Someone says something to piss you off. In your head you think, “What a jerk!” In that moment, when you’re triggered, you can’t see how you’re responsible for your reaction (not the person who triggered you). You can’t see how you’re responsible for your choice to either strike back or shut down in response. In your head it’s a zero-sum game with a winner and a loser. If you blame the other person, the point goes to you. If you accept what they say, they have the upper hand. There is no space for communication based in grace, love or self-responsibility.

Communication goes awry when there is defensiveness and a reluctance to accept responsibility. A fear of loss is also at play. Fighting dirty might feel good in the moment, but guilt and shame often follow, leading you to feel even worse. You ALWAYS have a choice in how you respond and what you say. In this week’s episode, we’ll look at how to change your communication goals from being the winner (which creates distance) to being vulnerable (which brings people closer). It’s a game-changer.

WISDOM NUGGET (#wisdomnugget)

Communication can be challenging when you fear loss, but the thing you keep losing is yourself. Be open, honest and courageous—the rewards will come.

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