These are the steps you have to take to start being comfortable asking for help:

1. You have to be willing to accept help
2. You have to actually ask for help
3. Be willing to have difficult conversations
4. Figure out who you need to bring into your life to help you

 

When you fall into the all or nothing thinking that no one else out there can do something as well as you do, you limit yourself on how good your life can actually be. Let’s break down these beliefs and talk about how you can start asking for help when you need it.

 

The Chief Complaint: "No-one Can Do It As Well As Me"

Oh, ladies, how relatable is this statement! I absolutely know that you’ve said this - because I’ve said this. How can anyone else be as good at that task as you?

Well let me tell you something: that’s just a story you’ve made up. In fact, I’d even say it’s a choice you’re making.

 

Accepting That You Need Help is the First Step

First of all, hands up if you’ve already recognized this statement is all or none thinking? We’ve covered this type of thinking in a previous episode, but I really want to drive home the point. When you think no one else can do what you do, you’re closing the door on that conversation.

What if I told you it didn’t have to be that way?

I know all too well what it’s like to believe this. In fact, it’s actually so scary to ask for help, because it’s like you’re giving away all your control over the situation.

So when you know you could really use some help, your next step is being willing to actually accept it. Whether that comes in the form of your husband, your children, or someone you’re hiring, the first step is accepting that you do, in fact, need a helping hand.

Then, and this can be the even bigger hurdle, you have to ask for it. Or, be ready to accept it when it’s offered. I mean, ladies, how many times have you turned down your husband’s offer to help?

 

Asking For Help Boosts Your Relationships

Being resistant to accepting help can actually hinder your relationships. Accepting and asking for help will bring you closer together to that person and it will strengthen your relationship. 

Asking for help involves active communication. It’s about open, honest conversations about what you need help with and what the other person is willing to give. These conversations aren’t always easy… in fact, for overachieving women like us, they are difficult.

But having them and getting the help you need will change your life.

 

Homework for Women Physicians

What is holding you back from asking for help?

Picture who you want to be. Close your eyes and picture what she looks like. What is her facial expression like? Where is she? What is she wearing? What is she thinking?

Let me know in the comments on the episode page.

 

In This Episode 

• Why it’s “all or none” thinking to believe no one else is capable of doing what you’re doing [3:00]
• Why you have to be willing to accept help [6:00]
• How resentment can grow if you’re not open to asking for or accepting help [10:00]
• How asking for help can help protect and grow your relationship [11:30]
• Why believing that you have to do everything is a choice you’re making [15:00]
• Why you need to have grace when people are starting to help you [24:45]
• Why communication is so important when you ask for help [26:00]

 

Quotes

“Maybe by protecting other people, we are actually, in fact, hurting the other person.” [11:25]

“Asking for something small upfront might really be the gateway to allowing you to ask for help.” [14:25]

“Nobody’s a mind reader. In order for somebody to help you in the way you need to be helped, you have to be ready to have conversations.” [24:50]

“To grow, you have to let go.” [27:30]

 

Resources Mentioned

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Podcast production by the team at Counterweight Creative

 

Related Episodes

Episode 24: “Everyone Needs Something From Me”

Episode 10: "I Suffer From Constant All-Or-None Thinking..."

Episode 21: “I Have Life Circumstances That Are Ruining Everything”