Securely Attached

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about...

• Why trying harder often makes tooth brushing harder, and what to focus on instead.

• The surprising reason lowering your expectations in the short term can actually lead to better long-term habits.

• How to tell whether your child is resisting because of autonomy, sensory sensitivities, or something else entirely.

• Why treating tooth brushing like learning a brand-new skill, no matter your child's age, can completely change your approach.

• Simple ways to use play, exposure, and curiosity to help your child feel more comfortable with brushing.

• Small changes to your routine that can dramatically reduce bedtime power struggles.

• Creative ideas to make tooth brushing feel less threatening and more engaging, even for children who have fought it every step of the way.

Whether your child refuses to open their mouth, insists on brushing independently, or runs away the moment the toothbrush comes out, this episode will help you move away from daily battles and toward a calmer, more connected approach that builds cooperation over time.

REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:

💥 Tired of constant battles with your child? Watch my ✨FREE✨ workshop, Overcoming Power Struggles, where I'll teach you the exact strategies I use in my clinical practice to help parents break free from the cycle of yelling, threats, and negotiations—and instead foster cooperation, connection, and calm. Just visit drsarahbren.com/powerstruggles to get instant access to this workshop.

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about helping your toddler feel seen, understood, and validated with the co-authors of the Terrific Toddlers series

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how you can teach your toddler to clean up their toys without power struggles

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to set limits, support independence, and reduce meltdowns with Devon Kuntzman

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about why toddler sleep is different than infant sleep and how to use the attachment relationship to help your child fall asleep with Eileen Henry

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU:

Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!

Oren Jay Sofer, mindfulness teacher, communication expert, and author of Say What You Mean, joins me to explore the principles of Nonviolent Communication, a powerful framework that helps us communicate in ways that foster connection, reduce conflict, and strengthen relationships.

Together we explore:

• Why your child's challenging behavior may be pointing to something much deeper than disobedience.

• The surprising shift that can completely change how you approach power struggles.

• Why memorizing parenting scripts often falls flat, and what to focus on instead.

• How your own unmet needs may be fueling the very conflicts you're trying to solve.

• The simple mindset change that can help you stay calmer when emotions run high.

• What children are really learning from every interaction, even when things don't go as planned.

• How to set firm boundaries without relying on shame, fear, or punishment.

• A practical communication strategy that can make it easier for children to cooperate.

Whether you're parenting a toddler, school-aged child, or teenager, this conversation offers a thoughtful framework for navigating everyday challenges with greater presence, compassion, and confidence, while strengthening the secure attachment your child depends on.

LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

🔗 https://www.orenjaysofer.com/

📚 Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication

📚 Your Heart Was Made for This: Contemplative Practices for Meeting a World in Crisis with Courage, Integrity, and Love

📚 Teaching Mindfulness to Empower Adolescents

📱 @orenjaysofer

LEARN MORE ABOUT ME:

🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren

🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families

📱IG: @drsarahbren

ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES:

👉 Want extra support in your parenting journey? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers therapy and coaching to give parents the tools to feel more grounded and confident as they navigate parenthood and learn how to most effectively support their child. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services and schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the support that's right for your family.

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about kids' self-regulation, attention, and creativity, with somatic therapist Alé Duarte

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about the benefits of mindfulness for ourselves and our children with Diana Winston

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about the neuroscience of mindfulness and how teaching these skills to our kids has worldwide impact with Dr. Dan Siegel

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about...

• Whether parents should wait to address anxiety or OCD symptoms while their child is in a PANS or PANDAS flare.

• How to tell the difference between supporting your child and unintentionally strengthening anxiety.

• Why the SPACE (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions) approach helps parents create lasting change without requiring their child to participate in therapy.

• Why you don't have to start with the biggest or hardest challenge to see meaningful progress.

• How reducing just a few anxiety-driven routines can lead to improvements across many different areas of your child's life.

• Practical ways to help your child build confidence in handling anxiety while feeling deeply supported and understood.

• Resources for parents who want to learn more about SPACE therapy and find trained providers.

Whether your child has PANS, PANDAS, OCD, or anxiety more broadly, this episode will help you better understand your role in the treatment process and give you practical, evidence-based strategies for supporting your child with confidence, compassion, and hope.

REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:

🔗Demystifying PANS/PANDAS Podcast with Nancy O'Hara MD

👉 Looking for support for a child struggling with anxiety or OCD? If your child is struggling with anxiety or OCD, Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers SPACE-based parent support through both a virtual group and individualized care. Go to upshurbren.com/space to learn more or book a free 30-minute consultation with our care team, who will listen carefully and help you determine the best support for your family.

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about PANS/PANDAS with Dr. Nancy O'Hara

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions (SPACE) with Dr. Eli Lebowitz

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about the line between supporting your child and feeding their anxiety

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU:

Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!

As part of our 5-Year Anniversary Summer Series, we're bringing back one of the most popular and foundational episodes in Securely Attached history.

When children are overwhelmed by big feelings, many parents wonder how to help them calm down, listen, or use the coping skills they've been taught. But before children can regulate themselves, they first need to experience regulation through relationships.

In this conversation, I sit down with early childhood specialist Dana Rosenbloom, founder of Dana's Kids, to explore the powerful role co-regulation plays in helping children develop emotional regulation skills, resilience, and self-awareness.

Together we discuss:

• What co-regulation is and why it is the foundation of emotional development.

• Why emotional dysregulation is often contagious for both parents and children.

• How to stay grounded when your child is overwhelmed by big feelings.

• Why the goal is not to be perfectly calm all the time.

• How children learn emotional regulation through our modeling and presence.

• Why getting comfortable with your child's discomfort can be one of the most important parenting skills.

• The difference between being a detective and being a teacher during challenging moments.

• How to respond when your child is upset about a limit you've set.

• Why a child's rejection of a boundary is not a reflection of your effectiveness as a parent.

• The role repair plays in building resilience, confidence, and connection.

This conversation offers a compassionate and practical framework for understanding children's behavior through the lens of regulation rather than compliance. Dana reminds us that emotional outbursts are not signs that we've failed as parents or that our children are failing. They are opportunities for connection, learning, and growth. Most importantly, this episode is a powerful reminder that before we can co-regulate with our children, we must first learn how to regulate ourselves.

⭐ Celebrating 5 Years of Securely Attached ⭐

If you've enjoyed the podcast over the years, we'd love your help celebrating this milestone. Our birthday wish is simple: five stars for five years. If these conversations have supported you and your family, please consider leaving a five-star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen. Your support helps more parents discover the show and allows us to continue bringing these conversations to families around the world.

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about...

• The best way parents can tell their children that they are planning to separate or get divorced.
• How to approach this conversation in a way that helps children feel safe, supported, and loved.
• What parents should share, what they should avoid sharing, and why it's important to focus on what you know rather than what you don't know yet.
• The key reassurances every child needs to hear, even if they never ask the questions out loud.
• Why children of different ages may react very differently to the news and how to tailor your approach to your child's developmental stage.
• How to respond when children react with sadness, anger, blame, resistance, or seemingly no reaction at all.
• Practical ways to help children adjust to changes in the family while maintaining a sense of stability and connection.
• When it may be helpful to involve a therapist or family professional for additional support.

This episode will help you approach one of the most difficult conversations a family can face with greater confidence, compassion, and clarity while supporting your child's emotional well-being through the transition.

REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:

👉 Navigating separation or divorce? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers specialized support at every stage of the process, including therapy and coaching, parenting and co-parenting support, family therapy, and weekly divorce groups for women and children. Whether you're in the middle of a split or adjusting to a new family structure, our team is here to help you and your children feel steady and supported. Visit upshurbren.com to learn more or schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the right support for your family.

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about busting divorce myths and breaking down the true effect it has on children with Michelle Dempsey-Multack

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about navigating divorce or separation through a family systems approach with Una Archer

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about whether "nesting" during a divorce better for your kids?

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU:

Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!

Debbie Reber, founder of Tilt Parenting and author of Differently Wired, joins me for a deeply honest conversation about what it really means to raise a neurodivergent child and why supporting these children begins with changing the way we understand them, not trying to change who they are.

Together we explore:

• What it really means to be "differently wired" and why that shift in language matters.

• Why so many parents of neurodivergent children feel isolated, even as awareness continues to grow.

• The hidden emotional work of parenting children with ADHD, autism, and other forms of neurodivergence.

• How understanding your child's nervous system can transform the way you respond to meltdowns and big emotions.

• Why co-regulation starts with your own self-regulation and practical ways to support both.

• How to move from trying to "fix" behavior to building connection, safety, and trust.

• Why repair matters more than getting parenting "right."

• How raising a neurodivergent child can lead parents into profound personal growth and healing of their own.

Whether you're parenting a neurodivergent child, wondering if your child might be differently wired, or simply looking for a more compassionate way to understand children's behavior, this conversation offers both practical tools and a powerful mindset shift.

LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

🔗Tilt Parenting

📚 Differently Wired: A Parent's Guide to Raising an Atypical Child with Confidence and Hope

📱IG: @tiltparenting FB: Tilt Parenting YouTube: Full-Tilt Parenting with Debbie Reber

LEARN MORE ABOUT ME:

🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren

🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families

📱IG: @drsarahbren

ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES:

🔗 The Tilt Parenting Report

🎧 Full-Tilt Parenting: 10 Years Later: How We've Changed, How the Movement Has Grown (And What Comes Next)

💻 Dr. Dan Siegel - Explains Mirror Neurons in Depth

🔗 Listen to Dr. Mona Delahooke on the Securely Attached podcast and read her book, Brain-Body Parenting

👉 Want extra support in your parenting journey? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers therapy and coaching to give parents the tools to feel more grounded and confident as they navigate parenthood and learn how to most effectively support their child. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services and schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the support that's right for your family.

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about whether a Neuropsych Evaluation is right for your child with Dr. Yael Rothman & Dr. Katia Fredriksen

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about secure attachment in autism: How to help neurodiverse kids build joy, confidence, and connection with Dr. Peter Vermeulen

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about ADHD and attachment security with Dr. Norrine Russell

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to modify traditional sleep strategies for neurodiverse brains with Dr. Funke Afolabi-Brown

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about...

• How to support a child who struggles with separation anxiety, even at home.
• Why some kids follow their parents from room to room and constantly want to stay close.
• How to respond when your child says "I miss you" without accidentally reinforcing anxiety.
• Why validating your child's feelings is important, but rescuing them from distress can sometimes make separation harder over time.
• Simple ways to help children build confidence tolerating small separations through play, connection, and gradual stretching.
• How to figure out your child's "stretch point" so you can support growth without overwhelming them.
• Creative ways to use timers, playfulness, collaboration, and connection to help kids practice independence.
• How parents can reduce accommodations around anxiety while still staying warm, supportive, and emotionally attuned.

This episode will help you better understand what may be driving your child's clinginess or separation struggles and give you practical, compassionate strategies for helping them build confidence and independence over time.

ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES:

👉 Want extra support in your parenting journey? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers therapy and coaching to give parents the tools to feel more grounded and confident as they navigate parenthood and learn how to most effectively support their child. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services and schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the support that's right for your family.

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how you can have a smoother daycare or school drop-off

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about helping preschool parents prepare for drop-off, separation anxiety, and the development of social skills with Meredith Gary

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about where the line is between supporting your child and feeding their anxiety

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU:

Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!

Dr. Jacob Ham, licensed clinical psychologist and Director of the Center for Trauma and Resilience at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai, joins me for a profound conversation about trauma, attachment, presence, and the relational experiences that help us heal.

Together we explore:

• Why trauma is not defined solely by what happened to us, but by how those experiences continue to shape the way we relate to ourselves and others.
• The difference between living from a state of survival and living from a state of presence.
• How trauma can disrupt our natural capacity to move fluidly between connection, protection, openness, and autonomy.
• Why healing does not happen through insight alone, but through relationships that allow us to experience safety, reflection, and connection.
• The concept of reflective functioning and why it is one of the strongest predictors of secure attachment across generations.
• How becoming aware of our internal "chatter" can help us respond with greater compassion toward ourselves and our children.
• Why rupture and repair are a normal and necessary part of healthy relationships.
• How parents can begin breaking intergenerational cycles by cultivating curiosity, awareness, and presence.

This conversation offers a powerful reminder that secure attachment is not built through perfection. It is built through our willingness to stay present, remain open to reflection, and continually return to connection with ourselves and the people we love. Dr. Ham shares a deeply hopeful perspective on how healing happens and how even small moments of awareness can begin to transform the patterns we pass on to the next generation.

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about...

• How to prepare young children for a big move without overwhelming them.
• Why moving can feel surprisingly emotional and disorienting for kids, even when the change is positive.
• Simple ways to help children understand what's changing, what's staying the same, and what they can expect in their new home.
• Why visual supports, transitional objects, and goodbye rituals can help kids feel more grounded during major transitions.
• How to help children stay connected to important relationships after moving away from friends, teachers, and familiar places.
• Why making new friends can feel especially stressful for some kids, and how parents can help them feel more confident socially.
• Practical ways parents can create emotional continuity, safety, and connection before, during, and after a move.

This episode will help you better understand how children experience major transitions and give you thoughtful, practical ways to support your child emotionally through a move.

REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:

👉 Want extra support in your parenting journey? Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers therapy and coaching to give parents the tools to feel more grounded and confident as they navigate parenthood and learn how to most effectively support their child. Visit upshurbren.com to explore our services and schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the support that's right for your family.

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about using design and organization to support your child's nervous system with Rachel Melvald

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about the neuroscience of raising emotionally resilient kids with Dr. Kristen Lindquist

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about helping our children form strong friendship bonds with Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU:

Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!

Dr. Tracy Dennis-Tiwary, clinical psychologist, researcher, and author of Future Tense: Why Anxiety Is Good for You (Even Though It Feels Bad), joins me to talk about why anxiety is one of the most misunderstood emotions in parenting.

Together we explore:

• The surprising difference between anxiety that helps us grow and anxiety that gets in the way.
• Why anxiety may be helping your child (and you!) more than you realize.
• How to tell when anxiety is healthy and when it's becoming a problem.
• Why some of the most common responses to childhood anxiety can backfire.
• The surprising connection between anxiety, hope, and resilience.
• How parents can become a source of calm without dismissing or fixing their child's feelings.
• The simple shift that can help you stop seeing anxiety as the enemy.
• Dr. Dennis-Tiwary's three-step framework for responding to anxiety in yourself and your child.

This conversation offers a powerful reframe for parents who want to support their children through anxiety without reinforcing fear or avoidance. It is about learning to see anxiety not as an enemy, but as a normal part of being human, and helping our children develop the confidence to face uncertainty, navigate discomfort, and trust their ability to handle life's challenges.

LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

🔗https://www.tracydennistiwary.com/

📚Future Tense: Why Anxiety Is Good for You (Even Though It Feels Bad) – A Psychologist's Paradigm Shift for Understanding and Hope

📱@dr.tracyphd

LEARN MORE ABOUT ME:

🔗 Dr. Sarah Bren

🔗 Check out my group practice, Upshur Bren Psychology Group, offering therapy and coaching for individuals, children, parents, and families

📱IG: @drsarahbren

ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES:

👉 Looking for support for a child struggling with anxiety or OCD? If your child is struggling with anxiety or OCD, Upshur Bren Psychology Group offers SPACE-based parent support through both a virtual group and individualized care. Go to upshurbren.com/space to learn more or book a free 30-minute consultation with our care team, who will listen carefully and help you determine the best support for your family.

🎧 The mattering gap: Why so many parents feel invisible, overwhelmed, and disconnected with Jennifer Wallace

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about SPACE (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions) with Dr. Eli Lebowitz of the Yale Child Study Center

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to find the line between supporting your child and feeding their anxiety

🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how parents can know when their child's anxiety may require a mental health intervention