Ask Kati Anything

This week licensed therapist Kati Morton discusses whether or not we can get a past therapist to see us again, if we can move on without having a sense of self, and how often we have to be purging to be diagnosed with an eating disorder. She also gives us some ways we can work up the courage to share something difficult with our therapist, and what to do if we have been the abusive one in our relationship. Finally, she explains the symptoms we can have due to having a mom who is a narcissist. Ask Kati Anything | episode 229

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, licensed therapist Kati Morton offers ways that we can care a little less about what other people think of us, how to stop emotional eating, and the ways we can use somatic responses to release anxiety and stress. She then helps motivate us to keep going when it feels like nothing is working, how we can better deal with having an invisible illness, and how to get unstuck in our life.

Ask Kati Anything - episode 228 audience questions:

2. How is it possible to stop emotional eating? I often see myself eating when stressed, for example. And for some reason, if I buy chocolate, I eat the whole thing in a day. Which wouldn't mind me so much if it didn't mean that I have nothing for the next day, additionally to me feeling absolutely sick after.

3. Hi Kati, can you talk about somatic responses to stress/anxiety? How does one manage this?

4. I’ve been made homeless because my relationship has broken down so I’m currently on the streets and charging my phone in McDonald’s. The reason my relationship has broken down is because of my trauma, I’ve had it all. Childhood SA, physical abuse, neglect, a narcissistic parent and a drug addicted parent, emotional abuse, gained an ED as a child from my mom. I can’t be around so many things without being triggered into flashbacks, I can’t have sex because of trauma, I’m too scared of men, I still struggle with eating and I self harm. I have been trying so hard working with my therapist, but recovery seems impossible and I’m wondering if it will ever get better? Will I ever recover?

5. How to deal with an invisible illness? Especially when I'm the invisible child in my family (I'm 40). I have dysautonomia after covid and pneumonia.... tachycardia, POTS, extreme fatigue, heat intolerance, shortness of breath, muscle deterioration, brain fog, costochondritis, among other things. It's been 2.5 years of absolute hell. My family sees me breathing and standing and "I'm not dead", so I must be making it up or exaggerating. Or I'm told constantly to "just calm down" and "it's just anxiety." I've been invisible and unheard in my family my whole life, as the youngest child. I'm never taken seriously, silenced if I offer an opinion, shut down if I offer to help. My family has no compassion for others, always victim blaming. And unfortunately these have been my caretakers, which I am grateful for, but their lack of empathy comes off as cruel.

6. I’m divorced 4 years after a 30 year marriage and now that I’m past the anger and resentment of betrayal we get along, which feels better in my body and is easier on our grown kids and few mutual friends. It was a confusing relationship and even more confusing breakup...

PUBLISHED BOOKS

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week licensed therapist Kati Morton discusses why we can feel overly responsible in life, whether or not dreams can traumatize us, and dealing with constantly thoughts of suicide. She also explains why someone else’s trauma can affect us, what constitutes sexual abuse, and how to overcome nostalgic depression.

Audience Questions | Ask Kati Anything episode 227

1. How do we figure out what we're responsible for? Childhood experiences have left me with an over inflated sense of responsibility (or so I'm told). This hyper-responsibility is working with some other beliefs in hindering my ability to process a more recent trauma... 00:55

2. This question has got nothing to do with me, it’s just something that I’m just wondering. People dream horrible things fearing for their own life and safety. As dreams feel absolutely real while you’re dreaming them, I’m just wondering, could you get traumatized by dreams? 05:20

3. This year I have become really suicidal and am struggling with it every single day. My depression is so strong right now I can’t find joy in anything. I also have this feeling like I should be able to do something to make these terrible thoughts go away but there’s nothing. My therapist isn’t super helpful so I was wondering if you had any advice or could just talk about suicidality. 14:10

4. How do you get over trauma that isn’t even yours?! I wasn’t the one abused so why do I feel so bad???? Recently the church/school I grew up in has had a series of sexual abuse cases come out; a good friend of mine being one of them. The school/church was always legalistic and used corporal punishment but these new things are just coming out and being prosecuted. I found out my parents knew about it and blamed my friend/ didn’t believe her and continued to attend and keep us in the school/church for 7 more years. I’m so angry and upset and it didn’t even happen to me! This trauma isn’t mine and I feel like I am overreacting. I want to help my friend and not make it about me, how can I do that when I feel so triggered?? 22:27

5. As a child, I was held down and touched in inappropriate places by an older man (I was in elementary school, and he was about 10 years older). I was not raped and no clothes were removed, but I wonder if that is still sexual abuse? I only recall it happening once. Also, would remembering that experience cause a lot of anxiety and pain behind certain annual female appointments? 25:56

6. Can you talk about Nostalgic Depression? I already have severe depression but this mirrors my current emotions. I know it is perceiving the past as happier than the present, and unhappiness with current circumstances. I have intense grief over losing my dad in recent years. I also cry often over people I will never see again (death and lost friendships). I feel the same for places I will never see again. Songs, movies from when I was little, lost homes I will never be able to spend time in again, and most good memories cause me intense emotions such as regret, anger and loneliness. Those memories were better than anything I have been feeling for years. I feel like I’m constantly in mourning. 30:23

PUBLISHED BOOKS

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On episode 226 of Ask Kati Anything, Kati addresses a range of complex mental health topics, including:

Kati is a licensed therapist & provides insights and guidance on these challenging issues, offering a professional perspective while acknowledging the nuances and complexities involved in each situation.

Audience Question

1. Do you think suicide is selfish? And any thought on feeling like you're living not for yourself, but so that the people who love you won't be sad? I want to add this: Is it ever okay if you live with an illness like fibromyalgia or any other chronic condition where the symptoms are so unbearable? And is it different with terminal illnesses like cancer? 01:36

2. Sometimes I feel very anxious? Uncomfortable? like not sure what to do with myself when others say something nice to me or do something nice for me, especially for no particular reasons. I feel like I'm not deserving of it or like I have not earned it or that I can reciprocate it. So then I spend a lot of time thinking how... 17:21

3. Can people with severe mental illnesses be held morally responsible for things they did or ways they behave? There's a man on youtube named Daniel Larson, some may heard of him, he was a tik toker/youtube video vlogger who, according to documentation, has schizophrenia, autism, PTSD, and Bipolar. There could be more but I'm not sure. This man has seen a lot of online hate and harassment due to his behavior, which include: apparent attraction to underage people, delusions of fame and grandeur, a large sense of entitlement, and his physical violence towards his mentor when he had some kind of mental breakdown... 23:58

4. This may be an obvious question but what does it mean to 'process' an emotion or a trauma? I feel like this is a term we use a lot but no one really defines what it means. Are there prescribed steps that we need to follow? 30:54

5. Hi Kati I hope this question resonates with others but how do you know ‘who you are’ or have a sense of self if your childhood and adolescence was filled with multiple traumas and as a result the only constant in your adulthood is the side effects of the trauma. How do you become a person once you are already an adult? 40:40

6. My therapist said” By keeping quiet, you are allowing it to continue hurting you.” My mom is a narcissist. What the heck? I’m the “victim”! I don’t control her. I don’t choose anything she does to me. What is he saying? Sounds like he’s blaming me? 44:19

PUBLISHED BOOKS

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on Ask Kati Anything (ep. 224) licensed therapist Kati Morton talks about how therapists react when clients have breakthroughs, how we can fight hopelessness, and ways that we can more easily talk to a therapist of the opposite sex about sensitive topics. She then dives into why it can be hard for so many of us to feel and process emotions, how to deal with attachment in therapy, and why our attachment styles can vary so much.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week licensed therapist Kati Morton talks about whether or not we can be in therapy for too long, ways we can start seeing ourselves as survivors rather than victims, and when we should use coping skills versus sitting with the uncomfortable feeling. Finally, she discusses the ways we can open up more in therapy, finally share our trauma, and how to become more social and outgoing.

AUDIENCE QUESTIONS

1. Hi Kati! I have been in counseling/therapy on and off for the last 7 years. I have always been an advocate of therapy and I encourage other people to do it. However, lately I am feeling an aversion. I think that I am seeing it as a futile exercise. Which is probably due to shame about not breaking some of my self-sabotaging patterns. I have not lost the trust in the process, however, I have probably lost the faith in myself to do the work. How do I overcome that? 01:05

2. Hi Kati, recently I’ve been struggling to cope with having been sexually assaulted and groomed in the past. How do I go from seeing myself as a survivor, rather than a victim? 07:00

3. I’m obsessing over the thought that I’ve been in therapy too long. I started in 2019, and since then many life calamities have happened that greatly complicated the work I was trying to do. Big disruptions such as Covid, and more normal life issues - a spouse retiring, stressful personal health issues, a parent’s health scare, a big move, kids starting a new school, financial instability, essential home renovations while financially struggling, and now living in very close proximity to the family members responsible for the childhood abuse and neglect... 11:54

4. I was wondering when you should use coping skills versus sitting with the uncomfortable feeling. My therapist is using exposure therapy and says part of exposure therapy is not using things to calm my anxiety but rather sit with the feeling. By doing this, my body will learn that I am actually not under threat and the anxiety will decrease on its own. I don't want to be rude and question my therapist but it just doesn't make sense to me. I have been an inpatient, gone through a partial hospitalization program, and seen a few different therapists who have all stressed the importance of knowing and using coping skills. So now I am just confused. Any words of wisdom would be much appreciated. 21:36

5. I have been diagnosed with DID and have been seeing my therapist whom I love the past 2.5 years. Recently, I realized that he still doesn't know a lot of my trauma. My parts are really wanting to come out and tell him their story, but I keep blocking them and intellectualizing the details of the trauma. My parts just want to cry, but I am scared to let them. What can I do? This is really bothering me. 28:41

6. How do I become more social and outgoing? My entire life I’ve been shy and everyone around me has seen it as a huge flaw. Even my mom said to me when I was a kid that she wishes I was more like [insert extroverted friend’s name here]. I just find that my social battery drains so fast and I’m scared my friends are gonna get to the point where they don’t want me around anymore. That’s been happening to me my whole life and it makes me so sad. No matter how lonely I am, I can't seem to change myself. Any help would be so appreciated 36:46

PUBLISHED BOOKS

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week licensed therapist Kati Morton talks about whether or not we can know so much about mental illnesses that we start acting like we have one. She will explore whether or not we can make up our mental illnesses or fake symptoms. Then she will discuss how our past therapeutic experiences affect our current ones, why our depression can get worse in the summer, and the difference between shame, guilt and embarrassment. Finally, she digs into what we can do if we find ourselves being a difficult patient, and what inner child work can really look like.

AUDIENCE QUESTIONS

1. As a kid, I read all the mental health books at the library and as an adult, all the websites/research papers I can find to try to understand what is 'wrong' with me. I never really sought professional help until a few years ago after a longer than usual depressive episode. My question is this, is it possible that I may have read so much into it that by the time I had my assessment with the psychiatrist... 01:17

2. Can past therapeutic experiences have an effect on current therapy? A few years ago My college referred me for counseling (at college) after I disclosed something to them (I completely freaked out after hearing that someone from my past was possibly at the campus, I told my... 11:05

3. You mentioned in a few podcasts that depressive symptoms tend to get worse in the summer, I would like to hear your thoughts about what is the reason for it. In my experience it's a mix of sensitivity to the sunlight and heat, dissonance between my internal feelings and outside world and social pressure to be active and happy. 16:51

4. Hi Kati, can you discuss the difference between shame, guilt, & embarrassment? I had a traumatic childhood, and I do know & believe things weren't my fault. I don't have shame in the sense of the belief that something is/was wrong with me, however, the idea of someone knowing about my history makes me feel ashamed or embarrassed. I'd love to hear your thoughts... 21:53

5. Hi Kati, I've been in treatment for multiple diagnoses since I was 14 and now I'm 28. These days I'm totally disabled and cannot work or go to school; trust me, I tried, many times over and with all the accommodations. After 8 or 9 years of therapy I was labeled resistant, severe, complex, and later when I did some DBT, willful. I've tried many methods, therapists, medications, and even TMS. I'm not trying to be like this. There are feelings... 26:31

6. Hi Kati, you talk about inner child work a lot on your show. I can't say I always understand it, but recently I have been wondering if rather than giving support to your inner child can it be therapeutic in the opposite direction? Can I receive love, kindness and support from my inner child to help me find love, healing and respect for myself? Some of the last times I remember being happy and at peace were as a toddler and I wonder if toddler me can help adult me to find that emotional space again where I can feel safe and held. Thank you for all of the care you show us all... 33:42

PUBLISHED BOOKS

X https://twitter.com/KatiMortonTikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@katimortonFacebook https://www.facebook.com/katimorton1/Instagram https://www.instagram.com/katimortonPinterest https://www.pinterest.com/katimorton1/Patreon https://www.katimorton.com/kati-morton-patreon/PARTNERSHIPS

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode of Ask Kati Anything, your mental health podcast, licensed therapist Kati Morton explains what support a therapist can offer and how to know what we need from them. She also talks about chronic suicidality, dealing with frustration and anger, and why we can feel we are too late for everything we want to do in life. She also discusses how we can come to terms with a new diagnosis.

Audience Questions:

2. Could you talk a bit about chronic suicidality? I know it’s a heavy subject but I have found there is very little information out there about starting to address or manage it. Thoughts of ending my life are comforting to me and I find I automatically go there in response to any uncomfortable or upsetting thoughts. As a result these thoughts can be almost constant. As much as they help me, I know they are unhealthy to rely on so much....

3. I have a question about frustration or rather anger. I’ve recently started therapy and in my last session I brought up the fact I was abused as a teenager… I had never told anyone about it until then. At the end of the session she told me that I may find I have a mix of emotions and possibly questions before our next session. She asked me to write them down and we could look at it when I see her again. I did have a lot of feelings, thoughts and questions so as she suggested I grabbed a pen and paper. I went to write stuff down but just felt this sudden anger, like really angry and I just gripped my pen and scribbled- like a toddler would only with a lot more frustration. It felt so childish. but after...

4. I would like to ask how can one cope with the feeling of "being too late in life", of having wasted all your life and now being too late to start over. I have failed in all aspects of life (no work, no family, no friends, nothing...) and I do not know where to start, how to find the strength and most important how to restore my "faith", how to stop thinking that the game is over. I was in therapy for many years but with no great results. Currently I need it so much but I do not have the money to support it. Ageism and society's standards do not help either...

5. I find myself thinking a lot about my therapist in between my sessions, not in a romantic obsessive kind of way, but rather constantly thinking how I can do better and communicate better with her. In my culture, growing up we were never taught about emotions, that they exist, how to pay attention to them, describe them, or deal with them. Parents are authoritative figures who provide all the necessities, have strong influence over all aspects of our lives such as schooling, romance, and career, but may not ever think to ask what we want or what we need...

PUBLISHED BOOKS

X: https://twitter.com/KatiMorton

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On Ask Kati Anything, your mental health podcast episode 219, Licensed therapist Kati Morton talks a lot about trauma therapy this week. She dives into how to start our trauma work, if there is ever a thing as too much trauma for therapy, and why it can be so hard for us to change our minds. She then explains ways we can show our bodies compassion, whether or not we can actually erase memories from our mind, and what we can do when our eating disorder changes.

Audience questions:

1. Can you please talk about opening up to your therapist when you have a nervous laugh, dark humor and even darker trauma? I’ve only just started diving into my trauma in therapy but I don’t know how to properly articulate how everything is affecting me. I just laugh and make jokes because... 00:37

2. I've sought out two "Trauma based therapists" who have both told me they aren't equipped to handle my level of trauma. For reference, SA from ages 8-16ish with + preg & subsequent loss as a young teen, and Dissociation during that time. No DPDR, DID, etc. So what do you do when... 09:29

3. Why is it so hard for me to change my mind? I feel once I agree to do something for/with with someone I don’t feel like I can change my mind, I feel like sometimes this is due to not wanting to disappoint others.... 16:29

4. How can I show my body compassion…? I was approved to go to PHP at Center for Discovery in Southern CA. While I am grateful beyond belief that Medi/Medi is covering it, I have SO MANY mixed emotions…I’ve said before that I was born with Spina Bifida. From day 1 my body has not fully functioned, but I’m at the point where I’m probably on no less than 15 medications... 21:56

5. What are the chances I could [completely] erase some traumatic episodes from my memory? I do EMDR and it seems like we are searching for something with my therapist but at times I just feel like there isn’t anything there and I don’t have any specific memories of those traumatic events. I do remember facts of consistent systematic physical and emotional abuse, but not too many specific episodes that we could process in our sessions. My therapist also suspects... 26:19

6. How do I stop overeating sweets?! I was anorexic for a couple years and have physically “recovered” but now it seems that my eating disorder has gone in the opposite direction. I have meals, although sometimes minimal ones, and find that I eat / overeat foods that I'm ashamed of (usually sweets or junk food) when I'm alone and/or at night... 34:38

PUBLISHED BOOKS

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices