How to create firm boundaries you feel comfortable with

1. Verbalize to yourself what your boundary is 
2. Make sure your boundary is realistic
3. Stick to your boundary, even when it’s hard

 

If you feel like there is always someone who wants more than you’re willing to give, this episode is for you. We’re talking about how you can confidently set boundaries without hurting anyone’s feelings.

 

The Chief Complaint: "Everyone Needs Something From Me"

Feeling like everyone always wants or needs something from you is stressful. It feels like you can’t keep your head above water and that each day, you dread when your office door knocks, your phone rings, or you see that certain patient walking down the hall.

What if it doesn’t have to be this way?

 

Setting Boundaries with Yourself

In the first part of this episode, I focus on why so many women struggle to put firm boundaries in place. There is absolutely an element of unworthiness attached to the idea of boundaries. I talk through some of the reasons you might feel unworthy of setting boundaries.

But overwhelmingly, you are absolutely worthy of protecting your space, time, and energy from anyone who is overstepping.

I’m here to tell you that you will likely need to set different boundary levels in different areas of your life. If this is something you’re completely foreign to, try setting personal boundaries with just yourself. Like no social media on Sunday or no snacking after 8 pm.

I walk you through the steps you need to take to set boundaries that will make a difference in your life. I also understand that you’ll probably start to slide back on your boundaries but I want to stress how important it is to stick to them!

 

Setting Boundaries with People Who Push Yours

Once you’ve mastered setting boundaries with yourself, let’s talk about setting them with other people who push yours. First of all, I want to ask you if the person pushing your boundaries is actually pushing them? Check-in with your mindset about this.

Now, when you’re setting a new boundary against a person used to pushing yours, it can present a challenge. Let’s break down how you can safely navigate that without hurting anyone’s feelings. Trust me, this will get easier with time.

The most important thing when it comes to setting boundaries is that you’re doing it for you. Your mental health, your wellbeing, and your peace of mind. What you want in that situation matters the most.

Finally, we talk about setting boundaries with your employees, colleagues, and patients. It can be a lot easier and straightforward than you think it is! The biggest part: treat every type of person with the same boundary level.

 

Homework for Women Physicians

Do you push other people’s boundaries? Take time to reflect and see how you show up in other people’s lives and against their boundaries. If you think you do push boundaries - why do you do that?

Let me know in the comments on the episode page.

 

In This Episode 

• What actions we take when we feel unworthy [3:00]
• Why you will set different boundaries for each area of your life [9:00]
• Why it’s so easy to fall back into old behavior when we try to set boundaries [15:00]
• How to change your thought patterns in order to comfortably set boundaries [18:50]
• How to navigate setting boundaries for the first time with people you never had them with before  [21:20]
• What happens when you consistently set and stick with your boundaries [25:00]
• Why you should embrace what you want in any given situation [27:20]
• How to define what problems actually need your attention [31:00]
• How to set boundaries with demanding patients [33:00]

 

Quotes

“The truth is that if we do not communicate our boundaries to other people, in the long run, that relationship will be not so great. Because what’s going to come up is a whole lot of resentment and disappointment.” [6:59]

“When you set a boundary you are saying, ‘this is exactly what you can expect from me. No more, no less. This is what you can expect.’” [10:20]

“You need to do the work up-front so you’re sure you want to stick with that boundary and we are okay with we’re showing up. The most important part of setting a boundary is sticking with the boundary. You have to. You cannot go back on it.” [22:53]

“I care about this so much because boundaries are protection. They are not scary, they do not have to be difficult conversations. You can own what you want, and it might not be what somebody else wants, but it is your responsibility to be able to have your own back. Bottom line.” [23:56]

“If I tell people what to expect, that’s what they will expect. And I am absolutely living out the life that I want to.” [28:46]

 

Resources Mentioned

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Podcast production by the team at Counterweight Creative

 

Related Episodes

Episode 24: “I Don’t Know How To Feel Better” 

Episode 22: “I Don’t Know How To Feel My Feelings” 

Episode 21: “I Have Life Circumstances That Are Ruining Everything”