Women In-Depth: Conversations about the Inner Lives of Women

"It is across racial lines, socioeconomic status, religious beliefs, and the like. This is not a phenomenon that just occurs to a certain person that looks and dresses and behaves a certain way."

Introduction:

When everything builds up inside, managing emotions can oftentimes feel impossible.

As children grow, oftentimes there's no one to teach them how to manage their emotions. For those with the trait of high sensitivity and/or those who experienced trauma, sometimes the way that they learn to cope, manage, or maintain their overwhelming emotions is through self-harm.

Self-harm is a subject that is riddled with misconceptions and negative judgments. In this episode, I talk with Vena Wilson about why people self-harm, and together we dispel some of those myths.

Vena deepens our understanding as to why women engage in this type of coping mechanism. She also shares her insights into what causes the emotional state that pushes individuals into self-harming tendencies, and what to do when someone you love struggles with this topic.

Take a listen to learn how to identify self-harm, support a loved one, or spark the healing process for yourself.

About Vena Wilson:

Vena Wilson is a licensed clinical social worker who provides psychotherapy services to children, teenagers, and adults. She is the owner and operator of Honey Bee Behavioral Health. She works to assist individuals and families in creating healthy, adaptive, and well-functioning relationships. With this, Vena also helps clients see their concerns through a different lens: she provides information on how trauma effects the functioning of various parts of the brain. She teaches strategies that allow them to take suicide and self-harm off the table as an option to release overwhelming emotions.

Some Questions I Ask:

• How did you come to work with women who self-harm? (3:48)
• What happens that causes this emotional state? (17:40)
• What other myths or misconceptions are there around self-harm? (25:10)
• What are ways to support a loved one who self-harms? (28:52)
• What words of wisdom would you share with someone who self-harms? (33:04)

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

• What self-harm looks like. (7:06)
• How emotional deregulation affects the brain and presents itself in day-to-day life. (12:26)
• About the trait of high-sensitivity and how it manifests itself. (21:08)
• What to do and not to do when a loved one discloses that they self-harm. (29:11)
• How to choose a therapist that will fit your specific needs. (34:21)

Podcasts that Discuss Dialectal Behavior Therapy Strategies, Managing Overwhelming Emotions, and Other Helpful Tidbits:

Charlie Swenson: To Hell and Back

Vena M. Wilson: The Honey Be Podcast

Practical/Helpful Reads on Validation, Mindfulness, Managing Overwhelming Emotions:

I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships by Michael S. Sorensen

Calming the Emotional Storm: Using Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills to Manage Your Emotions and Balance Your Life by Sheri Van Dijk

Freedom from Selfharm: Overcoming Self-Injury with Skills from DBT and Other Treatments by Kim Gratz

Books for Clinicians:

DBT® Skills Training Manual, Second Edition by Marsha M. Linehan

Doing Dialectical Behavior Therapy: A Practical Guide (Guides to Individualized Evidence-Based Treatment) by Kelly Koerner

Nonsuicidal Self-Injury (Advances in Psychotherapy: Evidence-Based Practice) (Advances in Psychotherapy - Evidence-Based Practice) by E. David Klonsky

Treating Self-Destructive Behaviors in Trauma Survivors: A Clinician's Guide by Lisa Ferentz

Treating Self-Injury: A Practical Guide by Barent W. Walsh

For Parents and Caregivers:

Parenting a Teen Who Has Intense Emotions: DBT Skills to Help Your Teen Navigate Emotional and Behavioral Challenges by Pat Harvey

The Power of Validation: Arming Your Child Against Bullying, Peer Pressure, Addiction, Self-Harm, and Out-of-Control Emotions by Karyn D. Hall

When Your Daughter Has BPD: Essential Skills to Help Families Manage Borderline Personality Disorder by Daniel S. Lobel

Other Resources:

Vena Wilson's LinkedIn

Honey Bee Behavioral Health

To Donate:

https://lourdesviado.com/donate/

"Mythology and storytelling are age-old methods of passing along wisdom, sharing experience, and explaining or teaching about life."

Learning to trust your intuition, feelings, and dreams is a powerful experience.

With all the stories and lessons told to children today, our society does not seem to support the notion that women should learn to trust their intuition. This is a meaningful lesson for any woman, whether she's a Maiden, Mother, or Crone. This is a lesson that is truly universal.

In this episode, I talk with Janet Lucy about her new children's book Mermaid Dreams. This book encompasses many missing lessons from today's children's literature, while also depicting the connection between mother and daughter. Janet also tells the powerful story of goddesses and how goddess mythology illuminated her ideas within the book.

Take a listen to learn Janet's new book Mermaid Dreams and how this story passes along universal wisdom to women.

About Janet Lucy:

Janet Lucy is an award-winning writer and poet, most notably the book Moon Mother, Moon Daughter: Myths and Rituals that Celebrate a Girl's Coming of Age. She earned her master's degree in Counseling Psychology from Antioch University. She's also the founder and director of Women's Creative Network, which is a consulting business utilizing intuitive, creative, and professional development through writing. She is passionate about the connection between mothers and daughters and how mythologies and stories coincide with the universal truths that women experience.

Some Questions I Ask:

• What inspired you to write Mermaid Dreams? (3:14)
• What is the significance of the Mermaid to you? (7:17)
• How does the story in Mermaid Dreams depicts the connection between mother and daughter? (12:46)
• What coming-of-age concepts does Mermaid Dreams address? (14:15)

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

• About the story of the African goddess Yemaya. (9:12)
• How the power to change your dreams coincides with the power you have over your psyche. (15:03)
• How Janet's book teaches children to go within themselves and learn to trust their inner voice. (18:00)
• How Janet's books apply to all women. (20:54)
• How women's internalized beliefs can manifest into the basis of fear. (25:15)

Resources:

Episode 91: The Heroine's Journey: The Call to Transformation

Episode 95: Mothers, Daughters, Myth & Moon: Rituals to Honor a Girls' Coming-of-Age

Janet Lucy's Website

Janet's Books

Women's Weekly Writing Groups

Women's Creative Network

"We all have blind spots. We all have pitfalls and life terms. Part of the therapy process is about gaining insight and awareness of what those traps and what those lenses are and seeing that this is a recurrent theme that happens for you in your life." (24:49)

Introduction:

Some people look like they truly have it all. Great job, great family, and the drive to keep moving toward success.

Oftentimes, in those who look like they have it all together, they are actually coping with a personality trait called rejection sensitivity. On the surface, rejection sensitivity looks like intrinsic motivation and perfectionism. The deeper you go, rejection sensitivity looks like isolation, anxiety, and intensity.

In this episode, I talk with Dr. Jared DeFife about rejection sensitivity. Together, we talk about where this personality trait originates, what it looks like, and how people can work with rejection sensitivity rather than allowing it to have control over every action and relationships. Jared also shares insight into the role that rejection sensitivity plays in his own life, and why blending insight and awareness of this trait is essential to learning to thrive professionally and interpersonally.

Take a listen to learn about how to turn rejection sensitivity into a superpower-like trait and improve the lens through which you see the world along the way.

About Dr. Jared DeFife:

Dr. Jared DeFife is a clinical psychologist in private practice. He's also an adjunct assistant professor in the Department of Psychology and Behavioral Science at the Emory University School of Medicine. Jared is passionate about helping "intense" people integrate interpersonal and personality-focused therapies drawing from schema-focused and mentalization-based therapies into their lives.

Some Questions I Ask:

• What is rejection sensitivity? (3:34)
• How does rejection sensitivity show up in a personality? (7:35)
• How can someone determine if they have rejection sensitivity? (19:47)
• How can someone work with rejection sensitivity rather than let it take over their lives? (23:06)
• How can people learn more about this trait? (35:37)

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

• How people develop rejection sensitivity. (5:16)
• Why high rejection sensitivity often gets mislabeled as narcissism. (13:43)
• How rejection sensitivity differs from high sensitivity. (22:30)
• How schema therapy approaches taking action on high rejection sensitivity. (28:44)
• How rejection sensitivity exposes various modes within the personality. (31:00)

Resources:

Rejection Sensitivity Questionnaire

Don't Take it Personally! by Elayne Savage

Reinventing Your Life by Jeffrey E. Young

Brené Brown

Jared's Website

"Safety primes neuroplasticity: a sense that as you move through this, you're okay and you're safe."

Introduction:

When was the last time that you experienced letdown, hurt, or even a traumatic event?

How did you rebuild yourself and your life after the event?

A significant part of the human condition is experiencing negativity in our environment, then that energy infiltrates itself into the brain. Brains tend to have a negativity bias. This means that one negative response from another person has more power over our minds than all the positive interactions within that same relationship. Whenever this happens, life and relationships must be rebuilt, no matter how small or large the damage was.

This is resilience. While resilience is largely an innate skill, it's still possible to build it and strengthen it through various exercises and strategies.

In this episode, Linda Graham talks about how to build and strengthen resilience. She shares some deep insight into the wiring and functioning of the brain when stimulated with negativity, and how to learn to bounce back. Linda also shares how therapists and non-therapists alike can implement various strategies, mindsets, and somatic tools to refine the skill of resilience as well.

Take a listen to Linda's thoughtful and practical strategies, tips, and tools to bouncing back into life.

About Linda Graham:

Linda Graham is a psychotherapist and award-winning author. She is passionate about guiding people on reliable paths of personal growth, self-transformation, and building relationships. Her professional specialty areas include helping reverse the impact of stress and trauma, cultivate mindful awareness, and ultimately recover a sense of resilience. Within her private practice, she integrates modern neuroscience, mindfulness practices, and relational psychology into her international trainings on resilience and wellbeing.

Some Questions I Ask:

• How would you define resilience? (4:59)
• How does our brain's capacity to respond to stressors become derailed? (6:53)
• Why is it difficult to develop resilience? (12:00)
• How can we address the brain's negativity bias? (19:05)
• What are the 3 Levels of Disruption, and 5 Intelligences? (21:20)
• Where should someone start with finding relief and building resilience? (27:10)

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

• Why individuals respond differently to the same stressors. (4:23)
• Where an individual's resilience originates and how to install new circuitry that increases the capacity for resilience. (7:22)
• How resilience is strengthened through post-traumatic growth. (15:41)
• How somatic tools help calm the mind and enter back into a space of resilience. (17:10)
• How practicing positivity shifts the functioning of the brain into more receptivity and resilience. (19:14)
• What therapists can integrate into their practices from Linda's book. (29:13)

Resources:

Resilience: Powerful Practices for Bouncing Back from Disappointment, Difficulty, and Even Disaster by Linda Graham

Bouncing Back by Linda Graham

Linda's Website

How do you respond to the word trauma?

Sometimes, those who experienced trauma reject even the term itself. Instead of acknowledging it and starting the healing process, survivors often minimize their experiences. When this happens, sometimes both healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms are normalized for them, as well.

Childhood trauma is specifically difficult to deal with and conquer the lasting effects of. It's oftentimes buried deep within and oftentimes has a silencing effect on the person and they grow into adulthood. This world of silence inhibits their behavior, mindset, and various aspects of life.

This is where therapy is needed. Even if the trauma happened 20 or more years ago, it's never too late to heal. You can always take steps toward healing that trauma no matter how long ago it was.

In this episode, I talk with Amy Van Slambrook. She shares some deep insight into the specific behaviors and tendencies that survivors demonstrate, how to identify them, and how a partner may be able to assist in the healing process. She also shares some beautiful, impactful words of wisdom for any survivors listening to this podcast today.

Take a listen to Amy's moving story and take one step closer toward breaking the silence.

About Amy Van Slambrook

Amy Van Slambrook is a licensed psychotherapist, certified life and workplace coach, experienced consultant, and writer. She is passionate about the work she does and compassionately interacts with her clients.

Amy has overcome significant hurdles in her life—her own journey and healing from real life struggles, wounds, and trauma. She was able to spark the healing process in herself through the best training ground available. This experience is one that solidified her vocational calling: to help others—especially women and couples—experience freedom, heal and gain the power from their past.

Some Questions I Ask:

• How were you drawn to this work? (3:13)
• Could you share a couple of examples of what trauma looks like? (21:07)
• What can you see or hear that demonstrates how trauma is impacting relationships? (29:40)
• How can the partner of a trauma survivor love and support their partner? (36:29)
• What words of wisdom do you have to offer trauma survivors? (40:22)

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

• Why trauma survivors minimize experience and normalize their coping behaviors and experiences. (7:25)
• How childhood trauma ripples to affect adult relationships and behaviors. (12:03)
• How trauma reveals itself in the body rather than through language. (14:50)
• Why trauma survivors are generally calm in crises situations. (18:18)
• Why survivors get stuck in a cycle of trauma. (26:13)
• How men often suffer in silence as a result of childhood abuse. (39:36)

Resources:

Daniel G. Amen

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D.

Soul-Healing Love by Dr. Tom Rodgers and Dr. Beverly Rodgers

Connect with Amy:

Website

Facebook

Instagram

"As human beings, we are meant for connection."

I see you.

I believe you.

Sometimes, those are the exact words that survivors of sexual assault and violence need to hear. Genuinely affirming a survivor's experiences, feelings, and responses are the first steps to entering into a space that the survivor has never let anyone else into before.

Oftentimes, those who experience trauma seem to have lost touch. Sometimes they appear checked out, forget to eat, and even lose their spatial awareness. On the other end of the spectrum, some survivors become hypervigilant and notice everything: the way someone holds himself when he walks into a room, small changes in expression or energy, and anything else.

In this episode, Robert Cox talks about this subject. He provides insight into the various responses that survivors have to their environment and new relationships. Robert discusses the importance of sitting in that vulnerable space with a survivor, listening to them, and helping them rewire their brains back to a healthy state.

Take a listen to learn more about how Robert Cox uses somatic exercises and active listening skills to help trauma survivors begin living once again.

About Robert Cox, LPC:

Robert Cox is a licensed professional counselor in Missouri and owner of Life Recovery Counseling. He specializes in trauma, addictions, and autism. He works extensively with survivors of sexual abuse, trafficking, and childhood trauma. One of his main focuses, too, is mindfulness training to help patients create their own pathways to emotionally regulate through the difficult processes of trauma recovery.

Resources: Life Recovery Consulting Website Mindful Recovery Podcast The Life Recovery Method: Autism Treatment From A Trauma Perspective by Robert Cox

"The feminine is about the connection among all things."

Where are you in life? Where are you headed?

Traditionally, there have been four faces of femininity: Maiden, Mother, and Crone. These archetypes define the feminine mindset: wants, needs, and what is required for fulfillment.

Our culture places a certain value on each of these stages. Oftentimes, this value is based on desirability rather than one's personal desires. Traditionally, femininity is overwhelmingly undervalued. Now, that's beginning to change.

In this episode, I talk with Dr. Anita Johnston. She breaks down all three of these archetypes and adds in a fourth: the Queen. Anita explains each stage, what it means, and even includes some of her own personal experiences within each stage. Together, we discuss the social value placed on each individual stage, and how those values are swiftly transforming today.

Take a listen to learn more about the true value in your past, present, and future self in relation to your sacred femininity.

About Dr. Anita Johnston:

Anita Johnston is a clinical psychologist and a certified eating disorder specialist and supervisor. She has done some incredible work in the field of women's issues and eating disorders for the last 35 years. In Guam, where she was raised, she experienced life in a matriarchal culture. She experienced the power and value of femininity, which shaped her worldview and desire to help others.

Currently, Dr. Anita Johnston is the clinical director of Ai Pono Hawaii Eating Disorder programs. She is also co-creator of The Light of the Moon Café, which is a series of online, interactive courses, women support circles, and soul hunger workshops. Additionally, she is also the author of the bestselling book Eating in the Light of the Moon.

Some Questions I Ask:

• What drew you to focus on and create the four faces of the sacred feminine? (3:53)
• What do you mean by the sacred feminine, divine feminine, and psyche? (5:09)
• What exactly are the four faces? (10:52)
• How do the roles of the Maiden and the Mother interplay? (19:34)
• What do healthy and unhealthy displays of the Mother archetype look like? (23:58)

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

• About Anita's childhood within a matriarchal culture. (4:04)
• How the feminine archetypal energy crosses culture and time. (5:26)
• Why awareness can lead to valuing feminine archetypes. (10:22)
• How archetypes are demonstrated through fairy tales and in reality. (11:01)
• About the Maiden, Mother, Queen, and Crone archetypes. (13:46)
• How the flipping priority of desires to desirability impacts self-esteem. (15:45)
• About the struggle of balancing your own needs with another's needs. (19:52)
• Why the Queen seeks to fulfill the soul. (29:56)
• How the Crone functions as a bridge between the material and spiritual worlds. (34:53)

Resources:

Episode 59: Cracking the Hunger Code Through Storytelling and Metaphor

Dr. Anita Johnston's Website

Eating in the Light of the Moon by Dr. Anita Johnston

Circle of Stones: Woman's Journey to Herself by Judith Duerk

New Crescent Moon Course with Dr. Anita Johnston

Tour of Light of the Moon Café

In this episode of Women In-Depth Dr. Viado speaks with Gary Alexander about the experience of therapy through the lens of depth psychology. Gary shares how he was drawn to depth psychology; how it informs his life and the work he does with clients. He also explains how symptoms are not necessarily the problems we think they are, but messengers from psyche (soul).

Gary Alexander has been practicing psychotherapy for over 15 years. He has a BA in Psychology and MS in Counseling from the University of Nevada, Las Vegas; and completed his doctoral course work at Pacifica Graduate Institute. Originally from Las Vegas, Gary now practices full time in Portland, Oregon. He also teaches graduate counseling students and supervises post-graduate counseling interns. Gary works with a wide array of issues for individuals and couples, infidelity, chemical and behavior addictions, co-dependency and the health and development of the sexual minority community.

To keep up with Gary:

https://www.portlandtherapycenter.com/therapists/gary-alexander

https://www.linkedin.com/in/gary-alexander-2b591526/

https://www.facebook.com/GaryDAlexander

"The way I can get love is by being what other people need me to be. Being the good girl. Being the one that is quiet, the one that is well behaved …"

Welcome to this week's episode of Women In Depth! Today we speak with Dr. Ashlee Greer, who is gracing us with a second visit after appearing on episode 76. In this episode Dr. Greer enlightens us to the idea of control and co-dependency; something she believes about 80% of our culture, particularly women, suffer from. Dr. Greer teaches highly-sensitive, empathetic women to live a "hell yes!" life. Her clients learn that the hero they've been waiting for is them. We can change. And beyond these ideas, she teaches her clients about boundaries, sacrifice, expectations, and soon in her new book she discusses "affectionate non-attachment." Ashlee Greer has her Ph.D. in psychology, is powerfully psychic, and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.

To keep up with Dr. Ashlee Greer:

https://www.ashleegreer.com/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-4UPDzBse1kbQrw-YuLF9Q https://www.facebook.com/ashlee.greer.1111

"Romantic relationships above all other forms of relationships seems to be where the deepest and most intense struggle presents itself."

For our Valentine's Day episode, we have our 100th episode guest back again: Dr. Stacey Shelby!

In this week's episode, Dr. Stacey Shelby describes the psychology of romantic love from a depth psychological perspective. Using the Greek myth of Eros and Psyche as a lens for understanding the meaning and purpose of romantic love, she describes how Psyche's experiences parallel our own responses to romantic love; and deepen our understanding of how the inevitable challenges of romantic love summon us into intimate relationship with our inner selves.

Dr. Stacey Shelby is an author, speaker, educator and depth psychotherapist. She holds a Master's and Ph.D. in Depth Psychology with a specialization in Jungian and Archetypal Studies. She teaches the psychology of romantic love at Pacifica Graduate Institute in Santa Barbara, California.

Dr. Shelby works with adults in various stages of personal transformation online and in person out of a thriving clinical practice in Squamish, British Columbia. She specializes in the symbolic language of the soul and aims to honor the soul as it presents itself in the lived experience of daily life.

To Keep up with Dr. Stacey Shelby:

http://drstaceyshelby.com/ https://www.facebook.com/DrStaceyShelby https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-stacey-shelby-ph-d-rcc-8b249560/ https://twitter.com/stacey0shelby