Most men find it very useful to learn about responsive desire, which means needing to be touched in order to get excited. This is the kind of desire women generally have within monogamy after the honeymoon stage, and contrasts with spontaneous arousal, or being excited even before touching happens. When these men understand that responsive desire kicks in after the honeymoon stage (with some exceptions, e.g. ovulation), or with age, they start learning more about female arousal, resolve to engage in more foreplay, learn about sexual technique, or get better at massage. But there are other men who find it very upsetting to learn about responsive desire. They say that they don't even want to have sex if their partner doesn't experience spontaneous arousal, because then "she isn't really into it," or "she isn't attracted to me." This episode is for the men who find the idea of responsive desire anxiety-provoking or distressing instead of instructive.

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