Confidence

I saw a video this week that said people who lack empathy are garbage, and it triggered me into a rabbit hole about narcissism. This will be confrontational and controversial, but really my goal is to give you an alternate perspective on how this is defined in our culture and the dynamics that are created by both partners. I get into why the person giving and giving is also being selfish, and how/why your resentment is an indicator. I walk through a listener situation where the guy starts to distance himself after he gets emotionally vulnerable. I'll give you my take on why this happens and how to let go when it does. Remember, empathy is not responsibility.

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

Chapters:

0:00 Narcissists vs Victims

34:07 When Empathy Goes Too Far

37:47 Handling Resentment

45:44 Angry When Someone Stops Choosing You

52:29 Listener's Situation: Distance After Getting Too Close

Isn’t it crazy how those shorter relationships can hit way harder than the longer ones? Today I reflect on this, and what would happen if that person ever came back. I then lean into how my views of compatibility vs. chemistry have shifted, while still battling guilt when I admit and enforce my high standards. I then get into whether I still deal with imposter syndrome, perfectionism, and procrastination. Yes, but no, and I’ll share how to overcome them. I then go in on whether or not you should admit your feelings to your FWB. Is the gateway to peace of mind really blowing shit up?

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

Chapters:

(00:00) Introduction
(04:11) Why Short Relationships Hit So Hard
(34:50) Imposter Syndrome and Self-Sabotage
(53:06) Confessing Your Feelings to Your FWB

If you have anxious attachment, this episode is going to be a gut punch, but a necessary one. The truth is, most people don't have a feeling problem, they have a thinking problem. I'll show you what you can't see about chasing and caring for someone who doesn't seem to show the same energy back. Let's get into it. This week I'm fresh off an emergency landing, and now I'm heading to Cancun for a wedding, but the stove is on hot. I answer two situations from my guys. The first one spent two years chasing a girl who barely gave effort. I'll deep dive his and her final response. I'll walk you through the white t-shirt exercise that shows what's really controlling your dating life. The second situation is about a guy who can't seem to shake the feeling he messed things up. Then a situation about waiting on a partner to step up financially, and why your body already has that answer. I'll teach you how to get out of your head, feel your truth, and own it.

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

So I broke my celibacy, and may have pulled my groin in the process. This somehow spun off into an analogy about how I got the ick from cigarettes and letting go of toxic relationships (aka emotional cigarettes), trust me it’s sensational. Then I get into the situation everyone obsesses over: is it insecure to want your partner to unfollow people on social media, or is your gut telling you something real? I break down the difference between soothing your fear through control and what trusting someone actually looks like. I close on whether the real work happens in a relationship or out of one. 

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

So this was a very unexpected week to say the least. I saw the most attractive girl I've seen in years, didn't shoot my shot, and came home feeling like shit. I'll talk about why and the importance of taking the risk. This then leads into a story about an unexpected new connection that caught me off guard. It's crazy how the smallest moments can shine a light on your internal fears and triggers. I'll share how deep my anxious avoidance still runs: the waiting, the phone checking, and how I soothe myself through it now instead of punishing myself for my fear. I'll also discuss how to navigate judgment from those closest to you, and then I close with a situation about why it's so hard to move on from a relationship that made you miserable.

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

This is going to be a Dear Diary episode. A podcast journal of how I am feeling at my core. I've been in a mini funk, but somehow it's also the most peace I've felt in my life in a long time. The duality of it all ... Really what's happening is that I'm emotionally celibate, and that's brought me an enormous amount of clarity, but also this weird blank page feeling. I get honest about feeling lonely (not the desperate kind), being uninspired even though I love my life, and being at the point where I'm established and ready to actually enjoy it with somebody. Then I shift gears to a situation about someone going slow with a girl who isn't offering what they really want, and we get into how easily people back off their truth because they want to be wanted, and how everybody's managing everybody else's expectations, and why most of us don't even see our own inauthenticity.

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

To be real, last week I hadn't been feeling my best. I care about showing up confident (and not looking weak), so I tend to mask those feelings. That's how our conversation starts. I get into detail about why I am the way I am. I'll walk you through how I grew up insecure and rebellious, all the way till now, and why I still deeply crave attention. I then shift gears to a situation sent in by a listener around if cheaters actually change. I will share her story of how she had been living a lie with this man and why many people are attracted to dishonesty. All of this ties back to our own internal beliefs and attachment patterns that shape who we are and how we show up in our lives and relationships today.

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

The real work begins, not when you decide to leave, but directly after. It’s the weeks and days following that force you to face yourself and face your fears. Today, we are talking about getting back on your feet, leaving guilt and proving behind, and the real glow up post breakup. Maybe they are with someone new, maybe you are just determined to let go, today’s episode is a direct challenge to take the risk of choosing yourself.Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

Why is it so hard to let go when you know something isn't right? Last episode I told you I ended my situationship, and this time it feels final. In this episode, I share how difficult it is to actually separate and how no contact gets harder before it gets easier. I start off with a question about not being ready to commit, and how I called Jay in a panic to "talk me off the ledge" when I was feeling overwhelmed with doubt and potential regret. I answer a few listener situations about people stuck in situationships they can't seem to leave, and I break down why it's sometimes easier to settle. I am going to really challenge your feelings in this episode, be prepared to face your fear and question your current choices.

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

Something major is shifting in my love life. Today I am going to share with you a few personal stories, about letting go of a situationship, guilty feelings after a hookup, and ending old habits. Before that my friend asked me about the pettiest thing that gives me the ick, and if I get more icked out now that I am shifting to looking for love versus sex. I will discuss why people are dishonest in relationships and why people struggle to create peace in their relationships. I will also respond to a situation about talking to multiple people if you are still single. Can you date with intention and still allow yourself to be a little messy?

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application