Confidence

Are you dating, or are you collecting proof that somebody wants you? This week I'll tackle two questions. The first is about how to not get too attached in the talking stage, and what to do if you keep getting ghosted after good dates. Before I get to those, I share some wicked perspectives on reality and how I cut off my own validation: no story views, no likes, no casual dating, no DMing. It's pretty wild that right now I don't have a single person I'm interested in. I might have ADHD, but I don't believe in it, and that's a good way to describe this episode.

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

Chapters:

00:00 Moody In a Transition

02:04 Arguing About Purpose At A Dinner Table

18:16 Cutting Off The Validation

27:58 I Sat In Stillness

35:15 Talking Stage Without Getting Attached

50:36 Ghosted Even When The Date Was Good

Boundaries Workshop Sign-Up: https://app.confidencechris.com/boundaries-pop-up-sign-up

I found the secret to getting back into your good energy. It's actually really simple, yet so insidiously hard. Did you know that you are one direct communication away from freedom? Let's talk about it. I'll dissect three situations from people who are all post-relationship and all doing the same thing: trying to think their way out of a feeling. One of them wanted me to confirm that a guy's behavior was weird, but what she actually needed was to feel the disappointment and let go of solving it. Maybe your spark is on the other side of letting go of what isn't for you.

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

Chapters:

00:00 Free Boundaries Workshop

01:22 Getting Your Spark Back

19:41 Her First Date, Then He Unfollowed Her

33:12 Trying to Change Someone Who Won't Change

46:07 If the Shower Is Cold, Someone Else Is Using the Water

You're not missing them, you're missing a feeling. Let me explain. But first, I share a triggering message I received from a friend pointed at my avoidance. I'll give you an alternate perspective on how to handle harsh energy from those closest to you, while weaving in emotional wounds from how I grew up, and the layer of distance every girl I've dated has felt with me. I also cleared the decks again in my dating life, and I'll explain why easy and light still counts as saying no to yourself. Then two situations: a guy strategizing his final text, and a woman waiting on her gym crush to make a move (and my opinionated thoughts on women making the first move in general).

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

Chapters:

00:00 You're Missing a Feeling, Not a Person

11:12 Putting All Your Peace in One Person

17:29 Why I Cleared the Decks Again

23:54 How My Avoidance Affects Others

39:25 He Badly Wants Her Back

54:49 Girls Shooting Their Shot First

Stop playing footsies with people who will never give you what you want. This episode is about getting deeper with yourself and your reactions. Many people feel stuck in relationships where they are frustrated, angry, and misunderstood. I'll give a personal example of how I recently got triggered when a friend showed up late, leading to verbal jabs and mental disconnection. I’ll break down how anger is usually a surface mask for underlying fear and why being "present" is the hardest work you'll do. I'll discuss the power of taking action on your truth, and how that action precedes the clarity you want. I also answer why guys go cold after sex and how to stop being indirect with your goals.

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

Chapters:

00:00 Action Precedes Clarity

17:13 Being Indirect About What You Want

52:15 Why Guys Go Cold After Sex

This week came out of nowhere. I feel like I got sucker-punched with some difficult feelings and some hard truths. This week's title is seeking heartbreak, which is something I told myself I wanted to do. I've been sick of running away from what I desire, but what's funny is that I asked, and I received just as quickly. I also made a major realization about how deep my avoidance runs. I've been so focused on not acting from fear that I closed off the possibility that people might actually just love me (mind-blowing to me). I get into why you can't separate love from fear, and how our desires inherently bring anxiety. I will also tackle how to handle someone being unresponsive. This episode is your push to say what you need to say, then let the rest go.

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

Do they ever come back? It's time to end the debate once and for all. I'll also talk about why you want them back in the first place (trigger warning). Before we get there, I reflect on my recent fuck it attitude I have gotten for life lately. I get into the way we all communicate indirectly: the jabs you call jokes, the "I just miss the friendship" story your brain feeds you, and them going cold on you. I finish off with what to do when you're happy being single, but also want a relationship. I will tell you why it's hard for you to attract genuine love into your life when you're obsessed with solitude.

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

Chapters:

00:00 Being Direct About Your Feelings

27:00 Will They Come Back and Regret Leaving?

44:07 Balancing Wanting a Relationship while Loving Being Single

When someone doesn't choose you, is it really about you? Let me tell you why it's not personal. Before I get into that, I pour my little heart out about feeling a little run down. I'll reflect on how tough it is to say no in the moment and how your exhaustion is a signal to recalibrate. Then I answer a question about handling the silent treatment without letting it wreck your confidence, saying a final goodbye, and being so far away from self-trust.

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

Chapters:

0:00 Checking In: I'm Run Down

14:14 Life Is Inherently Purposeless

27:19 What If You Didn't Need to Matter?

35:46 Situation: The Silent Treatment

49:39 Value Mindset vs. Alignment Mindset

55:07 Situation: One Last Goodbye

59:20 Situation: I Don't Trust Myself

Most guys have a dream car, I have a dream cat. We are not the same. The cat does happen to be $15,000 though. Yikes, so my friend yelled at me, but then it hit me… You might be wondering what this has to do with a dating podcast episode. Well, because my off-brand desire relates directly to my dating life. No rushing, no settling, no second-guessing. I'll get into how my avoidance used to make me second-guess my choices, and how my relationship wants would get confused for attachment challenges. I'll talk about how to find your truth amidst your attachment patterns, and how both anxious and avoidant people get lost in the fantasy of what could be. Today's episode is about clearing the mist around what exactly needs healing and how to trust your intuition when dealing with inconsistencies from your partner (and I'll use two different situations as an example of that process). Let's do it.

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

Chapters:

0:00 Forced to Slow Down & Pickup Videos

9:51 My $15,000 Dream Cat

26:50 Staying Grounded When She Went Quiet

35:14 Living In A Fantasy

46:18 He Disappears For 20 Days

1:00:07 Fear Or Discernment?

This week we are getting into the contrast between anxious and avoidant patterns. I wrote something down that I feel describes the dynamic perfectly. I will discuss my own challenges with avoidance and how I am working towards healing it. I also recap a situation from last week's episode where a listener quickly backed off a relationship. I discuss how to lead with more curiosity and less defensiveness. This is not just about being the bigger person, but becoming so much more.

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

Chapters:

00:00 Curiosity vs. Assumption

20:08 High Standards or Just Avoidant

30:27 Avoidant vs Anxious Patterns

53:56 "You're Not Anxious, You're Just Dating a Loser"

My boy asked me .. how do you tell the difference between intensity and actual intimacy (especially in a push/pull dynamic where it's hard to tell the difference)? I share my thoughts on what I feel the difference is and how to identify it. But before I get into that, I play a voice note from a girl who is navigating a similar situation about a guy who communicated his lack of certainty to her, and how she feels guilty for ending it so quickly. I'll share an update about my life, on staying away from safe connections, and reflecting on the pattern of dating women who have mostly approached me (and why I think that might not be the way).

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

Chapters:

00:00 My New Approach to Dating

11:03 Voice Note: Dating the Right Person, Cut Him Off, Then Guilt Tripped

38:55 Intensity vs Actual Intimacy