Where Do We Go From Here?

Purity culture told us to wait to have sex because one day (for sure) we would get married and have "really hot sex." Today we invite you to examine another aspect of the premarital sex conversation - celibacy. But let's re-imagine it with Pieter Valk and Dani Treweek, a therapist and a minister who are committed to living without sex as single people.

Full show notes here

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Our partners get to hear exclusive audio from our conversation with Pieter and Dani - join us on the inside to listen.

Pieter Valk is a licensed professional counselor, the director of EQUIP (equipyourcommunity.org), and cofounder of the Nashville Family of Brothers (familyofbrothers.org), an ecumenically Christian brotherhood for men called to vocational singleness. He helps churches love gay people and celibate Christians find family. Follow Pieter @pieterlvalk on all platforms.

Rev'd. Dr Danielle Treweek is a Christian pastor, leader and theologian with a ministry focus on biblical singleness, sexuality, worldview formation & other related topics. Dani completed a Doctorate through St Mark's National Theological Centre and Charles Sturt University. Her doctoral thesis is titled, 'The End of Singleness? Towards a Theological Retrieval of Singleness for the Contemporary Church'. She is an ordained Anglican deacon, has served on staff at a number of different churches and is the founding director of the Single Minded ministry. She has an upcoming book on singleness due to be published by IVP in 2022. Connect with Dani here, and find out more about Single Minded here

Our partners got our deep dive of the OG romcom When Harry Met Sally. This movie covers some of the topics nearest and dearest to the hearts of purity culture lovers, namely this big question:

Can men and women be friends without sex getting in the way?

Is there a difference between Harry's beliefs and the Billy Graham Rule? We talk about it here, and today you all get a teaser. If you like it, maybe it's time to partner with us.

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Therapist and author Jay Stringer joins us today to help us address a listener question. "What do you think are the best concrete steps that men can take to retrain themselves to develop healthy relationships with women?" The answers are easier AND harder than you might imagine.

Hear what Jay has to say about recognizing our sexual story and its power over in Patreon for $3(USD)/month.

Full show notes here

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Jay Stringer is a licensed mental health counselor, ordained minister, and internationally requested speaker on the subject of unwanted sexual behavior. Jay holds an MDiv and master in counseling psychology from the Seattle School of Theology and Psychology and received post-graduate training under Dr. Dan Allender while serving as a Senior Fellow at the Allender Center. His award-winning book is Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing. Connect with Jay on Instagram and Twitter.

We are going THERE. This is the start of a two-part series about premarital sex. Today Matthias Roberts joins us to help those of you open to considering what breaking some of your former rules might look like.

(Note: In October you'll hear part two, a discussion about celibacy.)

Full show notes here

Join The Jess & Devi Show community as a partner, and hear this week's episode: Jess and Devi discussing the four paradoxes of sex outlined in Beyond Shame. You'll also get movie recaps, Devi Reads Jess The News (And Jess Tells Devi What To Watch), and uncut episodes with guests. Join today for $3 USD a month.

Matthias Roberts is a psychotherapist, author of Beyond Shame: Creating a Healthy Sex Life on Your Own Terms (Fortress/Broadleaf, 2020), and host of Queerology: A Podcast on Belief and Being. He holds two master's degrees, one in Theology & Culture and one in Counseling Psychology from The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology. Matthias writes and speaks nationwide about the intersections between gender, sexuality, mental health, and theology. Connect with Matthias on Instagram and Twitter.

Did you hear our new intro? Yes, we are here to untangle sex, self, and community for a new generation of Christians. Leave behind purity culture, and save what matters. Together, let's rebuild life and faith with Jesus at the center, so you can figure out where will you go from here?

We untangle together today with Brendan Kwiatkowski as our guide. If the versions of masculinity presented by the church and secular culture were restrictive, what comes next? How do we cast a better vision for masculinity? Brendan's researching this topic for his PhD, and his ideas are worth our consideration.

Plus Dr. Celese Holbrook joins us for another Ask Dr. Celeste segment - all your sex ed questions answered!

Full show notes here

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Brendan Kwiatkowski is a PhD candidate at the University of Edinburgh researching the relationship between adolescent males' levels of emotional restriction and their experiences and beliefs around masculinity. He was a highschool teacher from British Columbia Canada and due to covid is currently there with his spouse, three kids, and a dog. While he believes theory is important, he has little interest in research/academia that is so far removed from praxis. Follow Brendan

Dr. Celeste Holbrook is a sexologist and speaker who helps her clients evolve into the women they were created to be, in and outside of the bedroom. She speaks on a variety of topics from sex drive and sexual shame to painful intercourse, purity culture and more. Connect with Dr. Celeste on Instagram

When Jessica Van Der Wyngaard created the film I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye, she had to face her own relationship with Christian celebrity culture. For the first time on our show, she talks about what it was like to make the film, a film people would largely credit to Josh Harris. And she takes us on a journey to rediscover what is worth fighting for in the Christian story.

Show Notes Here

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Don't forget to sign up for The Green Room by becoming a partner today! Jess will be doing an exclusive Q&A this week about her experience making the film, plus you'll get to connect with others who are thinking about purity culture and the way forward.

August 26 (Thursday) at 9pm EST/ August 27 (Friday) 11am Melbourne time.

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Trigger Warning: This episode contains references to sexual assault and other serious matters. Please proceed with caution.

Like many of you, we've been listening along to Christianity Today's masterful podcast The Rise and Fall Of Mars Hill, and we had all the thoughts after the last one: The Things We Do To Women.

Think of this as the debrief you wanted to have with a friend after you listened to that episode. Jess and Devi talk power and control, the pornified imagination Mark Driscoll represented, and of course: Where do we go from here?

Watch this episode on YouTube HERE. Full Show Notes Partner with us for $3/month to hear an episode a week starting in August! Romcom debriefs, uncut audio, Devi reads Jess the news, and the Green Room all for $3/month

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It's our last listener show, and we go out with a bang getting to talk to DeVon this week. He tells us about going from a church background to walking away from God and his return to the church. Purity Culture found him on his return to the church, and he's got all the thoughts on how he dealt with it, and what he's doing now to change the culture to build healthy friendships and partnerships between men and women in evangelicalism.

Partners get to join us in the Green Room this week, so if you want to chat, join our community in Patreon for $3/month. Two zoom discussion links available in Patreon this month:

Thursday, July 29 8:30pm (AEDT)/ 6:30am (EST) Thursday July 29 9pm (EST)/ Friday July 30 11am (AEDT)

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Raise your hand if you heard the phrase "Love the sinner, hate the sin." Turns out there's a psychological reason why this is impossible. Dr. Richard Beck joins us today to talk about the psychology of disgust and the unconscious ways in which we push people away whom we believe will contaminate us. Jess and Devi also debrief the power of metaphors, and the ways a metaphor can harm us (crumpled rose anyone?).

Partners get the full audio of this rich conversation, so if you want more from Dr. Richard Beck, join our community in Patreon for $3/month.

Full show notes here

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Richard Beck is an author, blogger and professor of psychology at Abilene Christian University. His most recent books are Hunting Magic Eels: Recovering an Enchanted Faith in a Skeptical Age and Trains, Jesus and Murder: The Gospel According to Johnny Cash. Richard writes daily about the intersections of faith and psychology on his blog Experimental Theology.

Jess and Devi are both sick this week, so the show is taking a little break.

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