Thank you for tuning in!

Betrayal doesn’t just damage trust—it disrupts the very foundation of fairness and emotional safety in a relationship. In today’s episode of Choosing to Stay After Infidelity and Betrayal, Hali and Stephanie unpack a critical truth that many couples overlook in the early stages of healing: true recovery begins when the betraying partner takes the lead.This episode explores why betrayal is not just a mistake but a relational injustice—and why expecting the betrayed partner to initiate healing only deepens that wound. We discuss how the power dynamic shifts after betrayal, what it means to take responsible leadership in the recovery process, and how consistent, vulnerable actions by the betraying partner can begin to restore a sense of safety and connection.Whether you’re the partner who’s been hurt or the one who caused the harm, this conversation offers clarity, compassion, and a grounded path forward.
We’re here to support couples healing from infidelity and betrayal, offering encouragement, practical skills, and expertise each week. As certified relational recovery coaches, we are passionate about guiding you toward hope, empathy, and lasting healing.

Stay connected with us and access all the resources we offer—coaching sessions, groups, and more—by visiting this link.

Your Hosts:

Hali RoderickCertified Relational Recovery CoachTICC, ACC, APSATS CPC, ERCEM-C, Brainspotting Practitioner

Read Hali’s Bio

Stephanie HambyCertified Relational Recovery CoachMCLC, ACC, APSATS CPC, ERCEM-CRead Stephanie’s Bio

We look forward to journeying with you!

 In this episode of Choosing to Stay, Hali welcomes Stephen Thomas, a seasoned sexual recovery coach who brings years of experience and a deeply personal understanding of the recovery journey. Stephen specializes in helping men move beyond behavior-focused sobriety by adopting a partner-sensitive lens—one that centers empathy, honesty, and emotional connection.

Together, they unpack why true recovery must include the betrayed partner’s experience, how relational healing is possible when humility and transparency lead, and what it really means to develop healthy sexuality. If you've felt stuck in cycles or confused about the next step in recovery, this episode will give you clarity and hope.

👤 About Stephen Thomas: Stephen has coached men and couples professionally for over four years and previously led recovery work in ministry for several years. His approach combines trauma-awareness, deep empathy, and a commitment to helping men redefine sexuality in a way that strengthens—not severs—their most important relationships.

📩 Connect with Stephen: Stephen Thomas, Sexual Recovery Coach 📧 [email protected]

🎧 Listen now and share with someone who needs this conversation.

We’re here to support couples healing from infidelity and betrayal, offering encouragement, practical skills, and expertise each week. As certified relational recovery coaches, we are passionate about guiding you toward hope, empathy, and lasting healing.

Stay connected with us and access all the resources we offer—coaching sessions, groups, and more—by visiting this link.

Your Hosts:

Hali RoderickCertified Relational Recovery CoachTICC, ACC, APSATS CPC, ERCEM-C, Brainspotting Practitioner

Read Hali’s Bio

Stephanie HambyCertified Relational Recovery CoachMCLC, ACC, APSATS CPC, ERCEM-CRead Stephanie’s Bio

We look forward to journeying with you!

Thank you for tuning in!

​​Shame Resilience in Recovery with Joseph McKinley In this episode of Choosing to Stay, we sit down with coach Joseph McKinley to talk about the role of shame in recovery and relational repair. We explore the difference between shame and guilt, how shame shows up in relationships, and why vulnerability and ownership are key to healing. Joseph shares tools, insights from his coaching work, and personal reflections on building resilience through self-compassion and connection.

About Joseph McKinley: Joseph McKinley is a recovery coach specializing in overcoming unwanted sexual compulsive behaviors, intimacy anorexia, and partner betrayal trauma. He is certified as a Sexual Recovery Coach (SRC), Intimacy Anorexia Coach (IAC), Partners Recovery Coach (PRC), and Partner Betrayal Trauma Coach (PBTC) through the American Association of Sex Addiction Therapy (AASAT). He is also a Certified Mental Health Coach through the American Association of Christian Counselors. Joseph provides personalized coaching to help clients address the root causes of their struggles and heal from trauma, empowering both men and partners to reclaim their lives and relationships.

Contact Joseph: 📧 [email protected] 🌐 www.greenwayrecovery.com

We’re here to support couples healing from infidelity and betrayal, offering encouragement, practical skills, and expertise each week. As certified relational recovery coaches, we are passionate about guiding you toward hope, empathy, and lasting healing.

Stay connected with us and access all the resources we offer—coaching sessions, groups, and more—by visiting this link.

Your Hosts:

Hali RoderickCertified Relational Recovery CoachTICC, ACC, APSATS CPC, ERCEM-C, Brainspotting Practitioner

Read Hali’s Bio

Stephanie HambyCertified Relational Recovery CoachMCLC, ACC, APSATS CPC, ERCEM-CRead Stephanie’s Bio

Thank you for tuning in!

Safety Starts Within Reclaiming Internal Grounding After Betrayal

When betrayal shatters your world, safety feels lost. In this episode, we explore how true safety begins within, not in someone else's behavior. Whether you’re the one healing or the one working to rebuild trust, internal grounding is key

We’re here to support couples healing from infidelity and betrayal, offering encouragement, practical skills, and expertise each week. As certified relational recovery coaches, we are passionate about guiding you toward hope, empathy, and lasting healing.

Stay connected with us and access all the resources we offer—coaching sessions, groups, and more—by visiting this link.

Your Hosts:

Hali RoderickCertified Relational Recovery CoachTICC, ACC, APSATS CPC, ERCEM-C, Brainspotting Practitioner

Read Hali’s Bio

Stephanie HambyCertified Relational Recovery CoachMCLC, ACC, APSATS CPC, ERCEM-CRead Stephanie’s Bio

We look forward to journeying with you!

 In this episode, we explore how betrayal trauma impacts the nervous system and what it truly means to feel safe again in a relationship. If you or your partner have been affected by betrayal—whether through infidelity, secrecy, or other trust ruptures—this conversation will help you understand why emotional reactions are not just “drama,” but deeply rooted in trauma physiology.

We’ll talk about what happens in the body after betrayal, how to recognize the signs that safety is still missing, and how both partners can support healing and trust-building in real, practical ways. We also mention the upcoming Revive and Thrive Somatic Healing Intensive on Aug. 26-28, 2025. 

🔍 What We Cover:

• When Safety Feels Out of Reach: Learn how betrayal trauma activates the nervous system, leading to anxiety, shutdown, or hyper-reactivity—not because your partner is “overreacting,” but because their body is trying to protect them.
  

• Signs the Nervous System Doesn’t Feel Safe: From flinching at a tone of voice to needing constant reassurance, we’ll walk through common signs of nervous system dysregulation and how to respond with empathy instead of defensiveness.
  

• Why This Happens—It’s Not Just Emotional, It’s Physiological: Discover how betrayal disrupts the brain’s ability to predict safety, and why true healing requires consistency, transparency, and time—not pressure to “just move on.”
  

• What the Betrayed Partner Can Do: Gentle strategies to help you tune into your body, identify what feels unsafe, and take empowered steps toward self-awareness and grounding—without self-blame.
  

• What the Partner in Recovery Can Do to Rebuild Trust: Learn how to become a safe, steady presence in your relationship by telling the truth, staying present, and witnessing pain without trying to fix it.
  

💬 Final Words of Encouragement: To the one healing from betrayal: Your body isn’t broken—it’s wise. To the one seeking to rebuild trust: You are not powerless. Your steady presence matters. To both: Healing is possible. Safety is possible. It begins with compassion, honesty, and showing up—again and again.

Thank you for tuning in!

We’re here to support couples healing from infidelity and betrayal, offering encouragement, practical skills, and expertise each week. As certified relational recovery coaches, we are passionate about guiding you toward hope, empathy, and lasting healing.

Stay connected with us and access all the resources we offer—coaching sessions, groups, and more—by visiting this link.

Your Hosts:

Hali RoderickCertified Relational Recovery CoachTICC, ACC, APSATS CPC, ERCEM-C, Brainspotting Practitioner

Read Hali’s Bio

Stephanie HambyCertified Relational Recovery CoachMCLC, ACC, APSATS CPC, ERCEM-CRead Stephanie’s Bio

We look forward to journeying with you!

In this deeply insightful episode, we welcome our newest coaching colleague at Choose Recovery Services, Isy Williams, for a conversation that touches the heart of every betrayed partner’s healing journey: rediscovering the self after the deep shattering of betrayal.

Together, we explore the often invisible yet powerful knowing that something is off—even before the truth is revealed—and the role that instinct and intuition play when the mind doesn’t have all the facts. Isy shares wisdom on navigating the complex shame many betrayed partners face: the shame of “missing the signs,” the shame of staying, and the internal questioning of what that staying says about them.

We also dive into a powerful truth: that this path of healing is not just about the relationship—it’s about reclaiming your identity. This journey is an invitation to break out of old patterns, rediscover your voice, and reconnect with parts of yourself you may have lost or never fully known.

Whether you’re the one who was betrayed or the one who did the betraying, this episode affirms that true recovery requires courageous self-exploration from both partners. And while the work is difficult, the rewards—deeper intimacy, clarity, and emotional resilience—are life-changing.

What You’ll Hear in This Episode:

• How betrayed partners often “feel” the truth long before they know it
  

• The role of intuition and gut instinct in betrayal trauma
  

• Deconstructing shame around staying and what it doesn’t say about you
  

• Why self-discovery is essential and empowering for both partners
  

• How healing creates space for deeper connection and intimacy
  

• Insights and encouragement from Isy’s personal and professional experience
  

Connect with Isy Williams:Read more about her: https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/team/#IsyWilliams

Email: [email protected]

Web site: www.brighthopecoaching.com

If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who needs to hear it, and consider leaving a review. Your voice helps others find this healing space.

Thank you for tuning in!

We’re here to support couples healing from infidelity and betrayal, offering encouragement, practical skills, and expertise each week. As certified relational recovery coaches, we are passionate about guiding you toward hope, empathy, and lasting healing.

Stay connected with us and access all the resources we offer—coaching sessions, groups, and more—by visiting this link.

Your Hosts:

Hali RoderickCertified Relational Recovery CoachTICC, ACC, APSATS CPC, ERCEM-C, Brainspotting Practitioner

Read Hali’s Bio

Stephanie HambyCertified Relational Recovery CoachMCLC, ACC, APSATS CPC, ERCEM-CRead Stephanie’s Bio

We look forward to journeying with you!

💔 Episode Summary:This episode will help you understand what love bombing really is, how it shows up in relationships after betrayal, and why it can be a form of manipulation or emotional abuse.

✅ What love bombing is and what it isn't

✅ How to distinguish between genuine connection and manipulative intensity

✅ The red flags that indicate love bombing is occurring

✅ How it plays out in the betrayal and recovery cycle

✅ Why it feels so good—and why it can be so dangerous

✅ How to set healthy boundaries to protect your heart and clarity

✅ What to do if you are the one using love bombing as a coping or control strategy

✅ How to move toward authentic connection, not performance-based intimacy

🛑 If you've ever felt swept off your feet only to crash into confusion, guilt, or emotional chaos—this episode is for you.

🎯 Key Insight: Love bombing may look like love, but it's often about control, fear, or image management. Real love builds over time. It respects boundaries. It honors truth.

🛠️ Tools You'll Walk Away With:

• Language to name love bombing when it happens

• Reflective prompts for identifying if you're using love bombing behaviors

• Supportive practices for reconnecting with your core needs and self-worth
  

Thank you for tuning in!

We’re here to support couples healing from infidelity and betrayal, offering encouragement. As certified relational recovery coaches, we are passionate about guiding you toward hope, empathy, and lasting healing.

Stay connected with us and access all the resources we offer—coaching sessions, groups, and more—by visiting this link.

Your Hosts:

Hali RoderickCertified Relational Recovery CoachTICC, ACC, APSATS CPC, ERCEM-C, Brainspotting Practitioner

Read Hali’s Bio

Stephanie HambyCertified Relational Recovery CoachMCLC, ACC, APSATS CPC, ERCEM-CRead Stephanie’s Bio

We look forward to journeying with you!

5.28

• Common examples:

• Constant compliments, grand gestures, lavish gifts, excessive apologies or promises.

• Overwhelming reassurances like: “I’ll do anything to make this right” or “You’re the only thing that matters.”
  

• The betrayer may use it to:

• Avoid consequences or hard conversations.

• Fast-track trust or reconciliation.

• Manage their own guilt or shame.

• Reassert control or secure their image.
  

• The betrayed partner may crave it because:

• It momentarily soothes trauma or anxiety.

• It mimics the "high" of emotional connection.

• It delays facing the pain or deeper work of healing.

• You feel confused: “This feels good, but something’s off.”

• You may feel pressured to respond with gratitude, forgiveness, or emotional closeness.

• The affection may disappear as soon as conflict, boundaries, or accountability show up.
  

• It bypasses consent and authentic healing.

• It creates a trauma bond—confusion, hope, and fear wrapped together.

• It can invalidate your real pain: “See? I’m being loving now. Isn’t that enough?”

• It's often a protector part acting from fear—not a sign of true intimacy or growth.

• Name it: “This feels overwhelming. I need more time and space to process.”

• Ask: “Is this about me—or are you trying to make you feel better?”

• Use grounding tools to reconnect with your nervous system.

• Set limits: “I’m not ready for gifts or physical affection yet. I need actions over time.”

• Get curious, not shameful: “What part of me is afraid or trying to control the outcome?”

• Ask yourself:

• “Am I trying to fix or rescue instead of take responsibility?”

• “Am I making this about my pain instead of the harm I caused?”
  

• Shift to authentic repair:

• Slow down.

• Take consistent, humble action.

• Learn to sit with discomfort instead of performing love.
  

• Love is steady, respectful, and attuned. It includes:

• Consent.

• Accountability.

• Honesty.

• Healthy connection honors the other person’s boundaries, feelings, and timing—not just your desire to reconnect.

• Love bombing is a trauma response—on both sides.

• It’s a signal, not a sentence. Use it as a doorway to deeper work.

• Healing happens when we choose truth over intensity, and intimacy
  

In This Episode: We explore what it really means to let your spouse know you beyond surface communication and into emotional truth. We’ll talk about the difference between empathy and vulnerability, how stuffing emotions can quietly stall your repair. The Importance of vulnerability that real connection can’t happen without it.

What You’ll Learn:

• How your nervous system tries to protect you—and what healing asks instead

• Why emotional honesty is necessary for rebuilding connection

• Real-life examples of letting your spouse know you again

• Practical steps for stepping into safe vulnerability

Thank you for tuning in!

We’re here to support couples healing from infidelity and betrayal, offering encouragement, practical skills, and expertise each week. As certified relational recovery coaches, we are passionate about guiding you toward hope, empathy, and lasting healing.

Stay connected with us and access all the resources we offer—coaching sessions, groups, and more—by visiting this link.

Your Hosts:

Hali RoderickCertified Relational Recovery CoachTICC, ACC, APSATS CPC, ERCEM-C, Brainspotting Practitioner

Read Hali’s Bio

Stephanie HambyCertified Relational Recovery CoachMCLC, ACC, APSATS CPC, ERCEM-CRead Stephanie’s Bio

We look forward to journeying with you!

Learning Vulnerability - allowing your spouse to know you.

Different than empathy 

Stepping out of our old protective mechanisms

Stopping stuffing the emotions

🎙️ Episode Title:

1. Welcome + Acknowledgment (1–2 min)

• Gentle reminder that healing is not linear.

• Acknowledge the courage it takes to stay and rebuild.

• Preview today’s focus: vulnerability—not just emotional expression, but letting yourself be known.
  

2. Defining Vulnerability in Relational Repair (3–4 min)

• Vulnerability is not just about sharing emotions—it's about allowing yourself to be seen and known.

• Difference between vulnerability and empathy: empathy is offering presence for someone else’s emotions, vulnerability is revealing your own.

• Betrayal creates a need for protection; vulnerability begins to challenge those old defenses.
  

3. Common Protective Mechanisms (Trauma responses) After Betrayal (5–7 min)

• Fawning (people-pleasing to avoid conflict)

• Withdrawal (silence, distance, shutting down)

• Over-functioning (control to feel safe)

• Numbing (shutting down emotionally to avoid pain)

• These served a purpose—but no longer help build trust.

• Naming them gently without shame.
  

4. What It Means to “Let Your Spouse Know You” (5–7 min)

• Going beyond surface talk (schedules, kids, tasks).

• Sharing how things land on you, what you fear, what you hope for.

• Rebuilding intimacy through emotional truth—not just physical connection.

• Practical examples: “I noticed I felt afraid when you didn’t respond” or “I want to trust this process, but sometimes I still feel guarded.”
  

5. Why Stuffing Emotions Stops Repair (4–5 min)

• Suppression often comes from fear of conflict or not wanting to rock the boat.

• Bottled emotions become resentment, and repair can't happen through silence.

• Healthy vulnerability means pacing—but not pretending.
  

6. How to Start Practicing Vulnerability Again (6–8 min)

• Safety first: Is the relationship emotionally safe enough to risk being open?

• Start small: Share one thing you're feeling without needing a solution.

• Use “I feel” not “you made me feel”

• Check in afterward: Was it received well? Did you feel heard?

• Vulnerability is not a one-time act—it’s a practice of truth in small moments.
  

7. A Word for the Spouse Who Betrayed (Optional segment if audience includes both) (2–3 min)

• Your partner’s vulnerability is a gift—don’t dismiss it, fix it, or avoid it.

• Meet it with presence, not defensiveness.

• Your role is to help co-create the emotional safety they now need.
  

8. Closing Reflections + Encouragement (2–3 min)

• Rebuilding through vulnerability is sacred and slow.

• If you're just starting this work, be proud of your willingness.

• You're not alone, and you're not expected to get it perfect—only to keep showing up.

In this powerful episode, Hali Roderick and Luke Gordon unpack three of the most common myths that keep men stuck and prevent relationships from truly healing after betrayal. Whether you're early in your recovery journey or have been doing the work for a while, these insights will help you shift from unintentional harm to intentional healing.

We also introduce the Help Her Heal Intensive for men, happening this July in Spanish Fork, Utah. Check the link for an exciting new optional Add-On for couples, where wives can join for a guided, therapist-led day of healing, empathy practice, and emotional integration.

• MYTH 1: “Talking About It Just Makes Things Worse” Why silence reinforces trauma—and how showing up with presence (not perfection) creates safety.
  

• MYTH 2: “If I Show Emotion, I’ll Make It About Me” The difference between emotional ownership and emotional dumping—and how authentic expression builds trust.
  

• MYTH 3: “I Just Want Her to See How I’m Doing Good” Why seeking validation in moments of her pain creates disconnection—and what to focus on instead.
  

📣 Learn More & Take the Next Step:

🎯 Help Her Heal Intensive – July 8–11 | Spanish Fork, Utah An immersive 4-day experience for men ready to rebuild trust and emotional safety after betrayal.

💞 Optional Add-On: Couples Integration Experience Wives are invited to join for a guided, therapist-led day of connection, empathy, and healing.

👉 Learn more and reserve your spot by calling Choose Recovery Services at (702)277-9145 or email: [email protected].  

Learn more about Luke Gordon HERE and check out his Beyond the Facade Podcast! 

Thank you for tuning in!

We’re here to support couples healing from infidelity and betrayal, offering encouragement, practical skills, and expertise each week. As certified relational recovery coaches, we are passionate about guiding you toward hope, empathy, and lasting healing.

Stay connected with us and access all the resources we offer—coaching sessions, groups, and more—by visiting this link.

Your Hosts:

Hali RoderickCertified Relational Recovery CoachTICC, ACC, APSATS CPC, ERCEM-C, Brainspotting Practitioner

Read Hali’s Bio

Stephanie HambyCertified Relational Recovery CoachMCLC, ACC, APSATS CPC, ERCEM-CRead Stephanie’s Bio

We look forward to journeying with you!

🔍 In This Episode, We Cover:

Triggers Aren’t Setbacks — They’re Invitations to Heal

In this powerful episode, we dive deep into what happens when a betrayed spouse is triggered — especially when the trigger seems irrational or unrelated to the present moment. If you're the partner who has caused the betrayal, it can be confusing and overwhelming to understand these reactions. But how you respond in those moments matters more than you might realize.

We’ll explore why logical explanations and defensiveness don’t help, and how empathy, presence, and emotional attunement can become powerful tools for healing.

Expect honest insights, relatable examples, and a trauma-informed lens on how to stay connected, even through the hardest moments.

• What a “trigger” really is and how it affects the brain and body
  

• Why a betrayed partner’s reaction might feel out of proportion — and why it isn’t
  

• How common behaviors (like defensiveness or shame) unintentionally worsen the pain
  

• What to say (and not say) when your partner is triggered
  

• Why presence and empathy create the safety needed for true healing
  

• Real-life storytelling moments that illustrate what empathy looks like in action

Thank you for tuning in!

We’re here to support couples healing from infidelity and betrayal, offering encouragement, practical skills, and expertise each week. As certified relational recovery coaches, we are passionate about guiding you toward hope, empathy, and lasting healing.

Stay connected with us and access all the resources we offer—coaching sessions, groups, and more—by visiting this link.

Your Hosts:

Hali RoderickCertified Relational Recovery CoachTICC, ACC, APSATS CPC, ERCEM-C, Brainspotting Practitioner

Read Hali’s Bio

Stephanie HambyCertified Relational Recovery CoachMCLC, ACC, APSATS CPC, ERCEM-CRead Stephanie’s Bio

We look forward to journeying with you!

🧠 In This Episode, You'll Learn: