Women In-Depth: Conversations about the Inner Lives of Women

"It's part of our culture that we're supposed to respect our parents, and I understand that that's important. But sometimes that relationship does not work."

As a child, did you absorb the belief that you're not good enough. or that you don't have the right to be your own person?

This is a telltale sign of having a narcissistic parent and the root issue behind other thought negative processes; issues around self-perception; and even one's own parenting styles.

In this episode, I talk with clinical psychologist Dr. Stephanie Kriesberg, PsyD, who has personal experience in growing up with a narcissistic parent as well as a passion for helping others move forward from similar experiences. In this conversation, Dr. Kriesberg discusses what it's like to have a narcissistic mother, and some of the dynamics inherent in this experience. She also dives into how to cope; and some of the misperceptions around having a narcissistic mother.

About Dr. Stephanie Kriesberg:

Located in New England, Dr. Stephanie Kriesberg is a clinical psychologist who helps parents, children, teens, and adults with narcissistic parents lead healthier, happier lives. She treats children, teens, and adults with anxiety disorders – including social anxiety, panic disorder and phobias. She has over 20 years of experience with extensive training in the treatment of anxiety disorders and in the use of clinical hypnosis.

Some Questions I Ask:

• How did you get drawn to your work? (3:15)
• What does it mean for someone to be described as narcissistic? (5:11)
• How can you determine if your parent is narcissistic? (12:17)
• How does one cope with a narcissistic parent? (27:04)
• Does a narcissistic parent care if they ever see their children? (34:31)
• What do I need to look for in myself to break the cycle of narcissistic parenting? (39:40)

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

• What it means to have a healthy personality. (5:43)
• What gaslighting from a narcissistic parent looks like. (17:39)
• The pattern of inconsistent behaviors in public and behind closed doors. (21:14)
• Tools to help you find your voice. (30:05)
• How someone can protect themselves before, during, and after spending time with a narcissistic parent. (36:02)
• How narcissistic parents experience no-contact from children. (41:42)

Connect with Dr. Stephanie Kriesberg:

Website

Twitter

Resources:

Will I Ever Be Good Enough? By Dr. Karyl McBride

Wild Game by Adrienne Brodeur

Books by Dani Shapiro

"You are the author of your own life, and you are in charge of crafting the story."

When was the last time you gave yourself permission to explore your power?

Power isn't just money, status, or a title – it's within you. In a world that so highly values climbing the corporate ladder to have power over others, it's easy to forget the innate power within.

In this episode, I talk with author Marisa Goudy, who recently published her first book The Sovereignty Knot: A Woman's Way to Freedom, Power, Love, and Magic. Marisa shares her journey to Ireland 20 years ago, where she discovered the myth and magic of the Sovereignty Goddess, which lays the foundation for her book. Throughout our conversation, we analyze the relationship between the Princess, Queen, and Wise Woman, and why each archetype is significant throughout life. We also discuss the taboo topic of death, reproductive expectations for women, and so much more.

Take a listen to learn more about how you can become an authority in your own life.

About Marisa Goudy:

Marisa Goudy is the author of The Sovereignty Knot: A Woman's Way to Freedom, Power, Love and Magic. She is also an author, writing coach, and energy healer who teaches women how to uncover, embody and tell their own sovereign stories. Marisa combines her passion for Celtic mythology, Goddess spirituality, and Irish folklore with her feminist vision of creating an equitable world that is more beautiful, bearable, and bold. Marisa inspires sovereignty seekers and creative entrepreneurs to embrace their personal, creative, and spiritual sovereignty.

Marisa is also the founder of The Sovereignty Writer's Circle and creator of the Seven Magic Words Project. She also offers writing, coaching, and Tarot as Intuitive Healing sessions to individuals. She teaches therapists, coaches, creative entrepreneurs, and other transformation professionals how to use storytelling to build their world-renewing businesses.

Some Questions I Ask:

• Why did you choose your title? (6:45)
• What is the relationship between the Princess, Queen, and Wise Woman? (14:10)
• What is a sovereignty map and why is it important? (32:58)
• Do you have any favorite parts of your book? (37:26)
• What is the best way for listeners to learn more about your work? (42:00)

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

• How Marisa Goudy redefines sovereignty. (6:16)
• What it means to be an authority in your own life. (12:34)
• How the concept of the Sovereignty Goddess creates space to be a real, messy woman. (23:53)
• How Marisa tackles the concept of death in her book. (29:26)
• Why Marisa chose to share her personal story about having an abortion in her book, and why that was the right thing for her to do. (37:28)

Resources:

Marisa Goudy's Website

Marisa's Facebook

Marisa's LinkedIn

Marisa's Instagram

The Sovereignty Knot Readers' Community

"There's some distance between the spark and the flame, and in that distance, it gives you the freedom to respond more skillfully to the situation."

Depression is part of a common human experience but finding relief from it is incredibly complicated.

Depression is a relapsing illness, and taking an antidepressant is not always a viable or effective solution for those suffering.

In this episode, I talk with Dr. Stuart Eisendrath about how to treat depression when the antidepressants just aren't enough. He walks through the definition of depression and anxiety, how they distort time and how we experience the present moment, and then finally how to align ourselves back to the present moment. Specifically, Dr. Stuart Eisendrath talks about mindfulness-based cognitive therapy, which teaches people a different way to respond to their depressive state, and how to take action in the moment.

Take a listen to learn more about mindfulness practices and cognitive therapy, and how these techniques can shift one's relationship with depression to finally experience healing.

About Stuart Eisendrath:

Dr. Stuart Eisendrath is the founding Director of the University of California San Francisco Depression Center. He has treated a full range of depressive disorders, from mild to the most severe over the last 40 years using multiple modalities. His lectures on Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy for the University of California TV has been viewed over 1.5 million times, and he's rapidly developing MBCT as a modality for individuals currently in episodes of depression.

Some Questions I Ask:

• What drew you to writing this book? (2:14)
• What is mindfulness and cognitive behavioral therapy? (5:57)
• How does anger play into depression? (19:52)
• How can someone stop the process of rumination? (25:16)
• How does mindfulness-based cognitive therapy affect the brain itself? (37:38)
• What some first steps people can take to bring mindfulness into their life? (39:26)

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

• What alternatives Dr. Stuart Eisendrath uses to treat depression and anxiety. (3:45)
• How to change your relationship to cumbersome depressive thoughts. (9:38)
• The key to shifting out of a depressive state. (14:31)
• How to use the RAIN technique to decenter from the anger that coincides with depression. (21:16)
• How Dr. Stuart Eisendrath's personal experience with depression has informed in his work. (30:43)
• How to prevent relapses of depression without continued use of medication. (34:34)

Resources:

UCSF Depression Center

Website

When Antidepressants Aren't Enough by Dr. Stuart Eisendrath

Facebook

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People feel like food allergies aren't serious. I think that's the biggest myth because they are.

Food allergies don't always show up in ways that we expect them to.

A food allergy is a medical condition in which exposure to certain foods triggers a harmful immune response—and it's serious.

Allergic reactions pose unique challenges to parents—especially parents of young children who cannot communicate everything they experience as an allergic reaction comes on. This is undoubtedly a scary concept to a child, but sometimes it can be even more anxiety-inducing for the adults responsible for their care.

In this episode, I talk with Joann Carter, LCSW. She has both personal and professional experience around managing her children's various food allergies along with the inevitable anxiety that comes with it.

Throughout our conversation, Joann shares about her early experiences of learning to navigate the world after her two sons were diagnosed with severe food allergies. She also shares her insights into what to look for to identify allergic reactions, as well as debunking certain myths around allergies in general.

Take a listen to learn more about managing your child's food allergies and how to stay cool, calm, and collected all the while.

About Joann Carter:

Joann Carter is a licensed clinical social worker, serving in the Las Vegas and Henderson communities for over 15 years. Her background in social work has allowed her to view individuals in the whole system of their lives and assist individuals in dealing with mental health struggles, as well as attaining emotional wellness.

Joann is currently the only therapist in Nevada on the Food Allergy Counselor Directory. She is also a member of the Food Allergy Behavioral Health Association.

Some Questions I Ask:

• What was managing a food allergy for your son like for you? (5:16)
• How prevalent are food allergies in children? (7:19)
• What indicates a food allergy in children? (8:51)
• What are some myths or misperceptions around allergies? (11:51)
• How can a person discern when anxiety around food allergies becomes problematic? (15:54)
• What words of support or wisdom would you like to share with anxious parents around managing a child's food allergy? (21:36)

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

• Why food allergies cause so much anxiety. (3:11)
• How to help manage anxiety around food allergies. (5:57)
• How food allergies affect various areas of children's lives. (10:55)
• The difference between a milk intolerance and allergy. (13:40)
• How Joann personally manages her son's food allergies. (19:03)

Resources:

Food Allergy Research and Education (FARE)

No Nuts Moms

Food Allergy Treatment Talk

Joann Carter's Website

There are really lifelong implications for children who grow up with an emotionally isolating or absent dad.

Some wounds take longer to heal than others.

The wounds of paternal abandonment are ones that take a particularly long time to heal. It requires time, a mental and emotional journey, and a definitive decision to let go of the idea that the father will change his ways.

In this episode, Rachael Chatham talks with us about the experience of the negligent father and general paternal abandonment, and how this particularly impacts daughters. This experience of the negligent father is very common; Rachael sees it in her practice, but it's part of her personal narrative as well.

Rachael shares with us her journey that led to a transformative experience that allowed her to start taking care of herself—she let go of the fantasy she had written in her head about her father coming back around.

Take a listen to learn more about how to heal the wound left from a negligent father, and how you can help a loved one who's healing as well.

About Rachael Chatham:

Rachael Chatham is a Licensed Professional Counselor, psychotherapist, and published author. Her private practice is located in Asheville, North Carolina, where she specializes in navigating relationship challenges and healing complex trauma. Her education is rooted in somatic and transpersonal psychologies, and she approaches her work from a perspective that all beings are whole.

Rachael will be launching her first online course in January 2020: Reclaiming the Self: Returning to the Truth and Beauty of Who You Really Are.

Some Questions I Ask:

• What drew you to focus in on this area? (2:42)
• How does the impact of parental abandonment reveal itself in children? (8:31)
• Why is the absence of a father so impactful? (10:29)
• What advice do you have for someone who wants to explore this healing process? (26:40)

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

• How motherhood affected Rachael's relationship with her negligent father. (6:14)
• How parental abandonment still happens, even with fathers living in the home. (10:12)
• How the effects of parental abandonment influence the child's sense of identity. (15:16)
• What the grief process looks like when a child lets go of the fantasy that their father could be different. (23:13)
• About Rachael's transformative experience that allowed her to start taking care of herself. (27:06)

Resources:

Whole Self Therapy

The Skillful Self

Healing the Father Wound

The Fatherless Daughter Project by Denna Babul

Will I Ever Be Good Enough by Dr. Karyl McBride

Kids respond to their environment and learn how to survive.

Being a baby is more complex than people think.

Once born, a baby enters an entirely new world full of sights and sounds and feelings that they've never experienced before. Babies absorb it all—and it affects their mental health. Babies don't "just forget" when something happens. Even without visual memories, their bodies hold onto those memories, they develop survival mechanisms as a result, and they bring those traumas or sense of security into adulthood, too.

In this episode, I talk with Selma Bacevac about her work as a national consultant and promoter of baby mental health. Selma breaks down what babies remember from in utero and throughout infancy, and how those memories are stored within their bodies. Selma also shares insights into the power of a parent's intention to do their best, and how to start making changes to ensure that your baby's mental health is well taken care of.

Take a listen to learn more about how to consistently communicate a sense of safety and security to your infant.

About Selma Bacevac:

Selma Bacevac is a licensed psychotherapist, mompreneur, national consultant and promoter of baby mental health. She is an expert on how attachment-related problems and developmental trauma affects infants and toddlers. She provides webinars, workshops, and online training to parents and professionals who want more information on this specific topic.

Selma is the host of Raising Baby, a podcast devoted to helping parents and professionals understand the world from the baby's perspective.

Some Questions I Ask:

• How did you find yourself working in the niche of infant mental health? (4:50)
• What is infant mental health? (6:49)
• How does a baby perceive that they are not safe and secure? (7:36)
• What does a secure attachment look like? (14:17)
• How does developmental trauma impact mental health and physical health? (42:04)
• How can parents start to shift things for the better? (49:20)

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

• How focusing on baby mental health affects experiences in adulthood. (3:23)
• How babies retain memories from in utero. (8:13)
• What the signs are of a baby experiencing the world from a place of survival over learning. (12:05)
• Why it's vital to empower those about to become parents. (22:16)
• How your brain changes the minute you decide you want to become a parent. (31:41)
• The difference between self-control and self-regulation. (38:41)

Resources:

Selma Bacevac's LinkedIn

Infant & Toddler Mental Health 101 Webinar

Parent-Child Relationship Institute

Raising Baby Podcast with Selma Bacevac

Grief is an expression of love for someone who isn't here anymore.

Experiencing the loss of a loved one is one of the most challenging parts of being human.

When that loss is unexpected or happens in an "unnatural" order, the grief takes a different kind of toll on the person. All grief is complicated, but the loss of a child or loss as a result of a tragedy makes grief just that much more complicated.

In this episode, I talk with Dr. Sonya Lott about her work as one of the only clinicians in Philadelphia trained in evidence-based treatment for complicated loss. We discuss how grief affected her and eventually transformed her life; what makes someone vulnerable to this type of grief; and what this treatment involves.

Take a listen to learn more about how to help others experiencing complicated grief and reconstruct your own identity after experiencing it yourself.

About

Dr. Sonya Lott is a Clinical Psychologist in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. She is one of only two mental health clinicians in Philadelphia trained in Complicated Grief Therapy. Helping individuals to transform their experiences of pre-death, acute, and complicated grief. Dr. Lott obtained advanced training from The Center for Complicated Grief at Columbia University, in Complicated Grief Therapy. She has recently launched CEM Psych LLC, which offers continuing education and multicultural competence for mental health professionals, approved by the American Psychological Association to sponsor continuing education for psychologists. She is also the host of The Reflections on Multicultural Competence podcast.

Some Questions I Ask:

• What drew you to working in the area of therapy around complicated grief? (2:29)
• When you say, "complicated grief," what do you mean? (9:08)
• Are there types of loss that make an individual more vulnerable to complicated grief? (13:20)
• What are some words of support that you have for those who have lost someone? (34:11)

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

• How grief manifests itself long-term. (5:33)
• Why people get "stuck" in the grief process. (9:42)
• Common types of deaths that put people at risk for complicated grief. (13:55)
• How complicated grief impacts various areas of life and relationships. (18:50)
• What complicated grief therapy realistically looks like. (24:44)
• How to learn more about complicated grief. (37:02)

Resources:

Center for Complicated Grief

Grief Steps for Parents

Dr. Sonya Lott's Website

Continuing Education in Multicultural Psychology

It's important to revisit those strategies and elaborate, and that becomes a part of your identity.

When you sit down with your family around the dinner table, the storytelling begins.

Have you ever noticed who is doing the storytelling?

Typically, women and mothers in families are the ones who tend to elaborate and go in-depth with their storytelling, while men oftentimes may be more reserved with their explanations. The ways that families reminisce and dialogue about their lives have a significant impact on how children develop their adult identities.

Humans are storytelling creatures, but when men are not supported in developing their storytelling muscles, it can lead to lost pieces of their identities.

In this episode, I talk with Dr. Jared DeFife about his work as a clinical psychologist. When we begin, we discuss his interest in supporting men who deal with rejection sensitivity, depression, and more. Specifically, we discuss how these experiences take on different characteristics in men than women, and how storytelling may impact men's ability to connect with himself and heal.

Take a listen to learn more about how to put yourself back in the author's seat and regain your narrative identity.

About Dr. Jared DeFife:

Dr. Jared DeFife is a clinical psychologist in private practice. He's also an adjunct assistant professor in the Department of Psychology and Behavioral Science at the Emory University School of Medicine. Jared is passionate about helping "intense" people integrate interpersonal and personality-focused therapies drawing from schema-focused and mentalization-based therapies into their lives.

Some Questions I Ask:

• What's the template for the type of clients you attract? (11:32)
• Do you think it's hard for men to respond to depression screeners? (15:06)
• When does the narrative disappear for men? (20:05)
• How does one begin to re-author their life? (31:23)
• What resources would you recommend for learning more about this? (52:47)

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

• About Jared's work with men who experience rejection sensitivity and depression. (2:53)
• How Jared transformed his approach as a therapist to connect with and reach men. (10:45)
• How depression manifests itself differently in men and women. (11:52)
• How language use and narratives impact how men perceive their struggles. (16:09)
• What different types of emotionally unavailable men look like. (32:19)
• What tools Jared uses to help men become the authors of their own stories again. (36:02)

Resources:

Jared Defife's Website

I Don't Want to Talk About It by Terrence Real

The Mask of Masculinity by Lewis Howes

Deepening Psychotherapy with Men by Fredric Rabinowitz

Deepening Group Psychotherapy with Men by Fredric Rabinowitz

Under Saturn's Shadow: The Healing and Wounding of Men by James Hollis

"Character is fate." - Heraclitus

United we stand. Divided we fall.

The United States is becoming an increasingly divided country with each day that goes by. The idea of what American culture and values are changes, depending on where you are on the party line.

In this episode, Michael Gellert discusses the newly-revised edition of his compelling book, The Fate of America, which explores the national character of the United States against the backdrop of its history, popular culture, and media.

Listen in as Michael explores the development of the American heroic ideal; how it reflects the nation's aspiration towards greatness and its sense of identity; as well as its connection to the country's deepening divisions; increase in societal challenges; and erosion of vital institutions.

Take a listen to learn about citizen- and enemy-oriented heroism; where you're located among these ideals; and what is being called upon us now.

About Michael Gellert:

Michael Gellert is a Jungian analyst, practicing in Los Angeles and Pasadena, CA. He was formerly the Director of Training at the C.G. Jung Institute of Los Angeles, where he is currently a research instructor. He's also a humanities professor at Vanier College, Montreal, and a lecturer at Hunter College of the City University of New York. Michael has a Master's degree in religious studies and social work and studied with Marshall McLuhan at the University of Toronto. He's a mental health consultant for the University of Southern California and TIME Magazine.

Some Questions I Ask:

• What is America's national character? What does that reveal about challenges we face? (4:13)
• Can you share about the Principles of Youth and Authority? (19:44)
• How has America's heroic ideal gone awry? (33:37)
• What does the death-rebirth cycle mean for moving forward in America? (46:46)

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

• What the different types of heroism in America are. (6:30)
• What happens when society loses sight of citizen-oriented heroism. (15:28)
• Why the divide of the Spirits of Youth and Authority brings out the worst in both sides. (23:03)
• How division dehumanizes the "Other." (28:46)
• America's addiction to innocence (37:58)
• The individual's responsibility in relation to participating in society. (49:06)

Resources:

The Divine Mind by Michael Gellert

Modern Mysticism by Michael Gellert

America's Identity Crisis by Michael Gellert

Michael Gellert's Website

In celebration of Father's Day, Women In- Depth is looking back at some of our previous episodes focusing on men and masculinity.

Episode 86: Reflections on Fatherhood in the 21st Century with Sean Fitzpatrick, PhD, LPC

Sean Fitzpatrick, PhD, LPC, the Executive Director of the Jung Center in Houston, spoke with me about what it means to be a father and how the presence, or lack thereof, of a father influences one's life.

Episode 40: The Secrets Men Carry with James Hollis, PhD

James Hollis, PhD, a licensed Jungian analyst in private practice in Washington, D.C., joined us to discuss why it's important to share the secrets of men; the pressure men face from being evaluated by their ability to produce; and how men long for a positive connection with their fathers.

Episode 77: Manhood, Masculinity, & Meaning with Boysen Hodgson

Boysen Hodgson is the Communications and Marketing Director for the ManKind Project USA, a nonprofit mentoring and training organization that offers powerful opportunities for men's personal growth at any stage of life. He talked with me about the meaning of masculinity, why it matters, and why the biggest journey a man can take is the 18 inches from his brain to his heart.