering your child's secure attachment bond

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about toddler sleep strategies

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about SPACE (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions) with Dr. Eli Lebowitz

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU:

Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!

Michaeleen Doucleff, science journalist and author of Dopamine Kids, joins me to talk about what's really happening in our children's brains when it comes to screens, social media, and ultra-processed foods and why so many kids (and adults) feel stuck in cycles of constant wanting without real satisfaction.

Together we explore:

• What dopamine actually does in the brain and why it's not simply the "pleasure chemical."
• How screens and ultra-processed foods are engineered to tap into our children's seeking systems.
• Why today's kids may be experiencing more craving and less true gratification.
• Why simply taking screens away often backfires and what to replace them with instead.
• How small, sustainable environmental shifts (not massive overhauls) can recalibrate your child's motivation system.
• Practical ways to reduce screen use in the evenings, during transitions, and "on the go."
• How involving your child in the process can increase autonomy, buy-in, and long-term success.

This conversation isn't about fear, shame, or unrealistic detoxes. It's about understanding the science of motivation so we can make thoughtful changes that bring more color, pleasure, and peace back into our homes.

LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

🔗Michaeleen Doucleff

📚Dopamine Kids: A Science-Based Plan to Rewire Your Child's Brain and Take Back Your Family in the Age of Screens and Ultraprocessed Foods

LEARN MORE ABOUT MY ME:

🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren

📱@drsarahbren

ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES:

🔗 Dr. Kent Berridge

🔗 Dr. Wolfram Schultz

📚 Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything by BJ Fogg, PhD

📄 From Tobacco to Ultraprocessed Food: How Industry Engineering Fuels the Epidemic of Preventable Disease

🔗 Read Montague, Ph.D.

📄 Sign‐tracking modulates reward‐related neural activation to reward cues, but not reward feedback

🔗​​ Brick

👉 Whether it's screens, power struggles, reactivity, or habits that are hard to shift, it can be incredibly difficult to see and change these cycles on your own. Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers in-person and virtual therapy and parent coaching to help you create meaningful, lasting change. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services or schedule a free 30-minute consultation to find the right support for your family.

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about the neuroscience of raising emotionally resilient kids with Dr. Kristen Lindquist

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about navigating tantrums, big feelings, screen time and more with Dr. Laura Markham

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about reclaiming your focus and navigating distractions and screen time to become more present with Nir Eyal

🎧Listen to my podcast episode about stress, screens, shifting hormones, and early puberty with Dr. Sheryl Ziegler

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about...

• What "kindergarten readiness" actually means (and what it doesn't).
• Dr. Upshur and Dr. Bren share their personal experiences - with one choosing to send her child to kindergarten and the other deciding to hold her son back - and why.
• The pros and cons of redshirting, and whether being one of the youngest in the class really leads to long-term struggles.
• Why social-emotional readiness may matter less than you think.
• How family logistics, finances, community norms, local school culture, and sibling dynamics can influence your decision.
• What research says about long-term academic and life outcomes.
• How to take the pressure off yourself so you can make a thoughtful, "good enough" choice.

If you're going back and forth about whether to send your child to kindergarten or wait another year, wondering if they're too sensitive or overwhelmed to start, or worried about making the "wrong" decision, this episode will help you zoom out, gather the right information, and move forward with more clarity and confidence.

REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:

👉 Want extra support in your parenting journey? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers therapy and coaching to give parents the tools to feel more grounded and confident as they navigate parenthood and learn how to most effectively support their child. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services and schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the support that's right for your family.

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about helping kids cope with stress and become self-driven with Dr. William Stixrud

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about helping your child success in preschool with Meredith Gary

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about helping your toddler learn to share

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU:

Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!

Devon Kuntzman, toddler expert and author of Transforming Toddlerhood, joins me to explain why the toddler years feel so intense and how understanding development can change everything.

Together we explore:

• How toddlerhood is defined by contradictory needs for independence and attachment and why this creates so much emotional volatility.
• How rapid cognitive, motor, and language development can leave toddlers feeling disoriented and overwhelmed.
• How to slow down power struggles using developmentally informed tools like asking "What's your plan?" and turning "no" into "not yet."
• Why helping toddlers organize their thinking supports regulation, impulse control, and cooperation.
• How parents can stay flexible, grounded, and confident while navigating a stage that naturally pushes everyone's limits.
• How to grab your free spot in Devon's 9th Annual Transforming Toddlerhood Conference being held live virtually from March 11th-15th.

This episode is designed to help parents make sense of toddler behavior through a developmental lens, reduce self-blame, and walk away with practical strategies for setting limits while still supporting independence, emotional growth, and secure attachment.

LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

🔗 Transforming Toddlerhood

🔗 Reserve your FREE spot in the Transforming Toddlerhood Conference

🎧Listen to Devon's first Securely Attached podcast episode about how to effectively set limits, stay calm, and parent with confidence in toddlerhood

📚 Transforming Toddlerhood: How to Handle Tantrums, End Power Struggles, and Raise Resilient Kids—Without Losing Your Mind

FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM:

📱@transformingtoddlerhood

📱@drsarahbren

ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES:

💥 Tired of constant battles with your child? Watch my ✨FREE✨ workshop, Overcoming Power Struggles, where I'll teach you the exact strategies I use in my clinical practice to help parents break free from the cycle of yelling, threats, and negotiations—and instead foster cooperation, connection, and calm. Just visit drsarahbren.com/powerstruggles to get instant access to this workshop.

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 94. Toddler sleep: Why it's different than infant sleep and how to use the attachment relationship to help them fall asleep, with Eileen Henry

🎧 90. Seeing the world through your toddler's eyes: Helping your child feel seen, understood, and validated with the co-authors of the Terrific Toddlers series

🎧 209. How can I get my toddler to share and play nicely with other kids?

🎧231. BTS: How can I build my toddler's assertiveness skills?