There are so many ways we don’t love and value ourselves—in work, relationships, etc. A lot of us don’t even know what it MEANS to love ourselves because there is no functional knowledge of what a healthy relationship is. We may think we know, but it’s usually based on unrealistic expectations. Our partners are actually a mirror for us; we attract people exactly where we are as far as emotional health and availability. If we’re closed off and look for someone who is more open, thinking they can help US be more open, we won’t find them because that’s not what we’ll attract. In order to attract and receive love, you need to have love for yourself. The focus needs to be you, not the other person.

There are many ways to look at self-love, but when it comes to attached relationships, the best place to start is by dispelling the fantasy and looking at reality. Look at your choices and why you make them. Look at how you hold other people responsible for your emotions. See others for who they are, not for who you want them to be. Deal with the disappointment of your relationship not living up to your expectations. Self-love ultimately comes down to self-responsibility. Take a hard look at your role instead of feeling like a victim. That’s how you take care of you. That’s how you value you. That’s how you start down the path to self-love, which leads to truly, authentically loving others… and being truly, authentically loved in return.