In this subreddit we have a couple who are a fearful avoidant and a dismissive avoidant originally but have been moving towards becoming a secure attachment style. But during a situation the dismissive avoidants responds how an avoidant would. The other person responds correctly due to her attachment style work. 

The question asked was. What healing looks like for two insecurely attached partners actively working  towards security. As a fearful avoidant who leans anxious attachment style, I'm two years into my healing journey and counting. I married my avoidant attachment style partner in April who's been on this shared journey. We're both leaning more secure attachment style. I've shared quite a bit about my own personal journey and our relationship journey on reddit. 

I just wanted to share and remind you guys that true change is a process, for many, it'll be life long. I'm discovering things everyday about myself through the lens of my past. It's like writing a new story but it's so worth it. My partner and I have come a long way since some therapy and practicing healthier relating when triggered. 

Like yesterday, I expressed something that caught by avoidant attachment style partner off guard which was about me feeling stuck at my job and just in life. I saw him withdrawing into himself and becoming uncomfortable. He'd taken it personally and that my feelings were based on what he lacks as a partner. I almost became completely triggered but I calmed myself, we went through our night, I told him I love him before bed. I know from what he's shared in therapy and with me before that he, like many avoidants, perceives criticism and rejection if their partners are unhappy. 

Just like more anxious attachment style leaning folks perceive rejection and fear abandonmnet in these scenarios. I decided to talk about in this morning and he explained exactly what I thought was going on in his head. Truthfully, I was frustrated that this is still a thing since I just want to be able to share with my partner how I feel in a non-criticizing vulnerable way without them taking it personally. So we closed the conversation for a couple of hours. But I remind myself that I married this man knowing his tough childhood physical and emotional abandonment.

If you don't know if your strongest attachment style is the preoccupied anxious attachment style, the secure attachment style, the dismissive avoidant attachment style, or the fearful avoidant attachment style, also known as the disorganized attachment style, I have two links to help you figure that out. 

Reddit Question:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AnxiousAttachment/comments/156ze9q/what_healing_looks_like_for_two_insecurely/

Attachment Quiz 1

https://pds.idevaffiliate.com/151.html

Attachment Quiz 2

http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl

Better Help Therapy with 10% discount:

https://betterhelp.com/relationshipattachments

Online-Therapy discount:

https://onlinetherapy.go2cloud.org/aff_c?offer_id=2&aff_id=2492

Attached Book:

https://amzn.to/3XYqMLX

Avoidant Book:

https://amzn.to/3Dlaovs