Be It Till You See It

What are you actually done with? In part one of a two-part series on quitting versus pivoting, Lesley Logan sits with that question before making any big decision. She teaches why quitting is not the same as failing and why the messy middle is part of the process, not proof you picked the wrong thing. Consider this the awareness check before you decide to quit or pivot.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] mailto:[email protected].

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In this episode you will learn about:

• The quitting myth that keeps high achievers stuck in the wrong story.
• Why the messy middle feels like failure but is actually the process.
• The ADHD trap of mistaking a novelty crash for real misalignment.
• Five levers to check before deciding whether to quit or to pivot.
• What the body reveals about clarity versus panic before any big decision.

Episode References/Links:

• Episode 400: Gay Hendricks - https://beitpod.com/ep400
• The Messy Middle by Scott Belsky - https://www.themessymiddle.com
• Regulation Series Part 1 - https://beitpod.com/ep718
• Regulation Series Part 2 - https://beitpod.com/ep719
• Listening to Yourself Part 1 - https://beitpod.com/ep682
• Listening to Yourself Part 2 - https://beitpod.com/683
• Listening to Yourself Part 3 - https://beitpod.com/ep730
• Listening to Yourself Part 4 - https://beitpod.com/ep731
• Submit your wins or questions - https://beitpod.com/questions

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Resources:

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-g
• Lesley Logan website https://lesleylogan.co/
• Be It Till You See It Podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjogqXLnfyhS5VlU4rdzlnQ
• Profitable Pilates https://profitablepilates.com/about/

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Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 00:00

You don't want to quit your dream. It's not the dream that you're trying to quit. It's the exhaustion that is going along with it, and that happens, right? We start doing things one way, and so we keep doing it that way, and we think, "Oh my God, if I change it, it's just going to all fall apart." When really, maybe it needs to change so we can keep growing.

Lesley Logan 00:19

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Lesley Logan 01:02

All right, love, so a little while ago, I caught myself in one of those moods where you just want to quit it all. I'm just, I was working on this email and I was, I am over this. Why am I doing this? Why did I say yes to this? I said yes a long time ago and it made sense. And now I'm in it, and I don't want to be in it anymore. I don't like the schedule that's supporting it. I am just really tired of acting like it's all it was work. This is working, and I think we've all been there before. When it's just months ago, we made decisions. Now we're the person we are. People would blame it on perimenopause, ADHD, whatever, whatever. But the reality is, is when you're in those spaces, you do need to sit before you quit. That's what I did. So I sat with myself. What is the thing that's bothering me the most? Because I really do love what I do. So what about this isn't working? What about this am I actually done with? And that's what I'm talking about today. That's what this episode is about: should we quit or should we pivot?

Lesley Logan 02:02

So Be It, babe. Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It podcast, where we really do talk about becoming the person who does the thing you really want to do. We do. We talk about doing that because you're going to do it before you're ready. You're going to start acting as if you're that person. You are going to do. You're going to be the person who does the thing, so you can have the thing. It's about instead of waiting to have the thing to be the person, right? But it's complicated. It's hard. So this is part one of a two-part series. We're doing these solo podcasts based on what you've been asking for, what you've really wanted, and we've had lots of interesting questions about quitting. I've definitely have some friends in my life who are literally like quitting. I'm like, are you sure you want to quit-quit? You sure you don't want to just reframe, change the location, change the title? You know, quit-quit? So I thought it would be really interesting just to let's talk about it. Is it time to quit or do we need to pivot? And I know that word pivot is a strong word for those of us who survived 2020. I am the pivot queen when I am in spaces and places, and I hate that and love that about myself because it does make me very hireable. But it is important that we get honest about what is going on in our reality before we make big decisions, because I do find that a lot of women that I know would rather just quit it all and start all over than take some time, take a 30,000-foot view.

Lesley Logan 03:29

So let's get into it. Let's talk about it. So first, we have a quitting myth that I want to talk to you about. What I want to really start off with is actually that I find a lot of people will be afraid to quit because they feel like they, that means they failed, and I've definitely experienced this. We made a big transition with Agency several years ago, and originally I was, my god, we failed at this. Like I told myself some stupid story. No, no, no, we did not. We didn't even quit it, right? We actually just pivoted. So, but we got to a place where it had gone as big as it could in that capacity, and I had changed, and the members had changed, and the needs had changed, and technology had changed, and what we have capacity for had changed. And so, you know, it's really important that when you are making these big decisions in your life, that you do not see quitting as failing because they are not the same things.

Lesley Logan 04:22

I used to be so afraid to quit jobs because I thought, oh my god, they're not going to like me, or they're going to think I don't like them, or that I didn't think I'm cut out for this or something. Rather than no, I'm just, there's this other thing over here that I need to be challenged with, I need to experience, need to go through, but there is something about those of us who are recovering perfections and overachievers, firstborn daughters. We tend to catastrophize changes on our decisions as if we have somewhat failed or failing people or failing ourselves, and it's just not true. It actually is a really convenient story just to help us be stuck.

Lesley Logan 05:00

So, if you are in a space where you're just wanting, you're wanting to quit something, it's information, not a judgment or a verdict or something like that. Just information, and I think the more we can be gatherers of information, so that we can make the best decisions, that's going to make life a lot more fun. It's going to make it easier to be it until we see it. So the distinction I want you to kind of keep in mind as we go through this episode is you don't want to quit your dream. It's not the dream that you're trying to quit. It's the exhaustion that is going along with it, and that happens, right? We start doing things one way, and so we keep doing it that way, and we think, oh my god! If I change it, it's just going to all fall apart. When really, maybe it needs to change so we can keep growing and keep doing it. Right?

Lesley Logan 05:46

So, going back to my story about how we changed Agency. If we did not make those changes, agency I could not currently have a version of it. It was becoming so encompassing of my time, and it was keeping me from being able to do the other things that I really dreamt of doing, and so if I didn't make the change, if I didn't quit the, I'm not going to say I was exhausted from it, but just the weight of it on my calendar. Then if I didn't make that change, then I was going to miss out on all the other things I want to do, right? And we have to be honest about those things. So you're not quitting the dream; you are quitting the exhaustion or the way that you're doing that dream, right? And when it's late at night and you are working the midnight oil, as they say, or burning the midnight oil, you know it's really hard to make a distinction between information and a verdict, information and a final, a finality, right? Everything can feel big, and we can catastrophize it. I'm really good at that.

Lesley Logan 06:43

If you listen to episode 400 with Gay Hendricks in his book, there is this thing that we all do. We don't all do it, but there's different ways that you pull yourself out of your genius zone to get into your comfort zone. And one of those things is catastrophizing. And so that happens when it's late at night and this thing isn't working and this thing isn't working, and then it's, well, I should just quit, and then it's, well, and all these other things aren't working, and we, it's really hard when we're tired to see things as information and support for where we need to go, and or a guidance as opposed to what it feels like, which is just you failed, but you didn't. So they're not the same thing. It is confusing, you know. I think it's really important that we remember that we get to love the things that we are doing.

Lesley Logan 07:26

And if we're not loving the current version of them, we can make a change and it doesn't mean failure finale. So, the next thing I wanna talk about is the messy middle is not a stop sign. So, a lot of people that I coach, they get into the middle of what their dream is and what their thing is that they're doing. And it is messy and it is hard, and sometimes it feels like you're going backwards and not forwards or going down and not up. And if you ever look up the book, "The Messy Middle," it's literally what it's called. It's got this graph on the front and it's got a starting point and an ending point and it goes like a weird rollercoaster. But everything does end up. But it doesn't feel like that 'cause when you're in the middle and you're going up and down and up and down, sometimes you don't realize that you're actually up. You just, you just were down a bit and you didn't realize that like you've been increasingly going up there. So, a lot of people will get into the messy middle, and they won't be getting achieving the things that they are wanting to do quick enough, and so then they think that they're not cut out for this, and that they should quit. And I just want to say, everything I have ever built, including this podcast, is currently in the messy middle because it will be there until I exit, right? But some days are better than others. Some days it feels like some seasons feel like it's all falling apart. Other seasons feel like we can't even keep up with how great it's going. But when it is all feels like it's all falling apart and not working, it can feel like, oh, maybe I should stop, maybe I should quit.

Lesley Logan 08:54

And you need to understand that the messy middle is genuinely part of the process. It is where we actually build the muscle we need to go where we're got to to get where we're going to grow to, where we're going to grow our business to, we're going to grow our dreams to. You have to have experiences so you can handle bigger experiences, right? The success you want is really determined based on the problems you're able to solve, and so if you haven't experienced a problem, it's hard to know how to solve that, so it's going to be something you have to do. And so it's better to learn that in the messy middle than try to get to the end. So I just want to say, your brain will start to go off the feelings and the vibes. You got to have data. You got to have data, and you have appointments with yourself to have the data, so that you can make a confident decision about pivoting or quitting, right? And, you know, we all know this, but it's worth discussing. Decision fatigue is a real thing. And so when you're overwhelmed, your brain wants to reduce mental load, and quitting looks like the fastest exit. But burnout does the same thing. It makes everything feel impossible, even the things you still care about. So the messy middle isn't proof you picked the wrong thing. Sometimes it's just proof that you're just freaking tired. And it's okay to be tired because a lot of us will do a lot of things on our own, and think we don't have the time to hire, outsource, or can't afford this course or this class, and so we do things kind of the harder way. And there is a lot of support now. And so sometimes that proof that you're just tired is a good place to be so that you can actually change the things that you're doing so that you can keep going on the journey but be less tired. So just keep that in mind that, sometimes you're overwhelmed, and so you feel like, "Well, I should just quit." Overwhelmed is not a bad thing, you know? There's gonna be days you're underwhelmed, there's gonna be days you're overwhelmed. We really have to be mindful about just going off of vibes and then being harsh on ourselves. 

Lesley Logan 10:47

And we can add on to this because if you have an ADHD brain like I do, like a lot of you do, because we attract each other, something that we have to be mindful of, and this is something that my coaches have been really helpful with is our brains crave novelty and stimulation. So if a project or goal we are working on stops being new and starts being in that maintenance messy middle, then our brain doesn't get stimulated from it, and it can read it as it's not working when actually we're just in a boredom state because we lack stimulation. We lack the hormones that keep our brains focused, and so it's not misalignment. And so something that I have to really ask myself: I'm like, am I craving a dopamine high? Can I go for a run? Can I play with my puppy before I want to quit something that feels unexciting for someone that is exciting? Is this my ADHD ruling the show, or is this my actual conscious decision of who I want to be until I see it? And so I hope that really makes sense. Is this the ADHD, or is this real life? Right? Is it? What's going on there? And sometimes that means I do go for, when I do try to get the dopamine high, or I do take my medication, and then it's, oh, okay, I see. We were just a little bit bored.

Lesley Logan 12:04

So that leads us to our third segment, which is asking better questions. So before you quit anything, instead of asking, "Should I stay or should I go?" Ask what part is actually not working. If you're to look at everything, right? So we're looking at this podcast, for example, and I was just, you know, it's been six years. I feel, you know, in three years since we went to three episodes, I feel like it's really time to review everything. So it's not the question was not should I quit the podcast. The question is what about this podcast is working? What about this podcast do people love? What about what do the stats say about each of the episodes? What would make me really enjoy it like I did at the very beginning? What do I still enjoy? What parts of it am I not enjoying? So instead of we're done, it's no, no, no. What do we need to change? What needs to reframe, reorganize, redo, refiness, get rid of, so that we can continue to grow. So, ways to ask yourself and in your situation is: Is it the pace? Is it going too slow or too fast? Is it the pressure? Is that pressure from you, an outside source? Is it the people? Maybe you've gone as far as you can with the people that you're with. That happens. It's not personal. You know, it really does suck to let go of people or replace people with somebody else, but we're doing some work on our YouTube channel. I love our team, and I love our team in general. It doesn't matter the department, but I do love our YouTube team. They've done a really great job with what I want, and I want more. So I brought someone in, not to replace them, but to guide them to the next stage, right? Because I think it's important for us to always examine what's working, what's not working, where do we want to go, and is this, do we have the skill sets for where we want to grow, or do we need to bring them in? So is it the plan, right? Did you start with a map that actually wasn't finished, or did you make a plan based on information, and then halfway through, you got new information. So you're operating on an old plan, but with new information, right? Is it the support you have or you don't have? Maybe you don't have it. I said I hired someone to help me with where I want to go with my YouTube channel.

Lesley Logan 14:12

Is it the expectation you've set for yourself and what is supposed to happen? Have you changed your goals in your life? One of my girlfriends is retiring from what she has been doing, and it's interesting when people change their lives in different ways. It does force you to kind of examine what you're doing, and it's kind of nice because then, oh, what am I jealous of from her? What am I envious? What's what am I? Oh, I could never do that because I love this. All that is information that really helps you understand what's working in your life, and then what needs to be altered, exchanged, changed up, supported, hired out. Right. So, if it is pace, pressure, people, plan, or support, then those are five different problems with different solutions, and we don't even need to ask ourselves, "Should I quit?" Because it's not about quitting; it's actually about change, working with different levers, and we just can't see that in the moment because oftentimes we were thinking about this at the worst time of our fueled self when we haven't had enough sleep and when we are completely overwhelmed and exhausted, so it's really important that we, you know, give ourselves space and a place to review things from a 30,000-foot view and not so emotionally when when that happens. And that's really hard, I know.

Lesley Logan 15:33

So the next thing I want to get into for should I quit or should I pivot is your body already knows something, and this is something I really have had to. I really learned the hard way. I will say that every time I got a somewhat boyfriend in my life, I got immediately sick, really sick. Different kinds of sickness, just different kinds of colds, really. But in the summertime, when no one gets sick, so my body was allergic to them, and I should have taken that as a hint. But you know it takes time. So here is something that I think we have to trust. We have to learn to trust is that your body, our bodies, often know before our brain can articulate. If you were to ask yourself, "Should I quit?" and your body doesn't feel instantly calm. In fact, it feels panicked or frustrated. Then it's probably not quitting. But is it that I don't want to work weekends anymore? Yeah, that feels really good. So your body often can let you in on how you're feeling, even if your brain hasn't fully articulated it yet. So I want you to be paying attention. Does your body feel like it's in panic mode? Does it feel heavy? Do you feel relief or clarity or spaciousness? You know, when I was when Brad and I were talking about making just a few changes, the podcast, I could tell as we were going. Should we do this? Should we do this? I could feel. Oh, that doesn't make me excited. Oh my god, that makes me feel so excited. Oh, I love this. Oh, I'm so excited for that. And as my body was feeling that joy and excitement, it really let me know that okay, this is the path we want to go. Which I, my brain could not have articulated that with the start of the meeting. That's not what my brain knew. You know, I had to really take some time and think up some ideas, and it's okay to still throw ideas out there. There's no bad idea in a brainstorm, right?

Lesley Logan 17:16

So it is the sensations that give us different information. Relief and spaciousness often point towards something that's actually complete and feeling really good. Panic and urgency often point towards fear or towards avoidance, or that can be dressed up as a decision. And that is tricky. Intuition and avoidance can almost feel identical at first, and it's why we have that whole series on regulation and listening to yourself. So go back and listen to them because if you're dysregulated, then it can be really tricky to listen to your body, and you can take something as fear and I'm going to feel it anyways when it's actually, ooh, that doesn't feel good. But you were dysregulated, so how you weren't able to read the signals correctly. So I understand that getting to know yourself and listen to your body sometimes can create panic, and it can be hard to listen to that intuition, and again, we have those episodes on listening to yourself and the intuition and where it comes from. It comes from experience, right? So, if you're new to listening to yourself, it is going to take some time. That means if you're before you quit something, before you pivot, you really need to take some time to understand what your body is telling you, so you can lean on your intuition. You can't. I don't want anyone listening to this podcast make rash decisions and go, "Oh god. I mean, it's not like you can't go back. Sometimes you can, but wouldn't it be nice if you just took a little bit longer to really feel into yourself about what it is that you are doing, what is it you're needing? I don't want you to go, "Oh my god, I'm so dramatic." You're not dramatic, right? It's just that your body's having a hard time understanding clarity versus urgency, right? It can be hard to feel when something is loud in your brain.

Lesley Logan 18:48

So, next time you feel like spiraling, please, please, please do not make a permanent decision from that temporary state. If you can, I need you to sleep on it. I need you to go, if you can't sleep, it's too early in the day. I need you to go move your body. I need you to do something to get regulated, and then find a space, a place, a journal, a person where you can actually just ask yourself these questions, so that you don't make a permanent decision from a temporary state. Because it could just be temporary. If you go far out on the block, you feel better. Then we don't even need to do a decision. There's nothing to make. You just needed, you just needed some dopamine. You need some air. You need some vitamin D. Before we wrap things up, we have a couple more things. I do want to talk about the sunk cost trap because I do think that some people will stick with something and not quit because of all the time and money they've put into it. And I just want to say that is a real thing.

Lesley Logan 19:40

And the name of it is called the sunk cost fallacy. Many people have stayed in relationships because of how much time they have together. People keep friends around. People keep working on a project 'cause they spent a lot of money on it. We have invested in things, and it didn't go well, and we just kept doing calls with them. And I'm like, just let's just walk away from the fucking money, you know?

Lesley Logan 19:58

Because it's every hour we spend with them is an hour we're not doing something else that is making us money, and that didn't work. And so, but you know, it's we people, the human body and brain is conditioned to not lose money versus go make it. So, just want to say, if you are in a space where afraid to make a decision about quitting or pivoting because you've been investing so much time, I think it is really, really important to make sure that you're differentiating what we talked about at the beginning of this episode, which is quitting is not failing. It is if you find yourself going, "I should have known better. I'm embarrassed. Oh my god, I'm an idiot." All that stuff is is probably a sign that you're in judgment. Well, you are in judgment, but that you're in that sunk cost fallacy, and so you're kind of sticking things out, you do want to get to yourself to a place of you know what I learned what I needed to learn here, and I'm complete because that's what a lot of things are. A lot of things are just learning lessons, and we can just end it, right? And ending things does not mean that they are a failure. It's information. It's feedback, right?

Lesley Logan 20:57

So some endings are complete, others are often like a setup for where you're going to go. You know, everyone thinks that things are a setback, but have you ever seen how you do a bow and arrow? You pull back to go forward, right? So just know that sometimes we stick with things because we have spent so much time and money, we feel like we have a lot to lose when really we've gotten the lessons, the network, the people, the places that we need to go, and it's time to move forward. And then we got information from that that will set us up for what we want to do. So I want to leave you with this because I do think that a lot of times we don't realize how brave we are, and that we often think that quitting is not courageous or brave, but it can be. Also, it can be very brave to stay in the middle, and it can be very courageous to sit in a little discomfort a little longer because the mission is still alive, and you're not, you don't have enough information to make a change, and the change is not to quit.

Lesley Logan 21:58

Sometimes the brave thing is telling the truth that this is done, you're not a failure, but it's it's not quitting. It's not shame. It's just the end. We ended that book. So I just want to say that bravery and courageousness can look like staying and getting more information. It can look like pivoting because you have the information. It can look like quitting because you've completed the task that you can in this stage, and I just I think it really it really does take guts to think about that and to do that, and I I really do hope that you see that too.

Lesley Logan 22:31

So I I like to give you some journal prompts with these episodes. I hope you like that. Let me know if this is silly, Lesley. Why are we doing this? Because I do want you to learn to listen to yourself, and my verbiage might not be the same words you would use, but I want you to grab your journal or open up your notes app, and I want you to do what am I actually done with? What am I actually done with? It's really funny. I'm recording this on the 9/9 portal, and you're supposed to write nine things that you're not taking with you. And so, even though you're listening, that's not on 9/9. I honestly think it's really important. What am I actually done with?

Lesley Logan 23:02

Be specific, not this whole thing, but the actual part, the actual piece. I'm done with taking phone calls before 8 a.m. I'm done with people having access to my personal line. I'm done with emails from people who simply could Google the answer, right? What am I done with? Then the next question you're going to journal on is, when I imagine walking away, what does my body do? Do I panic, or do I feel space? So imagine yourself quitting, walking away, being done with whatever the specific thing is, and how does that feel?

Lesley Logan 23:39

The next question is, am I making this decision from a space of clarity, or am I making this from a state of spiral or panic, urgency, frustration? And I don't need you to rush your answer. You might even just ask yourself the question: Go for a walk. Your brain loves an open loop, but we're going to build on that for part two. And I think awareness is key for being able to do our next move. And so we're gonna in part two. We're gonna really dive into, you know, is it a pivot? Is a real goodbye? Is it a pivot or a real goodbye?

Lesley Logan 24:12

And so, you know, that's part one. That's what I want to kick you off with. So I hope that gives you something to think about for the next couple days before we come back with our second episode in the series. And I love if something, you know, if something I said here really helped you. I would love for you to screenshot this episode, share it on the social feeds that you use, share this text to a friend who needs to hear it. Maybe someone in your life who is going through something and just really wondering: Is it time to quit? Is it time to pivot? This podcast grows because you share it, so please do. And until next time, Be It Till You See It.

Lesley Logan 24:42

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.

Brad Crowell 25:24

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 25:29

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell 25:34

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 25:41

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.

Brad Crowell 25:44

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.

Lesley Logan 25:57

All right, Be It babe. We're gonna talk about something.

Lesley Logan 26:05

Ask and you shall receive.

Lesley Logan 26:07

I love how you have time to fix a table. Okay, great.

Lesley Logan 26:11

Thank you.

A frustrating hair day turns into a real lesson in boundaries when a teammate knows exactly when to step aside. Lesley Logan explains why honoring limits builds deeper trust, and why the person who says no is often worth keeping close. She also celebrates listener wins around consistency and guilt-free rest, proof that showing up and slowing down both count.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] mailto:[email protected].

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/#follow-subscribe-free.

In this episode you will learn about:

• Frustrating hair routine highlights the need for simpler solutions.
• Recognizing limits and handing the job to the right person.
• Consistent weekly movement routines worth sharing.
• Sleeping in is rest, not a screw up to apologize for.
• Lesley's mantra of week to carry into the weekend.

Episode References/Links:

• Lesley Logan YouTube reformer freebies - https://beitpod.com/reformerfreebie
• Cori - https://threads.instagram.com/cori_ca111
• @home_grown_pilates - https://www.instagram.com/home_grown_pilates
• Submit your wins or questions - https://beitpod.com/questions

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox. https://lovethepodcast.com/BITYSI

DEALS! DEALS! DEALS! DEALS! https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipment

Check out all our Preferred Vendors & Special Deals from Clair Sparrow, Sensate, Lyfefuel BeeKeeper’s Naturals, Sauna Space, HigherDose and ToeSox https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipment

Be in the know with all the workshops at OPC https://workshops.onlinepilatesclasses.com/lp-workshop-waitlist

Be It Till You See It Podcast Survey https://pod.lesleylogan.co/be-it-podcasts-survey

Be a part of Lesley’s Pilates Mentorship https://lesleylogan.co/elevate/

FREE Ditching Busy Webinar https://ditchingbusy.com/

Resources:

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-g
• Lesley Logan website https://lesleylogan.co/
• Be It Till You See It Podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjogqXLnfyhS5VlU4rdzlnQ
• Profitable Pilates https://profitablepilates.com/about/

Follow Us on Social Media:

• Instagram https://www.instagram.com/lesley.logan/
• The Be It Till You See It Podcast YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-g
• Facebook https://www.facebook.com/llogan.pilates
• LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/lesley-logan/
• The OPC YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/@OnlinePilatesClasses

Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:00  

It's Fuck Yeah Friday. 

Brad Crowell 0:01  

Fuck yeah! 

Lesley Logan 0:02  

Get ready for some wins. Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started. 

Lesley Logan 0:47  

Hey, Be It babe. How are you? Welcome back to our Friday episodes. Oh my gosh. Okay, so this Friday you're hearing this, and I'm about to go into a whirlwind of trains, planes, and automobiles. So we are praying to the travel gods that everything goes well, but today is also a Fuck Yeah Friday, which means we get to vent a little bit, and you get to share some wins, and you get a mantra, and get on your day, and that means I get to share your wins. And so when you send them into the beitpod.com/questions, it really helps because then I can share it with you on the date you might need to hear. You might be stuck in traffic and going, "Oh my god, that's a win I had a month ago, thank God, I'm being reminded of that. Right. Before we get into your win, because being in my communities, you know, you can vent, but you have to have a win. So I'm gonna tell you right now, my hair looks really good on this video if you're watching it. But I've been annoyed with my hair because it feels like it only looks good the day I wash it. It air dries so cute, and then it's a tangled mess, and then I brush it, and then it's never cute again. Don't even come at me with your spray bottles. I've tried them all. I've bought everything that's for type two A hair, aka Irish hair. I've tried everything. It doesn't work, so I'm just frustrated because I just want to have pretty hair without spending an hour on it every day. My makeup only takes eight minutes, right? So, anyways, here's what happened that's a win, my hairdresser, my love, and I was like, "Can we like shave my head? Can we cut it off? Can we do this? And she's, "No, no, no, no, no." And then finally, the girl who cuts hair next to her was wonderful. And I've talked to her every time I come in. I love her. She said, "My hairdresser, who does my hair, dyes my hair. She's cutting your hair. She's going to be the one that does it. She's doing it. And so that girl's, "When am I seeing you? Okay when I get back from tour. So after I record this, I am going to get my hair cut by someone who is going to do a great job. And I love my girl who dyes my hair, but she really truly wants someone else to cut it, and I respect that. Like I actually truly respect that. I think that is so amazing. So a win is also that I have an amazing team around me. Who is I'm not the person who's doing this for you. And I love that she has boundaries like that, so that's a win for her as well. 

Lesley Logan 2:44  

All right, your win is from @cori_ca111, "I did a reformer workout 3 times this week, with one of your YouTube freebies." I love reading that. I'm glad you got to enjoy. We've got a couple reformer workouts on there. They're old. You guys have to go look for them, but they exist, so put new ones out every week on OPC. But way to get three in a week-that is amazing. And then this one is from @home_grown_pilates, "I got to sleep in. It was fabulous." I love that you are treating that as a win because I do think so many people go, "Oh, I slept in, I screwed up, and you're like, "Oh my god, it was fabulous! Like way to celebrate taking care of you. 

Lesley Logan 3:20  

All right, loves. So the Be It Pod is here for you. It's here to support you. It's here to give you some great ideas for how to be it till you see it. Acting more like the person you want to be before waiting for it to be there. And I just hope that this is so helpful. So please let us know what your favorite takeaways are. What topics do you want us to make sure we're doing episodes on because we are actively finding guests on specific topics you've reached out to us about, and also done doing some solo episodes. 

Lesley Logan 3:45  

And here is your mantra: "I am enough just as I am. I'm enough just as I am. Be It babe, you are enough just as you are. Go have an amazing, amazing weekend. Thank you so much. I'll talk to you soon. Oh, and until next time, Be It Till You See It. 

Lesley Logan 4:01  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.

Brad Crowell 4:44  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell. 

Lesley Logan 4:49  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell 4:53  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi. 

Lesley Logan 5:00  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.

Brad Crowell 5:04  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time. 

Lesley Logan and Brad Crowell break down the conversation with Jamie Lerner, a well-being therapist and author who left psychotherapy after watching clients use their past as the excuse that kept them stuck. They dig into why society rewards women for wearing the busy badge, what it actually means to look inward, and the internal compass Jamie says everyone is born with.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] mailto:[email protected].

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/#follow-subscribe-free.

In this episode you will learn about:

• How society rewards women who put themselves last and stay overworked.
• Brad unpacks the inner knowing Jamie calls a natural internal compass.
• Five minutes of silence outside as the practice of looking inward.
• Laughing when you judge others reveals what you actually want yourself.
• Setting aside ten minutes daily for lovingly curious questions.

Episode References/Links:

• Attention Deficit Disorder Association (ADDA) - https://add.org
• upLift Teacher Training Program - https://xxll.co/uws
• eLevate Mentorship Program - https://lesleylogan.co/elevate
• OPC Flashcards - https://opc.me/flashcards
• OPC Posters - https://opc.me/posters
• Pilates on Tour (Powered by Balanced Body) - https://xxll.co/pot
• Cambodia Retreat Waitlist - https://crowsnestretreats.com
• OPC Winter Tour - https://opc.me/tour
• Jamie Lerner's Website - https://jamie-lerner.com
• Book: The Ever Loving Essence of You - https://a.co/d/0i9I7Tc5
• The Quickie Texting Service - https://beitpod.com/quickietexting
• Ep. 1 ft. Joanna Vargas - https://beitpod.com/ep01
• Core Compassion Project - https://corecompassionproject.org
• Submit your wins or questions - https://beitpod.com/questions

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox. https://lovethepodcast.com/BITYSI

DEALS! DEALS! DEALS! DEALS! https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipment

Check out all our Preferred Vendors & Special Deals from Clair Sparrow, Sensate, Lyfefuel BeeKeeper’s Naturals, Sauna Space, HigherDose and ToeSox https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipment

Be in the know with all the workshops at OPC https://workshops.onlinepilatesclasses.com/lp-workshop-waitlist

Be It Till You See It Podcast Survey https://pod.lesleylogan.co/be-it-podcasts-survey

Be a part of Lesley’s Pilates Mentorship https://lesleylogan.co/elevate/

FREE Ditching Busy Webinar https://ditchingbusy.com/

Resources:

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-g
• Lesley Logan website https://lesleylogan.co/
• Be It Till You See It Podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjogqXLnfyhS5VlU4rdzlnQ
• Profitable Pilates https://profitablepilates.com/about/

Follow Us on Social Media:

• Instagram https://www.instagram.com/lesley.logan/
• The Be It Till You See It Podcast YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-g
• Facebook https://www.facebook.com/llogan.pilates
• LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/lesley-logan/
• The OPC YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/@OnlinePilatesClasses

Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:00  

I actually don't think it's bad to be jealous. I think it is bad to judge yourself for being jealous and not actually taking a moment to know why. What about that thing is making me have the grass is greener?

Lesley Logan 0:11  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Lesley Logan 0:54  

Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It interview recap where my co-host in life, Brad and I are going to dig into the insightful convo I had with Jamie Lerner in our last episode. If you haven't yet listened to that interview, feel free to pause this now and go back and listen to that one, and then come back and join us, or you can just listen all the way through and then just let your podcast play that one. 

Brad Crowell 1:11  

You can start at episode one. We're only 740 in right now.

Lesley Logan 1:15  

I know. I mean, so many. It's so many. Today is October 1st 2026. It is ADHD Awareness Month, and you are listening to two ADHD hosts. By the way, just so you know, when we record these, the Adderall is worn off, so.

Brad Crowell 1:29  

That's also true.

Lesley Logan 1:30  

It's all we don't ever record when we are medicated. So because that would be that would make too much sense. But ADHD Awareness Month shines a light on Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder throughout October. This vital observance, spearheaded by organizations like Attention Deficit Disorder Association, aims to educate the public, reduce stigma, and champion effective treatments. Join the conversation, share resources, and support those navigating life with ADHD. I just want to tell you guys, it's not like a trend to go get diagnosed. If you think that you that's what's going on with you. You should do it because there are really great tools and systems that you can use. You don't have to take Adderall. There's other options. There's other systems you could put in place. But it has been really quite helpful to understand what's ADHD and what's just tired and what's whatever. And oh, I'm going on a dopamine high. Let's adopt a dog. You know, decisions like that. But I highly recommend it. And then the other thing I just want to add is I listened to this really wonderful clip where this woman said that the title ADHD is not really the best because it's what it is is it's a regulation disorder. People with ADHD have a hard time regulating in general. So like we go on highs and lows and highs and lows because it's really hard to regulate. I really like the example of you know those of you who listen to the podcast. Most of you understand, in the 80s and 90s there were those pens that had red, green, black, blue, right?

Brad Crowell 2:50  

Sure.

Lesley Logan 2:51  

So a neurotypical person will think red, click red, use red, finish the red, right? A neurodivergent person. 

Brad Crowell 3:00  

Is that what they'll do?

Lesley Logan 3:00  

Yeah, a neurodivergent person with ADHD will go. I had five ideas, all five pen, all five colors at the same time. That's how their brain works. And I thought that if you don't understand what that's like, you that I think it's a good visual. So, anyways, if you hear chewing in the background, that's Darla, and we're gonna let her do it because it keeps her busy, otherwise. 

Brad Crowell 3:19  

That's her ADHD (inaudible) also, too, my understanding is that ADHD presents itself slightly differently between men and women, and it's really coming out strong as. 

Lesley Logan 3:34  

The largest number of women are going through perimenopause at the same time.

Brad Crowell 3:37  

Yes, that is the point I was ultimately trying to eloquently get to, that I am not a woman to be able to say that, but that's happening right now, and so it might be that you have ADHD undiagnosed and don't know it. And if you're thinking, "Oh my god, I can't fucking think anymore, maybe it's because of this, and it's worth going to talk to someone about it. We did, and it was hilarious. Lesley's already told the story, but in five minutes, the psychiatrist was, "Yeah, you have ADHD. I'm giving you boom. You know, you're good. Let's go.

Lesley Logan 4:10  

And Brad and I did.

Brad Crowell 4:11  

I had to do a friggin' test.

Lesley Logan 4:12  

You did all the tests. I was. I don't have time for these tests.

Brad Crowell 4:16  

I had to go do a whole computer exam and the whole nine. I mean, I'm glad I did, but also I was. I gotta go all the way back out here to this place. I mean it's like 20 minutes away, but it felt like forever. Anyway, I'm very happy that I am formally diagnosed, and it has been interesting to to be taking medication for something like this because I I just always assumed that I was just getting older and my brain wasn't working the way that it used to, and that's true, I think. But also, I wonder. I don't know. I felt very productive and you know cogent when I was younger, and then things just started to slip away for me, and I just associated that with all the things that happened in my life and. 

Lesley Logan 4:55  

Maybe you're going through perimenopause.

Brad Crowell 4:56  

Yeah, I must be. I mean, I think I think that's it.

Brad Crowell 5:00  

That's the conclusion. I don't even know how I didn't come to that conclusion. 

Lesley Logan 5:02  

You know what I will say is the psychiatrist was really thoughtful. She said, "Look, she says what you'll have to understand about yourself is it's you versus the ADHD, and if you can really understand what's me and what's ADHD, it will really help you. As is a child where my ADHD was fully showing up, and people, oh, you're just not applying yourself. Oh, you're just being you're procrastinating. Oh, this, and so really, I'll be completely honest. I actually had a moment of being fucking pissed off because I think my life would be completely different had someone just diagnosed me earlier. Instead, I went my whole life masking, and then I got to a place where my hormones weren't helping me mask anymore, and I was tired of masking. And then I was just a fucking cunt. I was just mean. I was irritable. And now, when I am taking the medication and I'm focused and I'm irritable, I actually know that I am actually irritated. Versus, oh, this is just my. I'm tired. My brain is not able to operate, which means watch the fuck out because now I know.

Brad Crowell 6:03  

Now we know.

Lesley Logan 6:04  

Now we know. Now we know. And I'm a January Aquarius, and so some of it is we're tired. We're ready. We're moving on. Anyways, moving on. There's a lot of a lot of events and travel. So upLift is our teacher training program. You probably have heard the rumor. It's been something they've been whispering about. But my teacher training program for new teachers or partially trained teachers is called upLift, and it is going to start early next year in many different cities. If you want to know which cities that are going to be in.

Brad Crowell 6:27  

Probably around the world, in fact.

Lesley Logan 6:29  

That's our goal. That's our goal. At the time we're recording this, I'm looking at the applications right now, and I have some really epic educators that have applied that I'm really excited about. We're working really hard to make sure that next year is the right time for them, but you want to go to xxll.co/uws xxll.co/uws. If you are what are what is this all. 

Brad Crowell 6:51  

That's for upLift waitlist

Lesley Logan 6:53  

student

Brad Crowell 6:54  

student

Lesley Logan 6:54  

and you can blame Brad. So go there because I'm updating that waitlist monthly, and those are the people the people who will hear about the locations first. You won't have to wait for the Instagram algorithm to show you something. eLevate is for those who are already trained and you're looking for more of a master's program to study amongst other teachers, and you want to directly study with me. You can look at our live Q and A call that we did earlier this summer. I guess it's at lesleylogan.co/elevate. I will just tell you, we're recording this not when you're hearing it, and at the time of recording, there are two spots left in 2028, and 10 applications that at any time someone could go, yes, I'm ready, but don't let that stop you. Check it out. See, you might get the last spot if that's what you're looking for. Also, eLevate grads are the people who right now can apply to be an upLift educator. So if you were oh I want to be one of those educators, you must have gone through upLift at this time. So check that out. The flashcards. If you didn't know, maybe you love OPC or you're not ready to be an OPC member yet, but you are wanting to study with me, and like the other options are just not what you need right now. You can be a Pilates lover of any level. You can be a teacher of any background. And when you buy the OPC flashcards, you're actually supporting the Nevada SPCA, which is where we got Miss Darla. Go to opc.me/flashcards. We have six decks in there in the set, and they're wonderful. And they're edited by a contemporary trained instructor with contemporary equipment, and they are edited by my sister-in-law, who's never done Pilates. So anyone can read them. And then we have heard so many times people don't know where the posters are. Go to opc.me/posters. Okay, wow, this is a lot of talking. Really quickly, we are headed to Sacramento literally next week, and it's sold out. So you, too bad, so sad. You missed. If you don't have a ticket, you're. We're not seeing you there.

Brad Crowell 8:36  

Sacramento because Balanced Body is having a Pilates On Tour. It's also their 50th anniversary celebration.

Lesley Logan 8:41  

You can hang out with me at another 50th celebration, but stay tuned for that. We are going to go from Sacramento by another train to San Francisco. I think this sounds like a terrible idea, but this is what we're doing to fly to Cambodia to lead our retreat. And it was definitely an ADHD planned moment, and now we're going to live it.

Brad Crowell 9:00  

Oh we're living it.

Lesley Logan 9:01  

We're living it. Just thinking about the return trip home. So here's the deal, guys. We're driving to Sacramento with the van.

Brad Crowell 9:07  

Which is nine and a half hours.

Lesley Logan 9:08  

Nine and a half hours. Okay, sounds fun because it's so much easier than shipping the flashcards. It costs us so much fucking money to do that. 

Brad Crowell 9:15  

It's also trying to get the van at the event.

Lesley Logan 9:18  

Yeah, but it's not gonna. 

Brad Crowell 9:21  

We're gonna park that right out front. We're we're putting that in they're gonna they're gonna valet park that sucker right in front of the entrance.

Lesley Logan 9:28  

I know Brad's gonna figure that out because the event is not at their headquarters. 

Brad Crowell 9:31  

No, it's at the Hyatt or something. 

Lesley Logan 9:32  

It's like a thing, right? Yeah. So, anyways, I'll let you figure that out because I that's not my monkey, not my circus. Then we'll be at the event. Then we're gonna park that van at Ken Endelman's house, supposedly, which we have no idea where that is in regards to the Amtrak. We have to take an Amtrak. Hopefully, there's one left. We take the Amtrak to a BART before the BART shut down on a Sunday night. From the BART to our hotel, and then the next morning we fly out of San Francisco. Part of me is just throw money at this problem and park the van somewhere in San Francisco, but it's San Francisco, and I'm a little worried someone's going to move in. So we're not doing that. Not doing that. So, then. 

Brad Crowell 10:08  

No, if we're going to throw money at the problem, we're hiring a private driver from Sacramento.

Lesley Logan 10:11  

That's a great idea. But here's what's going to happen: we return back, and we have to do the reverse trip, you guys, we have to go BART to Amtrak, Amtrak to the van, and then a nine and a half hour drive home. And this is the part that I don't think my husband has thought through. So you're hearing it first here. I think he is too. So if you want to go to Cambodia next year, when we're not doing planes, trains, and automobiles, you can get on the wait list. I don't know the link for that. Brad will tell you.

Brad Crowell 10:39  

crowsnestretreats.com

Lesley Logan 10:41  

Great. January is when we'll open up the early bird. We have so many people interested in 2027. I promise you do not want to wait. 

Brad Crowell 10:48  

We had a lot of interest, especially from this summer tour that we just got back from. A lot of interest, and I'm telling you, this past year's trip sold out in three weeks, and I'm sure this one is going to do the same or even faster.

Lesley Logan 11:02  

Yeah. Then in November, I'm teaching at basically a Pilates On Tour, but in China, outside of Shanghai, I can't tell you how you're going to sign up for that. But I feel I feel like if you Google it, it will happen. They are not. They've not sent me a link for you. So, but people are excited.

Brad Crowell 11:17  

You can find it online.

Lesley Logan 11:18  

I'm sure you can. I'm sure you're all here. I'm sure you can all Google, but then because I'm a crazy person, I'm gonna go back to Asia two weeks later to teach at Pilates On Tour Goa.

Brad Crowell 11:30  

Which is India.

Lesley Logan 11:31  

Yeah, it is India. I think people know Goa. It looks stunning, you guys. And this particular POT, it's the last one of the 50th year celebration, and when you, it's very different because we all have lunch together. It's more like a retreat style. You are there for the whole event. You are going to go to Instagram Pilates On Tour India, and you can sign up through there because.  

Brad Crowell 11:54  

It's not on the POT page. It's not on Balanced Body's website.

Lesley Logan 11:57  

I mean, you know what? It might be.

Brad Crowell 11:58  

It is. It's xxll.co/pot

Lesley Logan 12:00  

Okay, do that. What do I know? I'm just the. 

Brad Crowell 12:02  

I'm sure it's on there.

Lesley Logan 12:03  

You guys, today is October 1st, which means the tickets drop today for the winter tour. So do not miss out. Go to opc.me/tour because.

Brad Crowell 12:12  

By the way, if you didn't hear what she just said, the winter tour tickets have just dropped today.

Lesley Logan 12:19  

Today, today, today, and we, it's going to be a very big tour. I'm actually flying from Goa to Denver, which doesn't make any sense now that I know the route. I'm coming through Europe, so I probably should have met you in New York. 

Brad Crowell 12:34  

Yeah, we're not. We're not doing that. You're coming as close to home as possible, but yeah, we're going to pick her up in in in Denver, and then go from there. But it's exciting to see the route is coming together. We're almost done. I can tell you the first half of the tour is going to take us from we're going to do Fort Collins or just south. There's a smaller town just south of Fort Collins. That's going to be the first tour stop. It's going to go up. There's a couple of stops on the way to Chicago, and there's a bunch more stops on the way to Boston, and then we're gonna scoop back around through New York and then Hershey, we're coming back to you.

Lesley Logan 13:06  

We love Hershey. You love us. 

Brad Crowell 13:09  

Then we're going down East Coast, but we're gonna cut over to Charlotte, North Carolina, and then we're gonna make our way down to Florida and then back across the country. So those are still TBD. We're working out the-the logistics and all the things. 

Lesley Logan 13:22  

By the time you're hearing this, it's worked out.

Brad Crowell 13:24  

Oh yeah, it's worked out. Just go to OPC.me/tour. What am I talking about?

Lesley Logan 13:27  

We're actually just recording this in the past.

Brad Crowell 13:30  

Yeah.

Lesley Logan 13:31  

Before it has been because that's how we do life. Okay, we got to move on.

Brad Crowell 13:34  

Let's go. Let's go.

Lesley Logan 13:35  

So real quick, you guys, as you know, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and we wanted to spotlight a a project that we actually know the founder of very well. We know Pilates instructors who are part of it. So it's a nonprofit built by the Pilates community, founded in 2012 by Pilates instructor Jill Hinson after she saw firsthand how quickly Reformer work helped two clients recover from breast cancer surgery to regain their strength and mobility. So it's the Core Compassion Project, and realized that most people who could benefit from Pilates couldn't afford it. So, especially when they're going through cancer treatment. So, Core Compassion provides Pilate scholarships to breast cancer patients and survivors. $700 funds 10 private one-on-one sessions with a certified instructor who's specifically trained in post-cancer rehab, which is very important. You can't just show up to any Pilates studio and expect them to be able to support you during this journey, you definitely want someone who understands because they'll probably need what they can also provide is free specialized fitness bras and lymphedema compression sleeves, and then things which are things like survivors are needing, but the insurance doesn't cover most times. Doesn't cover a lot of things anymore. It's 100% volunteer run with a board that includes past scholarship recipients, and every October they rally the Pilates community together through their Compassion MATraiser, where studios and teachers host donation-based classes to fund the mission. If you are a Pilates person listening to this, and probably you are, this is your charity. So find more at corecompassionproject.org, or if you're just someone who wants to support women who are going through this and need this, it's at corecompassionproject.org. Obviously, if you don't have, you can also just supply $5. I mean, they'll take it, I'm sure. So, but $700 gets you gets that person 10 one-on-one sessions, which is really wonderful for someone who can understand what they're going through. So, anyways, if you have a charity you'd like us to look into, or you have a win that you want me to talk about on the FYFs, you can text us at 310-905-5534 or submit it at beitpod.com/questions. Yeah, okay, we're ready to talk about Jamie Lerner, finally.

Brad Crowell 15:32  

Woo!

Brad Crowell 15:34  

Welcome back. Let's talk about Jamie Lerner. Jamie is a well-being therapist and an author. She helps people get from where they are to where they want to be. After years as a psychotherapist, Jamie realized that having people look back at their past was not helping them move forward. Instead, it was becoming the very excuse that kept them stuck. So she walked away and looked within, discovering that her superpower was her own inner knowing about her own life, and she was trying to figure out how to explain that to others, how they can get back to that themselves. So today, she teaches people to trust themselves, take personal responsibility, and get lovingly curious about their own inner being. So, she wrote a book. It's called The Ever Loving Essence of You. You can find it on Amazon. She also has a service called The Quickie, which is her texting service where you can buy a package of time and text back and forth with her. Those links are going to be in the show notes. But she clearly has been through the psychotherapy couch sessions and was I'm over this myself. I'm I'm going to help people in a different way. It was really cool.

Lesley Logan 16:38  

I can't even imagine because I have to be honest. I can't even have friends who repeat themselves and stick get stuck. Like it really, it takes everything in me to listen to someone complain about the same thing for the third time. I cannot. So I could not ever have that job. And she said we we often live in a this victim mentality, and that society actively rewards women for being the victim by putting ourselves last and being overworked, and so it's true because everyone just wears the busy badge, right? I've got the busy badge of honor over here, and look how busy I am, look how tired I am, and look at all the things that I've done. And then guess what, you guys? Let's guess what they're gonna do. When you fail, then they're gonna call you controlling, emotional, emotional perfectionist, some control freak. So you can't win, but it's a false belief that all these other things are more important than our own well-being, and we use, she said, we use being busy as an excuse, choosing to hide behind it simply because we do not know how to include ourselves in self-care, and I think this is really key because I meet so many people who say, well, so it must be so nice for you because you have the time. You don't have kids, so you must have the time. You're right. I don't have kids. I don't have kids. We have two dogs, so I don't. They're not the same. But also, we're very busy. We have three companies plus a fourth in a different country. We have hundreds of members. We have dozens of people on our team. We have a different version of responsibilities. And if I do not take care of myself, I am not going to be able to do these things.

Brad Crowell 18:06  

Yeah, we we have a different definition of busy, and it doesn't involve you know kids and soccer games.

Lesley Logan 18:10  

I would say different definition of responsibility. We have different responsibilities. So, but I.  

Brad Crowell 18:15  

I guess we have a we have the same we have we have the same I'm busy excuse, but just in a different manner.

Lesley Logan 18:21  

Yeah, but I also, but I really do think that she is correct that we went. Okay, this. Well, I'm glad that we're re-recording this. You guys, this is the second time we record this. We recorded this before tour, and now we're back from tour. And we were in a city. I will not name the city, but we were in a city, and it was, we walked into a restaurant, which, by the way, the team did not tell me that there's probably a dress code. So I walk in, in cutoff shorts and an oversized T-shirt, with my bright red platform Crocs, okay, so I look like hell, and it was definitely the Real Housewives of that city kind of a restaurant. And we got stuck next to this table of the Real Housewives from that city, and I, five minutes of eavesdropping to their table, and I was, "Brad, I fucking cannot. If this is what having friendships like this is supposed to be about in a city, thank God we don't have kids. I could not." All they did was talk about, oh, it was how's your mom, and then the only reason they would listen is if their mom was sick. Oh, how's your kid? If you talked about your kids doing great, they didn't know what to say, so then they said, "Oh, well, she's struggling with this. Oh my god, mine too. Everyone, the conversation only kept going, and you were only rewarded for what you said if it was all negative and you were a victim and something was wrong. My goodness, you know what my favorite conversations with my friends are, is what they celebrate. Oh, I slayed this. Yeah, I bet you did. I love those conversations. So, anyways, but that's how people are rewarded, and then they get rewarded for putting themselves last because they're definitely looked at badly if they put themselves first by those people. But I would say there's a whole group of people like me who are ready to celebrate you putting yourself first. So, and Jamie, that's what Jamie wants.

Brad Crowell 19:58  

And Jamie. Absolutely. One thing I loved that Jamie said was that we are all born with a knowing, which acts as like a natural internal compass. This is very foreign idea to me. I did not grow up with anyone explaining that I could look inwardly and I could understand what I'm feeling and if something is right or wrong for me. You know, it's just not how I was raised.

Lesley Logan 20:22  

So I wasn't raised that way, but I know I had this, and that's why I felt like a weirdo, and that's why I was getting like I would get in trouble because the inner knowing was the compass. I don't actually know where East and West is, but I know what felt good, and that what people were wanting me to do did not feel good. Yeah, I didn't know how to do it. I didn't know what I was doing, so I was just.

Brad Crowell 20:39  

I definitely wasn't a people-pleaser. I was definitely the rebel, and I did the rebel. 

Lesley Logan 20:44  

Yeah, I would say you have an inner knowing. You wore ridiculous clothes every single day. 

Brad Crowell 20:48  

Yeah, but it was a little bit of like an FU to the man in a sense, as a teenager.

Lesley Logan 20:51  

Yeah, because there's an inner knowing that you that you wanted to do that.

Brad Crowell 20:53  

I did want to do that, and I was I always looked out to see how I could stick a thorn in the side of the process without actually getting in trouble, yeah, that's how I rolled. I didn't really want to get in trouble, but I really wanted to cause trouble. Does that make sense? 

Lesley Logan 21:07  

You just wanted to see how far you could do without being in trouble because you wanted to feel like you were breaking the rules without breaking the rules. 

Brad Crowell 21:13  

Yeah, yeah, pretty much. Yeah, you know. But anyway, this inner knowing that Jamie's talking about, she explained because of the contrast of life, society trains us to look outside of ourselves for pretty much everything, right? I mean, the irony is that we have a podcast telling you to look inwardly, but I think that it is just natural for us to look outside of ourselves. Our our parents, our church, our work, our friends, our siblings-you know-we're constantly looking to others for approval, I was the same way, especially when I was younger.

Lesley Logan 21:43  

Oh, we're raised to look at other people for approval, especially women. But I'm sure you, too, because even the Boy Scouts are the troop leaders going to give you these badges. Did you do a good enough job? Everything is to get other people's opinions of you to matter, but that's not whose opinion matters.

Brad Crowell 21:58  

Yeah, and seeking that external validation causes us to lose the basic sense of can we even trust our own decisions? What do we actually want for us? We don't even know what we want for us most of the time. Well, especially when we were growing up, what we wanted for us was what our parents told us we wanted for us, and then and then like somewhere in there, we're supposed to be oh now I get to choose what I want for me, you know, and and and we don't shift. Oh, you know, we're still looking to.

Lesley Logan 22:26  

Well, you never got to practice it.

Brad Crowell 22:28  

Right. Yeah, and and her argument is it's very easy for us to get back to looking internally, and she says that there's a trust that gets built when you sit with yourself, and she was talking about it's not even complicated in the sense of this meditation idea that I could never wrap my head around. And she said, "You know, you don't need to do any anything like that. It could just be five minutes of silence drinking a cup of coffee, where you just have a moment of you with you.

Lesley Logan 22:57  

Oh my god! I forgot my AirPods yesterday on the dog walk.

Brad Crowell 22:59  

Weird. 

Lesley Logan 23:00  

I know. I loved it.

Brad Crowell 23:03  

Oh, that was like an hour. Yeah. Well, good for you. 

Lesley Logan 23:06  

I mean, here's the deal. I loved the first half, and then the second half, I was done with it myself because I'm in my head all day, you know. So I didn't need more time. But so I did listen to a podcast without headphones, and well, the neighbors get to listen to my my true crime. But the first half was just like such a nice. I could hear the birds and all the things, and I was. This is wonderful. Maybe I should just not put them in until halfway.

Brad Crowell 23:28  

I mean, I love that.

Lesley Logan 23:29  

It's a it's a good intention.

Brad Crowell 23:31  

There's value. There's value.

Lesley Logan 23:32  

I will say you don't even have to do that. Five minutes is actually not that long, and you you sit out on the front porch, you know, or you could walk around a block, or you could just walk across the street. But you should get outside and be quiet.

Brad Crowell 23:46  

So if you want a feeling of coming home to yourself, start to look inward and see what that means. You know?

Lesley Logan 23:52  

I'm all. Here's the thing: she does make it sound so simple in a way that I did challenge her. Is it really that simple? Hold on. Is there? I mean, I was Jamie, people aren't gonna think it's that simple, but I think we overcomplicate things, and people have overcomplicated things to sell you something. And she's, it's actually, it is actually simple. And I think sometimes we think, well, then it must not work. But I really did believe, I do, I do trust what she had to say at the end. You know what? I bet you it is that simple, and we just want it to be complicated because then we can't do it. 

Brad Crowell 24:24  

Yeah, I mean, but what is it? You know, when you're, what does it mean to look inward

Lesley Logan 24:29  

To listen to yourself and not other people?

Brad Crowell 24:31  

Yeah.

Lesley Logan 24:31  

Oh gosh, I mean, I think it means that you. Well, this is what people won't want to do, and they feel like they're going to let people down because they're doing things for themselves and not for other people. But you, the only we can let people down is if you are actually incapable of being empathetic and loving and and taking and. 

Brad Crowell 24:47  

No, that's not what I mean. What's the practice of looking inward? 

Lesley Logan 24:50  

I think that's personal.

Brad Crowell 24:52  

Yeah, but we have to give them an actual tangible. 

Lesley Logan 24:55  

Well, I think Jamie did it in in the podcast. I think it's in these takeaways.

Brad Crowell 24:59  

So I'm gonna tell you that sitting with yourself and actually not distracting yourself and having a moment to think, that's.

Lesley Logan 25:10  

Yeah, but I'm not gonna tell you right now because I'm looking ahead.

Brad Crowell 25:12  

All right, well stick around. We'll be right back. Because that was a great teaser.

Brad Crowell 25:15  

Woo! Welcome back. Let's dig into those Be It Action Items that we had with Jamie Lerner on the last episode, what bold, executable, intrinsic, or targeted action items can we take away from Lesley's convo with her? She said, "Hey, laugh when you judge others, because what that means is that we're actually judging ourselves because we're projecting. We are projecting, and you know, take it from a psychotherapist to understand the technical elements of all those things, she says it simply means we're just projecting how we feel about ourselves onto others because we're judging them. And what that means is we are not connected to ourselves. We are not looking inward on ourselves at all in that moment. And she said it takes a little bit of practice, but when you start to identify that you're judging others, you should laugh at yourself. So I thought that was really funny. Go laugh with yourself, not at yourself.

Lesley Logan 26:07  

Yeah, yeah. No, it's like, hahahaha, I clearly want that. Or there's something about that. How that's so funny. I didn't realize it's something I wanted, or that's something that there's something about that I desire. Or there's you know I actually don't think it's bad to be jealous, I think it is bad to judge yourself for being jealous and not actually taking a moment to know what about that thing is making me have the grass is greener? Oh, there's something about that that you want. Maybe not that exact thing, but there's an energy or an emotion or something. And so I think taking the time to notice what you're jealous of, or we have a couple solo episodes about comparison. I think just came out. Anyways, about comparison, and we compare ourselves when the clarity isn't clear about what we want. And when clarity is clear, you're gonna be more likely to see that someone else doing something has nothing to do with your ability to do something. But when you are comparing yourself to someone else, and that jealousy is there. Then it's a sign, like, "Oh, I'm not clear on what I want. How silly of me to be so hard on myself when I obviously haven't finished planning."

Brad Crowell 27:11  

Yeah, she said, "It's an observation of how often you're disconnected in any given moment, and the realization and laughter allows you to reconnect with yourself. So there's no time to judge yourself for judging others. But what about you?

Lesley Logan 27:25  

Well, this goes into the question you had about going inward. She said, and I'll go back to the other things that she said, set aside 10 minutes every day. That's not even a half a percent of your day. Set aside 10 minutes every day, or just little moments here and there to get tuned back into yourself. And she said, "You can sit quietly and notice how often we're unkind and cruel to ourselves in a way we would never speak to another person. And she said, "In this time, ask yourself questions that are lovingly curious. Oh, I wonder why I am so interested in what that person is doing, or I wonder why I'm so intrigued by that, or I wonder what would allow me to be able to do something like that. Have some loving curiosity about yourself instead of having demanding immediate solutions. Go of needing an answer and just asking is enough. We can go back to episode one.

Brad Crowell 28:11  

Wow.

Lesley Logan 28:11  

Episode one is about just being like it is. 

Brad Crowell 28:15  

I wonder.

Lesley Logan 28:16  

I wonder. You know, and so, opening a loop in your brain, so that you can oh, yeah. I don't think they can read. It's really hard.

Brad Crowell 28:25  

It's hard.

Lesley Logan 28:26  

It's hard. 

Brad Crowell 28:27  

If you're watching on YouTube, we are trying to. There's my 1/3 tattoo on my hand, and it's on for me to see, which makes it very difficult for you to see. So she said, practice this moment by moment, which I also love because.

Brad Crowell 28:39  

Wait, what did she say?

Lesley Logan 28:40  

She said, "Practice this moment by moment", and that's something I also love because we are so hard on ourselves to be able to do this all the time. No, you do little bits, and over time they add up to lots of bits, and then it takes more of your day. And she said, "Most important," she said, "Know yourself, love yourself, and trust yourself, and laugh a lot with yourself." And I do think I remember my parents always saying, "Laughter brings healing to the bones." 

Brad Crowell 29:05  

It's the best medicine. 

Lesley Logan 29:07  

It's the best medicine. It's a great core workout. So I couldn't agree more.

Brad Crowell 29:10  

That's what they said?

Lesley Logan 29:11  

Well, they didn't talk about the core workout, but I added that part. They would take a lesson, go, "Laughter brings healing to the bones."

Brad Crowell 29:17  

Wow. I don't think my parents did that.

Lesley Logan 29:21  

We had very different childhoods. 

Brad Crowell 29:23  

They just tickle monster us.

Lesley Logan 29:24  

You you had a very consistent one. Mine was a little bit of a roller coaster.

Brad Crowell 29:28  

Healing to the bones.

Lesley Logan 29:32  

You know what's something so funny is I was in my Pilates session today, and my teacher Kim was talking to these other two women who were in the group, and they said they said something. He goes, "No, you're not weak. You're impatient." And I laughed so hard as, and they're like, "Oh, I have to put that on my wall. You're not weak. You're just impatient." Yeah, you guys are just expecting yourself to be good about something you just learned yesterday. You're not. It's not a weakness. It's like you're expecting something to happen tomorrow when you just learned how to do it yesterday. You know. So be kind. Have some loving curiosity.

Brad Crowell 30:10  

Yeah. 10 minutes will do that. Set aside.

Lesley Logan 30:13  

I'm Lesley Logan,

Brad Crowell 30:13  

and I'm Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 30:14  

You're amazing. Go send this to a friend as they hear it. Go laugh with yourself. And until next time, Be It Till You See It.

Brad Crowell 30:20  

Bye for now.

Lesley Logan 30:21  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.

Brad Crowell 31:04  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 31:08  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell 31:13  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 31:20  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.

Brad Crowell 31:23  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.

Most people were trained to look outside themselves for every answer, and the habit runs so deep it stops feeling like a choice. Well-Being therapist Jamie Lerner joins Lesley Logan to make the case that the knowing was always there, and getting back to it takes ten minutes a day, not a seventeen-point journal and a three-hour workshop. Jamie explains why laughter beats self-judgment, how alignment makes action feel effortless, and why procrastination might be the friend nobody told you about.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] mailto:[email protected].

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/#follow-subscribe-free.

In this episode you will learn about:

• How seeking outside becomes the excuse not to look within.
• Why Jamie says not to share your knowing with anyone.
• Laughter as the pattern for catching yourself judging others.
• 10 minutes a day is enough to get tuned back into yourself.
• Reframing procrastination as time to get into alignment.

Episode References/Links:

• Jamie Lerner's Website - https://jamie-lerner.com
• The Quickie Texting Service - https://beitpod.com/quickietexting
• Book: The Ever Loving Essence of You - https://a.co/d/0i9I7Tc5
• Jamie Lerner's LinkedIn - https://beitpod.com/jamielernerlinkedin
• Jamie Lerner's Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/lerner.jamie
• Jamie Lerner's Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/jamie_lerner
• Jamie Lerner's X - https://x.com/eleoy
• Cambodia Retreat Waitlist - https://crowsnestretreats.com
• Submit your wins or questions - https://beitpod.com/questions

Guest Bio:

Jamie Lerner, co-author of the book The Ever-Loving Essence of You, can put a fresh spin on just about anything that anyone throws her way. Her unique and masterful ability to re-frame even the most difficult situations is astounding. All of a sudden, your biggest nightmare becomes your greatest pleasure as she lovingly helps you sift through the contrast and find that small opening of light that quickly becomes your greatest jumping off point for clarity. Unassuming, reassuring and seemingly without any sense of ego, Jamie Lerner is able to put everyone and everything at ease. Jamie Lerner is an asset to any corporate setting. She is easily able to untangle the issues at hand and move right along into helping facilitate a solution-based platform for creative, productive, good-feeling collaboration and change. Jamie Lerner can most often be seen working with adults, teens, children, and couples as well as with small groups. She never positions herself as the expert of anything and is always reminding you that it is you who knows best for yourself ALWAYS. Jamie is an Integrative Well-Being Therapist who resides in the Southern California area.

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Resources:

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-g
• Lesley Logan website https://lesleylogan.co/
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Episode Transcript:

Jamie Lerner 0:00  

When we make our own schedules based on our own needs, that we can offer so much more to others because we know what we need for ourselves first and foremost. And if you don't nourish yourself, it's really impossible to assist others because you feel resentful, and that doesn't feel good to other people or to you.

Lesley Logan 0:21  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast, where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world, and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity, and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guests will bring bold, executable, intrinsic, and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and be it till you see it. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started. 

Lesley Logan 1:03  

Oh my goodness, loves! I am doing this intro with the most knowing, the most calm I could be. So obviously, that's a different, like it's a hummingbird calm. But the most calm and joyful, but thoughtful, and I mean, you're going to hear the word "knowing" a few times in this podcast. We have an incredible guest for you. I'm going to tell you right now. You're going to want to listen to this again. It is just wonderful reminder after reminder after reminder for you, my love. Listening to this because it's so easy to look outside of ourselves and then have frustrations about things that are going on. And our guest today is Jamie Lerner, and she is just going to help you find your absolute wonderful you-ness, your essence, and I don't mean that we're not. And this is not a double woo episode at all. This isn't even a woo. This is 100% authentic for you. I'm so excited to listen, and I hope you hit repeat, and I hope you share it with a friend, and I hope you check out what Jamie is doing if it really resonates with you because my goodness, I know I'm going to listen to this episode a few times because I just so many great reminders of what I knew. But sometimes you just get distracted because life gets crazy, and so this hopefully is your put on repeat when you need that. Here's Jamie Lerner. 

Lesley Logan 2:18  

All right, Be It babe, this is gonna be a magical conversation. Get ready. Be inspired, and really excited because we have the Jamie Lerner here, and I'm really thrilled. I got to meet her a while back, and just I'm amazed at what she's doing, and was so excited to talk to her. I had to bring her on. So, Jamie, can you tell everyone who you are and what you rock at?

Jamie Lerner 2:36  

Yes. So, I am a well-being therapist, and I used to do psychotherapy, and felt like after a while that was just not working for me or the people that I was supposedly serving. So I shifted out of that, and now doing something completely different, which is assisting people in assisting themselves from getting from where they are to where they want to be.

Lesley Logan 3:03  

Well, of course we have to have you on because this is called "Be It Till You See It." So you got to know where you want to be and where you are. So this is the perfect combination. You can help them. I've been trying, but this is not my forte. This is how I do my life. I just kind of act as if I'm mayor already. But you, you know how to do that?

Jamie Lerner 3:21  

Well, I just know how to assist people to assist themselves because that is the whole point. That hopefully they don't need me for too long because they're, yeah, they're back to recreating the relationship with themselves, and that's where it all comes from.

Lesley Logan 3:37  

Oh, I love that. I also love the idea that the goal is that they don't need you forever.

Jamie Lerner 3:42  

Exactly.

Lesley Logan 3:43  

Yeah, because I do think sometimes people get a little attached and they feel like they can't do it with some without somebody. I'm a Pilates instructor and I teach a lot of instructors as well to let your clients they need to take ownership of their practice because it's yes, they it's good to have eyes on them and it's good for me to be there for safety. But if when they leave the studio, they're the ones who are walking and running and picking things up, I can't tell them what to do all the time. Otherwise, they don't know how to do it.

Jamie Lerner 4:10  

Exactly.

Lesley Logan 4:11  

Well, I want to get into. You just said something. It comes from their well-being. It comes from them. I feel like we're probably born with the ability to know who we are and who we want to be, and then I don't know. Maybe we're not, and then but then the world messes things up, and then we lose track of who we are and what we want to do. Is that the case? Is it something that we all have to discover, anyways? Kind of what? What do you see is is keeping people from being taking ownership and having that well-being?

Jamie Lerner 4:37  

So I think we're all born with the knowing, and I think just the contrast of life, we tend to be asked to look outside of ourselves for mostly everything, and so there isn't that sense that we could trust ourselves, and so it's much easier to seek outside instead of looking inward for the answer. However, I think it's very easy to get back to that, and when we do, it feels familiar, like coming home to ourselves, and that's when it gets really fun.

Lesley Logan 5:14  

Oh, I love that! You are right. It doesn't really matter what your career is. There's always this idea of what are other people going to think, or how do I make sure that I get the validation out there? And it's so easy for that to become-it's a need. I mean, obviously, constructive feedback and things like that are helpful, but somehow that can become a habit of where you're no longer listening to yourself.

Jamie Lerner 5:37  

I think that is the case, and it also becomes the excuse. So a lot of people are unaware of how often they use that excuse not to look within. And for most people, it's easier. It's scary when you have to quiet your mind chatter and really start to hear your own voice and your own inner knowing. So we just defer to everybody and everything else. However, it never quite feels right. I mean, who would know better for you than you? Nobody. Yeah.

Lesley Logan 6:11  

Oh, I do. I do love that because I mean, it's all. It's always hard for me to. I feel like for my mind to be quiet. My listeners know I'm an Aquarius, so there's a lot in there. A lot of chatter. The ADHD definitely goes strong. But I found ways where I when I fell in love with Pilates, my mind actually quiet got quiet, and I felt like in my body. And so I become kind of obsessed because every time I was in my Pilates and actually getting that mind-body connection, my mind was quiet, and I could hear these thoughts. You don't like to live here anymore, and I'm wow. What a weird thought to have, you know. So I will. We have to find these ways to quiet our mind. Do you have tools for people? Because I mean, most people are told to meditate, and a number of people I know who feel like they can't meditate. It's really makes it feel like one more thing they can't do.

Jamie Lerner 6:59  

Yeah and I think the idea of meditation is very intimidating because somehow we feel like there's just one way to do it, and we're never going to do it correctly. And I think meditation is just quieting the mind and being still and connected with yourself, even if it's five minutes, any point in the day where you can be so present that you can receive the thoughts that you're having in a way that's lovingly curious.

Lesley Logan 7:26  

Oh, well, that's hard, Jamie, lovingly curious. My listeners are recovering perfectionists and overachievers who are very rarely lovingly curious on themselves. You know what I mean? I find people to now more than ever they're so harsh on themselves. They're so loving towards others. They're so quick to give compliments to other people, and they're so hard on themselves.

Jamie Lerner 7:47  

But I think when we give people permission to do it, then it's easier. And I don't think we get that permission often. But to ask someone to do it, even as homework assignment to hear and feel something about yourself that you appreciate. One thing, not something that someone appreciates about you, but something that you appreciate about yourself. And I think that's a lovingly curious invitation.

Lesley Logan 8:19  

I do love that. What a great homework assignment. Everyone, write that down. That's your homework for number one. I'm glad you brought that up because one of the reasons I started this podcast is I found myself being in these amazing groups of people and not feeling like I could articulate questions. People had great questions, and I was like, "Oh, that's a great question. Oh, that's a great question." I would learn from their questions, but I was, they go, "Lesley, what's your question?" I'm like, "Oh, oh my God! What's my question? The pressure to come up with a question? And I found my brain judging the question. Oh, you could just look that up, or oh, you could just figure that out on yourself, or actually, that's just like that person's question. So you could probably use this answer. Not allowing myself permission in a space where I was allowed to be curious. So I love that you gave us an assignment because I do think it's kind of hard to be curious when you're an adult. It's easy when you're a kid, and then somewhere along the way, your crazy curious questions can get annoying to someone, or maybe get shut down, or maybe some reason you don't feel like you can ask us anymore. So, are there other curious questions we can lovingly ask ourselves?

Jamie Lerner 9:19  

It's all curiosity, and it's all for yourself and about yourself. So, really, there is no judgment whatsoever.

Lesley Logan 9:29  

What about the people who have the habit of being so judgy? You know what I mean? 

Jamie Lerner 9:32  

They're just all disconnected. So, when you notice that you're being judgmental of another, it's really good to laugh because you understand that you're just projecting how you feel about yourself on another, which means you're disconnected, and so you know you could be laughing all day in a lovingly curious way, just kind of catching yourself and being, oh yeah, here I go again. Jamie, I'm gonna think about you every time I catch myself in judgment of another because it's true. You it is always the thing that you don't like about yourself, but you're doing on them, and because it's interesting, right? Because you can you can have the consciousness that that's what you're doing because now you're aware, but then what do you what do you interrupt the thought with? This is the first time. This is the first time anyone's ever giving me that. But it's great because you're laughing with yourself all day long with yourself, not at yourself, and that becomes an observation of how often you're disconnected in a moment, and then knowing that in the next moment, just the realization and laughter allows you to reconnect with yourself. So there's really no time to judge yourself for judging others. It's just among them.

Lesley Logan 10:50  

Oh my goodness. Okay. Well, my mind is blown for the third time already. So early on this podcast, Jamie, you mentioned the journey to getting to being this person to help people because first you were a psychotherapist and now this now you're this well-being coach. We all know life isn't linear and there's all these little obstacles along the way. Can you talk about kind of any Be It Till You See It moments for yourself on how you could? I'm sure there's people that were wondering why are you switching this amazing career that you went to school for. I'm sure there's these different things and how did you kind of handle that or navigate that?

Jamie Lerner 11:23  

Well, I was born with the knowing, and I knew that from the moment I was born, and I never turned away from the knowing. So I always heard and continue to always hear my own voice, and I believe that other people felt that way too, because I think that that was my natural state of well-being. My issues were with my mom, who I did not have an emotional connection with at all. It was perplexing to me. How could I be so connected to myself and have no connection with her? But when I went to school for psychology, and then decided I was going to do private practice. It was about psychotherapy and asking people to look back. And I realized looking back is not helping anyone move forward. As a matter of fact, it becomes the very excuse why they don't move forward. And I realized, like, this doesn't feel good to me. I cannot continue to assist people in what I feel is just not feeling good. So I gave it up, and I studied, and I traveled. But mostly, I looked within myself and realized that my superpower is the connection I have with myself and taking personal responsibility. And I think that that's everybody's superpower. However, it's a hard sell. People want to do anything but take personal responsibility. 

Lesley Logan 12:49  

Yeah, they will. They will because I will talk to people about a dream schedule or just your ideal schedule because that's going to have you as a priority in it, and they'll come up with every excuse why that can't happen. My kid, this, my mom needs this. My dog is special needs, and all all the things, right? And okay, but at some point, you have to take responsibility for those things so that you can either change it, or you're just gonna live. You can keep living like this, and then don't come and complain to me in this moment that you're doing. 

Jamie Lerner 13:20  

Well, we live in this victim mentality society, and we get rewarded for being the victim, especially for women. You know, we get rewarded for putting ourselves last, being overworked, because we have all these other things that are so much more important. And I really feel like we hide behind that because we don't know how to include ourselves in self-care or giving ourselves permission to make time to do things that we really would like to be doing for ourselves, to nurture ourselves, to nourish ourselves so that we can care for others.

Lesley Logan 13:52  

Yeah.

Jamie Lerner 13:52  

Once again, the permission goes a long way.

Lesley Logan 13:55  

Yeah. You know, you bring up something interesting: the nourishment of ourselves with society out there telling every person how they're supposed to look and what they're supposed to be doing, we have this. I thought we were past it, Jamie. I really thought we got we thought we got past it, but now we've got these girls wasting away again. And it's if you are not nourishing yourself, you cannot be connected to yourself. You cannot have inner knowing because your brain is your brain and body are tired. They cannot function. They're in survival states, right? We have to nourishing ourselves as is is is mind-body, but really, like you still got to nourish the body's fuel, so you can connect, right?

Jamie Lerner 14:29  

Well, this is true, and we don't have to do it, but it is a really nice option. And I think that when we make our own schedules based on our own needs, that we can offer so much more to others because we know what we need for ourselves first and foremost. And if you don't nourish yourself, it's really impossible to assist others because you feel resentful, and that doesn't feel good to other people or to you.

Lesley Logan 14:55  

I couldn't agree more, Jamie. I have, I don't have children, so when I tell people. And women, because mostly it's I'm here to help. That's my, my. I know it's a calling, is giving them permission to prioritize themselves first. And they're, well, you don't have a child, you don't have children. And I was, okay. You are correct, but I don't. You think you want your kid to have someone who has stamina, energy, endurance to have generous love and excitement around them, not tired, exhausted, resentful of because that's going to happen if you are not nourished. Whatever nourishment is, maybe it's a sleep, maybe it's a movement practice. If you are not that, at some point it's going to be you'll be resentful, you'll be jealous.

Jamie Lerner 15:36  

But I'm sure the people think you don't, you just don't understand. 

Lesley Logan 15:39  

I don't get I don't get it. You're correct, Amy. I don't get it. 

Jamie Lerner 15:42  

I mean, you do get it, but that is their excuse why they're not gonna do it. 

Lesley Logan 15:49  

Uh huh. Yeah. No. They and and I and I will. I can say. I. You're correct. I don't get your life, but I don't even know that I get a life of another person who doesn't have children either. But I can say, we all all have needs, every single one of us, and whether you have kids or not, you do have to put yourself in that position to take care of yourself. And I do think people have taken. I actually think maybe you know this, Jamie, more than most. I think people are have such a habit of not listening and knowing themselves and taking care of themselves that they wouldn't even know what to do if we gave them the day off to do it?

Jamie Lerner 16:23  

Well, first of all, we don't need the day off.

Lesley Logan 16:25  

Okay great. 

Jamie Lerner 16:27  

It can be 10 minutes every day to get tuned back into yourself. We all can get back there, and it doesn't have to take a lot. It doesn't even have to take a conscious wanting to.

Lesley Logan 16:39  

Great, even better, Jamie, because. 

Jamie Lerner 16:41  

Yeah, just little moments here and there. Because to say it can happen feels overwhelming for people who don't even know where to start.

Lesley Logan 16:52  

Right. So if they're going to start with 10 minutes, what do you suggest they start with? Because I do recall. I remember during the pandemic, I feel like I'm operating in a place of stress, and I actually don't need to be doing that right now. I have all the money, I have a plan, I have all the things. I know what I want to do. So, what would I be doing if I wasn't stressed out? You know, and I had to actually go, "I don't even know," and I had to think about writing out all the things I could be doing. And I do I even want to do these things? So that's how I figured out. But I don't know what what would you say some for someone who's so far away from their knowing, and what would make them feel good. What do they do in those 10 minutes? 

Jamie Lerner 17:29  

Well, to sit with yourself is a really nice thing to do, and quiet your mind, and understand that the things that you think about yourself, you would never think about and say to another person. We're very unkind and cruel to ourselves to the point where here we go again is laughter because it's so ridiculous and not true. So it's that little bit of awareness, and then the question is enough. You don't have to have the answer, but just the ongoing series of questions that are lovingly curious to yourself about yourself without the pressure of an answer. It feels good. There's no. It doesn't have to even make sense, but it's kind of moment by moment, and then all of a sudden you realize you do know, you absolutely know, yeah, and then not share it with another because that's where it just goes.

Lesley Logan 18:23  

Oh, yeah! I guess that's true. I think that's so interesting, right? I love the idea of just you're saying just sit down, just be still, just quiet your mind. Do I need a journal? All these. Lesley, can you just sit with yourself because

Jamie Lerner 18:35  

Sit with some coffee, you know?

Lesley Logan 18:37  

Right, because it's going back to that almost like a boredom. We're so used to entertaining ourselves at a red light. People are scrolling because they can't even sit with themselves at a red light. You know, they have to be doing something. And so the idea of just sitting with yourself and asking the question and opening the loop in the brain because you're right, it's in there.

Jamie Lerner 18:59  

It's absolutely in there.

Lesley Logan 19:01  

So, how the people who I and I want to highlight: don't go tell people. And I think people find that harsh and weird, but like they're keeping a secret. But the reality is, is like a lot of us have people in our lives who are afraid any knowing of ourselves might change how their relationship with us. That's not what they consciously think. I think, but I know that's what it's kind of happening. So then they put doubts and fears in our minds, or they question it because they don't get it. 

Jamie Lerner 19:27  

But it's not for them to get, and that's the whole point. This is all for you about you, and it has nothing to do with another person, no matter if it's a husband or a child. Or this is only for you. Your chance to reconnect with your inner knowing, inner being, which is your birthright, and it's all there. But it's really not for another, and it's never about another. If you are feeling upset about something, it's not about another. And you know, have questions about that? What are you feeling upset about? It's not your friend. It's it's never about another, and that's really hard for people to understand. 

Lesley Logan 20:11  

It is hard, Jamie, because then they can't blame how their bad day was on someone else. Well, they could, they could, but what what I'm saying is absolutely not true, and it's not even possible. People don't have that much power that we give them to excuse ourselves from connecting, which is what we do. We give people power that they don't even have. Oh my gosh! Do we learn that from our parents? Do we learn that from modeling? Do we learn that from you know what I mean? Because I watch. I have a niece and some nephews, and they watch them and how they see the world. And you're just look at that, and you're just, I hope that never changes. You're like, well, somehow along the way, it's gonna. And so, and then you see people who are adults who are just going for it. Wow, you no one stopped that light, or maybe, or and they overcame it. But do do you think it's learned from if a if a parent (inaudible).

Jamie Lerner 21:01  

I think it doesn't matter, and I think the most important thing is to let everyone off the hook. It really doesn't matter where it came from, and it's all around us all the time. But you start to feel really good when you are able to have these inner conversations with yourself about yourself, and really feel like you know who you are because you do. Once again, you are your own greatest resource. Nobody else knows for you, even though you, not meaning you, but the people that feel like they don't know for themselves are the very people telling everybody else what to do.

Lesley Logan 21:38  

They are.

Jamie Lerner 21:39  

Okay, but do you know what to do yourself? No, you just are going to tell everyone else what to do. Well, you don't know those other people. Yeah, I mean, it's you got to laugh, and it's laughable in a good way. You're not mocking yourself or judging yourself. You're just becoming very curious, and as we become curious about ourselves, it lightens the whole topic.

Lesley Logan 22:04  

I okay. I love that you said it doesn't even matter where it comes from because that goes back. It doesn't matter what's in the back. We don't need that. We actually just have to move forward and give ourselves permission to have this loving curiosity. And I do love the laughter thing. This is a slightly different topic, but I think we can go here. I have this wonderful group of women come on a retreat to my house in Cambodia, and within I don't know two hours of us hanging out, I'd heard "I'm sorry" so many times. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And I was, okay. We have to stop saying "I'm sorry." I can't do seven weekdays of "I'm sorry." You, there's nothing to be sorry about. You are allowed to be here. You're allowed. So we are just gonna so I we started screaming at each other anytime someone said "I'm sorry," we started screaming, "Not helpful!" So it's like, it's like laughing. You have to laugh at it because it was, you have to break the thing. You didn't mean to trip on her. You could say excuse me, but I'm, you're not, you don't have to be sorry. You know, it's like this weird habit that we have, just because in the apologizing for taking up space, you know, which makes it harder for you to have loving curiosity because you don't feel like you even should be here.

Jamie Lerner 23:09  

Yes, and I think that's so helpful that when you are all together, you say something that interrupts that belief or that pattern, or you know, and I think mostly it's just you don't even know you're saying I'm sorry. Yeah.

Lesley Logan 23:26  

So it's like a great, great interruption. Yeah, I think I like it better than the laugh. I like the laughter for the other things. I can laugh to myself because I do. I do think that that's a great pattern interrupt, and I just want to laugh at other people. So I I'm glad you like that. So, you know, it's interesting, right? I'm thinking about some of the different people who have listened this podcast for a long time. People are in my life who are kind of stuck launching. It's interesting, right? Because we never want to tell people they should stop learning, but also there's they're always signing up for another thing, and that's the thing that's going to do it. And so, I guess, how do you know that what you keep doing is actually taking you and launching you versus keeping you in in where you are? You know, I don't know if that question makes sense at all. 

Jamie Lerner 24:08  

Yes, and and I think that that alignment is so important. So thoughts and feelings is one, and when we're in alignment with something, then it feels effortless, and it's something that we are really feel inspired by, and it's the feeling of being inspired because you are being inner-led back to yourself about something that you feel really passionate about or really good about, and you haven't discussed with another, and then it feels effortless. It's not something that you have to force. It's not something that you have to seek. You just know, and then you take inspired action.

Lesley Logan 24:53  

Oh, it's so interesting, Jamie, that you say all those things. So that's true. It's like those things where you, wow, that just kind of fell into place. We have those things that just fall into place versus those things. Why can't I get this thing going? Or why don't I want? Why am I not signing up for that thing? It's probably you don't want to do the thing.

Jamie Lerner 25:10  

That's just called resistance. So you know, and at that point, you realize that it's good to just excuse yourself from it and step back until you can get into alignment with what it is that you think that you want to take action about.

Lesley Logan 25:25  

What do you do if getting to alignment feels like the biggest life change that you're not necessarily ready to make? I'll say I'm thinking of a couple listeners, but I'll just use my own self as an example. I remember in 2011, 2012, having the thought, like, I need to get out of the relationship I was in. Well, to do that meant I need a new apartment. I'm gonna pay more rent. I have all these different things, and so I knew the alignment shift I needed to make. But it felt scary and overwhelming, and almost like I didn't have the right tools. And so I had the excuse of going, "Well, I don't have the money, and it's not that bad, and I'll just figure it out. Do you know what I mean?" There's a lot of people who can feel that they're out of alignment, but getting to alignment just feels you're blowing your life up.

Jamie Lerner 26:06  

So, what actually happened that allowed you to shift?

Lesley Logan 26:10  

I think what actually happened allowed me to shift is a bit more time recognizing the resources that I had. I had to see that. That was the opportunity. I got into a place. I was, "Oh, I actually can't afford to do this."

Jamie Lerner 26:23  

Then when that came to be for you, was it easy to shift out of the relationship?

Lesley Logan 26:29  

Yeah, I mean, and also I'll say is things blew up all around me. People listen my podcast. It was that time I ended up in a car accident, so my car was totaled, and then the studio I rented from everything. They were like, "We're no longer going to be here." So I have to find a new place to work and a new place to live and a new car. And I actually did it with laughter, and it actually all just fell into place just fine. 

Jamie Lerner 26:53  

Because there was no more resistance. 

Lesley Logan 26:54  

Yeah, thank God. I mean, I don't know if I would have done that if it had happened while I was still with the person, but it happened after I made this decision, and I was, "Well, I guess this is how it's gonna go." So yeah.

Jamie Lerner 27:04  

So I love procrastination. I think procrastination is our friend because it gives us time to get into alignment with the task at hand. And so if someone asks me to do something and it just doesn't feel right to me, I usually say to them, "Let me think about that and get back to you." And then until I'm really ready, going back and forth could be moment by moment, day by day, to either excuse myself from the request or to really feel like, okay, I can do this. I don't commit to anything, and I think that that is really important because when we do make decisions based on what people's expectations are of us, it's not a good outcome. But when we're in a place where it just feels right, always a good outcome. So take your time. All you have is time.

Lesley Logan 27:59  

Wow. Well, Jamie, you make it seem like it's so easy, and the rest of us over here making it too hard. Why do we do that?

Jamie Lerner 28:06  

Because a lot of this stuff is common sense, and it is too easy. And women, especially, make it overly complicated because we have need to make everything overly complicated. Yeah.

Lesley Logan 28:18  

Well, why do we need to? We probably don't need to. We think we do.

Jamie Lerner 28:22  

We don't need to. But we, I would say, we unconsciously choose to.

Lesley Logan 28:30  

It probably goes back to, I don't know. Maybe it goes back to the feeling of worthiness and deserving, right? Because sometimes that alignment means taking up more space than you have before, or making bold moves, and so then you have to overly complicate it to have this reason of why you're going to do it. I had to people when I left my partner like why, and I was, "Oh, I didn't realize people were going to ask why. I guess I should have seen that coming," and I didn't have. I—it just wasn't. We just weren't right for each other, and that was not a good enough excuse for anyone. "Did he cheat?" No. "Did you fight?" Not a lot. I just didn't have it. So I think sometimes we think it needs to be complicated, and then we so therefore we make it complicated.

Jamie Lerner 29:12  

This is absolutely true. But when you're just connected to yourself, you just know, and so you don't need to consult other people. And if someone asks a question and you feel so good about saying it just didn't feel right because it didn't feel right, there are no more questions after that. So when you know for yourself, you just know, and you don't attract the answers that you would get otherwise, or the questions, no one says anything because you're so clear about what you're doing, and you're not asking them for their opinion or commentary. So if you get that, you could just say, "Well, thank you so much, and now I'm going to excuse myself."

Lesley Logan 29:56  

Jamie, you paint this. You make it, not that life is easy, but you make it sound like if we could just be in our knowing and alignment, we could have a much easier.

Jamie Lerner 30:11  

Yes, life would be so fun, and then we could create anything for ourselves and we could be in relationships with people that were unconditional, and I mean, I have friends. I know they're late all the time, and I choose to go to lunch with them, knowing that they're going to be late, and I'm on time or early all the time. But you know, at a certain point, if it bothers me, then I don't go to lunch with them anymore. But am I going to be upset with who they are? I don't think so. They're consistently who they are, and I am who I am, and that's a nice place to meet people where they are, allowing them to be who they are feels good.

Lesley Logan 30:49  

It does feel good, and it's, so, I actually have found because I used to have clients who are late all the time, and they'd always apologize, and I just go, "Here's a deal: you pay for this time to this time. There's someone before you. There's someone after you. So I'm just going to do my thing. Don't apologize to me anymore because I don't want to hear it. And if you only want the 45 minutes, then that's all you want, and so you don't even have to apologize to yourself. But if you want more, you can ask yourself why you're so late all the time. But that's on you to figure it out." And you know what? Some people were just stayed late because that's all they wanted.

Jamie Lerner 31:18  

That's who they are. Yeah, not even like that. Just people who are late are late everywhere they go.

Lesley Logan 31:24  

Yeah.

Jamie Lerner 31:25  

For everything. It's not just for you or your class, and that's okay.

Lesley Logan 31:29  

Yeah. Well, and that's just to your point. It was that's what you want, and so I don't feel anything towards you, and so you don't have to worry about—you don't have to apologize because I don't feel like I'm gonna have 15 minutes every single time I have you on my calendar to catch up. 

Jamie Lerner 31:43  

So in my other life, my husband would make coffee in an espresso maker, and he—I put the cup there, I start the machine, I turn around, and there before it's even finished or a full cup, he'd pull the cup out, and I'd be like, "Why are you cheating yourself?" And he, "What are you talking about? Why are you cheating yourself out of a full cup of coffee? Why?" And he was, "I don't know." But you know, to frame it that way is true. But he didn't really see it like that. He just saw he didn't feel like waiting. He was impatient, but actually cheating himself out of full cup of coffee. 

Lesley Logan 32:23  

Yeah, well, and that's, and to your point, even if that's not how they see it, or if that's how they're always late, it doesn't have to be my responsibility to fix that. We just get to focus on ourselves.

Jamie Lerner 32:37  

I think that is always the best thing. Yes.

Lesley Logan 32:40  

Jamie, can we do that without being narcissists, though? 

Jamie Lerner 32:43  

That is not, narcissists are completely disconnected from themselves. Okay, there's no connection at all. And narcissism is something that affects so many other people. You taking care of yourself and being clear with what you want and who you are, it doesn't affect anyone because the clarity in itself is such a relief for people. Yeah, it really is. You show up differently. You show up in such a way where you're so comfortable in your own skin that it allows people to just take a breath and relax. There's no judgment. There's no expectation. It just, it feels good to be around people who are not in their ego and are just comfortable with themselves.

Lesley Logan 33:29  

Yeah, I agree. I know those people, and I love being around them. And there's the people who are not like that. And you're like, "I have to close off my energy box because I.

Jamie Lerner 33:36  

But you don't because you're not affected by them. You understand that that's just who they are, and that is absolutely okay. And to think that everybody wants what you have is a big mistake. Most people don't want it. They don't want anything to do with being connected and happy, and they just don't. And that's okay. And we have to allow those people to just be who they are. I mean, it's okay. 

Lesley Logan 34:02  

Oh, Jamie. Well, that's a whole other topic, but yes, we do, and also because focusing on them would take us out of...

Jamie Lerner 34:10  

alignment and out of connection. 

Lesley Logan 34:12  

Yes. Yeah. Okay. So, for the people who are worried that people are going to think they're selfish for taking the time, because you know they have the people in their lives who are going to tell them, "Oh, if you've changed, you feel more selfish now because you're not selfish. You just are more aligned, which means you've probably changed how you engage with them or the time you give them. They'll be babies. They'll be baby connected, baby knowing people. So how do they handle that? Because you mentioned, like, you'll be so sure, and it's just going to be like that. But I just, oh, but there's that. You're like a new baby bird with your knowing and your alignment. How do we help them if someone tries to take it away with that selfish?

Jamie Lerner 34:50  

Well, it's just the opposite because when we nourish and nurture ourselves, we are more available to all others, whether it's vibration, physically, emotionally, because we have nourished ourselves, we have connected with ourselves, and then our ability to give is unconditional. We are more present with other people, and to be more present with other people, some of those people get uncomfortable. They are not used to being with someone who's so present, but it's a lovely feeling. It's almost like you can be with someone and not say a word, but you can feel them, and it feels good. And that is true connection with self and others.

Lesley Logan 35:36  

Oh gosh, Jamie, I feel like this took like a master class.

Jamie Lerner 35:42  

All these things are so simple.

Lesley Logan 35:44  

Yeah.

Jamie Lerner 35:45  

I mean, these are so many basic things.

Lesley Logan 35:50  

I mean, that's the thing, right? Because in the world we live in today with social media, they're going to give you the 17-point journal with the addendum, and then the three-hour workshop with the 152 calls, and so people are told it's supposed to be hard, but it's, you’re making it...

Jamie Lerner 36:07  

be fun and easy and quick, very quick. I mean, for me, my most successful clients are the ones that I don't need to be there to assist them anymore. They got it, and you know what? They do got it.

Lesley Logan 36:25  

Yeah, yeah. And we can all get it. We can just just. 

Jamie Lerner 36:29  

We want it.

Lesley Logan 36:29  

Yeah. Okay. Well, hat's the key. Well, that's just it, right? You have to. I think it's. I've read something about any change you want to make. You have to want it and believe it, and then commit to it, and so it's you got to actually do the thing.

Jamie Lerner 36:45  

But we don't have to commit to it.

Lesley Logan 36:47  

Okay.

Jamie Lerner 36:47  

We could just do moment by moment. Commitment is too much. It's too intimidating. It feels impossible. Yeah, just to have some kind of recognition of where you're at with yourself, moment by moment, and then it's the next moment. Maybe today wasn't a good day to connect with yourself, but maybe tomorrow will be better to be more forgiving of ourselves, to be more allowing of ourselves, to give ourselves more grace, let ourselves off the hook, but not let ourselves off the hook because we're blaming someone else. Those are two separate things.

Lesley Logan 37:25  

Right. I, okay, well, you've just blown the recovering perfectionist mindset. You can actually just want it and then have it and have it in the moment. And there could be a bad day, and you can just take yourself responsibility, and then you can just try again tomorrow or in another moment.

Jamie Lerner 37:43  

Right. Right? And there's no punishment for it. There's no perfection. It's just a moment, and then the next moment. And sometimes I'll allow myself to go down the rabbit hole. I'll say to myself, "Is this thought serving me? No. Am I going there? Yes, I am, because for whatever reason I need to do this. Okay." And then I can see clearly. I'm okay now. I can pull myself out of the rabbit hole, and on some level that was very satisfying. But do I need to do it tomorrow? No.

Lesley Logan 38:15  

Jamie. Thank you for that. Because I'm, wow, I don't have to be a monk either. I can just, I can entertain the rabbit hole, but I love what you did. Acknowledge that's what you're doing, ask yourself if you need it, and then go past, get past it. No judgment on it.

Jamie Lerner 38:33  

(inaudible) is to blame someone else for sending you down the rabbit hole.

Lesley Logan 38:37  

God, yeah. Well, yes. So I'm taking away from this just the sitting still, that's for sure, and then also it's not about, I'm not going to blame the email that came at the wrong time or the person who didn't do the thing I told them. None of that. It's all my own responsibility and the kindness to myself. Because of that, I will continue to show up differently, and people will be affected by that in a positive way around that. And then if something, if they, if I went down a rabbit hole, I cannot blame that it was this person. I have to go, "I took myself down the rabbit hole."

Jamie Lerner 39:09  

Yes, and that feels good. It's too good to be responsible for yourself, to have personal responsibility. I love to be wrong. I love when I'm wrong. I do, because I get to learn something about myself. So when I am wrong, I am the first person to raise my hand and say, "You know what? I was wrong." And I am really in this moment learning something about myself, and that's fantastic.

Lesley Logan 39:33  

So cool, Jamie! You're so cool. I could talk to you forever. I feel like we need to listen to your words just a few more times. You know, so we're gonna take a brief break and find out what people can find you, follow you, work with you. Because, you know, I think a few of us might need more than one time hearing this. All right, Jamie, where can they do you? Do you do coaching? Do you have sessions? Do you have a book? Like, where can they get your information support? 

Jamie Lerner 40:00  

I have a website. It's www.jamie-lerner.com and everything is on there. And it's all so clear that there's not one single question anyone needs to ask me about how you pay, what happens if you, I mean, it's all there. And I have a great service called The Quickie, a lovely texting option, which is my favorite service of all, and I came out with it before COVID, and it worked perfectly because people had to move in with each other. Some people had to move home. There was no privacy, but you just buy a package of time and you text with me, and I text back with you, and lo and behold, you realize you knew the answer the whole time, but it's a great service. It's a book. It's old, but it's not old. It's really timeless, and it's available on Amazon. And it's called "The Ever Loving Essence of You" and it's just a very nice resource for yourself about yourself.

Lesley Logan 41:04  

I love this. I love that. I love the, what a genius idea of the texting because it's such a quick hit and a quick reminder, and you can do it in a moment, and you don't have to set up a call because by the time the call comes around, I forgot why I wanted the call.

Jamie Lerner 41:19  

And the other thing is too, people talk about how they feel in the moment, but the next moment they don't even remember. After texting, they can go back and read how they felt and what they thought, and then they realize, like, yeah, I really knew this all along.

Lesley Logan 41:35  

What a service. 

Jamie Lerner 41:36  

It is good, very self-empowering for people.

Lesley Logan 41:39  

I love that you are a gem. You have given us, by the way, we could just tell people go back and listen. But I do love my bold, executable, intrinsic, or targeted steps people can take to be it till they see it. What tips do you have for us?

Jamie Lerner 41:53  

Know yourself, love yourself, trust yourself, and laugh along with yourself.

Lesley Logan 42:01  

Great. Yeah, great. This is a repeater. I think this is just a really nice go back and be reminded because I feel for the first time you've made knowing yourself a little less complicated, and we don't have to set aside 17 minutes to go through a journal that's got side five questions. You could just take a dose of time and sit still with yourself. And we have moments where we can do that throughout any day, even a busy one. Jamie, thank you so much. You guys, you better send this to a friend who needs to hear it. Because if you know yourself and they know yourself, imagine all of the gifts that is going to be in the time you spend with the people around you. So please share this. Tell Jamie Lerner what your favorite part was. Tag the Be It Pod. Let us know. And until next time, well, get to know yourself and then Be It Till You See It. 

Lesley Logan 42:49  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.

Brad Crowell 43:32  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your hosts, Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 43:37  

It is transcribed, produced, and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell 43:41  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi. 

Lesley Logan 43:48  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals. 

Brad Crowell 43:51  

Also to Angelina Herrico for adding all of our content to our website, and finally to Meredith Rood for keeping us all on point and on time.

Getting told the problem is user error when you know it is not is a special kind of frustrating. Lesley Logan takes listeners through a baffling computer glitch she experienced, a Genius Bar visit that went sideways, and what she ended up buying as a real fix for long haul flights. Celebrate with her twelve years of YouTube growth, a listener who survived two tough classes, and a mantra for treating yourself with kindness. This episode is a reminder that trusting your own experience counts as a win.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] mailto:[email protected].

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/#follow-subscribe-free.

In this episode you will learn about:

• The podcast reaches an incredible milestone of over 740 episodes.
• Why frustrating customer service ruined a simple tech appointment.
• Upgrade travel comfort using noise canceling headphones on long flights.
• Consistency pays off after twelve years of YouTube channel growth.
• Conquering tough fitness classes proves you can handle hard challenges.

Episode References/Links:

• Be It Till You See on YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@BeItTillYouSeeIt
• OPC Flashcards - OPC Flashcards - https://opc.me/flashcards
• Nevada SPCA - https://nevadaspca.org
• @lakesaintlouisliving - https://www.instagram.com/lakesaintlouisliving
• Submit your wins or questions - https://beitpod.com/questions

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox. https://lovethepodcast.com/BITYSI

DEALS! DEALS! DEALS! DEALS! https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipment

Check out all our Preferred Vendors & Special Deals from Clair Sparrow, Sensate, Lyfefuel BeeKeeper’s Naturals, Sauna Space, HigherDose and ToeSox https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipment

Be in the know with all the workshops at OPC https://workshops.onlinepilatesclasses.com/lp-workshop-waitlist

Be It Till You See It Podcast Survey https://pod.lesleylogan.co/be-it-podcasts-survey

Be a part of Lesley’s Pilates Mentorship https://lesleylogan.co/elevate/

FREE Ditching Busy Webinar https://ditchingbusy.com/

Resources:

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-g
• Lesley Logan website https://lesleylogan.co/
• Be It Till You See It Podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjogqXLnfyhS5VlU4rdzlnQ
• Profitable Pilates https://profitablepilates.com/about/

Follow Us on Social Media:

• Instagram https://www.instagram.com/lesley.logan/
• The Be It Till You See It Podcast YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-g
• Facebook https://www.facebook.com/llogan.pilates
• LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/lesley-logan/
• The OPC YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/@OnlinePilatesClasses

Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:00  

It's Fuck Yeah Friday. 

Brad Crowell 0:01  

Fuck yeah! 

Lesley Logan 0:02  

Get ready for some wins. Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started. 

Lesley Logan 0:47  

Be It, babe. Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It podcast. Oh my God, guys, we are slaying through episodes more than 740. So I mean, this is insane. I can't believe we're going to be on 800 before we know it, but anyways, that's not our win. That's not it. All right. So on Fridays, it's real talk. It's real life chat with me. I'm just chatting with myself, and hopefully you're enjoying it. And then I share one of mine and one of yours. And so, okay, remember my technology pissy moments a couple months ago. So I've had something happen in my computer three times that no one can explain, and I can show it to people. And Brad has seen it in real time, and it is the whole thing.

Lesley Logan 1:27  

But at any rate, my computer would be looking so great, and I would put the charger on. I wouldn't read that there was a charger there, and it'd be the appropriate before anyone tells me something. It's the appropriate type of charger for the computer, and it's plugged in appropriately to an outlet, and that outlet works. And then I've tried other outlets that I know work, and other chargers are the right size and the right currency and whatever, blah blah blah. And so, anyways, I made a Genius appointment. I made a Genius appointment, and I go and I explain to the guy, and the guy is looking at me like I'm a crazy person, and he is checking to make sure that my charging thing is clean and all this stuff. Basically, the long story example of is when your car makes a sound, you take a mechanic, and the sound doesn't work anymore. It's like that. So, of course, there's no way to recreate what happened. And of course, I didn't film myself having the problem that was happening. And next time I will because I felt like a crazy person. And then, of course, they go, "Oh, we'll help you early," only for the guy to go, "Oh, I'm getting off work now, so you have to wait for this other person." And then the other person was just, I think he's. This is really a user error experience. User error. This is not my first MacBook. I know what the fuck I'm doing. I know how chargers work. Do you know who my husband is?

Lesley Logan 2:34  

So, anyways, while waiting in purgatory for my computer to reboot and whatever I was going to do, I will say that I did treat myself to headphones I didn't need, but I guess my event is I just think that computer technicians, mechanics, everyone should just be trained in. God, that really sucks. I don't see why that's happening. And what I will say is maybe next time, why don't you do these three things? Because it sounds like you actually are doing all the right things, so would you film it next time and then come back because we can see what's going on? Because we can't see it in the technology. There's nothing. The computer's not telling us anything, and it sounds like you're doing everything right. Blow smoke up my ass. That would be great. Just tell me I did everything right, and what to do next time it happens. And then, even though they didn't do that, did I buy something I didn't need? Fuck yeah, I did, and I am really excited about it. I'm really excited about it. In fact, it probably come a win later on.

Lesley Logan 3:25  

But I bought myself these headphones that they also said you don't need those because you have the AirPod Three Pros, and I was, yeah, but they're not noise canceling enough, and you don't understand. Last year I was, this is how dramatic I do sound dramatic. If waterboarding could be a baby's cry, right? That's what it was for 15 hours on a flight. And my AirPods, now they weren't the Three Pros; they were the two. At any rate, they cut. They did nothing. Zero, nothing. I even put a sweatshirt hoodie over me. I tried everything. 17 hours of flight, 15 hours of nonstop crying. So I bought these things. I didn't need. This is not my win, but they also didn't want to sell me that. People don't know what you're talking about. I put them on while the landscaper was doing his leaf blower outside my office, and I barely heard it. I'm gonna tell you right now. I'm gonna have the best flights to Asia. I have three in Q4, three, and I'm gonna have the best ones, all because my computer did something stupid that they couldn't figure out. So my computer actually, my computer was looking out for me. Maybe I shouldn't yell at it so much. Anyways, okay. Thanks for going that journey with me.

Lesley Logan 4:11  

My win is my YouTube, my YouTube channel growth. Oh my God, you guys! I don't know if you know this, but my YouTube channel has been a real time, 12-year Be It Till You See It. I didn't ever want to do it. I would get nervous every time I'd film the videos. I would cry during some of the times because you don't even understand. 12 years ago, you couldn't even afford a tripod. My young friends who are listening couldn't even afford a tripod. That was $175 or $125, and even then, it was hard to find the thing would hold the iPhone because you didn't film. Your iPhones. You film with a DSLR. Wow, I didn't even know I would pull those letters out of my mouth. And so we didn't have lights. We didn't have microphones. Oh my God, a microphone so expensive. So, anyways, I used to just yell at the camera. But here we are, 12 years later, and in the last couple months, the channel has been growing so much, and I really have that that win is a collective community effort because I have several people on the team who help me make this magic happen. I met an incredible expert consultant who gave me some really great tips, and I'm so grateful for him. And I'm just grateful for all of you for subscribing to it and being part of it. So it's not the podcast YouTube channel; it's the OPC YouTube channel. Although you can subscribe to the podcast YouTube channel and tell me how you like it. If you like watching the videos, I recognize that I don't look at the camera most of the time on this because I just look around the room because I don't know ADHD is real and it's hard to look at a green dot all day. But at any rate, my online Pilates classes YouTube channel's growth has been so wonderfully organic, beautiful, and it's just nice to see that the work I'm putting out there is something that's helping you and the people are sharing with their friends, and I'm grateful. I'm grateful. I'm grateful. I'm grateful. And if you have yet not subscribed to that, and you want to support this podcast and me, subscribe to my YouTube channel. That's a great way to do it. All right, thank you. That's my win. 

Lesley Logan 6:16  

Okay, your win. Ready? @lakesaintlouisliving I did two Pilates classes at two different studios with two tough instructors, and I didn't die. I love it. That's a great win. That's a great win. Brad just did a Pilates session with me today, and he didn't die because you want to know something. You're not going to die. It's going to be hard. Might be uncomfortable, but you're going to find something new in yourself, and you're not going to die. And then that is practice that you can do hard things. See, Pilates is helping you practice. If you don't die during that, you're not going to die in other things. So there you go. Challenge yourself. I love that.

Lesley Logan 6:49  

All right, let's get you a mantra and get you on your weekend. I treat myself with kindness and understanding. I treat myself with kindness and understanding. Oh, do you do that? Do you feel a cognitive dissonance? Is that what you have to Be It Till You See It this week? Treat myself with kindness and understanding. Love you so much, Be It, babe. Thank you so much for supporting this podcast any way you can. Subscribing to our OPC YouTube channel, subscribing to OPC, or buying flashcards. We it means the world to us. And by the way, when you buy those flashcards, it supports the Nevada SPCA as well. So look at you supporting so many people with just one action. You are awesome. Go Be It Till You See It.

Lesley Logan 7:25  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.

Brad Crowell 8:09  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 8:13  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell 8:18  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 8:25  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.

Brad Crowell 8:28  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.

Part one of the comparison series exposed how fast somebody else's goals become your own. Part two is where you take them back. Lesley Logan makes the case that a standard set by your parents, social media, or a season you already left will always feel like falling short, no matter how much you get done. If you have ever hit the goal and still felt behind, this episode will help you build a definition of success that holds up even on a hard day.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] mailto:[email protected].

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/#follow-subscribe-free.

In this episode you will learn about:

• The one word swap that changes what you chase all day.
• How your season should set a fairer standard for success.
• What burnout reveals about your current metric.
• Three to five values that make your day easy to score.
• The old measure of success to retire this week.

Episode References/Links:

• Ep 610 ft Amy Ledin - https://beitpod.com/ep610
• James Clear's 30 Core Values List – https://jamesclear.com/core-values
• Submit your wins or questions - https://beitpod.com/questions

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox. https://lovethepodcast.com/BITYSI

DEALS! DEALS! DEALS! DEALS! https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipment

Check out all our Preferred Vendors & Special Deals from Clair Sparrow, Sensate, Lyfefuel BeeKeeper’s Naturals, Sauna Space, HigherDose and ToeSox https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipment

Be in the know with all the workshops at OPC https://workshops.onlinepilatesclasses.com/lp-workshop-waitlist

Be It Till You See It Podcast Survey https://pod.lesleylogan.co/be-it-podcasts-survey

Be a part of Lesley’s Pilates Mentorship https://lesleylogan.co/elevate/

FREE Ditching Busy Webinar https://ditchingbusy.com/

Resources:

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-g
• Lesley Logan website https://lesleylogan.co/
• Be It Till You See It Podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjogqXLnfyhS5VlU4rdzlnQ
• Profitable Pilates https://profitablepilates.com/about/

Follow Us on Social Media:

• Instagram https://www.instagram.com/lesley.logan/
• The Be It Till You See It Podcast YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-g
• Facebook https://www.facebook.com/llogan.pilates
• LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/lesley-logan/
• The OPC YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/@OnlinePilatesClasses

Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:00  

You have to be it on your own terms before you'll ever see it in your life, whatever it is. Peace, love, true success is something that you're going to define. But also, we got to get there with a regulated nervous system. We can't be an exhausted, burnt out shell of ourselves.

Lesley Logan 0:16  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Lesley Logan 0:58  

Hi, Be It babe. Welcome back to our series on comparison, comparisonitis. All right. So last episode, a couple days ago, we exposed our the borrowed scoreboards. We basically talked about how we often are using what our parents or our family or societal expectations are as our scoreboards, whether or not we're good enough person and we've had success. We often are trying to do old life stuff with new life stuff. Sometimes we've even borrowed other people's goals, thinking that that sounds good. I see a lot in business coaching that I do. People are doing something in their studio, and so someone else thinks they have to do it, and then they get stressed out and frustrated by it. But it's, well, that's not part of your business plan. So why did you think if you do it? Well, everyone's doing it. No, they are doing it. Not everyone is doing it. Everybody, there's a lot of reformer students out there. You don't see me thinking that that's a good idea. So, not that it's not, but it's not for me, right? So, and I'm very clear on that. So, I want you to have some that same sort of conviction when it comes to who you are and who you want to become and how you're going to get there. And it's not going to be by using other people's scoreboards and social media's expectations and societal pressures to be something else, because then you're just going to be what they want you to be, right? 

Lesley Logan 2:07  

I remember hearing this this line. Oh my God, it would have been like 2011, yeah, 11, and it was if you don't have goals that are clear and your goals, somebody else's goals will become your own. You will be working on towards something. It's either what you want to do or what someone else wants to do. Now, here's the deal: there are some people who love to be a backup babe. That's but that's not what I'm talking about here, right? We're talking about the person you want to become. So, we also in the last episode had some questions you did some homework on. Please make sure you've listened to that episode before coming to this one, because we are going to shift our focus from what looks good on paper to what actually feels sustainable. Some people might even think peaceful or useful, but mostly aligned for you right now. So I really hate the question, and I get it all the time. But what is your definition of success? And I'm really proud to say this. I feel very successful right now. Based on my definition of success, I am successful. I am kicking ass. I'm doing great things.

Lesley Logan 3:09  

Now that being said, I'm not done, but I think it's important that you are aware that if you are working towards the person you want to become in your way, and it's very clear, and you're using your own scoreboard, then at the end of this episode, you should be patting yourself on the back. You're very successful, right? But you have to know what success means to you. For me, it is doing the things that I want to do based on the impact I want to have, and prioritizing myself while I do that means I'm in control of my schedule and who and what I say yes or no to.

Lesley Logan 3:35  

And when I am out of that alignment, when I feel like I'm working on someone else's timeline or someone else's schedule, then I feel icky and gross, and I have to get back in alignment with my definition of success. But in this moment, majority of the time, I am very much a very successful person. So I need you to understand that for yourself. So go back to the last episode and do those questions if you haven't already.

Lesley Logan 3:57  

So first thing we're going to focus on in this episode is the more versus better. So I want you when you are in comparisonitis, or when you're working, when you're putting pressure on yourself to do more. I just need more clients, or I need more time to work out, or I need more of this, or more visibility, or I just need more sit, whatever, blah blah blah. Whenever you hear yourself saying more, I actually want you to pivot it to better. What would be a better client, a better night's sleep, a better fuel source, a better friendship, a better way of taking care of yourself? Not more, right? So instead of more clients, like better clients, instead of more set, it's it's deep relationships instead of more room. It is more spaciousness in my schedule, right? It is better scheduling, better time, better tools and resources.

Lesley Logan 4:52  

So replacing more with better, and I think this is really important, right? Because I think we all start to accumulate and we get on this thing and we end up with a bunch of gray shirts because I need more T-shirts. So then you buy some T-shirts and you get more ads for T-shirts, and so you buy more T-shirts and all of a sudden all the T-shirts show up and you whoa! I bought this. I bought a bunch of gray T-shirts. No, that didn't happen to you. I'm the only one who clicks a couple ads and forgot what I did the day before. Yeah, I didn't think so. So really, it's no. I need better quality T-shirts that actually look good after they are washed and look good on me, not just more of them, better ones, right? I know that we're talking about success, and I'm talking about T-shirts, but sometimes it's the easier example to use.

Lesley Logan 5:29  

And one of my girlfriends, we talk about this a lot. You know, I've been doing what I've been doing for a long time, so I get asked to do things all the time, and I don't need more big events. I need better ones. So when I am asked, invited, I am very intentional. Who is going to be at this thing? Is this an audience I haven't had access to yet? Is this a way that I can support and make my impact even bigger so that I am not just doing more of the same thing, but I'm doing it better? Got it? I think we got it. 

Lesley Logan 6:01  

All right. The next thing is redefining success by your season and your nervous system. So Brad Bizjack has this really cool thing that we all have the same seasons that are in the universe on this earth. We also have those seasons in our life. We have winter, spring, summer, fall. In fall, what do you do? You harvest. It's a harvesting season, right? In the winter, you cocoon in, you, bears sleep. Right, they hibernate, and then in the spring you're planting seeds and really making sure you set yourself up. In the summer you're vacationing. Right, so what is success by the season that you're in, and then also how does that feel? Because it is not success to me if you arrive at the destination of your goal and you're burnt out and you have anxiety and you don't want to do it anymore. 

Lesley Logan 6:52  

I've coached a lot of people in Agency who like tell me they want this thing, they go and get this thing, and then they're not happy, and it's really hard. We not go, why can't you just be happy? Like that you you got what you wanted, and all you're doing is finding other things that are wrong in that place. You know, they make big moves because they said that's what they wanted.

Lesley Logan 7:09  

They make the big move, and then they are finding bad things over there because there's bad things fucking everywhere, right? But understanding the season that you're in, and then defining the success for that. So if you are, I have a friend who's cocooning right now, and she apologized for something, and I was like, "Well, you are in hibernation. Why are you apologizing for not being able to talk? If you are bare in hibernation, we wouldn't be talking, right? And so I think it's just really, really important that you give yourself permission to be in the season that you're in, and then have a success definition for yourself.

Lesley Logan 7:44  

If you are in winter season, not literally necessarily, but mentally, emotionally, goal drivenness wise, you are hibernating. You've harvested. You've just done a lot of work. Then you actually cannot put yourself in a comparison place being in a spring. Cannot do that. You have to hibernate. So, what does hibernation mean to you? What does winter mean to you? If you're in spring in your life, then what do you want to get done in that season so that after your summer you can harvest? What does that look like? Does that look like educating yourself more on something, doing research? Does it look like planting some big seeds? What does that look like? What does that season look like? And then creating a definition of success for you that also allows you to feel safe in your body and get good sleep. You got to get good sleep. Cannot be successful tired. You will die. And the last thing is a practical execution because you know I don't like just good, fun, quippy sayings and inspiration if you can't take action on it. Hello, it is the be it. It's in the be it.

Lesley Logan 8:52  

So I need you to have practical execution. So I want you to choose three to five core values, and to measure your days by. I guess you have five, but you have to remember them all, so that you're not relying on vibes or external validation or accolades from other people. I want it to be something you can do this by, right? We've had different guests on who've talked about how at the end of the day they see, like, recap their day to see if they got 1% better. We have some people like Amy Ledin has her cards and she looks at what she did. Did she do the things that was on her card, but and those are great. Like that's kind of it. So you want to have three to five core values that you want to live by each and every day, and then you want to measure your days by that.

Lesley Logan 9:30  

So if you say that you have a value of integrity, and you look at your day, and you actually did something that was out of integrity for you, then it's not a time to shame yourself. It's a time to understand. Oh, okay. How can I change that tomorrow? So I'm back in integrity. If you have a value of authenticity, but you found yourself doing things and picking colors based on someone else's branding or pictures or whatever, that is not very authentic, is it? So if authenticity is one of your values, and you look at your day and you realize, wow, you were invited to do something. It would not be authentic for you to say yes to that thing, and you said no. Holy fuck, can you score yourself so high that day, right?

Lesley Logan 10:09  

If being integrity is actually doing the thing that you said you would do, and even though there's all these different things that were trying to get to you, but you did the thing that you said you're going to do, even if you feel so tired, you can go, but I did it. I did the thing I said, and I didn't go out of integrity. And yes, life lifed, and I blah blah blah. But I was in integrity, right? So there's just different. I think we just have to be kinder to ourselves, and we can only be kind if we're actually aware of how the rubric that we're scoring ourselves off of. So three to five core values.

Lesley Logan 10:37  

If you don't have, if you don't know what your core values are, there's oh my gosh! There's a really good. Just Google 30 core values. Okay, I think James Spark has a sheet on the internet, and you can take a look at this list. Okay, I mean you could just pick the three to five that really stand out to you. Sometimes you'll pick two that are the same. I would actually say and have an integrity and authenticity could be layered, and one of them might be more the word that you're looking for by the definition that you're using, but having core values is good. And if you, I don't know how to pick them. I was like 10 words that I like.

Lesley Logan 11:08  

Okay, so then this is what you do: you take your Be It Till You See It life, who you want to be, right? And you are gonna write down things that people say about that person, the version of you you want to be, and then you're going to write down three things you achieved as that person. Write that down. Then I want you to look at the core value list, and I want you to apply a core value to the things people said about the Be It Till You See It version of you and the wins you had when you got to that success. And you will see, oh whoa, these are the things that mean the most to me. And you will just put them down.

Lesley Logan 11:40  

At OPC, we have consistency, we have communication, transparency, authenticity, and so it's how we operate, and it's also how our members can know that these are the values we have, and if you have these values, you belong here too. If you have all the same values, we have a couple, right? But these are really, really important because we often go off vibes, and that just doesn't work. I do this all the time. We have a meeting every month about the financial state of our business, and it's because it's too easy to go off vibes, way too easy to go, well, this didn't go as well as I thought, and this didn't go as well as I thought. Then go, whoa, we actually had a great month. So why am I being hard on myself? Oh, because I'm comparing myself to someone else, my old rubric, and I didn't go off the data, not helpful, not helpful, babe. So choose three to five core values that you can measure your days by. 

Lesley Logan 12:27  

Okay, it'll also help you understand how to do things in your day. I can't wait to see how you use this because I do think this is a really cool thing that I found in my research for this. And I actually think, especially when you're in comparisonitis, maybe don't do this every day, but if you find yourself in a comparison season of life, this might be the best way to get yourself out of it. So here is your action step this week: just pick one metric of your old scoreboard that you are officially retiring and replace it with a value that protects your piece. So go look at your four to five core values, which one can you replace that old metric by so you can protect your inner peace because you have to be it on your own terms before you'll ever see it in your life, whatever it is. Peace, love, true success is something that you're going to define, but also we got to get there with a regulated nervous system. We can't be an exhausted, burnt out shell of ourselves.

Lesley Logan 13:19  

No one says when I my Be It Till I See It, babe. My Be It, babe. That I am looking towards and taking action as if I'm already her is dead and tired. No one is saying that. So becoming the woman who honors her own version of success and saying you're firmly in your choices, even when no one understands your timeline, and that is hard. I know that I disappoint and piss off a lot of people in my personal life, and I'm okay with that because when I do show up with them, I'm the version of me that I want to be around them. It's listening and present and supportive, and it's hard to do.

Lesley Logan 13:55  

I guess I wouldn't say I piss, but I probably frustrate them. I'm probably sure they want more. Anyways, your reflection questions: More versus better. So I love this. I hope you did too. So where are you chasing more, more, more, more, more, more? And what could, what would be a better replacement? Is it better, better boundaries, higher quality, that kind of thing? Okay. Next metric is in your last achievement? Did reaching that goal leave you feeling safe and spacious, or fried and anxious? So, if you look at your last achievement, if when the time you got there you couldn't even celebrate because you're so tired, we have to redefine your metric. That is a big sign. Hey, but if you got there and you were so excited you could celebrate and be there and enjoy it, good job. Keep that metric. 

Lesley Logan 14:42  

Now, the next thing I want you to look at is, in the current season you're in, what are you allowing success to look like? And then, looking at five or 10 years ago, what was the definition you're off operating off of? If it's the same, my love, I promise you, you're in a different season. And so you could probably immediately take some pressure off your shoulders. So redefine. And lastly, what are your three internal values that would help you to know if today was successful? Make sure you put them on a Post-it. Make sure you start your day looking at that. Make sure you write down action steps you can take to get there. Comparison does suck, but it's also not terrible. And so, what I will say, because I said in the first episode, it's often just a highlighter, a flashlight, a magnifying glass, a little beep beep beep beep beep.

Lesley Logan 15:33  

There's something about this that you want, whether it's a vibe, emotion, a value, an impact. There's something that you want, and it's hard to Be It Till We See It. If we can't see the thing that we want, even if it's not the exact thing, I can look at a friend of mine and I can see the ease at which she does some things. I don't actually want to do the thing she's doing, but I can see that ease. And if I hadn't seen that, I wouldn't have known that I actually want that in my life, as I do the thing that I'm doing, right? Does that make sense? So please don't shame yourself if you do compare. Market research is important, but if you are feeling like you're going into a spiral, if comparison is high, then you got to get clear on who you are, what you want to be, and the values that you want to live by to get there.

Lesley Logan 16:25  

Be It babe, I hope this is helpful for you. I hope this took the inspiration that a lot of our guests have given us and helped you put it into place where you can apply it to your life today. And I would love to hear what your takeaways are. So please tag the Be It Pod, share the series with a friend who needs to hear it. Maybe you guys can answer these questions together and support each other, and hold each other accountable. And if you have a topic you would like me to go into, if you have questions based on this that I could maybe do some other episodes on, please send them into beitpod.com/questions. And then lastly, to support this podcast, thank you so much for listening. Every download supports this podcast, including the ones your friends do. Reviews help too, and being an OPC member really truly helps this podcast. It's how this podcast is powered. Thank you so much, and until next time, Be It Till You See It. 

Lesley Logan 17:06  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.

Brad Crowell 17:49  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 17:54  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell 17:58  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 18:05  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.

Brad Crowell 18:08  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.

Part one of a two-part series on self comparison opens with the hard truth that most people are not behind at all. Lesley Logan traces the borrowed scoreboards we inherit from parents, from past versions of ourselves, and from a social feed built entirely of highlight reels. She unpacks a goal she once wrote down that was never actually hers, and why envy works better as a diagnostic tool than a verdict.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] mailto:[email protected].

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/#follow-subscribe-free.

In this episode you will learn about:

• Letting go of what no longer serves instead of accumulating more.
• Why feeling behind at thirty said nothing about actually being behind.
• Envy read as a highlight of what matters, not a judgment.
• How a goal written on a Lululemon worksheet was never actually hers.
• Four homework questions to answer before the radical success audit.

Episode References/Links:

• Submit your wins or questions - https://beitpod.com/questions

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• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-g
• Lesley Logan website https://lesleylogan.co/
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• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/
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Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:00  

I really do want you to stop outsourcing your metrics of happiness because you are comparing yourself on data that isn't the right data you need to get to where you want to go.

Lesley Logan 0:11  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Lesley Logan 0:54  

Hey, Be It babe, welcome, welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast. Today we're talking about self-comparison, and ooh, I don't know if you were raised on this line, but I was raised on self-comparison is a thief of joy. I guess they didn't have the self part. The comparison is a thief of joy, and you know what? It fucking is. So here's the deal: if you have ever looked at someone else's life online or in your community and felt this immediate sinking pit in your stomach telling you that you are behind, or you just see something, and you're just, "Why them? How do they get that?" I feel that for you. I really, really do. I heard a woman say this beautiful line at a talk the other day, and I'm going to have her on the podcast. She is scheduled, so we will have an episode with her, and we'll probably talk about this deeper. But she had said this, like, hit me. She said, "If comparison is high, clarity is low," and I think if that's all you get out of this episode, then I will, then I've done my job. But today we are going to break down the hard truth. You're probably not behind at all, right? And you know this, you know. But let's talk about why are you scoring yourself on someone else's scoreboard? Because that's what comparison is, right? 

Lesley Logan 1:58  

When we compare yourself to somebody else, it's just like we're using someone else's life and their scoreboard and going, "We are behind," but really, you're in your own fucking game. So this first part. So on Thursday we'll have a second part. We're gonna just talk about comparison and do a radical success audit because I really do want you to stop outsourcing your metrics of happiness because you are comparing yourself on data that isn't the right data you need to get to where you want to go. This is called "Be It Till You See It," right? If you are using the wrong metrics to "Be It Till You See It," you're going to end up being on someone else's costume. It's going to be, don't even know what that is. "Be it till you are in their clothes." That's not going to work. So here's the deal: I am a 43-year-old woman who is talking to you right now, and oh my god, I think I was a 43-year-old in a child's body my whole life. Maybe not that old, but I definitely couldn't wait to be at the next level in the next stage. And I definitely compared myself to so many people. Being young was so hard. I was so hard on myself because, first of all, I didn't have a lot of money when I grew up, and all my friends really did. At least, if they didn't, it seemed like they did because they went to Disneyland before I could. They had cars when they were 16. I had to buy mine, right? Like there's all these just different things that they're so. Oh my god! I was in the AP classes, and these people were so smart. My B plus was the hardest work of life that I could get. My A minuses were, and they came so easy to them. Came so easy, right? And so I remember going to college, and everybody was like finding their husbands and getting married. And I was really proud to not get married in college.

Lesley Logan 3:30  

I mean, because one, my college was super expensive, and two, I'm, thank God, I didn't marry those men, I would have been divorced very quickly, and I probably would have had a life I didn't want to really have a hard time. So, but I do remember after 30, my 30th birthday. I remember just feeling, "Wow, I'm behind. I am behind." Because even though I knew I didn't want kids and that kind of thing, I wasn't married. In fact, I was broken up. I broke up with my partner, and I was semi-homeless, and I had to start over with my studio and blah blah blah, and I just felt behind. Wow, you know. And then it felt every single month of not being in a relationship with the right person was now I'm not going to get married at least until I'm 31. Then it's, you know what I mean, like. And then I just remember feeling I didn't have it all locked down, and I think a lot of women feel that way at a young age, whether or not you want to have children.

Lesley Logan 4:24  

There's this thing we've got to get this stuff done early, and as we know, that's not true. But it doesn't mean that it still doesn't feel true, right? It doesn't. It feels true. And there's also the idea, you know, retirement is around the corner. I mean, it's not really around the corner, but I want to retire early, so it's around the corner. Do I have enough money for that? I, I should have had this many members by now, so then I could do X, Y, and Z. And so it's just, it's a really hard time because there does feel like there's a timeline, and that we're trapped, and that we are behind, even if we don't look at other people, because there's just things we want to have done by now, and the reality is, as a business owner, as long as I've been, everything takes longer than we want. It will always have problems, and all of a sudden, you'll have been there, and you'll be looking back, and wow, how did that go? 

Lesley Logan 5:13  

Like I was at Brad's birthday party, and with a friend, and he didn't know how we met, and so I told the story. I was like, "Yeah, that was 11 years ago. That's 11 years ago. 11 years ago, when we got married, fuck. Wow, time does fly when you're having a good time. But also, we have to remember that this is a really good time for us to edit, get rid of, let go of things, not just keep accumulating, because it makes it really difficult to find the success that you want if you're trying to carry all the things from the past decades with you. So, what do you have to let go of? Is it friends? Is it a dresser you've just been shoving more shit in? Is it a car? Is it a job? Is it a goal that isn't yours? 

Lesley Logan 6:03  

So, for example, before I became a Lululemon ambassador, this would be 14 years ago, 15 years ago. When you come to the house, you'll see that my picture is on the wall here. It's fucking huge, and I don't know what to do with it. So it's just right there, staring at you, the guest bedroom, bathroom. But they had us do this goals thing: one year, five year, 10 year goals, right? And it had to be health related and personal and business or whatever, successful, whatever. And I put down that I wanted to do a yoga teacher training. I liked going to yoga classes. I had done a Pilates instructor teacher training. I was finishing up my second one, and I was, you know, I should do a yoga one because then I can teach yoga classes because that's what everyone does in fitness. They have 17,000 certifications. They could teach all these different formats, and I should do that. And then six months later, when I looked at that sheet, I hadn't even touched. I hadn't even Googled a yoga certification. Didn't even look one up. And guess what? There was one happening in Equinox where I worked, and I didn't even think, oh, I could do that one.

Lesley Logan 7:00  

None of that even came to my mind, and so what that meant was I was accumulating goals that weren't right for the success that I wanted to have, and so my love, we really need to be thoughtful about the things that we haven't let go of that no longer are serving a good purpose for us right now.

Lesley Logan 7:20  

All right. So next thing I want us to focus on before we get into our homework audit, I want us to talk about the borrowed scoreboard. Right. So this is ideal. We often get goals from our parents, but are often your parents put goals on you. I hear parents talk about their kids today and what school they're going to go to and how they're going to be, and what sports they're going to be in, and I'm, oh my god, do the, and I can't even keep my mouth shut, which has got me in trouble. Do they even like it? And they're going to like it. They get so defensive at me, and I'm, oh, this is I'm not supposed to talk. They're just supposed to talk at me. Okay, noted. But oftentimes our parents have had goals for us, right? And so we feel like we're disappointing people when we don't do those things, and so then not only do we do them or we try to have fun doing them, we kind of keep that goal as part of who we are supposed to be.

Lesley Logan 8:10  

We also have past versions of ourselves that we are using still to think about how we are doing things and if we're doing a good enough job. We 10 years ago definitely could handle a 12- to 13-hour workday and sleep and still do all the workouts and eat really well. And the person of me today cannot do that. If I don't get my work done in six hours, that's it. That's all I have, folks. And I have caught myself going, "Lesley. You should be able to do this. You just sit down at dinner and get another fucking hour of work done," and I just can't. So I can't. That's me in that moment comparing myself to an old self, using that old self's scoreboard and brain and things, and social media sucks for this, right? And so goes back to that thing: when comparison is high, clarity is low. If you open up socials and you are feeling bad about yourself when it's over, my dear, there's a big sign your scoreboard is not your own, because you know that it's all a highlight reel. You know that it has to be. That's the only way this works, because you definitely don't know the people that are made fun of for not having it being the weird ones that are doing something stupid on the strip, and it will be embarrassed that someone filmed them doing that. You don't want that, so you put out the highlight reel, and not to say that you should also put yourself up crying because I really hate videos of people crying. I think we know it's a highlight reel, and yet we'll compare ourselves to others. And the thing that you cannot get in 2200 characters or in a three-second hook is all the things that went wrong before that beautiful thing went up, right? 

Lesley Logan 9:49  

It is so. I'm pretty transparent here, so I know you guys know how much shit our business has gone through to get the things going. Because if you're a member, we're very transparent with you. If you're a listener, we talk this happened, and then that happened, and we did this, and now we're here, and now it works, and it's great, and so exciting. But it's a journey. But most people don't share that stuff, right? And that stuff also isn't sexy, so nobody wants to listen to it, anyways, because you just sound like a complainer. But the reality is that social media makes us feel like we're always behind, that we're not thin enough, that we're not pretty enough, that we're not doing enough things for ourselves.

Lesley Logan 10:20  

My god, to tell you the truth, I hate how I look on this podcast, and yet I will tell you right now, I don't do anything to change how I look on this podcast. But when it comes out, wow, you don't look at the camera, it's like you can't make eye contact. It would be cool, Lesley, if you just did your hair, you know. But the other thing is, is I also know that I don't really care, but it's just there's just something about it because then I see some other beautiful person on their podcast and it's just crisp and clearly filmed in 4,000k or whatever it is, 4k and 4,000k. I sound like that woman who I had podcasts which is it's 20 2000 2026. 

Lesley Logan 11:00  

Anyways, they just look so stunning, and I know how. What I that means that they took an hour and a half to set up that podcast to look that stunning, and I could do that too. But we're not doing that because that's not who I want to be on this. But the reality is that social media often has us comparing ourselves and feeling, "Wow, I do not measure up," but you're measuring yourself to somebody else, and all this, all the support that they have that you may or may not have, right? So I think it's really important that we remember that if we're looking at the shiny front, beautiful things that others are putting out there, we are often ignoring the hidden trade-offs of and the daily maintenance of that lifestyle. We pretend they have such a beautiful background, so that means everything is beautiful. No, probably not. Probably that's the stage that they're showing you. I do yoga with this woman, and I was like, your backyard is so pretty. She's, yeah, and if I were to move this computer three inches, you would see how much storage shit is out here, but you don't because this is the perfect space to look, and so just everybody is hiding all the things that they don't want people to see because they're afraid that that will mean that they're not as successful as they are. But that's not true because they are as successful they are with the junk in the background, right?

Lesley Logan 12:12  

All right. So we need to shift out of a comparison spiral, right? Obviously, we need to do that. We obviously need to have that as an ability. And what I would just want to say is, if you are able to notice that you are in a comparison spiral, that is the first fucking step, and that's a great thing because most people don't even realize that they are in a comparison spiral until they're spiraled out of control. So we need to use when we feel envy as this diagnostic tool that tells you where in your current life, what that is, what is that highlighting, right? So, if I see that somebody looks so stunning in their podcast and they just look like they actually know how what they're doing and their stats look amazing, it is a sign that I actually care that I want this podcast to be successful. It actually has nothing to do with whether I think I'm beautiful or not, that I'm capable. It has everything to do with. I actually give a fuck. I care. That's why I'm jealous a little bit, right? If I look at someone who looks like they have it all together because they are articulate in how they can share what their goals are, and they have these quippy sentences that they say, and that the comparison is high, clarity must be low. It means that I care about making sure that my points that I get to come across succinctly and effectively, right? So when you notice that you're having a little bit of that, you know, jealous eye, we call Darla Jelly Grace because she, when we give Bayon attention, she comes over wants attention, right? Because she wants attention too. That's why she's jelly of the attention he's getting. So it's okay to see something in someone else and want that for yourself. It is a highlight of the thing, right? And so, if you can use it as this, oh, this is important to me, rather than some judgment tool, right? 

Lesley Logan 13:57  

It's a highlighter. It's an expander tool, not one that is talking about how well you measure up or down, right? It's a highlight. It's oh, it's almost like if you think about in the movie Scrooged, which I guess is Charles Dickens, right? When you're visited with the ghosts of Christmas past and present and future, you just see the life that you want the ghost, the ghost of future, Christmas future. This is how your life is going to be. That's what looking at someone else's life and having a little. That means it's something that you want you to have in your future, and so that really helps you and understand what you do have to audit to get that. What you do need to do to train yourself up to do that. What is what you do actually care about? Because sometimes we say we don't care about something, we actually do care about it, right? We do, and that's okay. So just keep that in mind, because sometimes we get envious, and then we get mad at ourselves for being envious, and really, then we miss out on what the envy was trying to tell us. So this is really, really important. You cannot embody, you cannot be your future self if you are trying to step into a costume design for someone else cannot cannot be it till you see it. If what you see is being somebody else and comparing yourself to that, that's you're not able to make decisions as them because you are not them, and that's okay, right? So you can use that person to be an inspiration and put that stuff on your vision board, but it still has to be you doing those things. And so, how would you do it? And that's where the uniqueness comes in. That's where the beauty comes in. That's where why we can have five different computers out there, and I like the one that I like because they designed it for the person that I am, and they market it that way, right? That that kind of thing. So when you see something, you go, "Oh, well, they've already done it, so I can't do it." No, not true, because no one's going to do it like you, whatever the thing is, whatever the it is. 

Lesley Logan 15:43  

So since we talked about why we feel like there's a timeline, why we feel pressure, we've talked about the scoreboards, we've talked about comparison actually just being data and information, and I think we're pretty clear that using other people's stuff and then judging ourselves on it is not helping us out. So what I want to do on the next episode is go to the big question: like, what do we put in the place of comparison and scoreboards that are not our own? What do we put in place of that judgment? So in the next episode, we're going to stop questioning our old way and start actively building your custom definition of success that matches your real life, the life you want to have, and your energy and your current season, because that's what's so important, right?

Lesley Logan 16:30  

So I do want to give you some homework questions because I think that that will help us get you ready for the next episode. So even if you are banging these two next to each other, just take a moment, and I want you to take. If you have more than three goals, and your top three goals. If you only have three or less than your three goals that you're currently stressing over. So got them. So who taught you that these specific things equal success? So if you are working on goals and you're until I have this, then I can't have that. Who taught you that? Where'd that come from? You might have to do some morning pages on that. Next question. This is more of a cost-benefit analysis. If you magically woke up tomorrow with the exact life of the person you're comparing yourself to, what hidden daily trade-offs or responsibilities, what do you inherit that you actually don't want? So, if you woke up as a person you're jelly of, what do you think? There, what trade-offs would you get? Right? Oh my god, so funny when I think of that. Oh god, I do not want that.

Lesley Logan 17:36  

I definitely love my life because, right, because I wouldn't have the husband I have, or the dogs I have, or the house I have, or the morning routine I have, I'd have to. Oh my god! I'd have to have two assistants, right? All right. So that's their next question answer. Next one we call the envy decoder. Think of someone you envied recently, stripping away their specific job or relationship or lifestyle. What is the underlying feeling or energy that they have that your current life is missing. So that person that you envied, what do you do? You think that they have more freedom? Do they have more ease? Do they have more playfulness, more visibility? Take away the actual specifics and what's the energy and vibe that they're embodying that you have a little envious towards. That's going to help you understand what you're being till you see, because you might not even actually want to do the thing that they're doing. You just might want to feel at ease doing the thing you want to do, and they look so easeful. 

Lesley Logan 18:25  

Last one is the version of it, you know, the Be It you are trying to be right now actually yours. Are you trying to fit into costume design for someone else? I remember my ex having a party, and I remember being in this fancy dress I had to wear at this party, and I remember looking around this party and going, "I don't even know who these people are." And remember going, "I don't even want to be at this party." And then I looked at the dress, my ex bought me this dress, but I don't love this. I don't like this dress at all, and just feeling whose life is this, right? So it was my reality check, and then I moved out and crashed my car. But anyways, that's a different story for a different day, and they happen kind of over a month apart, but most of the same time. Don't worry. But I want you to do those questions because I think it will really help you in the Be It Till You See It. All right. 

Lesley Logan 19:21  

Well, we have another episode coming up on this topic to talk about those things, and I just want to say thank you for listening so very, very much. Please make sure you share this episode with a friend who needs to hear it. Maybe you share your success audit together. Send in your answers to the beitpod.com/questions. I would love to hear them all celebrate as a win. Whatever your aha moment is, you can be anonymous if you want. And if there's a topic you want us to discuss, you can send that there as well, beitpod.com/questions. And lastly, there's several ways to support this podcast. One is making sure we get more downloads by you telling your friends to listen to it. Another way is leaving a review. So if you haven't done that, I know it's really hard to do, but you can do it on Spotify and you can do it on Apple, and it would mean the world to me. Thanks so much. Have an amazing day. Oh, until next time. Go Be It Till You See It.

Lesley Logan 20:01  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.

Brad Crowell 20:44  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 20:49  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell 20:53  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 21:00  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals..

Brad Crowell 21:03  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time. 

For some, saying no feels like closing a door forever. For others, it is the only way to protect the work that matters. Lesley is sharing why she turned down an opportunity that would have made good money, what she has learned about brands that drop the people who talk about them, and how a win can be as simple as not feeling bad about it. Maybe there is a yes you have been giving away that you should be saying no to.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] mailto:[email protected].

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/#follow-subscribe-free.

In this episode you will learn about:

• What Instagram affiliate culture used to look like years ago.
• Why Lesley is being intentional about the companies she collabs with.
• Why Lesley said no to an invitation even if it aligns with her business.
• The insecurity Lesley let go of somewhere along the way.
• Listener wins from a new reformer to lighter teaser legs.

Episode References/Links:

• OPC Flashcards - OPC Flashcards - https://opc.me/flashcards
• eLevate Mentorship Program - https://lesleylogan.co/elevate
• @sandaburkemovement - https://www.instagram.com/sandraburkemovement
• @pilates_muscles - https://www.instagram.com/pilates_muscles/
• Submit your wins or questions - https://beitpod.com/questions

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox. https://lovethepodcast.com/BITYSI

DEALS! DEALS! DEALS! DEALS! https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipment

Check out all our Preferred Vendors & Special Deals from Clair Sparrow, Sensate, Lyfefuel BeeKeeper’s Naturals, Sauna Space, HigherDose and ToeSox https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipment

Be in the know with all the workshops at OPC https://workshops.onlinepilatesclasses.com/lp-workshop-waitlist

Be It Till You See It Podcast Survey https://pod.lesleylogan.co/be-it-podcasts-survey

Be a part of Lesley’s Pilates Mentorship https://lesleylogan.co/elevate/

FREE Ditching Busy Webinar https://ditchingbusy.com/

Resources:

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-g
• Lesley Logan website https://lesleylogan.co/
• Be It Till You See It Podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjogqXLnfyhS5VlU4rdzlnQ
• Profitable Pilates https://profitablepilates.com/about/

Follow Us on Social Media:

• Instagram https://www.instagram.com/lesley.logan/
• The Be It Till You See It Podcast YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-g
• Facebook https://www.facebook.com/llogan.pilates
• LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/lesley-logan/
• The OPC YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/@OnlinePilatesClasses

Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:00  

It's Fuck Yeah Friday. 

Brad Crowell 0:01  

Fuck yeah! 

Lesley Logan 0:02  

Get ready for some wins. Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Lesley Logan 0:48  

Welcome, Be It babe, to the Fuck Yeah Friday episode that has no script at the beginning. I just wing it every time, and I wung it so poorly. You'll probably hear a blooper in this episode because I. Oh my god! Normally, don't record the FYFs on Tuesday afternoons because normally that's when Brad and I would record a recap. So I think my brain is like, "Oh, it's Tuesday. You're in the pod room. You must be recording a recap without your husband. It's Friday, and we take some time to just be a human being. Don't have to be learning. We can be living. We can be celebrating what we did do together, and you know I got to get a little thing off my chest with you. Hopefully, you're in your car nodding along and understand my pain. Then I share one of your wins, and then you get to send. You get to be inspired by someone's win. You send it in to me. 

Lesley Logan 1:35  

So, okay, here's the deal. There's this weird thing that's going on. So, for those who have been on Instagram for a long time, meaning of like being on Instagram, like you didn't have to have a ton of followers, but like everybody wanted to send you a pair of leggings and then give you 10% off as your discount, but also you would sell the leggings and then you would get affiliate money, right? And so years ago, was everyone and their mom was literally in my DMs trying to get me to wear their fucking leggings. Send me a free pair, and then I just have to post, and I get to have an affiliate link and make three cents, right? So that was annoying. Fast forward to okay. Now I actually want to be intentional about the companies I collab with. I want to make sure it's things that we want to tell you about. So being intentional about doing my research, trying the product, reaching out, being an affiliate for them, and then for them to go, you actually haven't sold enough of the product, so we're going to cancel your affiliation with us. So by not selling enough of the product, they wanted 20 sales in a month. You guys, someone have to have a million followers for that because most people know it takes seven to 10 hours of somebody understanding your brand before they buy something from you. So seven to 17 touch points at the least for some purchase. And so I was so frustrated because it has been 30 days. What'd you think I was going to talk about your stuff all day long every single day? Like this is QVC? No. And so it was just so annoying, and it gave me such a bad taste with the brand because that's just you know I would never do with my affiliates. If you want to be an affiliate of ours, we have it for our flashcards and we have it for Agency, and then we have referral bonuses for eLevate and for the retreat. And if you want to be, we don't go. You have to have minimum sales to get a thing. No, what I have seen is if you do really, really well, you might get better payouts. But to just completely drop the people who've been talking about you because they didn't do a good enough job? Weird. I just think it's weird. I think it's gross. It's not. It's and then all these companies like women supporting women. Fuck you. No, you're not. Because you would just allow me to be an.

Lesley Logan 3:37  

If you saw me using my affiliate just to buy stuff at discount, okay, that is one thing, but to just feel you can keep talking about we're not going to pay you because you didn't. I don't know something about it just really irks me because wait, that's not that's not how things go. And you know, there's been other companies have taken really really good care of me, really really amazing, and then they got rid of their affiliate program. Very different thing, very very different thing, and so this is not me bitching about that stuff. It's just like the ones you. I don't know. I just think why can't I just tell people about the product that I love and then maybe one a month come to you? Maybe that's it, right? Maybe get one a month. Maybe actually my people already buy your stuff and they're like, oh, Les likes to do it. I'll keep buying more, but you'll never know, right? It's just weird. I don't know. Why can't we just all get along? Why can't we all support each other? That's all. That's what this complaint is about. 

Lesley Logan 4:25  

All right. So my win, my win because I think I've like hit that pinata to death. So I had an invitation to do something that, to be honest, would have actually been fine and aligned with the business, and we would have made it work, and probably would have made some good money on it. And I said no because it was going to affect my well-being and my commitments to myself, and my sleep, and my routines. And I have so many friends who work for themselves who will just say yes to every speaking gig, and they will just work from every hotel, and they just wear this badge of busy. And I cannot do that. And it's really interesting because, like, there is this fear that can come up. Oh my god! If I tell people I'm going to say no to things, then people will stop asking me. And I'm sure that's true. I guess it could happen. But I also really do believe that this is not advice for you if you're brand new at the thing you're doing, okay? But I've been doing this for a long time, a long time. I've been doing this a long time, and I also did so much travel, and then no travel because of pandemic, and then a little bit travel, and then so much travel, and I love it, and I would love to go everywhere all of the time. I'd love to say yes, and the truth is, is that I can't do the good work that I'm doing and say yes to every single thing. So I said no to this thing. I said I can't do it this time, but please keep me in mind for the rest, for other things. You know, it's not a never. It's just not a today, and send them on with some other support. And then I didn't feel bad about it, and I also think that that's a win. Like, whoa, wow, what, what? I'm I got rid of some level of insecurity that was vibrating in my brain. Got rid of that somewhere along the way, and I don't know when, but when I did this, I didn't buzz in. Oh my God, you're gonna invite again? Do you want to be invited? Nope, not not insecure at all. So that's my win. That's my win. I said no, I didn't feel bad about it. So see how easy a win can be? 

Lesley Logan 6:25  

Now let's do a win of yours. You can send your wins in to beitpod.com/questions. Okay, same link for everything. Questions, topics. The questions we answer on YouTube, but the topics we do podcast episodes on or find guests. You can send guest requests in. If you send me Michelle Obama one more time, I love her. Can't wait. Would love for her to be. Cannot wait to be of earn the right to interview her. But maybe someone a little more attainable. Yeah. Okay. I love you guys so much. All right. So this is from @sandaburkemovement, "Set up my new reformer!!!" Oh my god, your new Reformer is stunning on you, and it's been so fun to watch your practice just evolve and change, and you know, the strength that you have, and I just am so glad that you're in my life, that I've been your elevated life, and we get to keep doing this Pilates thing together. 

Lesley Logan 7:09  

And then this one is from @pilates_muscles, "Connected deeper to my breath, and made my long legs feel feather light and teaser." Oh wow! Breath is so good. The breath is so good. Ah, I love these wins. Thanks for sending them in, ladies. You are amazing. Keep them coming because you'll hear them in the future, right? You won't hear them a week later when you remember the win. You're going to hear it a month or three later and go, "Oh my God, I did that. That's right. I forgot about that. Right? 

Lesley Logan 7:37  

All right. Here is your mantra: Relaxation is my natural state. Relaxation is my natural state. Relaxation is your natural state, babe. Go get it. Go Be It Till You See It. Thank you so much for supporting this podcast by listening, by sharing, and by supporting OPC onlinepilatesclasses.com by either being a member or buying our flashcards, you mean the world to me. Have an amazing day. 

Lesley Logan 8:05  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.

Brad Crowell 8:47  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 8:52  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell 8:57  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi. 

Lesley Logan 9:04  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.

Brad Crowell 9:07  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time. 

Brad Crowell 9:22  

Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It interview. Oh my fucking lord! What a blooper! Jesus! Wow!

Saying yes to everyone sounds generous right up until you notice who is actually paying for it. Lesley Logan and Brad Crowell recap their favorite takeaways from the conversation with transformational coach, speaker, and author Peter Kolat, also known as Polish Peter, who landed in Detroit at fourteen with no English and rebuilt his life after a recession and a divorce. Brad gets honest about the job he stayed in way too long and what finally made it unbearable.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] mailto:[email protected].

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/#follow-subscribe-free.

In this episode you will learn about:

• What the three letters in DEI actually mean without the politics.
• The costs of saying yes to everyone and everything in your life.
• The difference between a business plan and a personal life vision.
• How to spot the signal that you are on the wrong path.
• Peter's daily practice for hearing yourself think again.

Episode References/Links:

• upLift Teacher Training - https://xxll.co/uws
• eLevate Mentorship Program - https://lesleylogan.co/elevate
• OPC Flashcards - https://opc.me/flashcards
• Nevada SPCA - https://nevadaspca.org/
• OPC Posters - https://opc.me/posters
• Cambodia October Waitlist (2027) - https://crowsnestretreats.com
• Pilates on Tour Goa India (December) - https://xxll.co/pot
• OPC Winter Tour - https://opc.me/events
• Americans for Immigrant Justice - http://aijustice.org
• The Authentic Self Rebirth by Peter Kolat - https://myauthenticrebirth.com/free-bookv2
• Submit your wins or questions - https://beitpod.com/questions

Guest Bio:

Peter Kolat is a transformational coach, speaker, and author who helps people uncover the quiet beliefs holding them back and rebuild on more honest ground. Known as "Polish Peter," he arrived in the U.S. from Poland at 14 with no English, trained as an architect, and later moved into coaching after a personal and financial turning point reshaped his path. Today he's recognized for a direct, no-nonsense style and a talent for naming the limiting beliefs people can't see in themselves. A Robbins-Madanes certified coach, Peter has spoken at more than 100 live events and authored The Authentic Self Rebirth. He co-hosts The Lifeonaire Show and leads a national coaching company.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox. https://lovethepodcast.com/BITYSI

DEALS! DEALS! DEALS! DEALS! https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipment

Check out all our Preferred Vendors & Special Deals from Clair Sparrow, Sensate, Lyfefuel BeeKeeper’s Naturals, Sauna Space, HigherDose and ToeSox https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/memberships/perks/#equipment

Be in the know with all the workshops at OPC https://workshops.onlinepilatesclasses.com/lp-workshop-waitlist

Be It Till You See It Podcast Survey https://pod.lesleylogan.co/be-it-podcasts-survey

Be a part of Lesley’s Pilates Mentorship https://lesleylogan.co/elevate/

FREE Ditching Busy Webinar https://ditchingbusy.com/

Resources:

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-g
• Lesley Logan website https://lesleylogan.co/
• Be It Till You See It Podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan https://onlinepilatesclasses.com/
• Online Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjogqXLnfyhS5VlU4rdzlnQ
• Profitable Pilates https://profitablepilates.com/about/

Follow Us on Social Media:

• Instagram https://www.instagram.com/lesley.logan/
• The Be It Till You See It Podcast YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-g
• Facebook https://www.facebook.com/llogan.pilates
• LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/lesley-logan/
• The OPC YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/@OnlinePilatesClasses

Episode Transcript:

Brad Crowell 0:00  

You'll know when you're true to yourself if it feels like nothing is missing, right? If something is missing, if something feels like it's missing, then you're probably not being true to yourself, right? You're not being your authentic self.

Lesley Logan 0:12  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Brad Crowell 0:53  

Take it away.

Lesley Logan 0:56  

Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It interview recap for my co-host in life, Brad, and I are going to dig into the authentic convo I had with Peter Kolat, also known as Polish Peter, in our last episode. If you haven't yet listened to that interview, feel free to pause us now. Go back and listen to Polish Peter, and then come back and join us.

Brad Crowell 1:15  

Yeah, Polish Peter, I love it.

Lesley Logan 1:15  

I know. It's on his Zoom call. It says Polish Peter.

Brad Crowell 1:18  

That's what he calls himself. Yeah, he explained it in the episode. I kind of had a good chuckle, but yeah, a lot of fun.

Lesley Logan 1:24  

I mean, he's Polish.

Brad Crowell 1:25  

Well, there's that. I mean, I hope I would hope he's Polish. He better fucking be Polish if he's calling himself Polish. 

Lesley Logan 1:32  

And he's not just Polish. He's from Poland. So there's that. All right. So today is September 17th. Here's the deal, guys. We're gonna get down and dirty because you know what? The day before recording this, I'm a little, I'm a little annoyed. So we're in on this stuff. It is whether or not people wanted to celebrate this day. There, we are celebrating it. It is National DEI Day.

Brad Crowell 1:53  

It's September 17th.

Lesley Logan 1:54  

That's right. It's September 17th. It is National DEI Day. National DEI Day champions our nation's commitment to diversity, equity, and inclusion every September 17th, sharing its date with Constitution and Citizenship. Wow, with Constitution and Citizenship Days. I wonder if the people who aren't into DEI have ever read the Constitution or taken a citizenship test. Anyways, it reinforces values of democracy and belonging. I am zesty today, and belonging. Communities nationwide are encouraged to wear blue and unite to celebrate equity in action. Discover resources, participate in discussions, and support initiatives that foster a truly inclusive society. So, Brad put some stuff together.

Brad Crowell 2:36  

Yeah, DEI. Here's what each word actually means, but completely stripped of political charge that's been layered with all of the craziness that's been happening.

Lesley Logan 2:47  

Okay, by the way, if anyone's triggered by the fact that we're talking about DEI, they're already gone. 

Brad Crowell 2:51  

So yeah, this is probably already gone. 

Lesley Logan 2:53  

Yeah, but this is for our people who needed to explain it to their family members. 

Brad Crowell 2:57  

Well, yeah, I think it's really important. DEI is just this supercharged acronym. We told my dad that our government is going after people about. They've shut down grants to universities because the university has a DEI class. But what is DEI? What does that actually mean? Right. The D stands for Diversity. The E is Equity. The I is Inclusion. But D includes the presence of people with different backgrounds, identities, and experiences in a group or organization. So that's all different backgrounds, identities, and experiences. This includes, but is not limited to, race, ethnicity, gender, age, sexual orientation, disability, socioeconomic background. Right?

Lesley Logan 3:42  

Yeah. If you're poor.

Brad Crowell 3:43  

You're DEI, right? National origin, so that could certainly be people from another country. It could also mean religion, and also side note, every fucking person who's ever been in the military.

Lesley Logan 3:56  

Yeah, you're DEI. When we told my family member, we're like, you're DEI. I'm like, you are over 65, so that's an age thing. You are a veteran.

Brad Crowell 4:07  

Yep.

Lesley Logan 4:08  

DEI.

Brad Crowell 4:09  

Yeah.

Lesley Logan 4:09  

There it is. You are. I have a sweatshirt that says you're probably DEI too.

Brad Crowell 4:14  

Yeah. So that's the D. So E is designing systems so that outcomes aren't predetermined by someone's starting point, so it's not the same as equality, giving everyone the same thing, right? This is equity. Equity means adjusting for the fact that different people face different barriers.

Lesley Logan 4:35  

Yeah, I mean, if you grow up in a poor area of town in the U.S., that likely means that your school has less funding, which means if you're able to be a straight-A student in your school with less funding, equity means that they see you similarly to someone who went to a very high-end school versus like, "Oh well, you got a 3.8 at this school, but these people have 4.2's." No, they're like, "Oh hi, that's insane, that's amazing, whoa, we should look at that."

Brad Crowell 5:08  

Well, it's adjusting. Yeah, exactly. It's adjusting for the fact that there are different barriers of entry. Right? So that's what equity is.

Lesley Logan 5:15  

There's also a really interesting thing. You can see it on YouTube. It was going around during 2020 and 2021, where they just put people on a starting line and they ask them questions, right? Did you have this? Did you have that growing up? Did you have this growing up? And you have to take certain steps forward or backward, and then you look and you see people of different socioeconomic backgrounds and races often are behind other places, and it doesn't mean that we take these other people down. It's that we actually go, "Oh, we should actually account for that and give these people an opportunity to even the drawing, give them a better opportunity at life."

Brad Crowell 5:52  

I stands for Inclusion. Whether people who are present actually feel welcome, they feel heard, and they're able to participate fully, or whether they're just technically in the room, right? Making sure that everyone has a voice.

Lesley Logan 6:06  

It's like in the '80s, or I don't remember when they, for, "Oh well, that board has a woman on the board, but she doesn't ever get to talk, and her points are never listened to." Then it's not actually included.

Brad Crowell 6:18  

She's the talking woman on the board.

Lesley Logan 6:19  

Yeah.

Brad Crowell 6:20  

Right. Yeah. So who is included in DEI? This is where it often gets—I'm just going to sum it all up. This is often where it gets misunderstood. DEI frameworks were born out of civil rights and anti-discrimination work. So, in practice, the groups most often centered are Black, Latino, Hispanic, Indigenous, Asian, women, LGBTQ+, people with disabilities, and veterans. However, the framework itself is not exclusive to those groups. A white man from rural Appalachia with no college degree is considered diverse in a room full of Ivy League professionals, and equity would ask whether he has had the same shot at advancement. Right? So.

Lesley Logan 7:02  

But they would never tell that guy that.

Brad Crowell 7:06  

Okay, well, the political fight isn't really just about the definition; it's about whether these frameworks produce fair outcomes or create preferential treatment, right? That's the—that is where the argument is: Is it right for us to give a voice to the guy from Appalachia? Are we giving preferential treatment to him, or is it producing a fair outcome? And that's where, you know, that's now where opinion comes into play, right? It's about that and whether institutional programs built around DEI actually deliver on the premise or become performative checkbox exercises, right? So it's definitely easy to just turn into a checkbox exercise. This is where reasonable people land on different places.

Lesley Logan 7:45  

Yeah, I mean, look, I don't know that DEI mandates, the wrong word, but values in a company are always going to be perfect. I think everything is going to have flaws, and there's always going to be blind spots to different things just based on experiences, no matter where you land on the board, but I do think that punishing people because they have DEI as a value system or something that's important to them is wrong, and also just assuming that somebody who is of any of the things we said got there because they were just gifted a thing is just ignorant. 

Brad Crowell 8:22  

It would also be wrong.

Lesley Logan 8:24  

It's wrong to assume. "Oh, there's a person of color, or a poor person, or a woman, or a queer person in a job. It's because DEI." No, every person who interviews for a job still has to get past the interview. They still have to get there. You know what I mean? It's so interesting to me how people think that something is happening at them. We all benefit when there's different people at.

Brad Crowell 8:51  

Oh the stats are in. I mean, the, the if you go look at any corporation that focuses on diversity in their company, they perform better as a company. There's not even any question.

Lesley Logan 9:02  

100% So I don't know. We obviously, I want to say about Polish Peter, but I just think it's really important. If you're listening, there's a good chance you're probably DEI too in some way, and if you have family members who are really like, they roll their eyes at those letters, I strongly encourage you to look up and see if they fall in under DEI and explain it to them because what sounds like is that they've been brainwashed that people are having a leg up on them, which is not true. And if they just recognized that they also fall under these things, there are systems for them. Like, this is the thing that frustrates me the most. There are systems for people,

Brad Crowell 9:38  

Yeah.

Lesley Logan 9:39  

Who think that the world is against them. There are these things. You have to look them up. It's really frustrating, but there are these things. I hear about different things that Vegas offers people in different socioeconomic backgrounds and homes. I didn't even know existed. I'm like, how are people hearing about this? But we do have. 

Brad Crowell 9:55  

I mean, we're watching The Pit right now. Again, literally. Lesley's on the third time through. I'm on the second time through, and there's in season two. There is a unhoused guy who he needs a bath really bad, right? And he gets in to they they they clean him up and they start talking to him and everything. And the charge nurse, the head charge nurse, says, you know, you need to work the system. The system is there to support you. You have to learn how to work the system. Right? And and so it's shoot that wrong. 

Lesley Logan 10:25  

We have some incredible people on our teaching team and and our team who've had things that are outside of their control, just terrible things that just have sidelined their dreams. And not only did they work the system, and yes, it requires you being on long phone call holds and doing the paperwork and and keeping the receipts, but their kids are benefiting from it and 

Brad Crowell 10:48  

Yeah, big time. 

Lesley Logan 10:48  

So do it. 

Brad Crowell 10:49  

In a good way.

Lesley Logan 10:50  

Do it.

Brad Crowell 10:51  

Yeah.

Lesley Logan 10:51  

And also we are voting in the next less than 60 days. Please consider how you are voting and who supports people. 

Brad Crowell 10:59  

Well, first off, make sure you vote.

Lesley Logan 11:01  

Make sure you vote.

Brad Crowell 11:02  

Yeah.

Lesley Logan 11:02  

You can vote for whoever you want, but also think about how that person feels about other people.

Brad Crowell 11:08  

Yeah.

Lesley Logan 11:09  

You know. Anyways, we got to get into it. 

Brad Crowell 11:11  

We're going to talk about what's coming up here and what our travel is.

Lesley Logan 11:14  

The upLifter, upLift Teacher Training Program. We're actually onboarding our instructors this fall, so. 

Brad Crowell 11:20  

Our educators. 

Lesley Logan 11:21  

Our educators, for that this fall and upLift is for people who want to become a pilates instructor or people who have had partial trainings who would like to make it a comprehensive training so they can have a career and longevity in this career. So if you are interested in my upLift teacher training program and being able to do that in person with one of our educators, xxll.co/uws. No, we still don't have a link for all these things, but we'll get there probably next year. It's a 2027 goal. All right. eLevate. That is my mentorship program. So that's for those of you who are—if you're like, "Oh, I would love to learn from you, but I'm already trained teacher." That's eLevate. We have a few spots left, and you can actually watch. 

Brad Crowell 11:57  

Well, we might be sold out by the time you hear this in September, but yeah, we'll see. At the very least, get on the wait list for future.

Lesley Logan 12:03  

Just go and check, and you never know. And we'll figure out a better way to announce this stuff. lesleylogan.co/elevate. But you should go learn about it and see if it's the right thing for you. 

Brad Crowell 12:12  

I mean, honestly, the the the reality is this: that 2027 is already sold out. 2028 is almost sold out, right? So if this is something that you're considering, it's getting further out in the future. So now is the time to start thinking about it because, you know, we might already be talking about 2029. 

Lesley Logan 12:29  

And I won't even let them pick dates, so we're not even talking. But anyways, I want you in if you want in. I want you in. It's not some elitist thing, by the way. It's just people always, "Oh, I can't believe I got accepted." It's, yeah, you meet the requirements and why you want to join is why I do the program, and so it's a kind of a first-come, first-serve. I'm not one of those hierarchical. Is that the right word?

Brad Crowell 12:49  

Yeah, you nailed it.

Lesley Logan 12:49  

Yeah, educators where you must have been teaching 30 years, and you must bow down to me and be in my cult. No, I, I really, if you want to learn from me and you meet the why we do what we do and what you need to have done, then it's a first-come, first-serve. So there is no someone had this training and that's why they're in over someone else. Nope, nope. Also, our flashcards. Did you know that if you want to support this podcast and you're not ready to be an OPC member, there's a way to support this podcast by buying our flashcards. And when you buy our flashcards, you don't just support us. You actually support the Nevada SPCA.

Brad Crowell 13:21  

Hey, love that.

Lesley Logan 13:22  

And they do fucking great work.

Brad Crowell 13:24  

Yes.

Lesley Logan 13:24  

Yeah. opc.me/flashcards.

Brad Crowell 13:26  

We were able to buy all of the dogs in the. 

Lesley Logan 13:30  

Not just the dogs, Brad. We were able to pay for 114 shelter animals' food for one week.

Brad Crowell 13:35  

That's amazing.

Lesley Logan 13:36  

And at the time, they only had 61 shelter animals, so we probably paid for two weeks of. 

Brad Crowell 13:40  

That's what I thought. It was two weeks. The way that it worked out was it's two weeks worth of meals for the the animals that they had, the future pets that they had, and we're really proud of that, y'all. Like this is not just Lesley and I saying this. This is your participation with Online Pilates Classes. We are so excited to be able to write that check, and we write it every quarter, and it's because of you.

Lesley Logan 14:03  

And also, we should be updating you on Q3 soon. So stay tuned. We'll see how many more animals we we fed, or how many we paid for the adoption fees for. Anyways, posters.

Brad Crowell 14:14  

Yeah, people have asked us where the posters are found. The OPC posters. Just go to opc.me/posters, and then real quick, we're gonna rip through this. Yeah, we'll be in Sacramento in October for Pilates On Tour. 

Lesley Logan 14:26  

It's sold out.

Brad Crowell 14:27  

It is sold out, but we'll be there, and we'll be bringing the flashcards, by the way. And then Lesley and I literally leave our van, and we take the BART into San Francisco, and we are going to hop on a plane to go to Cambodia to host our annual retreat there, which is also.

Lesley Logan 14:44  

Well. It's been sold out for a long time, but you can get on. You're making it sound like no one can hang out with us.

Brad Crowell 14:48  

No.

Lesley Logan 14:48  

You can get on the wailist because we will not sell tickets to 2027 until January. There is space in 2027 hangouts. But you got to be on the waitlist for that.

Brad Crowell 14:58  

In November, Lesley is going to be at a Pilates summit in China.

Lesley Logan 15:02  

Yes. 

Brad Crowell 15:03  

Just outside of Shanghai.

Lesley Logan 15:04  

Still have no link for you, but I heard that they're promoting it on the Chinese socials. 

Brad Crowell 15:09  

Yes, it is up and out. We're we're working on that.

Lesley Logan 15:11  

Tell your friends in China. Yeah, hopefully I can come a lot.

Brad Crowell 15:15  

That'd be awesome.

Lesley Logan 15:16  

Yeah.

Brad Crowell 15:16  

In December, Lesley's going to India. She's going to be in Goa.

Lesley Logan 15:19  

There are spaces.

Brad Crowell 15:20  

And there are spaces at the Pilates On Tour there, the POT there. So go to xxll.co/pot 

Lesley Logan 15:27  

And Goa, you guys, I said yes because when you look at Goa, you too will say yes. And the way they do Goa is so different. They treat it almost like you're going on a retreat. So your ticket covers the resort, the food, the whole thing.

Brad Crowell 15:39  

Oh, nice.

Lesley Logan 15:40  

Yeah.

Brad Crowell 15:41  

You have food there too. That's great.

Lesley Logan 15:42  

Well, of course they're gonna feed me. They always do, but everyone you fed.

Brad Crowell 15:45  

Not you, I meant the ticket attendees. 

Lesley Logan 15:46  

Yeah, they get everything, and then it covers their their end of resort. We're all at a resort together.

Brad Crowell 15:51  

Very cool.

Lesley Logan 15:52  

It's gonna be like the White Lotus, but not no murders, no affairs.

Brad Crowell 15:58  

Awesome, and then Lesley literally flies from India straight to Denver, which you know that we're in Vegas. But I'm driving the van to Denver. She's gonna fly from India to Denver, and I'll pick her up, and we're gonna hit the road for our winter tour for OPC. 

Lesley Logan 16:14  

Weird, wild, and crazy, and people think I'm 30 years old.

Brad Crowell 16:16  

Yeah, so come join us. Go to opc.me/events opc.me/events. 

Lesley Logan 16:21  

And if you're like, oh, I'm gonna do next year's, just so you know, I've accepted nothing for 2027.

Brad Crowell 16:28  

For the winter tour?

Lesley Logan 16:29  

No, I mean for any of these POTs or

Brad Crowell 16:32  

Any of the events, yes. 

Lesley Logan 16:33  

Or whatever. We haven't at this moment that we're recording. We have, I've accepted. Oh, I've accepted one thing, but I haven't had the contract on it yet, so. 

Brad Crowell 16:41  

That's true. That's true. Oh, actually, before we leave, hold on, stick around, stick around. We are very excited to talk about the charity of the week. So this week's charity is we're going to be highlighting the Americans for Immigrant Justice. It's a Miami-based nonprofit law firm fighting for immigrant basic human rights for nearly 30 years. Since 1996, they provided free legal representation because, unlike criminal court, there's no guaranteed right to an attorney in immigration proceedings. I just want to say that again. We all know that the court provides us an attorney if we need one, right? We do, we do, we get that, yes. But if you are an immigrant, if you're going through immigration proceedings, that is not a guaranteed right, right? So what do you? First off, you might not even know anything about our legal system, and then what? You're supposed to represent yourself? That's crazy.

Lesley Logan 17:34  

Well, we have friends who, because of all this ICE shit, are being thrown into representing people because it's hitting the federal courts now, which is not normally how it goes, and they are having to learn immigration shit.

Brad Crowell 17:44  

Yeah, and so, yeah, so this organization offers literally free legal counsel. It's all in the Miami-Dade area, so South Florida, but it's—it's—it's amazing. They've provided attorneys to more than 175,000 people from over 160 countries. That's amazing. They're the only provider offering on-site legal help at Miami-Dade's domestic violence shelter. They do not just immigration, but they also do violence, like domestic violence. They've exposed abusive conditions inside detention centers in Florida and on the Texas border. And in 2025, they won a federal injunction blocking a Florida law that would have made it a felony for certain undocumented people to simply be in the state. 

Lesley Logan 18:23  

Wow, this is really cool. And also, I'm sure if you don't live in Florida, I bet you they have friends and colleagues in different states.

Brad Crowell 18:30  

Yeah, they're four-star rated by Charity Navigator. Your donation actually goes to real on-the-ground work for people who have nowhere else to turn. And you can find out more at aijustice.org. AIjustice.org.

Lesley Logan 18:43  

I love that. It's really important. You know, there's a lot of ish happening right now, and it's, it's very scary, and it's all meant to just scare. It's all scare tactics, but also these are real people who are being locked up in places that it's not how it's normally done. They're actually, when people say, "Do it the right way," a lot of these people are. They actually went to their immigration appointment and they got picked up. It takes a long time. So, anyways, please take a look at how you can support people who have immigrated here in your areas. If this organization doesn't work, there's probably a lot of different ways you can support those in your community. Do that.

Brad Crowell 19:17  

Yeah, and if you have a recommendation for a charity that we should investigate and check out, send us a text 310-905-5534, or you can submit that to beitpod.com/questions. You can also leave us a win for the Friday episodes, and if you know, you know. Stick around. We'll be right back. All right, let's talk about Peter, known as Polish Peter and sometimes Polish Tony, for his Tony Robbins-esque style. He's a transformational coach, speaker, and author. Born in communist Poland, Peter landed in Detroit in 1991 at the age of 14 with no English and Big Dreams of the USA, shaped by Hollywood movies. He trained as an architect, but after the 2008 recession and a divorce, he found his way into coaching. Today, he helps people like—all the stories holding them back, and asks the tough, sobering questions that people need to hear, rather than what they want to hear. He does have a book. It's called The Authentic Self Rebirth, and we'll put the link in the show notes, so check it out below. 

Lesley Logan 20:13  

But he's got such great energy. 

Brad Crowell 20:16  

Yeah, my Authentic Birth. You can find it, and he has a book there. It's free right now, apparently, actually.

Lesley Logan 20:21  

No, you just pay for shipping handling.

Brad Crowell 20:22  

Yeah, awesome. So yeah, yeah, it was a great convo.

Lesley Logan 20:25  

I agree. I don't. I think I don't even remember. Remember when the 747s were falling out of the sky, like they were having issues.

Brad Crowell 20:34  

Yeah, sure. Like two years ago.

Lesley Logan 20:35  

No, more like before COVID. But there was that. Was it really? Yeah, maybe they weren't 747s. Maybe they were—remember the Boeing? There were Boeings, and there was two that the pilots were trying to do something, and the computer was doing the opposite thing. Yeah, and then you were on a plane to New Orleans, and I had to get on a plane to Poland, and it was one of these Boeing numbers, and I started having a panic attack, and you weren't answering your phone because you were on a plane,

Brad Crowell 21:00  

I think it was 2023, babe.

Lesley Logan 21:02  

No, definitely not. It was before COVID. We lived in LA, and so I'm texting you, "I think I'm gonna die now. I'm going." 

Brad Crowell 21:10  

Oh yes, I do remember this.

Lesley Logan 21:11  

And I love you so much. Here's where I come down. 

Brad Crowell 21:15  

This was your first trip to Poland.

Lesley Logan 21:17  

My first trip to Poland, and they made me check my bag, which you know how much I hate because I said it was too heavy, and so of course I found some tequila and some kombucha, and I made myself a margarita at the airport. And I'm walking around drinking my margarita that I made, and I get myself on this plane. I was like, okay, if the plane takes off and nothing happens in 20 minutes, I think we're okay. So I set a timer, and I'm just sitting there with my timer. What? Nothing happened.

Brad Crowell 21:43  

What? No idea what you said.

Lesley Logan 21:44  

Well, I was just like watching my timer. I was just watching the timer. I was watching 20 minutes tick down, right? Because I was like, "This is—this is when it's going to happen. It's going to happen the next 20 minutes." And this woman next to me, when there was no one in the middle seat, she was, "I'm scared to fly too," and I was like, "Oh yeah, normally no, but this is one of those planes that goes down, so I'm just scared to be on this one." And she started talking about being living in communist Poland.

Brad Crowell 22:06  

She did?

Lesley Logan 22:07  

Yeah. And she told me it was so wonderful because she talked nonstop. Even my timer went off. She just kept talking, and she told me her whole life trying to escape communist Poland and how her family got to the U.S. and because in communist Poland you couldn't have access to your passport, so you had to have different reasons to get access to it. And then they watched you heavily when you had access to your passport. And she and her family were able to escape Poland and come to the United States.

Brad Crowell 22:37  

That's amazing.

Lesley Logan 22:37  

Yes, and it was a beautiful story. It was, and then she's like, "And I'm going back to see family." I'm like, so. 

Brad Crowell 22:43  

Why would you do that? Okay. 

Lesley Logan 22:44  

But it's not communist. Anyways. But it was. I just, anyways, I thought of her when I thought of that story and thought of her when with Peter because how difficult for his family to come here and then to be a child. Now he's in Detroit. How many Polish people are in Detroit. He's in Detroit. He doesn't know English, and English is. You think Polish is hard? English is hard. So, anyways, he operates, and this is probably why, is because he operates under the belief that life happens for me, not to me. And I know we've all heard that before, but you really do have to think about that in a way that's, that helps you because shit happens, and if you really can think about it, he, you know, in 2008 he lost all the things and his partner and all this stuff, and if he can think about this is happening for me and see the opportunities that are there to grow and to become a different person and to have a different life, so he definitely had some really good explanations. He said, imagine banging your head against the drywall, like something's going to give.

Brad Crowell 23:42  

Something will give.

Lesley Logan 23:43  

It will, and if you live at a flipped house, it will definitely give. But it's not good. You don't want to do that. He does—he said you should figure out what the root cause of the issue was going on. Like, really going back in time, and I think a lot of us stick to the surface level. This happened, so this is the thing. But there's often a first domino that starts the effect. So he also, I really like when he talked about the different patterns that signal a wrong direction, and we have to pivot. And my God, I know we all hate that word. It's still like a trigger word for us. But there's nothing wrong with a good pivot. I don't know. I'm a pivot queen.

Brad Crowell 24:19  

I think it's a great skill to have. I mean, it's also an important time to step back and reevaluate.

Lesley Logan 24:27  

Well, I was just talking with some eLevate people this week about how sometimes they get so super focused on this one thing in a person doing an exercise, and I love how you are a dog with a bone on that. But you got to zoom out because if you don't zoom out, you're actually missing that these three things are happening, which is probably why the thing you're zoomed in is happening there. And if you don't zoom out, then you're actually going to be going in the wrong direction. Where if you zoomed out and made a pivot, it doesn't mean you're a bad teacher. It actually means you're, you're going, "Whoa, hold on! I have more information, and now I can take us in the right direction." No, that's what.

Brad Crowell 25:06  

Well, I really loved what he was talking about. How do we know that we're being authentic? Because that's just be yourself. Just be authentic.

Lesley Logan 25:13  

I love this because everyone talks about being authentic. It's so annoying, but I love the word. Yeah, how do you know if you are?

Brad Crowell 25:18  

He said when you are true to yourself, he said, "You'll know when you're true to yourself if it feels like nothing is missing," right? If something is missing, if something feels like it's missing, then you're probably not being true to yourself, right? You're not being your authentic self. He also said that if you're living from stories of what the world told you to be, not how you need to be, right? So it's, this goes back to all the, you know, parallel here is like magazines or society telling you what this is how you should do it, and it's not necessarily the right path for you, right? For me, yeah, I agree. Yeah, you know, so I think it's amazing when you are pressured by something outside of you. That could be your parents. That could be your school. That could be your church. That could be whatever it might be. Your job. There's tension. There's obviously tension there. Sometimes the pressure is good. They're helping you with your path, but you know if the pressure is not good, right? It makes me think of my job that I had before I finally quit. Yeah, I mean, look, my parents pushed me to be a better student. You know, that's a good thing. My job pushed me to do things that could I do those things? Yes. Should I do those things? Probably shouldn't have done those things. You know, there was so much turmoil and tension in doing those things, but I was, I felt stuck. Felt super, super stuck. I need to get paid. I need to, you know, that's what's keeping me here. Is the only thing that's keeping me here is the paycheck, right? And I, it became very clear over time. I can't keep operating this way. I cannot keep doing the things I'm doing, you know, because I am not being authentic to myself. I don't believe in the things that I'm doing. I don't, I don't want to be doing the things that I'm doing, but I'm still doing them for some reason, right? And so, you know, I think that there's that internal frustration that you have, and that is a huge indicator that you're not being your authentic self.

Lesley Logan 27:21  

Yeah, I think I look back at my job I had in retail, which I do love and I'm really grateful for. But I kept taking promotions, expecting like the next thing to be better, the next thing to be better, and then I'm like, I gotta move cities, and that's gonna make it better. And then it's—you keep saying, "And then once this happens, then it'll be better." And it's actually no, if that keeps happening, there's something missing, and so you're not fully being authentic. And you got to take some time to think about that means and go get to know yourself. You know, go watch Runaway Bride and see how long it took her to figure out what she liked. You know, it takes time.

Brad Crowell 27:52  

Yeah, I mean, you know, I think the idea of getting to know yourself will help you create clarity when you have that tension. It's really hard, you know, to step aside and reevaluate things. It often comes with major life change, you know. For him, he was talking about how getting divorced was a reality check, and it made him do a lot of self-inflection.

Lesley Logan 28:20  

Self-inflection, reflection?

Brad Crowell 28:22  

Inflection.

Lesley Logan 28:24  

Self-inflection.

Brad Crowell 28:25  

Yeah, right? 

Lesley Logan 28:26  

I don't think that's right. I don't want to correct you, but I don't think that's right. Self-inflection?

Brad Crowell 28:32  

Maybe it's self-reflection.

Lesley Logan 28:33  

It's reflection. 

Brad Crowell 28:34  

What is inflection? What does that even mean?

Lesley Logan 28:36  

Well, this is when I'm in—I'm inflecting my voice. Like, I'm doing inflection. I'm inflecting this way. I am doing it like this. Like, inflection is like what you do with sounds.

Brad Crowell 28:47  

Well, we're gonna inflect in just a minute. So stick around. We'll be right back when we we inflect on those Be It Action Items.

Lesley Logan 28:53  

Oh my god, you guys! It's a Friday night.

Brad Crowell 28:55  

It's definitely Thursday.

Lesley Logan 29:00  

Leave it in. Just leave it in. 

Brad Crowell 29:03  

We'll be right back. 

Brad Crowell 29:07  

All right, welcome back. Let's talk about those be it action items. What bold, executable, intrinsic, or targeted action items can we take away from your convo with Polish Peter? He identifies as a recovering people pleaser. He said that if you say yes to everything and everyone except the things that are most important to you, what ends up happening most of the time is the people who are closest to you get hurt the most. I'm going to say that again. If you say yes to everyone else, everyone except for the things that are important to you, the people that are closest to you get hurt the most. That was really interesting to think about. He also pointed out the people who are always told to write business plans, but nobody ever tells you to write a vision for your own personal life. I thought that was also really intriguing. So, but the thing, but let me get back to the thing about the people get hurt the most are the people closest to you. Think about this. This is—this is actually one of the things we talk about with OPC. You gotta put yourself first so that you can be the better you for your family, friends, coworkers, job, whatever it might be. For yourself, you have to put yourself first.

Lesley Logan 30:20  

I agree. Also, I was just watching a shitty reality TV show, and these people were with terrible people, and they're, you can watch the people-pleasers trying to make it work, and some of it was manipulation and coercion, but they're trying to people-please their way out of the situation, and

Brad Crowell 30:35  

It was some inflection.

Lesley Logan 30:36  

Yeah. And other person feel really good, but guess who got hurt? Their friends, their family, the people they cared about, because those people could see this partner is not good for them, and they could see what this person was doing, jumping through hoops to make this partner good for them. And it's, they ended up losing friends and losing connection with family members. And so you ought to be mindful. Yeah, I agree. Your OPC example was perfect. 

Brad Crowell 31:00  

Yeah. Moving on to the business plan for your life, like writing a vision for your life. He said to stop being a people pleaser. He wrote out his own vision for his own life, and he blocked out personal priorities in his calendar to ensure those spots were not taken up by others or other commitments when he was usually saying yes. And he said the payoff was when people would ask for his time. He would say, "Hey, let me get back to you on that," and then he would go sit down and he would think, "Does this align with my vision? Is this going to help me with my vision, or is it going to take me further away from my vision?" Right?

Lesley Logan 31:36  

I have a filter.

Brad Crowell 31:37  

But also that sounds super selfish. Does this align with my vision? Is it going to help me with my vision, or is it going to take me further away?

Lesley Logan 31:45  

I think this selfish needs a rebrand.

Brad Crowell 31:48  

Right. So self-care isn't selfish. We talked about that a whole lot back in the day, but the idea here is, yeah, it might sound selfish, but because he had not put himself first in the past, his entire life fell apart. So on round two, he was major change needs to happen. I'm going to run all of these things through this filter of how aligned is this thing with what I need for me. In addition to, I'm sure there's ways in there he can do both, but there are certainly things in there that will not serve him at all. And he's, "Hold on a minute. I don't know if I can do this anymore." So good for him. That's a really powerful thing to learn. And now he's helping people with it.

Lesley Logan 32:33  

Yeah. I also definitely understand feeling bad when I say no to things that don't align with what I want to do. It's not about—I don't feel bad, right? While this is going on, we were asked to be somewhere for an event, and we're available, but it's the only month to be fucking home, the rest of the year, it's it, and so I said we can't make it because it's the only month not on plane, and I'm really excited for you, and so of course I feel some FOMO. I feel, "Oh my God, are we letting people down?" And also, I can't do it. I will not be present enough for October events, November events, December events. I can't do it. So it's actually not selfish because going back to the people pleasing thing, if I had said yes, then the people coming to our events the rest of the year are going to get an exhausted version of me, so I had to say no, and it's not selfish; it's self-preservation.

Brad Crowell 33:29  

Right.

Lesley Logan 33:30  

Yeah. Anyways, I like that he said literally every day be with yourself. I do this all the time, so I couldn't agree more. I actually get really annoyed when I can't be with myself for four plus hours. I think it's really important. Find ways to be with yourself. Some people want to be with themselves in movement. Some people want to be themselves meditation, whatever. But you got to be with yourself without the podcast in the ear. I know this podcast, but so as much as I want you to keep listening, find 15 other minutes to be with yourself. But be with yourself. He suggested being in front of a camera or a mirror and just be with yourself and just be quiet. I think that's cool, especially if you don't do things with the camera. I'm in front of a camera all fucking day. I don't want to see my face anymore, so most of my time with myself is not seeing my face. I really appreciate that, but then it's really hilarious because I'll be with myself for four hours, and I'll put a camera. I'm like, "Wow, I walk the dogs like this." But anyways, I couldn't agree more because I think it's really important that you you just take time to be with you without any extra input. So I love that. I'm Lesley Logan

Brad Crowell 34:35  

And I'm Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 34:36  

We're so happy you're here. Thanks for being here. This is episode 734. That's insane! Insane! Insane to me. But thanks for listening, and thanks for sharing this with friends. It's so fun to hear new listeners who are downloading the podcast and their takeaways, and share Polish Peter's episode with a friend who needs to hear it. Join OPC or get our flashcards if you want to support this podcast in other ways. And until next time, Be It Till You See It.

Brad Crowell 34:58  

Bye for now.

Lesley Logan 34:59  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.

Brad Crowell 35:41  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 35:46  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell 35:51  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 35:58  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.

Brad Crowell 36:01  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.

Peter Kolat spent years saying yes to everyone and quietly losing himself in the process. A transformational coach and author, he tells Lesley Logan how a divorce and what he calls his optimistic depression became the turning point that rebuilt his life. Peter breaks down how to catch people-pleasing in the act, write a one-page vision that protects your priorities, and get honest about who you actually need to become. This one is for anyone tired of performing and ready to just be themselves.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] mailto:[email protected].

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/#follow-subscribe-free.

In this episode you will learn about:

• The belief that life happens for you rather than against you.
• Reading the difference between a fear-driven stop and a real pivot.
• The hidden cost people-pleasing carries into your closest relationships.
• Writing a one-page life vision that protects your real priorities.
• Asking the sobering question that reveals who you must become next.

Episode References/Links:

• Peter Kolat's Website - https://polishpeter.com/
• Authentic Self Rebirth Free Ebook - https://myauthenticrebirth.com
• Peter Kolat's Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/authenticselfrebirth
• Peter Kolat's Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/peterkolat
• Peter Kolat's YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@HiddenMasteryMindshifts
• Peter Kolat's LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/peterkolat
• Peter Kolat's X - https://x.com/peterkolat
• Submit your wins or questions - https://beitpod.com/questions

Guest Bio:

Peter Kolat is a transformational coach, speaker, and author who helps people uncover the quiet beliefs holding them back and rebuild on more honest ground. Known as "Polish Peter," he arrived in the U.S. from Poland at 14 with no English, trained as an architect, and later moved into coaching after a personal and financial turning point reshaped his path. Today he's recognized for a direct, no-nonsense style and a talent for naming the limiting beliefs people can't see in themselves. A Robbins-Madanes certified coach, Peter has spoken at more than 100 live events and authored The Authentic Self Rebirth. He co-hosts The Lifeonaire Show and leads a national coaching company.

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Resources:

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Episode Transcript:

Polish Peter Kolat 0:00  

Here's the thing: sign. You say yes to everything and everyone except for the things that are most important to you. I know deep down inside. You do know deep down inside. I know I should not be saying yes, but I'm saying yes, right? And what ends up happening most of the time? The people who are closest to you get hurt the most.

Lesley Logan 0:19  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started. 

Lesley Logan 1:02  

You guys, I'm excited for this conversation. It's really fun. We got to talk a lot of things. We got to talk about rock bottoms, divorce, finding a partner, authenticity, true authenticity, people pleasing. My people pleasers, you know, hear this podcast. It's so good. So Polish Peter is our guest today. He is an author of a book you're gonna want to read, especially if you are, ah, I know I need to be authentic, but authenticity been ruined. We just have a really great conversation around that, and I think this is really going to help those who are feeling a little stuck. Those need a reminder to keep going. Those of you who've just kind of lost the way or have been, why is this happening to me? All great stuff in this episode. So here is Polish Peter. All right, be babe. I'm really excited. This is gonna be a fun conversation. I already know because I've already talked to this person before, and we're just gonna get into it. Polish Peter, who are you? What do you rock at? Well, are you Polish Peter? Is that your formal name? Should we give a last name, or we just go by Polish Peter? 

Polish Peter Kolat 1:55  

No, there is a last name. It's called Kolat, Peter Kolat. But what ended up happening over the years in my industry, I've been now coaching people and things like that, I've been referred to as Polish Tony, like in regards to Tony Robbins, and then the kind of Polish Peter kind of stuck with me. So that's how it just happened like that.

Lesley Logan 2:11  

I love it. You know, that's how nicknames come about. I used to always go by my last name, and then people just called me LL, and I was going do I want to be LL, and actually, I do. It's like a whole alter ego. I step into a different power. It's super fun. So you're an inspiration. How did we get here? How did that happen? Did you always be someone who was inspiring, like a Tony Robbins, or was there a journey that got you there?

Polish Peter Kolat 2:34  

No, I drank some Kool-Aid. No, I think it was. I mean, I think my whole life. I think there was something that I thought I was something bigger than I was meant for something bigger. I don't know. There was some kind of innate kind of a feeling that I wasn't meant to work for someone else. It was always something that I needed to know, do my own path, kind of a thing. So I think there was always something like that. And the more I started, especially after 2011, I went more into this, because people kept telling me, "Listen, I think you should be a coach. I think you should be the person who's speaking to people because of who you are, your story. I think would benefit a lot of people." And when you start looking from that perspective, you start to, okay, let's do it. Let's try it on. See how it happens.

Lesley Logan 3:20  

Yeah, I think we're all meant to step into something bigger than ourselves, and some of us follow that calling, and some of us get stuck. So, do you feel like you did something uniquely different that you didn't get stuck like other people? Was it scary to try to do something bigger than you? What was the journey there?

Polish Peter Kolat 3:38  

Yeah, I mean that's a really good question. I think that is true. People do get sometimes stuck, and I think for me it was. Think about it this way: every single person in the world has some kind of a story, right? And I don't think these stories are meant to just die. I think the stories are meant to you help other people on their journey because my circumstances might be completely different, but maybe sharing my story with you maybe will help you give you some kind of different impact that you are going to make different choices in life or inspire you or whatever might be. So I think we're all called to do that. Now I think it kept me going is couple of beliefs that I have. One, I have a belief that life happens for me, not to me. So if life happens for me, not to me, then there must be something behind that. You know what I mean, that drives me. The other thing I have this belief that, and sometimes that helped me, sometimes it didn't really help me, is that I don't quit. I don't quit very easily. And what ended up happening, I when I sometimes talk to my students, and this is not the best of analogies, but at some point I came up with, and I just keep using it. Imagine if you're standing in front of a drywall and you're banging against the wall, something is going to give. Either you're going to stop banging your head against the wall, or the drywall is going to break through.

Lesley Logan 4:52  

Yeah. 

Polish Peter Kolat 4:53  

And when you start looking, not giving up, maybe sometimes you need to pivot a little bit. But if you don't give up in life, I think you will be able to accomplish a lot more and drive you more towards what you've meant to be here on this earth for. You know what I mean? That you go into your calling, sort of speak.

Lesley Logan 5:10  

Yeah, like you just got to keep going. And I do think some people get to a wall and they go, "Oh, this is a sign that I'm not meant to do this." That's what I hear people. "Oh, well, there was that door closed and that door closed. This must not be meant for me, or it's leading you down a hallway. That door, you know what I mean." But so, how do you know if you're supposed to keep going or if you have hit the wall and you're going to break? What's the signs that you look for to keep going?

Polish Peter Kolat 5:39  

That's a really good question. That's one of those things that we all trying to figure it out, right? 

Lesley Logan 5:44  

I was hoping you had the answer. 

Polish Peter Kolat 5:45  

Well, I had the answer, right? I mean, let's bring somebody else in the podcast. Maybe somebody else will know. No, but I think what I've discovered up to this point is this: people, when they stop, why am I stopping? Am I stopping because there is a fear that's driving that decision, right, and worry or whatever might be. If it's some kind of a negative emotion, negative decision, negative something, I think I think that's us just stopping, not because we're not meant to go through that door, and also there might be people around you or things that are happening around you that gives you this pattern that says you're going down the wrong direction. Right? And what ends up happening is the pattern around you says keep going, and you feel like, oh, I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I am ready for this. And all of a sudden you get a call that you want to be speak in front of 10,000 people, and you've spoke in front of 500 at most ever, and this is collectively speaking, you're like, ah, how am I going to do this?

Lesley Logan 6:51  

Yeah. 

Polish Peter Kolat 6:52  

But, you know, maybe this is an opportunity that you've been kind of working towards. So it requires some faith, requires courage, right? So if I think it requires the courage, requires this little bit of a faith. I think that tells you that you're going down the right direction.

Lesley Logan 7:08  

Yeah, yeah. I've had some people go, "I want to speak on these big stages," and but they won't say yes to a stage of 10 people. And it's, well, if you've never spoken in front of 10, it's hard to speak in front of 100. Recently I actually taught a class for over 300 people, and there was some people like, "Oh my god, I want to do that." And you get, yeah, guess what? I had to teach to five people first, and then at some point that got to be 20 people, and then at some point the number was 50, and then this earlier this year, the biggest number of people in one class was 85, and if I hadn't taught the 85, I couldn't have taught 300. I wouldn't know what to do with 300 people. You have to build the muscle up, and I agree. Like there's that. Okay, we have to take a journey back though, because you have a story. So, before you became an optimism, helping coach, inspiring people to find their way. What got you here?

Polish Peter Kolat 7:55  

Well, so I was born in Poland during the communist. Poland was communism at that particular point. Then in '89 got abolished. I came here to United States when I was 14 at '91. Not because I wanted to, it's because my mom was already here, and this was a land of opportunity. Money grows on trees here. By the way, I kid you not, Lesley. I actually, as a kid growing up, I had to believe that there was money trees in here. Imagine my disappointment when I came here. Oh, here's the other thing. One, there is no money trees. There was a different conversation about that. But when I was flying over here to United States at 14 years old on a plane, they played two movies. The first movie was by Eddie Murphy.

Lesley Logan 8:37  

Coming to America? 

Polish Peter Kolat 8:38  

Guess what? Coming to America. Probably complete coincidence, right? Had to be complete coincidence.

Lesley Logan 8:45  

Yeah. 

Polish Peter Kolat 8:45  

And the second one was Eddie Murphy movie as well, and that was Beverly Hills Cop when he was in L.A. Okay?

Lesley Logan 8:53  

Oh my God. 

Polish Peter Kolat 8:54  

So I am resisting coming here, but I'm looking at this movie and I'm, you know what? This might not be so bad. You got palm trees, which, I love palm trees. You got beautiful skies, skyscrapers, sports cars. Right? 

Lesley Logan 9:08  

Where did you end up? Did you end up in Ohio? Did you get to L.A.?

Polish Peter Kolat 9:12  

Well, I ended up in Detroit.

Lesley Logan 9:15  

I don't think there's a palm tree in Detroit. 

Polish Peter Kolat 9:17  

No, there isn't. So imagine my disappointment, right?

Lesley Logan 9:20  

Yeah. Also, in Detroit when they were going down, because I feel like that's about when yeah.

Polish Peter Kolat 9:25  

'91. There was the you know Kilpatrick thing later on and all that kind of stuff, right? So there was the whole discussion, and then you know I went to high school, was learning English because I don't know any English, you know. In fact, I remember thinking to myself, wait a minute, am I Polish or am I polish, right? Because the word looks exactly the same, right? I mean, talk about confusing. I mean, you know, language.

Lesley Logan 9:46  

Yes.

Polish Peter Kolat 9:47  

So got the you know graduate of high school, went to college, got a degree in architecture, which was inspired by my uncle because he built his entire house. Did you know that? And I'm sharing my story. I'm revealing a lot of the belief system right that was driving this thing, my uncle, and so I'm going to architecture. Graduated high school architecture when actually became an architect here in Michigan. I was developing a lot of buildings while I was doing this. Ended up finding my wife, got three kids. After that, we started you know one kid, second kid, third kid, you know. And I in about 2007, I don't know if you remember what happened in 2008, but I saw the writing on the wall here, especially in Michigan, because we got the big three, and I started my own company on the side, and it was a marketing company to be able to help real estate investors and people in real estate, you know, market themselves. So I kind of started seeing the writing on the wall. I went to in about maybe 2009 full time into that, and I started growing this business. Then in 2010, my wife came to me and she said she wants a divorce because guess what? Peter got lost in the entire business. By the way, one of the beliefs that draw of that was the people pleaser. So gotta make sure everybody's happy, right? So there was that conversation, and so after that, for about two years, I went into what I called my optimistic depression. And when I say that, some people get confused. What does that mean? But if you are an optimistic kind of a person, I think you can understand what optimistic depression is, right?

Lesley Logan 11:17  

Yeah, you're like you're constantly thinking there's going to be hope on the other side, but you're depressed on the inside too.

Polish Peter Kolat 11:22  

Well, yes, that and on the inside, I remember asking myself that question: What the hell is wrong with me? Right? Because how is it that my whole world basically like crashed for me? Yeah, kind of thing. You know what I mean? What the hell's wrong with me? And when people come to me, you okay? Everything good? Talk to me. Right? Guess what my answer was. I'm good. I'm good. I'm great. Yeah, yeah, great. Right, and people could see it. So that's the optimistic depression. So during that particular time, I actually went through what I call my awakening, and I've learned a lot about myself. And because of that, that's when I went into a mastermind. That a friend of mine, he's my best friend Jason brought me into this company, (inaudible). Was in the mastermind group, and as I started learning all about myself, that's when people started saying, "Listen, you should be a coach because you have this way of speaking to people and asking the questions. Sort of like they call me Frank because I'll be can be frank with you. I'll be the person who would ask and people what sometimes they need to hear, and that's not what they want to hear. You know what I mean? So that's why it prompted that, and and that's when the kind of a journey started. And here I am today.

Lesley Logan 12:31  

Oh my goodness! Oh, what a journey! That was a difficult time for a lot of people. That 2007, 2008, but also like a lot of great things were born from there. And so it's interesting. Thank you for sharing that. And I just want to go back to the people pleaser part, and then we'll go back to optimistic depression. So we don't want to miss that one. But you mentioned it, and I want to highlight people who are people pleasers. Think, oh, I'm trying to make everybody happy, but in doing that, you make zero people happy, including yourself. And so, can we talk about what should we? What are the signs you're a people pleaser, and how do you stop? Did you stop? Are you still one?

Polish Peter Kolat 13:01  

Yeah. Well, hi. My name is Polish Peter. I'm a recovering people pleaser, right? So, I love your laugh, by the way. I think it's awesome.

Lesley Logan 13:11  

Thanks. 

Polish Peter Kolat 13:12  

So here's the thing: sign. You say yes to everything and everyone except for the things that are most important to you. And you know, deep down inside, you do know deep down inside. I know I should not be saying yes, but I'm saying yes, right? And what ends up happening most of the time? The people who are closest to you get hurt the most, you know, especially you. How do I, you know, deal with that? Well, when I first started this entire process, one of the things I did. I wrote a vision for my life. What I want my life to look like.

Lesley Logan 13:43  

Okay.

Polish Peter Kolat 13:44  

Right. Because nobody ever tells you to write a vision for your life. They tell you to have a business vision and business plan.

Lesley Logan 13:49  

Yeah.

Polish Peter Kolat 13:49  

But nobody tells you to have a vision for your life. So I wrote it out. What does that vision look like? On one piece of paper, in present tense. And then I created a calendar that I started putting pieces from that vision to my calendar, so I started putting things in my calendar to make sure that these spots are not taken up. So, for instance, morning routine that I have in the morning, that's in the calendar. Then I put down 3:30 in the afternoon. I had the gym that I wanted to go hit the gym. Then at 6 o'clock, eat dinner. I actually put that in my calendar. People pleaser, we don't do that. I actually put in my calendar. Then between 10 a.m. and 2:30, 3 o'clock, those are my work hours because what ended up happening after my divorce, I want to make sure that I want to pick up and drop on my kids at school. So you know the drop-offs and pick-ups started like you know 9 a.m. and then I started going and seeing, you know, picking up the kids from school about 2:30, so that was a hard kind of a bounce, right? Hard deadline. And the way I was able to say no to people from that point on is because I knew myself that was going to have a hard time saying no. I would say when someone would ask me, "Hey, can you do this for me?" And I would say, "Well, let me get back to you." I think that's okay for people to say it.

Lesley Logan 15:05  

Yeah. 

Polish Peter Kolat 15:05  

And then I would go, and I would say, hmm, look at my vision. I go, does this align with my vision? Is this going to help me with my vision, or is going to take me further away from my vision? And majority of the time, it would be a no, would be take me away from it. But I would go back and I would say, listen, I would love to do this for you and with you or whatever because I do. That's the people pleaser.

Lesley Logan 15:28  

Yeah.

Polish Peter Kolat 15:28  

However, my vision doesn't allow me to do that.

Lesley Logan 15:31  

Yeah.

Polish Peter Kolat 15:32  

But guess what I did? I blamed it on my vision. I'm no longer the bad guy. The vision is. You know me. And then we had the discussion. But that's how I was able to go and eliminate the whole people pleaser thing.

Lesley Logan 15:42  

I, okay. First of all, everyone who needs to literally write down in your notes, let me get back to you. Thanks for this. Let me get back to you so you can copy and paste it. So it's just you don't even have to think about it because you're gonna think about it and you're gonna overthink it and you're gonna rewrite it 17 times and you're gonna say yes to the thing because that was faster. So love that. And then I do love the blaming. It's not alignment with what's going on right now. I have, you know, every day someone's pestering me for something, and I have just been, oh, this, that's not gonna, I can't add one more thing to the calendar right now. But I love that you thought about me. Thank you so much. And it kills me because it's like, oh my god, I should, I should be doing more of that. I should be doing all the shoulds, right? But I, Polish Peter, you and I are very similar. I definitely think that you have to know who you want to be, where you want to go, and it has to be in your calendar. Absolutely, must be in your calendar because if it's not in your calendar. It does not get done. But of course, you have to put dinner on in your calendar because if it's if you're someone who's I fuel myself, I take care of myself. It's got to be in the calendar, otherwise you won't. Because hello, I'm ADHD, and I just realize why am I so hungry? Oh, I forgot breakfast. I didn't. I didn't look at my calendar this morning. I really appreciate that. You know, there's a course like the master class and the what's her name? Who, The Devil Wears Prada is based on? She has a course and she says she always thanks people for the work that they did, and then she will just say we're moving into a different direction right now. Thank you so much for that. We're moving, so you don't have to explain anything anyway. You tell the people the new direction. You don't have to overexplain yourself. It's just not in alignment with what is happening in this moment. So thanks so much. Okay, so now let's go back to the optimistic depression because how did you get out of just the habit of saying you're good, everything's great, I'm great. How did you get to be someone who who isn't fake because to me that's faking it right. That's not a Be It Till You See It thing. That's a faking. I'm faking being happy because I'm supposed to be happy. So how did you step out of that habit?

Polish Peter Kolat 17:33  

Well, one I had to recognize that I can't hide it. It's impossible to hide it. People can see it because they were coming up to me, so guess what? The people pleaser in me didn't like that, right? Because guess what happens that they can see it. You know what I mean? So that's one. And two, during the whole awakening process, I started looking from all the different beliefs that I've had. Like I said to myself, like what the hell is wrong with me? So my brain went into the conversation. Well, here is the reason what's wrong with you because you got to be very careful the types of questions that you ask yourself because brain is going to give you the answer. Right?

Polish Peter Kolat 18:10  

What kind of answer is it going to give you? Well, the one that satisfied that question and it's going to go back to your past and your circumstances and all those kinds of things going to tell you the answer. So as I started looking from that perspective, I started discovering different beliefs that I formed over my course of the life, and then I ask myself, does this help me to get where I want or is it actually hindering me because are these beliefs from the place of fear, worry, or they're actually from the place of abundance I want to live? So then I discover most of them were not, you know, like the people pleaser. I think it's there is a fear-based kind of a way of living, people pleaser, because for me, one of the big things that I discovered that I wanted to feel important, like I matter, like I'm, you know, someone acknowledging me, those kinds of things. So people pleaser with me will say yes to everybody because I wanted to be the guy, right? At the end, it actually costing me a lot. I started discovering that what's costing me, and then I started basically creating a new belief system. You know, getting back to that authenticity, because if I look from that perspective, think about it: when we were four or five years old, were we fearful? Probably not. Were we curious? Heck yeah, we were. Kids are very curious. They're happy. They're in the moment, right?

Lesley Logan 19:26  

Yeah. 

Polish Peter Kolat 19:27  

They are just full of you know whatever. So what if I just started doing that? You know, I mean, what if I just got back to that basics of it?

Lesley Logan 19:35  

Yeah.

Polish Peter Kolat 19:36  

And I was beginning to be more present, more intentional in life, and I think that's what helped me get out of this thing. Because what ends up happening? Think about people who are depressed. A lot of times, they are never in the present moment. They're in the in the past or in the future.

Lesley Logan 19:50  

Yeah, yeah. 

Polish Peter Kolat 19:52  

So hope that makes sense. 

Lesley Logan 19:53  

It does. It really does. It's, you know, like they say, if you live in the past, you're going to be depressed. If you live in the future, you're going to be anxious. It's really hard to be in the present. It can be hard to unravel those habits of not just people pleasing, but also trying to hold everything together when you know you don't want people to know that it's not all there. So I really appreciate you sharing that because I think it's really helpful. You know, you're obviously in a different place now, and I would love to hear your Be It Till You See It for attracting the partner you have now because it's not easy to go through a divorce and change like that. Like, do you want to dive into that? Because I read your notes and I thought, oh my god, this is so funny! I hit a rock bottom in 2013 and single and no car and no place to live and blah blah blah. And so I was like, okay, if I want to have a great partner in my life, I have to make space for them. And I had to, and I was, I had to work extra because I had no, I had to buy a new car and get a place to live in L.A.. And so I was like, how am I going to add a partner in this life if there's no life in this life? Like there's not space. So what I did was every morning I poured two cups of coffee. I poured one for me and one for the future Brad. I was like, I'm gonna be with someone who drinks coffee, and I'm making coffee in the morning. That's what I'm gonna do. And then I protected Thursday nights. I'm like, okay, Thursday nights I will say yes to nothing except for a potential date. And if on the day of I don't have a date, then I'm gonna do something for myself. But I'm protecting this for the person I want to be with, so that I can actually go on a date to meet someone. So, what about you? How did you? How did you become someone who could have someone in your life?

Polish Peter Kolat 21:29  

Yeah, I love that. By the way, the little things that you did. By the way, did you drink that second cup of coffee? 

Lesley Logan 21:34  

Yes, I did. I became like I had. I'm a two-coffee girl. 

Polish Peter Kolat 21:37  

All right, so you were like ready to go, right? 

Lesley Logan 21:40  

Yes, yes. My day started early, so I just put one in a to-go container and one with me, and I definitely needed that. 

Polish Peter Kolat 21:47  

All right, very cool. So listen. So the way I've approached this, is this, I wrote a vision for that future wife, you know, and I wrote a vision from the perspective of who do I want that person to be like. What are some of the maybe the musts, right? Like for instance, I have three kids, so she has to like my kids. My kids have to like her, right? I'm Christian, right? So she's hopefully going to be Christian. I want her to be Christian too, right? And so many different things, right? And there was must, shoulds, should nots, can't, right? All those different things, and then based on these qualities that I wrote on that piece of paper, big page. I mean, it was I don't know, maybe 30, 40 items on there. It was a huge, you know, and because I had this very elaborate kind of vision. And by the way, one that guy Jason Wojo, he actually encouraged me to do this, and I resisted it for a very long time. And then he finally found the wife. I'm like, well, maybe there's something to that, you know. So I finally wrote it and found this girl in January of 2016, and we started dating, and she was meeting these kind of qualities. What had me be able to go and find this girl? Because at the end of this vision that I wrote, I had to ask myself a very sovereign question, and that is this: Who do I need to become in order for that woman to actually show up in my life?

Lesley Logan 23:07  

Right.

Polish Peter Kolat 23:07  

Because if I'm a deadbeat and I don't want a deadbeat, then guess what? She's probably not going to look for a deadbeat. So who do I need to become in order for that woman to show up in my life?

Lesley Logan 23:17  

Yeah.

Polish Peter Kolat 23:17  

So that's the things that I started putting into my life to create this, you know, for instance, one of the things I used to do as a people pleaser is this best foot forward kind of a thing, right? When we go meet someone, yeah, I would show up differently, like I'm all put together or whatever might be. What I've discovered is that actually doesn't work very well for me, so I just like let's be authentic, right?

Lesley Logan 23:42  

Yes.

Polish Peter Kolat 23:43  

People say you have to wait two days to call the girl after you see her. Well, we went on a date, right? I texted her the next morning and say how was everything. You know what I mean? So you start breaking the rules of what the society says how it needs to be. Because if it's the right person, guess what? She's not gonna care either, right? And that's what basically started it all. And here's the thing, crazy thing, Lesley. But the first girl in January dating her, she didn't align because she was not emotionally available for me. Guess was not in that vision emotionally available.

Lesley Logan 24:18  

Oh.

Polish Peter Kolat 24:18  

So then we went our separate ways, found another girl in what was like March, April of that year. In June 1st, we started dating, and we started dating. And I know that she's very political, you know. And I'm like, man, she talks about politics a lot. And I'm well, if her political views or my political views are sort of similar, and I go in my vision. Guess what's not under the political views. So I added that in there. But I'm like looking probably category of a should, right? So we kept dating, and today we're married. So it's, you know what I mean, it's when you look from the perspective.

Lesley Logan 24:56  

I love this story because I think I went to a college where all the girls wrote the list of what they want in someone, and I was just, okay. That's great. You do need to know where you're going. We all have to have a map. Yeah. But also, so many people don't then look at what they need to attract that person. And when you're, if you're finding that you're not attracting the right person, there is, it's hello. It is you thing. It's not a them thing. A lot of people like to blame the dating pool out there, but it's like yes, and also if you keep attracting that person, there's something you're putting out into the world that is a magnet for that. We either repel people or we attract them, and I want to repel people who are not for me always, all the time. I don't want to be someone who's a magnet for things I don't want. So I love that you were okay. I love this, and this is what I want. But I need to be the person who this person would want. And then it's true; people don't realize that when a relationship doesn't work out, it's not like a failure. It's just information on, oh, I didn't realize how important this thing was to me, or actually, I didn't realize that this thing was a should, but it has to be a must because I thought it would I be okay with it, but I'm not, and that's it's just all information that we have to go out and we get to do and we get to figure out and we learn about ourselves dating these people. I love that so much. I think that's so cool.

Polish Peter Kolat 26:10  

That's why I said like it's most people there's a big missing element when people don't do this. You know what I mean? That's like who do I need to become? I think that people never ask the question because they're kind of worried and afraid what they might what the answer might be, and they're not willing to grow into that person.

Lesley Logan 26:22  

Yeah, yeah. Well, because it means letting go of stories that don't serve you.

Polish Peter Kolat 26:27  

Exactly. Because these stories, some shape or form, they do serve them. That's why they're holding onto them.

Lesley Logan 26:33  

I agree. I agree. Polish Peter, what are you most excited about right now?

Polish Peter Kolat 26:38  

Well, the one thing I'm most excited about is in the book that I released last year, I just want to make an impact in people's lives and be able to help them grow in their own life. So that's the thing that kind of that's my next mission in life, kind of thing.

Lesley Logan 26:50  

That's so cool. Okay, well, tell us about the book. Writing a book is not easy. You had to become a writer.

Polish Peter Kolat 26:57  

And I'm a talker, I'm a writer. You know what I mean? 

Lesley Logan 27:00  

Yeah. How'd you do it? How'd you go from being a talker to a writer?

Polish Peter Kolat 27:03  

Well, I will tell you this: one day at a time, kind of a thing. I start with just one paragraph, one paragraph, one paragraph, and then end up being a book, like a 43,000-word book. I was surprised. I even surprised myself. I was like, "What? No way!"

Lesley Logan 27:14  

I don't even know how many words are in a regular book. How is that a lot? 

Polish Peter Kolat 27:18  

No. So this is about 180-some pages. 

Lesley Logan 27:21  

Okay, that's a good size book. Yeah. Okay. All right. Authentic Self Rebirth. I love it. Okay. 

Polish Peter Kolat 27:25  

Authentic Self Rebirth. So, basically my own journey, and I'm looking to help people get back to their authenticity. That's the whole book.

Lesley Logan 27:32  

So okay, I want to because I love I want only authentic people in my life, and then also because of the internet, the authenticity word has been totally bastardized, ruined. But I don't think you. I think it's still important to have. So, what does authenticity mean to you? How do we know that we're being authentic?

Polish Peter Kolat 27:52  

When you're true to yourself, you know what I mean? Think about it this way: we all know deep down inside whether this that who we are is actually like, if you feel like there's something missing, you know, I have this question: like something's off, something's missing, something is not there. Do you know that you're not being your authentic self? And then the other aspect is that if you're living from the stories of what the world told you to be, how you need to be, and we all have this because at some point, Johnny, when he was in the second grade, he raised his hand and he was all excited to give an answer that two plus two equals three. You know what I mean? And the whole class laughed. And now Johnny decided that I'm never going to raise my hand again. I'm never going to speak up because I want to make sure 100% that I'm right. That's you being inauthentic, you know what I mean. Because now, because the world told you that you need to, you made the decision that I cannot speak up, and I think that's what happens for a lot of people that keeps them away from being fearless, to being courageous, being going out there and making things happen in life. You know what I mean? Because I think we all can impact somebody else's life. So when you start looking from that perspective, I had to. When I went through after the divorce, I noticed that a lot of the stuff that I was being was inauthentic because I wanted. I felt like there was deep down inside. I was supposed to be doing something else or being someone else, but I was just performing. There you go. That's the word. It's not about performing; it's about being. Yeah, and I think most people are performing.

Lesley Logan 29:24  

Yeah.

Polish Peter Kolat 29:24  

Especially on the social medias.

Lesley Logan 29:26  

Oh well, that's what it's for.

Polish Peter Kolat 29:28  

Yeah, exactly.

Lesley Logan 29:30  

I mean, my favorite compliment. My listeners have heard this before. I was, it was 2019, I want to say, and I was in Australia, and I'd finished teaching these workshops, and I wanted to go to this one store before it closed, and so the host was driving me to the store, and we're having some fun. We're in the traffic, whatever. And the host, one of the hosts, is, "You're the same person in real life that you are online." And I.

Polish Peter Kolat 29:51  

Right.

Lesley Logan 29:51  

Yeah, I don't know. I actually don't know how to be anybody else. I I don't actually know how to do that. Maybe that's the AuDHD in me. Like I don't actually. I really. Don't know. I can only really be myself, and so thank you for that. And it's it's difficult because what happens is people get rewarded for performing, just like little Johnny learned, don't raise your hand, you'll get laughed at. Other people learn, I get attention if I perform, and so it's hard for people to be authentic because on either side, you know, there's these pressures to be something else, or pulling you to be something else. So I agree. A lot of people do perform instead of being. So that's I like. I think authenticity is when you're being. I love that. Yeah.

Polish Peter Kolat 30:31  

Because think about. I used to hate my accent. I want to get rid of it as much as possible. I actually because I will tell you this. Doing events around the country now, right? We, you know, and so I speak in front of people. My team, because we have a team that runs it, there is in the back of the room there is a thing called Peterisms, the words and phrases that Peter says that maybe people don't understand or sound something different. I am not allowed to say the word shift because it sounds like something else. Okay? However, guess what? Do you think that stops me from being me, kind of a thing? No, no. And I think that's what I think is missing in life, that authenticity than just being, because people are always looking from the perspective. I need to looking good, right? I think that's another thing that drives a lot of this conversation.

Lesley Logan 31:20  

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's so interesting. I, you know what, I don't know a single person who likes the sound of their voice, and I don't even, you know, I'm always oh, I don't have an accent, and then I go places that, you know, I do have an accent. I love your accent. I'm, what are you talking about? I don't have an accent because I'm from California and we don't have an accent. But the people in the South, you sound like you're from California. So.

Polish Peter Kolat 31:41  

I hear you.

Lesley Logan 31:42  

Oh my gosh! Well, I I think you know what's so fun about this Polish Peter is we're all going to be on a journey, and the more we learn about ourselves, the more the better we get at being ourselves. You know, so thank you for going on this with us and sharing your book and your story with us. We're going to take a brief break and find out what people can find you, follow you, be inspired by you. 

Lesley Logan 32:03  

All right, Polish Peter, where do you hang out? Where can they buy your book? Where can they learn more about how to be their authentic self?

Polish Peter Kolat 32:09  

Well, they can find the book. By the way, thank you so much, Lesley, for having me. It was great being here. They can find the book at myauthenticrebirth.com. That's myauthenticrebirth. They can pick up the book and just pay for shipping and handling there, or literally anywhere the books are sold, like Amazon, Barnes & Noble, anywhere. And you want to hear more of this accent. You want to hear more of these kinds of mind-shift kind of videos. Instagram channel that I'm constantly under. It's called Authentic Self Rebirth. That's the name of the channel.

Lesley Logan 32:39  

I love it. Okay, you've given us some really great tips. I mean, quite honestly, like people can be it till they see it with most of what we just talked about. But what bold, executable, intrinsic, or targeted steps can people take to be it till they see it?

Polish Peter Kolat 32:51  

Be it till they see it. Be literally every day. Be with yourself. Like get in front of the camera, or get in front of the mirror and just be with yourself, and see when you are feeling comfortable or uncomfortable. And you know what ends up happening because most people do not like looking at themselves, right? And do not like being with themselves. So every single day, I would say, get in front of the camera or get in front of the mirror that you just be with yourself and just be quiet. I used to sometimes I do this exercise in our events, and if you want to do this, do that with your spouse or someone that's very close with you. Stand or sit in front of someone that's maybe a foot away from you, and just look at each other quietly without saying anything for five minutes. It will be the one of the longest minutes in your entire life, and you're going to see so many different emotions, so many different things in each other, and it's one of the most powerful exercises I've done with people because you don't say anything, but you are talking the entire time. That makes any sense?

Lesley Logan 33:57  

Yeah, yeah. Oh, I agree. People don't sit with our thoughts very much, and it's true. I definitely had no idea that most of my job would be me looking at myself in a camera. You know, you got to do it. It's a you got to do it so you can get over the things that you don't like about yourself, and also get excited about the things you do like about yourself. And you know, I think that's really a really good thing, and I also think so many of us are so busy in our head we're never with ourselves. So I love this. I love this action so great. Polish Peter, you are fabulous. You guys go get his book and share with Polish Peter and myself what were your takeaways, what landed with you. Share this with a friend who needs to hear it. Maybe you have an optimistic depressed friend who just needs to be called out in a kind way. They won't know until they get to this part that that's why you send it to them.

Polish Peter Kolat 34:45  

That's right.

Lesley Logan 34:46  

And you know, I think we all have a lot of us have people pleasing to work on. You know, and it's one of the biggest things you can do for yourself. So, thank you for your inspiration, your tips, your wonderfulness. And until next time, everyone, Be It Till You See It.

Lesley Logan 34:58  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.

Brad Crowell 35:41  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 35:46  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell 35:50  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 35:57  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.

Brad Crowell 36:01  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.