Coaching for Leaders

Randy Willhite: The Burbolators

“If people have two weeks to practice, they do less in two weeks than they normally would have in one.” -Randy Willhite

Ten ways to learn faster:

It’s hard to start, but easier to keep going

Memorize first, and then practice

You have to practice

Schedule time each day to practice

You don’t need to master something before you go onto the next thing

You don’t have to like something to learn from it

Consistency beats clock time

Don’t beat yourself up for falling behind

Touch the strings

Get back on when you fall off the horse

You can The Burbolators, Randy's band, on SoundCloud.

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Amy Morin

Author, 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do*

Amy is a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and the author of the book, 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do.*

She dealt with a lot of personal tragedy in her life in a short period of time, and realized that having good habits wasn’t enough. She also had to get rid of bad habits.

In 2013, she wrote the list, 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do. It went viral and was read and shared by millions of people in a matter of days.

They Don’t Give Away Their Power

“While other people can influence you, they can’t make you feel anything.” -Amy Morin

They Don’t Resent Other People’s Success

“When you want to change how you feel, the two things you need to change are how you think and how you behave.” -Amy Morin

They Don’t Give Up After the First Failure

They don’t view failure as a reason to give up. Instead, they use failure as an opportunity to grow and improve. They are willing to keep trying until they get it right.

“The fear of failure keeps us from trying our best.” -Amy Morin

They Don’t Feel the World Owes Them Anything

They Don’t Expect Immediate Results

“A lot of us give up when we don’t see huge, drastic results really fast.” -Amy Morin

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Bonni Stachowiak: Teaching in Higher Ed

Bonni is the host of the Teaching in Higher Ed podcast, Dean of Teaching and Learning and Professor of Business and Management at Vanguard University, and my life partner. Prior to her academic career, she was a human resources consultant and executive officer for a publicly traded company. Bonni is the author of The Productive Online and Offline Professor: A Practical Guide*.

Question from Nancy

I am in a situation myself right now where I was promoted awhile back as it stands right now. I manager a team, but I don't have salary discussions or assessments with them.

My manager has said he is willing to give me the mandate I want and to form the role together with me. This is flattering and scary at the same time. My longterm goal is to become a director.

Now I am thinking, perhaps I should ask for the responsibility of having the assessments and salary discussions with the team? I am thinking it might be a good step towards my longterm goal. If you have any wise advice I would appreciate your input. I am a little lost.

Audio Question from Jeff

Dave mentioned episode #190: How to Improve Your Coaching Skills with Tom Henschel

Dave mentioned Dale Carnegie’s book How to Win Friends and Influence People*

Bonni mentioned Peter Block’s book Flawless Consulting: A Guide to Getting Your Expertise Used*

Dave mentioned his past article, 8 Ways to Influence Without Authority

Question from Tyler

I read in a Forbes article that 89 of the Fortune 100 companies are now using MBTI to help match employees to roles. My company does not presently use this, but I have done some work on it with my team. Actually, a personal interest and goal of mine would be to eventually become a trainer in this subject, both for MBTI and DiSC. Do you know anyone who works with these and how I might network or "mentee" with someone who does this?

We mentioned the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) by CPP

Radiance House has fabulous publications for MBTI work

Susan Gerke is a resource for MBTI work

Doug McRae is a resource for DiSC work

Audio Question from Nathaniel

“Advice just doesn’t work unless it’s asked for.” -Bonni Stachowiak

Bonni mentioned Pinboard (Dave’s library)

Bonni mentioned OmniFocus for managing tasks

Bonni mentioned TextExpander for automating common keyboard entries

Question from Joseph

I work in a retail business chain. In the past year, my company has really embraced leadership, and servant leadership at the highest level. I feel like they have done a wonderful job in sharing the message with the upper management/team leads at all of our locations, however I don't feel like it has traveled well to our assistant team leads, departments, or entry level team members, thus, not truly changing our culture.

I was wondering if you had any suggestions on how I could help better achieve this at my location. I was thinking about holding small store leadership/development sessions, but am at a standstill on how to structure and execute them. Any thoughts or advice?

Question from Stefan

Part of my job is also creation and implementation of all relevant procedures and policies within the Company. Currently, I am "producing" so called Open door policy. I have some questions about suitable content of such a policy. It is not just about the "open door", so willingness of managers to accept employees and speak with them about their personal problems, daily issues. I think it is much more the right of employees to "raise their voice", so to address suggestions, complaints etc, how to solve problems etc. Do you have some proper name for time when manager has free time for employees, for example chat with manager, open hour with manager?

Dave mention John Kotter’s book Leading Change*

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Tim Stringer

Technically Simple

Tim appeared on two past shows:

Episode 151: How to Be More Productive

Episode 183: Use Technology To Build and Strengthen Relationships

4 Pillars of Holistic Productivity

1. Inner Reflection

Tim recommended The Way We’re Working Isn’t Working* by Tony Schwartz

2. Acceptance

“No matter how busy I am, I always have time to talk about how busy I am.” -Tim Stringer (echoing a human truth)

“It’s pretty hard to be a victim and be grateful at the same time.” -Tim Stringer

3. Focus

4. Inspired Action

Tim mentioned the Day One app.

On Thursday, July 30th @ 10am PDT / 1pm EDT, Tim and I will be hosting a How to Step Into Action With Holistic Productivity webinar. You'll get:

Identify a strategic area for focus

Determine your first actions to create a positive shift

Connect and get inspired by other members of the community

If you agree to appear on video, reserve your free space at:

http://coachingforleaders.com/stepintoaction

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Beth Buelow (Facebook)

Author, The Introvert Entrepreneur: Amplify Your Strengths and Create Success on Your Own Terms*

Host, The Introvert Entrepreneur podcast

There is often an overt expectation of extroversion in the workplace.

Extraversion: gain energy from social interaction and external stimuli

Introversion: gain energy from quiet and solitude

“The goal is not to be the fake extrovert. The goal is to be the authentic introvert.” -Beth Buelow

Beth mentioned Good to Great* by Jim Collins

Dave mentioned How to Win Friends and Influence People* by Dale Carnegie

“Please oh please, don’t confuse enthusiasm with noise.” -Beth Buelow

Dave mentioned episode #44: Susan Cain on The Power of Introverts

Beth mentioned some of the principles from Dale Carnegie that relate directly to introverted energy. Carnegie's principles also demonstrate that introverts make great leaders:

Become genuinely interested in other people.

Smile.

Be a good listener. Encourage other people to talk about themselves.

Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

Do not imitate others.

Beth mentioned How to Stop Worrying and Start Living* by Dale Carnegie

“Listen contains the same letters as silent.” -Beth Buelow

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Bonni Stachowiak: Teaching in Higher Ed

Bonni is the host of the Teaching in Higher Ed podcast, Dean of Teaching and Learning and Professor of Business and Management at Vanguard University, and my life partner. Prior to her academic career, she was a human resources consultant and executive officer for a publicly traded company. Bonni is the author of The Productive Online and Offline Professor: A Practical Guide*.

Audio Question from Jignesh

Here are the resources we mentioned on how to plan your career:

Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi*

What Color Is Your Parachute? by Richard N. Bolles*

Carnegie Coach episode #148: How to Determine What’s Next

Business Model You by Tim Clark, Alexander Osterwalder, and Yves Pigneur*

Business Model Generation by Alexander Osterwalder and Yves Pigneur*

Finding the Career That Fits You*

The Ultimate Guide to Using Your Strengths to Get Hired*

Audio Question from Mia

“A lot of times people use humor in an attempt to try avoid having conflict or having a real conversation.” -Bonni Stachowiak

Bonni recommended an episode of the This is Your Life podcast by Michael Hyatt called 7 Actions to Take Before You Quit Your Job.

Question from Taylor

I remember listening to a podcast where you, at least I think it was your podcast, talked about self-development. Specifically you discussed using a task manager to help you achieve your self-development goals. I can not remember which episode this was. It would be really helpful if you could direct me to the right one; I would really like to send it to my father.

Dave recommended these apps/services:

OmniFocus*

Todoist

Question from Jeffrey

I've really admired the ability to use humor to defuse tense situations whether in the board room or one-on-one. It often lowers the volume of a confrontation and allows a moment for those involved to reset. How mad can you be when you are laughing? But it is also risky to use humor since the joke could fall flat, or even worse you might offend your counterparts. Do you have any resources on how I can improve my utilization of humor in these situations?

Question from Ravi

Hi Dave, I have been listening to your podcast for past 5 months. Have learned a lot. Thanks for great advice all around. I am facing one problem that I am really struggling with and will welcome your advice. I seem to have hit a ceiling in my career. By measure of my education and experiences should have been in a Senior Management position. I look around and all my friends and peers at one time (and those even behind me) have been steadily climbing the ladder and I am frustratingly stuck at the same place! I have all received good to excellent feedback, have been commended for my attitude and thinking, done more than my peers but am still stuck! Any advice what I can do? Happy to share more information about my background if it will help.

Bonni recommended Hope for the Flowers by Trina Paulus*

Question from Rijul

I was wondering if you could share a bit more about your own professional history in how you got into this career path. I am interested in exploring this area and would like to know what kind of jobs and/or educational background someone in this line of work has to become successful.

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Lori Ann Davis

Author, Unmasking Secrets to Unstoppable Relationships*

Dave mentioned the podcast StartUp

A few general patterns of both men and women:

Men:

More assertive

Communication is shorter and more direct

Problem solving main goal

Goal oriented

More independent

Women:

More tuned into emotions

Talk about the problem before acting to fix it

Need to be heard

Process oriented, ask more questions

More collaborative, build relationships

“We really would like the other person just to be like us.” -Lori Ann Davis

“We show the other person love in the way we want to be loved and the way we feel loved.” -Lori Ann Davis

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Andrew Warner

Mixergy

Andrew’s “shoved fact” technique:

Listen carefully for the shoved fact that doesn’t otherwise belong in the conversation naturally

Make sure you’re picking the shoved fact that’s the most personal one

Ask a question about that shoved fact

Shut up

“The things you think are tough are where real life exists. That’s where you really get to know people.” -Andrew Warner

“Tell a story to illustrate your point and then make your point.” -Andrew Warner

We mentioned Andrew's show:

Mixergy podcast

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In this episode I respond to a question from Candice that helps me articulate what this show is about.

I mentioned episode 186: How to Become a Champion with Dr. Jeff Spencer

My job is to be your archeologist.

Everyone is your superior is some way.

Yes, you can lead. And you can do it, with authenticity and integrity through consistent learning.

I mentioned Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott*

“The opposite of leadership is not failure, it’s an expectation of perfection.” -Dave Stachowiak

I mentioned Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell*

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Marshall Goldsmith: Triggers

Marshall says that a key factor is the environment around us in whether or not we are successful. Environmental triggers constantly take us off track.

“A trigger is any stimulus that influences our behavior.” -Marshall Goldsmith

Trigger —> Impulse —> Behavior

Marshall says we have the chance to have a second of awareness on how we behave after the impulse.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” -Viktor Frankl

Marshall says that the biggest problem with successful people is they’ve gotten very used to winning.

Marshall recalled five questions that Peter Drucker said we should all ask ourselves:

What’s my mission?

Who’s the customer?

What does the customer consider value?

What’s the goal?

What’s the plan?

If you want a copy of the article that Marshall mentioned, Leadership is a contact sport, send him an email to [email protected]

Marshall’s wheel of change model:

Creating = Positive/Change

Preserving = Positive/Keep

Eliminate = Negative/Change

Accepting = Negative/Keep

“Am I willing at this time to make the effort required to make a positive difference on this topic?” -Marshall Goldsmith

“Most people waste most of their lives on topics they’re not going to change anyway.” -Marshall Goldsmith

“Life is easy to talk and hard to live.” -Marshall Goldsmith

“Environment vs. willpower — environment generally wins.” -Marshall Goldsmith

Marshall’s six active questions:

Did I do my best to set clear goals?

Did I do my best to make progress towards goal achievement?

Did I do my best to find meaning?

Did I do my best to be happy?

Did I do my best to build positive relationships?

Did I do my best to be fully engaged?

The key factor in employee engagement is whether people feel like they can live their own values. -Kouzes & Posner

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