Confident Sober Women

Why You're Always Anxious (And How To Regulate Your Nervous System) 

Welcome back to The Confident Sober Women Podcast! I’m your host, Shelby John, sober therapist, EMDR therapist, and fellow woman in recovery. In today’s solo episode, we’re diving into a topic that comes up constantly with my clients, friends, and even in my own life: nervous system regulation.

You might say, “Why am I always anxious?” or “Why do I feel overwhelmed when nothing’s even wrong?” If that sounds familiar, this episode is for you. We’ll explore why your anxiety often seems to appear out of nowhere, what’s really happening in your body, and the powerful science-backed tools you can use to feel calm, clear, and in control—especially in sobriety.

Here’s what you’ll learn: 

✔️ What your nervous system actually does (think of it like your body’s operating system)
✔️ How trauma, stress, and addiction keep your system in fight-or-flight—even when you’re safe
✔️ Why nervous system regulation is crucial to sustainable sobriety
✔️ Three simple tools to use TODAY to reduce anxiety and regain calm:

• The Physiological Sigh (a proven breath technique straight from neuroscience)
• Orienting to Safety (a quick somatic practice to ground your body)
• Name It to Tame It (a powerful brain hack to reduce emotional reactivity by 50%)

Plus, I share how EMDR therapy and remote neurofeedback go beyond talk therapy to retrain your brain and heal anxiety and trauma at the root. These tools are especially helpful for women who’ve been sober a year or more and are craving deeper healing and emotional freedom.

If you’re ready to stop white-knuckling your day and finally feel peace in your body—this episode will show you exactly how to start.

🔗 Want to try remote neurofeedback from home?
Learn more about my program and see if it’s right for you at shelbyjohn.com
💥 It’s available to women worldwide—no license limitations!

✨ Share this with a sober sister who needs to hear it, and don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast so we can reach more incredible women just like you.

You are not alone. You are not broken. And you don’t have to stay stuck in anxiety. 💛

Support the show

Don’t forget to subscribe, rate & share this episode with a sober woman or someone suffering from anxiety, depression, ADHD, sleep problems and negative thought patterns who needs to hear she is not alone. 

Oh, and by the way, if you didn’t know, my remote Neurofeedback Therapy program is up and running. Learn more here! Learn more about EMDR therapy, EMDR Intensives and Remote Neurofeedback.

And if you haven't read my memoir, grab a copy of Recovering in Recovery: The Life-Changing Joy of Sobriety wherever books are sold.

In this insightful conversation, Shelby welcomes Amanda Kuda, author of "Unbottled Potential," to discuss different pathways to sobriety and the importance of finding what resonates with you personally.

Amanda shares her journey to sobriety, which began when she realized her weekend drinking habits were counteracting her weekday personal development work. Despite not hitting "rock bottom" or fitting traditional addiction narratives, she recognized alcohol was preventing her from becoming her most authentic self.

Key Takeaways:

• Amanda's approach to sobriety came from a spiritual angle, studying influencers like Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williamson, and Gabby Bernstein
• Both women discuss how there are multiple valid paths to recovery beyond the 12-step model
• The skills of emotional regulation and sitting with discomfort are essential for long-term sobriety
• Journaling prompt: "Wait, what am I thinking?" can help process emotions that might trigger drinking
• Learning to name your emotions and accept all feelings as valid helps reduce emotional volatility

Amanda emphasizes that you don't need to have a "drinking problem" for alcohol to be a problem in your life. If it's preventing you from being your most authentic self, that's reason enough to question your relationship with it.

Shelby highlights how recent research, including the 2025 Surgeon General's report, confirms that no amount of alcohol is safe for consumption, supporting the decision to live alcohol-free regardless of where you fall on the spectrum of use.

This conversation powerfully illustrates that recovery doesn't always fit into prescribed models - what matters most is finding an approach that resonates with you and leads to a better life.

Connect with Amanda Kuda:

• Website: amandakuda.com
• Instagram: @amandakuda
• TikTok: @amanda.kuda
• Facebook: amandakuda
• LinkedIn: amandakuda
• Book - Unbottled Potential: Amazon

Are you ready to explore your relationship with alcohol from a fresh perspective? This episode offers compassionate insights for anyone questioning their drinking habits, regardless of where you are on your journey.

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Support the show

Don’t forget to subscribe, rate & share this episode with a sober woman or someone suffering from anxiety, depression, ADHD, sleep problems and negative thought patterns who needs to hear she is not alone. 

Oh, and by the way, if you didn’t know, my remote Neurofeedback Therapy program is up and running. Learn more here! Learn more about EMDR therapy, EMDR Intensives and Remote Neurofeedback.

And if you haven't read my memoir, grab a copy of Recovering in Recovery: The Life-Changing Joy of Sobriety wherever books are sold.

In this powerful episode of the Confident Sober Women podcast, we're joined by Janice Johnson Dowd, author of "Rebuilding Relationships in Recovery." As a retired social worker with 12 years of sobriety and a mother of four, Janice shares her journey from functioning alcoholic to recovery advocate with remarkable candor.

Episode Highlights:

• Janice's background working in addiction treatment centers before her own alcoholism developed in her 40s
• The complex dynamics of balancing motherhood, career, and self-care that contributed to her drinking
• Her experience with inpatient treatment and how focusing exclusively on recovery actually damaged family relationships
• The challenging path of repairing relationships with her four children (ages 13-21 at the time of her treatment)
• Why validation, accountability, and persistent communication are crucial for family healing
• The importance of finding balance between recovery work and family reconnection
• How to effectively listen to and validate different family members' experiences
• Why staying sober is the foundation for rebuilding trust, but isn't enough on its own

Practical Takeaways:

1. Take accountability for your actions and validate others' perspectives, even when they differ from yours
2. Practice deep listening without immediate reactions, especially with adolescents and young adults
3. Persist in healing efforts even when family therapy or initial conversations feel uncomfortable or unsuccessful
4. Recognize developmental differences in how children process a parent's addiction and recovery
5. Find balance between recovery work and family engagement
6. Take advantage of small moments for connection and organic healing conversations
7. Get support from sponsors, therapists, and recovery peers when navigating challenging family situations

Janice emphasizes that repair is possible even after significant damage to relationships. Her story offers hope to those struggling with similar challenges and provides practical guidance for rebuilding what addiction has broken.

Connect with Janice:

• Book: "Rebuilding Relationships in Recovery" by Janice V. Johnson Dowd
• Website: janicejohnsondowd.com
• Instagram: @parenting_inn_recovery

Whether you're in recovery yourself or supporting someone who is, this episode provides valuable insights into the complex journey of family healing after addiction.

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Support the show

Don’t forget to subscribe, rate & share this episode with a sober woman or someone suffering from anxiety, depression, ADHD, sleep problems and negative thought patterns who needs to hear she is not alone. 

Oh, and by the way, if you didn’t know, my remote Neurofeedback Therapy program is up and running. Learn more here! Learn more about EMDR therapy, EMDR Intensives and Remote Neurofeedback.

And if you haven't read my memoir, grab a copy of Recovering in Recovery: The Life-Changing Joy of Sobriety wherever books are sold.

Maura Casey opens a window into her 39-year sobriety journey with raw honesty and gentle wisdom. As a journalist who worked for prestigious publications like The New York Times and Hartford Courant, Maura's story reveals how professional success intertwined with her recovery from growing up in what she calls a "tumultuous" Irish family where "alcohol was the seventh member."

The conversation takes us through Maura's childhood, where drinking at age 13 was normalized within her family culture. We witness her awakening moment at 28 when she realized her drinking was following her father's destructive pattern, prompting her sobriety journey. What follows is a masterclass in emotional sobriety—the deeper work beyond simply putting down the drink.

Shelby and Maura explore the transformative power of establishing healthy boundaries after years of people-pleasing tendencies. Their discussion illuminates the crucial distinction between guilt ("I did something bad") and shame ("I am bad"), offering listeners practical insights into healing these emotional wounds. The conversation weaves through making amends, changing behaviors, and finding pride in breaking generational patterns of alcoholism.

Perhaps most powerful is Maura's reflection on writing her memoir, "Saving Ellen," which chronicles her family's journey through addiction, illness, and recovery. She shares how her sister Ellen followed her into sobriety, demonstrating the ripple effect our personal healing creates. Whether you're newly sober or decades into recovery, this episode reminds us that showing up authentically each day is a miracle worth celebrating. Subscribe now and join our community of confident, sober women discovering their true potential.

Find Maura's memoir "Saving Ellen" available April 1st from Skyhorse Publishing. Connect with her at CaseyInk.com or email [email protected]. 

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Support the show

Don’t forget to subscribe, rate & share this episode with a sober woman or someone suffering from anxiety, depression, ADHD, sleep problems and negative thought patterns who needs to hear she is not alone. 

Oh, and by the way, if you didn’t know, my remote Neurofeedback Therapy program is up and running. Learn more here! Learn more about EMDR therapy, EMDR Intensives and Remote Neurofeedback.

And if you haven't read my memoir, grab a copy of Recovering in Recovery: The Life-Changing Joy of Sobriety wherever books are sold.

What happens when we finally stop hiding and embrace our authentic selves? For Margie Schaller, living with secret sobriety for 18.5 years came at a significant personal cost—until one transformative moment changed everything.

Margie's journey begins with childhood curiosity about her mother's ever-present glass of scotch and water, evolves through becoming the "chug champ" of her sorority, and reaches a critical turning point after a horrific car accident. Despite having a rod surgically placed in her leg following the crash, Margie returned to drinking as soon as physically possible. It wasn't until a family intervention months later that her recovery journey truly began.

But getting sober was just the first step. As a professional whose job literally required "wining and dining" potential speakers, Margie found herself white-knuckling through business dinners, passing the wine list to others, and crafting excuses for why she wasn't drinking. When she briefly mentioned her sobriety during a professional talk ten years into her recovery, influential colleagues warned her not to "talk about that sober thing"—reinforcing her decision to keep this essential part of herself hidden.

The conversation takes a powerful turn when Margie describes the moment everything changed. At a women's conference 18.5 years into her sobriety, when asked how many didn't drink "for whatever reason," Margie slowly raised her hand alongside 15% of the room—women she knew professionally but had never realized shared this experience. This revelation led to co-founding Sober Life Rocks, creating spaces for professionals navigating alcohol-centric business environments while sober.

Shelby and Margie explore the evolution of recovery culture, the blessings of discomfort as a reminder of who we truly are, and the profound transformation that comes with authenticity. As Margie beautifully describes the sensation of finally living her truth: "I literally feel like my cells have rearranged themselves."

Ready to explore what authentic living might mean for you? Connect with Margie through the Sober Life Rocks community on LinkedIn or learn about the upcoming Amplify Sober Voices conference for those leading the sober movement.

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Support the show

Don’t forget to subscribe, rate & share this episode with a sober woman or someone suffering from anxiety, depression, ADHD, sleep problems and negative thought patterns who needs to hear she is not alone. 

Oh, and by the way, if you didn’t know, my remote Neurofeedback Therapy program is up and running. Learn more here! Learn more about EMDR therapy, EMDR Intensives and Remote Neurofeedback.

And if you haven't read my memoir, grab a copy of Recovering in Recovery: The Life-Changing Joy of Sobriety wherever books are sold.

In this powerful episode of the Confident Sober Women Podcast, Shelby welcomes Gail Taylor, a recovery advocate, keynote speaker, and musician who shares her inspiring journey from childhood addiction to successful reinvention.

Episode Highlights:

• Gail's early struggles: How losing her father at age 12 led to substance abuse and dropping out of school at 16
• The path to recovery: Gail's "high bottom" recovery journey and how she recognized her addiction through her son's similar struggles
• From finance to music: How Gail reinvented herself at age 61 by learning piano and pursuing music full-time
• The power of internal dialogue: Why changing your thoughts is the first step to reinventing yourself
• Recovery as reinvention: How sobriety is our first opportunity to transform our lives
• Creating community: The importance of building relationships both in and outside of recovery circles
• Message for loved ones: Tools for maintaining your own happiness while supporting someone with addiction

Key Takeaways:

1. Control your internal dialogue: Challenge negative thinking patterns with the mantra "garbage in, garbage out" and practice reframing negative thoughts
2. Reinvention is possible at any age: Gail went from addiction to managing $130 million in finance to becoming a musician and speaker
3. Your past doesn't define your future: "The fact that we missed a beat in life doesn't matter. It's about today and the future."
4. Recovery is just the beginning: Continue to layer on new interests, communities, and growth opportunities
5. Self-care isn't selfish: Maintaining your own wellbeing is essential, especially if you're supporting someone with addiction

Memorable Quotes:

"I come from a place of healed scars and not open wounds." - Gail Taylor

"Every person going into recovery has to reinvent themselves, because that's the whole nature of what recovery is - the starting point of you reinventing yourself." - Gail Taylor

"Self-care is not selfish, it's important." - Gail Taylor

Connect with Gail Taylor:

• Website: gailtaylormusic.com
• Book: "Curveballs: Unlocking Your Potential Through Personal Growth and Inspirational Music" (Available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble)

Recovery Resources:

• For support with addiction recovery
• Tools for managing negative thinking patterns
• Resources for building community in recovery

Have you experienced reinvention in your recovery journey? Share your thoughts in the comments!

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Support the show

Don’t forget to subscribe, rate & share this episode with a sober woman or someone suffering from anxiety, depression, ADHD, sleep problems and negative thought patterns who needs to hear she is not alone. 

Oh, and by the way, if you didn’t know, my remote Neurofeedback Therapy program is up and running. Learn more here! Learn more about EMDR therapy, EMDR Intensives and Remote Neurofeedback.

And if you haven't read my memoir, grab a copy of Recovering in Recovery: The Life-Changing Joy of Sobriety wherever books are sold.

 In this powerful episode of the Confident Sober Women podcast, host Shelby John welcomes Louise Atthey, sobriety coach and team member at The Luckiest Club. With nearly 16 years of sobriety, Louise shares her journey from rock bottom to spiritual awakening and how surrendering to a higher power transformed her recovery.

What You'll Learn:

• Louise's pivotal moment driving into a ditch in 2009 that led her to AA
• How accepting spirituality despite initial resistance became her salvation
• The three pillars that saved Louise's life: sobriety, female connection, and prayer
• Why intellectual approaches to recovery often fail without spiritual surrender
• Practical ways to develop your own spiritual practice, even as a former atheist

Key Takeaways:

• The "spectrum" approach to addiction problems versus black-and-white thinking
• Why community support is essential for successful sobriety
• Finding hope through others' stories and experiences
• How spirituality provides relief from the burden of self-reliance
• Ways to overcome spiritual trauma or resistance to higher power concepts

Louise candidly discusses her transformation from "devout atheist" to someone who found peace through prayer, describing the moment she got on her knees and reluctantly asked for help. She explains how creating a concept of a loving, compassionate higher power allowed her to surrender control and find true freedom in recovery.

Both Shelby and Louise reflect on why they consider themselves "the luckiest" - gaining personal responsibility, humility, and spiritual connection that many others never experience.

Connect with Louise Atthey:

• Instagram: @louise_atthey
• Website: https://www.louiseatthey.com/
• Check out her newsletter and upcoming course

Resources Mentioned:

• The Luckiest Club
• Free Neurofeedback Guide: www.shelbyjohn.com

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Support the show

Don’t forget to subscribe, rate & share this episode with a sober woman or someone suffering from anxiety, depression, ADHD, sleep problems and negative thought patterns who needs to hear she is not alone. 

Oh, and by the way, if you didn’t know, my remote Neurofeedback Therapy program is up and running. Learn more here! Learn more about EMDR therapy, EMDR Intensives and Remote Neurofeedback.

And if you haven't read my memoir, grab a copy of Recovering in Recovery: The Life-Changing Joy of Sobriety wherever books are sold.

Christine Soja's recovery journey began not in a treatment center but at her kitchen table with a sketch pad and pen. As a stay-at-home mom of two young boys, she found herself drowning in an identity crisis, using alcohol as "self-care" while silently wondering, "Who am I? How did I get here?"

When Christine discovered a 100-day drawing challenge on Instagram just as she decided to quit drinking, something unexpected happened. What started as a simple commitment to draw daily for 100 consecutive days became the cornerstone of her sobriety. By establishing a creative practice with clear parameters—one notebook, one set of pens, just 10 minutes daily—Christine accidentally created a powerful recovery tool that filled the time and space previously occupied by alcohol.

The neurological impact was profound. Her daily creative practice delivered small, sustainable dopamine hits that helped rewire her brain away from substance dependence patterns. More importantly, the consistency built something she'd been missing: trust in herself. "I was shocked at the end that I actually did it," she shares, revealing how each completed drawing reinforced her ability to keep promises to herself—a fundamental skill in recovery.

Beyond the neurological benefits, Christine's creative journey connected her with a community that offered new ways to relate without alcohol. She discovered parts of herself long buried under motherhood's demands and society's expectations. "I started to see myself—proof of my own life right there on paper," she explains, capturing the existential healing that creative expression offers.

Now a SheRecovers coach and counselor at a Seattle-based recovery center, Christine facilitates women's intensive outpatient programs incorporating art for emotional and spiritual growth. Her 7-day creative challenges and 100-day sobriety programs help others discover what she learned firsthand—that creativity isn't about becoming a professional artist but about expressing yourself authentically, quieting your inner critic, and building confidence that extends far beyond art into every area of recovery.

Connect With Christine at www.alchemy-recovery.net to learn how small, consistent creative practices can become the foundation for lasting change.

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Support the show

Don’t forget to subscribe, rate & share this episode with a sober woman or someone suffering from anxiety, depression, ADHD, sleep problems and negative thought patterns who needs to hear she is not alone. 

Oh, and by the way, if you didn’t know, my remote Neurofeedback Therapy program is up and running. Learn more here! Learn more about EMDR therapy, EMDR Intensives and Remote Neurofeedback.

And if you haven't read my memoir, grab a copy of Recovering in Recovery: The Life-Changing Joy of Sobriety wherever books are sold.

Join me for an inspiring episode with Marci Hopkins, that reveals the transformative journeys of women in recovery, showcasing their battles with addiction and the strength they've found to reclaim their lives. We dive deep into the fascinating realm of neurofeedback therapy—a cutting-edge tool that allows individuals to train their brains from the comfort of their homes. 

This episode features personal stories of triumph over trauma, emphasizing the importance of self-discovery and community support in building confidence.

As our guest candidly share their journeys, they illuminate how past experiences shaped their identities and create a roadmap for healing and personal growth. By integrating helpful routines, gratitude practices, and emotional awareness, women can shift their narrative toward one of empowerment and possibility. 

We also touch upon the physiological changes women face during perimenopause, exploring how these transitions can affect their relationship with alcohol and overall well-being.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking clarity, hope, and community on their recovery journey. Tune in, get inspired, and remember, you're not alone. Please subscribe and share this episode with someone who might benefit from these conversations!

Find Marci at https://wakeupwithmarci.com/
Instagram @wake_up_with_marci/

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Support the show

Don’t forget to subscribe, rate & share this episode with a sober woman or someone suffering from anxiety, depression, ADHD, sleep problems and negative thought patterns who needs to hear she is not alone. 

Oh, and by the way, if you didn’t know, my remote Neurofeedback Therapy program is up and running. Learn more here! Learn more about EMDR therapy, EMDR Intensives and Remote Neurofeedback.

And if you haven't read my memoir, grab a copy of Recovering in Recovery: The Life-Changing Joy of Sobriety wherever books are sold.

In this powerful episode of the Confident Sober Women podcast, host Shelby John sits down with Linda Parmar, a financial coach specializing in helping women in recovery achieve financial sobriety. 

With raw honesty, Linda shares her journey from being a financial advisor managing millions while secretly drowning in credit card debt and engaging in "blackout shopping."

Key Topics Covered:

• Understanding financial sobriety and breaking free from spending addiction
• The emotional connection between money behaviors and recovery
• How childhood money stories impact our current relationship with finances
• Practical strategies for creating a sustainable spending plan without restriction
• Breaking the shame cycle around financial literacy and money management
• Tips for avoiding spending triggers and establishing healthy money boundaries

Notable Insights:

• Linda's personal journey of paying off $130,000 in credit card debt
• The concept of "financial infidelity" and its impact on relationships
• Why traditional budgets often fail and how spending plans offer a better alternative
• The importance of addressing emotional triggers and money mindset
• Practical solutions like grocery pickup and removing shopping apps to avoid triggers

Resources Mentioned:

• Rocket Money app for spending tracking (US)
• Strategies for building a personalized spending plan
• Tips for maintaining financial sobriety while in recovery

Connect with Linda Parmar:

• Website: lindaparmar.com
• Instagram: @lyndaparmarmoneycoach
• Podcast: Financial Sobriety School

Whether you're in recovery or simply looking to develop a healthier relationship with money, this episode offers valuable insights into breaking free from financial shame and creating lasting change. Linda's story proves that no matter how deep in debt you may be, recovery is possible with the right support and tools.

Share this episode with someone who might be struggling with their relationship with money or anyone interested in learning more about financial sobriety.

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Support the show

Don’t forget to subscribe, rate & share this episode with a sober woman or someone suffering from anxiety, depression, ADHD, sleep problems and negative thought patterns who needs to hear she is not alone. 

Oh, and by the way, if you didn’t know, my remote Neurofeedback Therapy program is up and running. Learn more here! Learn more about EMDR therapy, EMDR Intensives and Remote Neurofeedback.

And if you haven't read my memoir, grab a copy of Recovering in Recovery: The Life-Changing Joy of Sobriety wherever books are sold.