Beyond the Facade with Choose Recovery Services and Blueprint Institute

Are you constantly looking for approval from other people?

This week Luke Gordon and guest Ryan Collins explore what it means to become a validation junkie—someone whose identity depends on the opinions, approval, and acceptance of others.

Together they discuss:

• Why validation feels addictive

• How people pleasing destroys authenticity

• The connection between shame and approval seeking

• Why marriage doesn't fix unhealthy validation patterns

Chapters

• 03:45 Integrity - Steele vs Noodle

• 05:50 Ryan on Being Called Out

• 09:08 Validation as a Drug

• 14:22 Impact on Marriage

• 20:48 Fear of Disappointing Others

• 23:37 Validation vs Integrity

• 27:29 Owning the Cost

• 30:42 Building Integrity Skills

Beyond the Facade is produced in partnership with Choose Recovery Services and Blueprint Institute.

We want to hear from you! Fill out this short survey to let us know what you like, what you don’t, and what you want more of. 

Register Now!

• ***Use code PODCAST150 to get $150 off any Choose intensive or retreat in 2026!***

• Reclaimed: A Men’s Parts-Work Intensive - A transformative 4-day intensive for men in recovery from problematic sexual behaviors, using the Internal Family Systems model to help participants deepen emotional healing, reduce shame, understand their inner world, and live with greater authenticity and wholeness. August 18-21 in Spanish Fork, UT. Housing accommodations available here.

• Courage to Thrive - Join us for this healing retreat for women who have experienced betrayal trauma. It offers a safe, supportive space to process pain, reconnect with yourself, and begin moving forward with strength and hope. Through guided workshops, therapeutic support, and restorative experiences, women leave feeling seen, empowered, and less alone. August 25-28, 2026 in Spanish Fork, Utah. 

• 💵We don’t want finances to get in the way of your healing. Scholarships and payment plans (including buy now, pay later options) are available for all of our intensives. 

NEW: Tender Resilience - Heal through art with Beth Woessner. No art experience needed.

• FREE monthly workshop: 1-hour Zoom workshop where Beth provides a safe space for connection, reflection, and simple process art as a tool to calm your body, regulate your nervous system, and awaken your creativity. 

• 6-Week Group: Designed for those moving through the impact of betrayal trauma and wanting a grounded, compassionate space to rebuild trust in themselves. Each week we’ll explore a theme from Rick Hanson’s book Resilience and pair it with simple art exercises.

Wanting more? Choose Recovery Services offers many courses specifically for men:

• Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group - This group helps men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with others, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deeper sense of self respect.

• Help. Her. Heal - This program is for men seeking to learn more about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication. 

Additional Resources from Choose Recovery Services:

• Intensives - Accelerate your healing journey with one of our intensives, available year-round for individuals, couples, and professionals.

• Road to Recovery Webinar - Join us on the second Sunday of each month for a FREE interactive webinar.

• Choose To Be Podcast - This podcast focuses on helping women heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma.

• Choose Healing - Weekly support group for women who have recently experienced betrayal and are needing help coping with the symptoms of trauma. 

• Making Sense of His Behavior - Group designed for those who are trying to make sense of confusing, painful, and hurtful behaviors in their relationship. 

Learn more and register for courses at chooserecoveryservices.com

Learn more about Blueprint Institute’s residential immersion program at https://blueprint-institute.com

Recovery isn't won in the moment you resist temptation—it begins long before the urge ever appears.

This week Luke Gordon explores why relapse is rarely an isolated event. Instead, acting outside your values is often the final step in a much longer emotional cycle involving stress, loneliness, shame, insecurity, and unresolved discomfort.

You'll learn why your brain isn't trying to ruin your life—it is trying to solve emotional pain using familiar patterns. More importantly, you'll discover how learning to tolerate discomfort instead of escaping it becomes the foundation of lasting recovery.

Chapters

• 01:49 Relapse Starts Earlier

• 03:01 Familiar Over Healthy

• 04:33 Relief vs Healing

• 06:14 Tolerating Discomfort

• 08:05 Flood Irrigation Metaphor

• 10:31 Tools for Regulation

• 12:30 Track Emotions, Not Behaviors

Register Now!

• ***Use code PODCAST150 to get $150 off any Choose intensive or retreat in 2026!***

• Reclaimed: A Men’s Parts-Work Intensive - A transformative 4-day intensive for men in recovery from problematic sexual behaviors, using the Internal Family Systems model to help participants deepen emotional healing, reduce shame, understand their inner world, and live with greater authenticity and wholeness. August 18-21 in Spanish Fork, UT.

• Courage to Thrive - Join us for this healing retreat for women who have experienced betrayal trauma. It offers a safe, supportive space to process pain, reconnect with yourself, and begin moving forward with strength and hope. Through guided workshops, therapeutic support, and restorative experiences, women leave feeling seen, empowered, and less alone. August 25-28, 2026 in Spanish Fork, Utah. 

• 💵We don’t want finances to get in the way of your healing. Scholarships and payment plans (including buy now, pay later options) are available for all of our intensives. 

Get our FREE eBook - Healing From Betrayal Trauma: A Compassionate Guide to Reclaiming Your Life

Connect With Us:

• Learn more about Luke here. 

• Schedule a complimentary consultation here.

• Don’t miss an episode! Join our email list and get notified when new episodes air! 

• Follow us on Instagram @choose_recovery_services   

Wanting more? Choose Recovery Services offers many courses specifically for men:

• Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group - This group helps men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with others, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deeper sense of self respect.

• Help. Her. Heal - This program is for men seeking to learn more about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication. 

Additional Resources from Choose Recovery Services:

• Intensives - Accelerate your healing journey with one of our intensives, available year-round for individuals, couples, and professionals. Our intensives foster connection with others who share similar experiences, creating an immersive environment that enables profound transformation in a short period of time.

• Road to Recovery Webinar - Join us on the second Sunday of each month for a FREE interactive discussion that explores tools and strategies to support individuals and couples navigating the challenges of recovery following betrayal. 

• Choose To Be Podcast - This podcast focuses on helping women heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma.

• Choose Healing - Weekly support group for women who have recently experienced betrayal and are needing help coping with the symptoms of trauma. 

• Making Sense of His Behavior - Group designed for those who are trying to make sense of confusing, painful, and hurtful behaviors in their relationship. 

Learn more and register for courses at chooserecoveryservices.com

Many people spend years reading books, listening to podcasts, attending therapy, and understanding addiction. Yet they still feel stuck.

This week Luke and Alana explain why information alone never creates transformation—and what actually does.

You'll learn:

• Why insight feels good but doesn’t change behavior

• The uncomfortable “growth zone”

• How emotional awareness rewires recovery

• Why habits matter more than motivation

• How integration creates lasting healing

Chapters

• 01:35 The Recovery Expert Trap

• 02:25 Swimming Lessons

• 05:37 Insight vs Practice

• 07:24 Repetition

• 11:15 Integration

• 15:13 Systems

• 18:46 Compassion As You Try to Change

Register Now!

• ***Use code PODCAST150 to get $150 off any Choose intensive or retreat in 2026!***

• Courage to Thrive - Join us for this healing retreat for women who have experienced betrayal trauma. It offers a safe, supportive space to process pain, reconnect with yourself, and begin moving forward with strength and hope. Through guided workshops, therapeutic support, and restorative experiences, women leave feeling seen, empowered, and less alone. August 25-28, 2026 in Spanish Fork, Utah. 

• Reclaimed: A Men’s Parts-Work Intensive - A transformative 4-day intensive for men in recovery from problematic sexual behaviors, using the Internal Family Systems model to help participants deepen emotional healing, reduce shame, understand their inner world, and live with greater authenticity and wholeness. August 18-21 in Spanish Fork, UT.

• 💵We don’t want finances to get in the way of your healing. Scholarships and payment plans (including buy now, pay later options) are available for all of our intensives. 

Get our FREE eBook - Healing From Betrayal Trauma: A Compassionate Guide to Reclaiming Your Life

Questions or topics you'd like us to address? Send us an email with “Choose To Be” as the subject to [email protected]. 

Watch us⁠ on YouTube.

Follow us on Instagram: @choose_recovery_services

⁠Schedule⁠ a complimentary consultation.

Join our email list to be notified when new episodes air.

More from Choose Recovery Services

• Beyond the Facade Podcast - Helping men live authentically and aligned with their values.

• Choose Healing - Weekly support group for women navigating betrayal trauma and its effects.

• Intensives - Immersive healing experiences designed for deep transformation in a short time.

• Help. Her. Heal - A program for men to build empathy, improve communication, and repair relationships.

• Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group - Support for men working through addiction, shame, emotional growth, and relationship healing.

• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Empowered Divorce Podcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ with Amie Woolsey for those who are leaning toward divorce.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Dating From Within - Learn to date yourself first and recognize when you’re ready for a healthy relationship.

• Should I Stay or Go? - A self-paced course guiding you toward clarity and personal empowerment.

• Trauma Trigger Kit - Grounding tools to help you manage triggers using your five senses.

• Believing in You - Learn brain-based tools to rebuild trust, empowerment, and joy.

• Intimacy Within ⁠- A self-paced guide to building authentic, vulnerable intimacy from the inside out.

• Making Sense of His Behavior - Group designed for those who are trying to make sense of confusing, painful, and hurtful behaviors in their relationship. 

Most men were never taught how to identify their emotions—and that missing skill can quietly fuel addiction, disconnection, and destructive coping patterns.

This week Luke explores why emotional awareness is one of the most important foundations of recovery. You'll discover why thoughts aren't feelings, why behavior management isn't enough, and how learning to recognize emotions can interrupt the cycle of compulsive behaviors.

Listen to learn:

• Why "I'm fine" isn't an emotion

• How emotional distress leads to acting out

• Why shame and loneliness stay hidden

• The real purpose of emotional awareness

• A simple exercise to build emotional regulation

Recovery isn't just about stopping behaviors—it's about learning to understand what your emotions are trying to tell you.

Chapters

• 01:33 Why Men Miss Emotions

• 02:23 Thoughts vs Feelings

• 04:59 Rocky III Fear Lesson

• 8:04 Stop Asking Why

Watch the episode on YouTube ⁠HERE

Register Now!

• ***Use code PODCAST150 to get $150 off any Choose intensive or retreat in 2026!***

• Reclaimed: A Men’s Parts-Work Intensive - A transformative 4-day intensive for men in recovery from problematic sexual behaviors, using the Internal Family Systems model to help participants deepen emotional healing, reduce shame, understand their inner world, and live with greater authenticity and wholeness. August 18-21 in Spanish Fork, UT.

• Courage to Thrive - Join us for this healing retreat for women who have experienced betrayal trauma. It offers a safe, supportive space to process pain, reconnect with yourself, and begin moving forward with strength and hope. Through guided workshops, therapeutic support, and restorative experiences, women leave feeling seen, empowered, and less alone. August 25-28, 2026 in Spanish Fork, Utah. 

• 💵We don’t want finances to get in the way of your healing. Scholarships and payment plans (including buy now, pay later options) are available for all of our intensives. 

Get our FREE eBook - Healing From Betrayal Trauma: A Compassionate Guide to Reclaiming Your Life

Connect With Us:

• Learn more about Luke here. 

• Schedule a complimentary consultation here.

• Don’t miss an episode! Join our email list and get notified when new episodes air! 

• Follow us on Instagram @choose_recovery_services   

Wanting more? Choose Recovery Services offers many courses specifically for men:

• Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group - This group helps men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with others, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deeper sense of self respect.

• Help. Her. Heal - This program is for men seeking to learn more about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication. 

Additional Resources from Choose Recovery Services:

• Intensives - Accelerate your healing journey with one of our intensives, available year-round for individuals, couples, and professionals. Our intensives foster connection with others who share similar experiences, creating an immersive environment that enables profound transformation in a short period of time.

• Road to Recovery Webinar - Join us on the second Sunday of each month for a FREE interactive discussion that explores tools and strategies to support individuals and couples navigating the challenges of recovery following betrayal. 

• Choose To Be Podcast - This podcast focuses on helping women heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma.

• Choose Healing - Weekly support group for women who have recently experienced betrayal and are needing help coping with the symptoms of trauma. 

• Making Sense of His Behavior - Group designed for those who are trying to make sense of confusing, painful, and hurtful behaviors in their relationship. 

Learn more and register for courses at chooserecoveryservices.com

You've read the books. Gone to therapy. Joined groups. Learned the language of recovery. And yet, you're still stuck.

In this episode, we explore a painful question many men quietly carry:

"Why am I still struggling?"

This week we unpack why recovery isn't simply about trying harder—it may be about receiving the right level of support.

You'll discover:

• Why insight alone doesn't create lasting change.

• The difference between information and integration.

• Signs that you may need a higher level of care.

• Why white-knuckling isn't the same as healing.

• How emotional regulation—not just behavior management—changes recovery.

If you've wondered whether you're broken or hopeless, this conversation offers another possibility:

Maybe nothing is wrong with you. Maybe it's time for a different level of help.

Chapters

• 2:45 Why You Feel Stuck

• 05:12 Integration

• 07:05 Signs You Need More

• 12:00 No Shame; More Support

• 13:15 Do the Hard Thing

Watch the episode on YouTube ⁠HERE

Register Now!

• ***Use code PODCAST150 to get $150 off any Choose intensive or retreat in 2026!***

• Courage to Thrive - Join us for this healing retreat for women who have experienced betrayal trauma. It offers a safe, supportive space to process pain, reconnect with yourself, and begin moving forward with strength and hope. Through guided workshops, therapeutic support, and restorative experiences, women leave feeling seen, empowered, and less alone. August 25-28, 2026 in Spanish Fork, Utah. 

• Reclaimed: A Men’s Parts-Work Intensive - A transformative 4-day intensive for men in recovery from problematic sexual behaviors, using the Internal Family Systems model to help participants deepen emotional healing, reduce shame, understand their inner world, and live with greater authenticity and wholeness. August 18-21 in Spanish Fork, UT.

• 💵We don’t want finances to get in the way of your healing. Scholarships and payment plans (including buy now, pay later options) are available for all of our intensives. 

NEW Groups

• Making Sense of His Behavior - NEW group designed for anyone who is trying to make sense of confusing, painful, and hurtful behaviors in their relationship. 

• Know Your Story is a group for men who are ready to move beyond surface-level recovery and explore the experiences, beliefs, and patterns that have shaped their lives through guided writing exercises, reflection, and group discussion. Group starts June 22nd and runs for 14 weeks.

Connect With Us:

• Learn more about Luke here. 

• Schedule a complimentary consultation here.

• Don’t miss an episode! Join our email list and get notified when new episodes air! 

• Follow us on Instagram @choose_recovery_services   

Wanting more? Choose Recovery Services offers many courses specifically for men:

• Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group - This group helps men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with others, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deeper sense of self respect.

• Help. Her. Heal - This program is for men seeking to learn more about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication. 

Additional Resources from Choose Recovery Services:

• Intensives - Accelerate your healing journey with one of our intensives, available year-round for individuals, couples, and professionals.

• Road to Recovery Webinar - Join us on the second Sunday of each month for a FREE interactive discussion that explores tools and strategies to support individuals and couples navigating the challenges of recovery following betrayal. 

• Choose To Be Podcast - This podcast focuses on helping women heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma.

• Choose Healing - Weekly support group for women who have recently experienced betrayal and are needing help coping with the symptoms of trauma. 

Learn more and register for courses at chooserecoveryservices.com

What happens when the acting out stops—but everything still feels broken?

This week Luke and Scott Blundo (fellow Choose Recovery Services coach) explore the difference between sobriety and recovery.

Many betrayed partners expect life to improve once the behaviors stop. But recovery is far more than just abstinence.

You'll learn:

• Why sobriety and recovery are not the same thing

• Why emotions often intensify after acting out stops

• The four key markers of genuine recovery

• How accountability differs from shame and punishment

• What betrayed partners can realistically expect during healing

Interested in learning more? Register for the Making Sense of His Behavior group starting soon at Choose Recovery Services.

Chapters

• 01:39 Meet Scott

• 04:20 Making Sense of His Behavior Course

• 07:11 Sobriety vs Recovery

• 09:54 When Things Get Worse

• 16:54 Markers of Change

• 25:04 Accountability

• 32:34 Setbacks and Progress

Watch the episode on YouTube ⁠HERE

Register Now!

• ***Use code PODCAST150 to get $150 off any Choose intensive or retreat in 2026!***

• Courage to Thrive - Join us for this healing retreat for women who have experienced betrayal trauma. It offers a safe, supportive space to process pain, reconnect with yourself, and begin moving forward with strength and hope. Through guided workshops, therapeutic support, and restorative experiences, women leave feeling seen, empowered, and less alone. August 25-28, 2026 in Spanish Fork, Utah. 

• Reclaimed: A Men’s Parts-Work Intensive - A transformative 4-day intensive for men in recovery from problematic sexual behaviors, using the Internal Family Systems model to help participants deepen emotional healing, reduce shame, understand their inner world, and live with greater authenticity and wholeness. August 18-21 in Spanish Fork, UT.

• 💵We don’t want finances to get in the way of your healing. Scholarships and payment plans (including buy now, pay later options) are available for all of our intensives. 

NEW Groups

• Making Sense of His Behavior - NEW group designed for anyone who is trying to make sense of confusing, painful, and hurtful behaviors in their relationship. 

• Know Your Story is a group for men who are ready to move beyond surface-level recovery and explore the experiences, beliefs, and patterns that have shaped their lives through guided writing exercises, reflection, and group discussion. Group starts June 22nd and runs for 14 weeks.

Get our FREE eBook - Healing From Betrayal Trauma: A Compassionate Guide to Reclaiming Your Life

Connect With Us:

• Learn more about Luke here. 

• Schedule a complimentary consultation here.

• Don’t miss an episode! Join our email list and get notified when new episodes air! 

• Follow us on Instagram @choose_recovery_services   

Wanting more? Choose Recovery Services offers many courses specifically for men:

• Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group - This group helps men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with others, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deeper sense of self respect.

• Help. Her. Heal - This program is for men seeking to learn more about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication. 

Additional Resources from Choose Recovery Services:

• Intensives - Accelerate your healing journey with one of our intensives, available year-round for individuals, couples, and professionals.

• Road to Recovery Webinar - Join us on the second Sunday of each month for a FREE interactive discussion that explores tools and strategies to support individuals and couples navigating the challenges of recovery following betrayal. 

• Choose To Be Podcast - This podcast focuses on helping women heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma.

• Choose Healing - Weekly support group for women who have recently experienced betrayal and are needing help coping with the symptoms of trauma. 

Learn more and register for courses at chooserecoveryservices.com

Why does an emotionally shut down man struggle to change—even when he genuinely wants to?

In this follow-up episode, Luke and Alana respond to listener questions about emotional shutdown, nervous system healing, and what recovery actually looks like for men who have spent years disconnecting from their emotions.

***Listen to Part 1 HERE.***

Together they explore:

• Why insight alone doesn't create change

• What emotional shutdown is really protecting

• How attachment wounds shape adult relationships

• Why some men become more emotional after starting recovery

• What somatic work actually is

• How nervous system healing creates lasting transformation

• What emotional reconnection looks like in real life

Chapters

• 01:45 Why Insight Isn’t Enough

• 08:01 What Shutdown Protects

• 12:12 Control and Safety

• 16:17 Predictability Over Vulnerability

• 20:05 Reconnecting Emotionally

• 28:43 Somatic Work Explained

• 30:04 Healing Takes Time

Watch the episode on YouTube ⁠HERE

Register Now!

• ***Use code PODCAST150 to get $150 off any Choose intensive or retreat in 2026!***

• 🌴NEW: Couples Retreat in Costa Rica! - If you are in a stable place in your relationship and want to reconnect, regulate, and rediscover each other, we invite you to our couples breathwork retreat. Retreat is July 30-August 3.

• Courage to Thrive - Join us for this healing retreat for women who have experienced betrayal trauma. It offers a safe, supportive space to process pain, reconnect with yourself, and begin moving forward with strength and hope. Through guided workshops, therapeutic support, and restorative experiences, women leave feeling seen, empowered, and less alone. August 25-28, 2026 in Spanish Fork, Utah. 

• 💵We don’t want finances to get in the way of your healing. Scholarships and payment plans (including buy now, pay later options) are available for all of our intensives. 

• Making Sense of His Behavior - NEW group designed for anyone who is trying to make sense of confusing, painful, and hurtful behaviors in their relationship.

• Know Your Story is a group for men who are ready to move beyond surface-level recovery and explore the experiences, beliefs, and patterns that have shaped their lives. Through guided writing exercises, reflection, and group discussion, participants create a personal narrative that helps them uncover the roots of shame, self-protection, and unhealthy behaviors. Group starts June 22nd and runs for 14 weeks.

Get our FREE eBook - Healing From Betrayal Trauma: A Compassionate Guide to Reclaiming Your Life

Connect With Us:

• Learn more about Luke here. 

• Schedule a complimentary consultation here.

• Don’t miss an episode! Join our email list and get notified when new episodes air! 

• Follow us on Instagram @choose_recovery_services   

Wanting more? Choose Recovery Services offers many courses specifically for men:

• Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group - This group helps men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with others, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deeper sense of self respect.

• Help. Her. Heal - This program is for men seeking to learn more about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication. 

Additional Resources from Choose Recovery Services:

• Intensives - Accelerate your healing journey with one of our intensives, available year-round for individuals, couples, and professionals.

• Road to Recovery Webinar - Join us on the second Sunday of each month for a FREE interactive discussion that explores tools and strategies to support individuals and couples navigating the challenges of recovery following betrayal. 

• Choose To Be Podcast - This podcast focuses on helping women heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma.

• Choose Healing - Weekly support group for women who have recently experienced betrayal and are needing help coping with the symptoms of trauma. 

Learn more and register for courses at chooserecoveryservices.com

What actually makes a good CSAT therapist?

In this episode, Luke Gordon and Jacob Fletcher (CSAT and fellow Choose Recovery Services coach), unpack the major differences between recovery approaches in pornography addiction and compulsive sexual behavior treatment.

Many people spend years in recovery focused only on behavior and sobriety — yet still feel emotionally disconnected, ashamed, and unable to build intimacy.

This conversation explores:

• Behavior-focused vs trauma-focused therapy

• Why emotional regulation matters

• The role of attachment wounds and shame

• How relapse should actually be approached

• Questions to ask when choosing a therapist

If you’ve struggled to feel real transformation in recovery, this episode may help you understand why.

Chapters

• 02:04 Meet Jacob Fletcher

• 04:27 Different CSAT Styles

• 07:31 Behavior vs Somatic

• 09:44 Questions to Ask

• 14:32 Relapse Approach

• 18:29 Dopamine Reset

• 21:46 Balancing Both Models

Watch the episode on YouTube ⁠HERE

Register Now!

• ***Use code PODCAST150 to get $150 off any Choose intensive or retreat in 2026!***

• 🌴NEW: Couples Retreat in Costa Rica! - If you are in a stable place in your relationship and want to reconnect, regulate, and rediscover each other, we invite you to our couples breathwork retreat. Register by May 31st to get our early-bird pricing - $600 OFF!

• Courage to Thrive - Join us for this healing retreat for women who have experienced betrayal trauma. It offers a safe, supportive space to process pain, reconnect with yourself, and begin moving forward with strength and hope. Through guided workshops, therapeutic support, and restorative experiences, women leave feeling seen, empowered, and less alone. August 25-28, 2026 in Spanish Fork, Utah. 

• Making Sense of His Behavior - NEW 8-week group designed for anyone who is trying to make sense of confusing, painful, and hurtful behaviors in their relationship. Start the group at any time and stay for eight weeks.

Get our FREE eBook - Healing From Betrayal Trauma: A Compassionate Guide to Reclaiming Your Life

• 💵We don’t want finances to get in the way of your healing. Scholarships and payment plans (including buy now, pay later options) are available for all of our intensives. 

Connect With Us:

• Learn more about Luke here. 

• Schedule a complimentary consultation here.

• Don’t miss an episode! Join our email list and get notified when new episodes air! 

• Follow us on Instagram @choose_recovery_services   

Wanting more? Choose Recovery Services offers many courses specifically for men:

• Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group - This group helps men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with others, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deeper sense of self respect.

• Help. Her. Heal - This program is for men seeking to learn more about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication. 

Additional Resources from Choose Recovery Services:

• Intensives - Accelerate your healing journey with one of our intensives, available year-round for individuals, couples, and professionals. Our intensives foster connection with others who share similar experiences, creating an immersive environment that enables profound transformation in a short period of time.

• Road to Recovery Webinar - Join us on the second Sunday of each month for a FREE interactive discussion that explores tools and strategies to support individuals and couples navigating the challenges of recovery following betrayal. 

• Choose To Be Podcast - This podcast focuses on helping women heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma.

• Choose Healing - Weekly support group for women who have recently experienced betrayal and are needing help coping with the symptoms of trauma. 

Learn more and register for courses at chooserecoveryservices.com

When betrayal enters a family, children often carry invisible pain. This week Luke joins Amie and Alana on their podcast (Choose To Be) to talk about his personal experience with how to repair after betrayal.

Listen in as he shares what his experience was like trying to reconnect with his children and rebuild trust.

Listen to learn:

• Why kids react strongly (and sometimes unexpectedly)

• How betrayal trauma affects attachment and trust

• What parents can do to rebuild safety and connection

• The difference between supporting vs. overwhelming your child

If you want to learn more about helping children and teens heal after betrayal, listen to more episodes about this topic on the Choose To Be podcast: Part 1,  Part 2, and Part 3. 

Want a podcast dedicated to helping teens and children with betrayal? Tune in to Morgan Ellsworth’s podcast: Healing Betrayed Families

Chapters:

• 04:11 Staying Grounded 

• 09:43 Attunement and Vulnerability Goals

• 13:20 Vulnerability Without Dumping

• 19:01 Make It About the Kids

• 23:07 When Kids Blame Mom

• 27:31 Attachment and Love Bombing

• 31:27 Validate Kids’ Reality

• 37:06 Keep Showing Up

Watch the episode on YouTube ⁠HERE

Register Now!

• ***Use code PODCAST150 to get $150 off any Choose intensive or retreat in 2026!***

• 🌴NEW: Couples Retreat in Costa Rica! - If you are in a stable place in your relationship and want to reconnect, regulate, and rediscover each other, we invite you to our couples breathwork retreat. Register by May 31st to get our early-bird pricing - $600 OFF!

• Making Sense of His Behavior - NEW 8-week group designed for anyone who is trying to make sense of confusing, painful, and hurtful behaviors in their relationship. Start the group at any time and stay for eight weeks.

Get our FREE eBook - Healing From Betrayal Trauma: A Compassionate Guide to Reclaiming Your Life

• 💵We don’t want finances to get in the way of your healing. Scholarships and payment plans (including buy now, pay later options) are available for all of our intensives. 

Connect With Us:

• Learn more about Luke here. 

• Schedule a complimentary consultation here.

• Don’t miss an episode! Join our email list and get notified when new episodes air! 

• Follow us on Instagram @choose_recovery_services   

Wanting more? Choose Recovery Services offers many courses specifically for men:

• Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group - This group helps men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with others, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deeper sense of self respect.

• Help. Her. Heal - This program is for men seeking to learn more about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication. 

Additional Resources from Choose Recovery Services:

• Intensives - Accelerate your healing journey with one of our intensives, available year-round for individuals, couples, and professionals. Our intensives foster connection with others who share similar experiences, creating an immersive environment that enables profound transformation in a short period of time.

• Road to Recovery Webinar - Join us on the second Sunday of each month for a FREE interactive discussion that explores tools and strategies to support individuals and couples navigating the challenges of recovery following betrayal. 

• Choose To Be Podcast - This podcast focuses on helping women heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma.

• Choose Healing - Weekly support group for women who have recently experienced betrayal and are needing help coping with the symptoms of trauma. 

Learn more and register for courses at chooserecoveryservices.com

What does an emotionally shut down man actually look like?

Spoiler: Usually not what people think.

In this powerful conversation, Luke and Alana explore the hidden reality of emotional shutdown in men—especially the high-performing, successful men who appear “fine” on the outside but are deeply disconnected on the inside.

From avoidant attachment to compulsive behavior, emotional numbness, and relational loneliness, this episode helps both men and betrayed partners understand what’s really happening beneath the surface.

Healing is possible. Deeper connection is possible.

But first—you have to feel.

Chapters

• 02:08 What Being Emotionally Shut Down Looks Like

• 04:21 High Performing Shut down

• 09:33 Inside the Shutdown

• 12:59 Signs and Logic

• 17:14 Learning Emotional Safety

• 19:55 Tears and the Body

• 22:21 Busy vs Stillness

• 24:08 Chasing Intensity

• 29:53 Numbness and Dissociation

• 38:28 Individuation and Reconnection

Watch the episode on YouTube ⁠HERE

Register Now!

• ***Use code PODCAST150 to get $150 off any Choose intensive or retreat in 2026!***

• 🌴NEW: Couples Retreat in Costa Rica! - If you are in a stable place in your relationship and want to reconnect, regulate, and rediscover each other, we invite you to our couples breathwork retreat. Register by May 31st to get our early-bird pricing - $600 OFF!

• 💵We don’t want finances to get in the way of your healing. Scholarships and payment plans (including buy now, pay later options) are available for all of our intensives. 

Connect With Us:

• Learn more about Luke here. 

• Schedule a complimentary consultation here.

• Don’t miss an episode! Join our email list and get notified when new episodes air! 

• Follow us on Instagram @choose_recovery_services   

Wanting more? Choose Recovery Services offers many courses specifically for men:

• Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group - This group helps men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with others, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deeper sense of self respect.

• Help. Her. Heal - This program is for men seeking to learn more about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication. 

Additional Resources from Choose Recovery Services:

• Intensives - Accelerate your healing journey with one of our intensives, available year-round for individuals, couples, and professionals. Our intensives foster connection with others who share similar experiences, creating an immersive environment that enables profound transformation in a short period of time.

• Road to Recovery Webinar - Join us on the second Sunday of each month for a FREE interactive discussion that explores tools and strategies to support individuals and couples navigating the challenges of recovery following betrayal. 

• Choose To Be Podcast - This podcast focuses on helping women heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma.

• Choose Healing - Weekly support group for women who have recently experienced betrayal and are needing help coping with the symptoms of trauma. 

Learn more and register for courses at chooserecoveryservices.com