Episode Description: What happens when both you and your partner are flooded with emotion at the same time? In this behind-the-scenes conversation, Tera Wages and Elijah Runyan (Director of Coaching at Connection Codes) get honest about the messy middle of learning emotional connection tools—and why it's worth pushing through. Elijah shares his journey from nervous breakdown to breakthrough, including the moment his wife stopped mid-conversation and said, "I don't know what's happening right now. What is going on?" He also reveals the phrase that transformed their dynamic: "It's okay for it to hurt for you and it's also okay for it to hurt for me."Whether you're navigating holiday gatherings with triggering family members or trying to figure out why your spouse keeps trying to fix instead of listen, this episode gives you practical language and permission to exist alongside your partner's emotions.

In This Episode:00:00 – Why team conversations become podcasts01:28 – Elijah's story: finding Connection Codes during a rough season04:13 – The first time Elijah "ooh'd" his wife (and her shocked response)06:24 – "It was better before"—was it really?08:17 – Opening Pandora's box: why it gets messier first11:06 – Communicating through your pain vs. communicating your pain14:44 – Why your partner tries to fix you (the logistics revelation)17:10 – When both partners have emotions at the same time20:10 – "I don't want to cause you pain"—the hidden block to vulnerability23:34 – "I have a right to exist"—and so does your partner26:53 – When there's no "fix"—just holding space for mutual hurt30:48 – Applying this to family, kids, and holiday gatherings32:39 – What to say when someone's communicating through emotion34:15 – Elijah's Core Emotion Wheel check-in

Keywords: emotional health, marriage advice, relationship tools, mental health awareness, communication skills, conflict resolution, emotional intelligence, couples therapy alternative, leadership development, holiday stress, family relationships

Resources Mentioned:Get the Core Emotion Wheel (free): www.connectioncodes.co/podcastBook a Connection Codes Coach: https://connectioncodes.co/coachesLearn about School of Connection: connectioncodes.co

Get Connected:Website: www.connectioncodes.coInstagram: @connectioncodesElijah Runyan's Website: runyanstronghealth.comElijah on Instagram: @elijahjrunyan

What happens when a pastor discovers he's been missing his wife emotionally for years—not from lack of love, but from lack of tools?In this powerful conversation, Dr. Glenn Hill sits down with Friedemann Pache, a Connection Codes certified coach from Germany, to discuss his transformation from emotional shutdown to vulnerable connection. Friedemann shares the raw truth about his 18-year marriage, his journey through pastoral ministry where he learned to ignore his body's signals, and the moment he realized he didn't know how to share emotions despite wanting deep connection with his wife, Katarina.

This episode reveals:

• How childhood patterns of "keeping yourself shut" create loneliness in marriage
• Why most men struggle with emotional language (and the simple tool that changes everything)
• The surprising way shame can be your ally, not your enemy
• How Friedemann's 50-year-married parents did the Core Emotion Wheel for the first time—and what happened when decades of unspoken pain finally found words
• Practical steps for bringing emotional health to your church, family, and community

Keywords: emotional health, marriage advice, pastoral burnout, emotional intimacy, relationship transformation, men and emotions, communication in marriage, emotional vocabulary, vulnerability in leadership, mental health for pastors, marriage counseling, emotional connection tools, overcoming loneliness in marriage, healthy relationships, faith and mental health

What You'll Learn:

• The difference between being present and being emotionally present
• How to create safety for yourself with your own emotions
• Why your body holds emotion and what happens when you ignore it
• The four-step process for deeper connection (even after 50 years of marriage)
• How to introduce emotional health tools to resistant family members or church communities

Featured Guest: Friedemann Pache is a Connection Codes certified coach based in Lüneburg, Germany. After 16 years in pastoral ministry, he now helps German-speaking individuals and couples discover emotional health and authentic connection. He's married to Katarina for 18 years, father to two teenagers, and is passionate about bringing the Connection Codes methodology to Europe.

Resources Mentioned:

• Core Emotion Wheel: www.connectioncodes.co/podcast
• Book a Connection Codes Coach: https://connectioncodes.co/coaches
• Connect with Friedemann: [email protected] | www.c-momente.de
• Connection Codes Programs: Foundations Masterclass, Clarity Reset, Late Night- School of Connection Coaching Certification

Join the Connection Codes Community: This podcast is for anyone tired of surface-level relationships and ready for emotional health that actually transforms your marriage, parenting, and leadership. Get your free Core Emotion Wheel and start your journey today.

Subscribe & Review: If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more people who need these tools for emotional connection and mental health.

Episode Description:What starts with downloading a simple emotion wheel? For Annemiek Vernhout, it sparked a complete transformation—in her marriage, her parenting, and ultimately led her to bring Connection Codes to an entire country.In this powerful conversation recorded in the Netherlands, Annemiek shares her vulnerable journey from feeling emotionally disconnected and stuck in her head to becoming a Connection Codes coach who hosted a groundbreaking event that impacted 70 people in one day.In this episode, you'll discover:- Why recognizing emotions (not just feeling them) changes everything in relationships- The common mistake parents make when responding differently than their spouse—and what to do instead- How fear almost stopped Annemiek from asking for what she needed most- Why "a new way of living" feels weird at first (and why that's completely normal)- The difference between processing emotions through journaling versus using the Core Emotion Wheel- How to help your kids recognize emotions without forcing them to "do the wheel"- What happens when you lead with emotion instead of logistics in difficult conversations- Why anger isn't your enemy—it's the fuel that helps you accomplish hard things- The micro moments that matter: Thursday night dinners vs. the macro vision of city-wide changeKey Topics: emotional intelligence, emotional processing, marriage communication, parenting with emotional awareness, overcoming fear, vulnerability in relationships, connection in marriage, emotional regulation, mental health tools, leadership development, taking risks, processing emotions, family dynamics, emotional literacyThis episode is for you if:- You feel more in your head than your heart- Your marriage is "fine" but you want deeper connection- You're tired of only talking about logistics with your spouse- You want your kids to be emotionally intelligent- You have a fear of asking for help or sharing your needs- You sense there's a better way to live but don't know where to startResources Mentioned:- Get the Core Emotion Wheel: www.connectioncodes.co/podcast- Book a Connection Codes Coach: https://connectioncodes.co/coaches- Foundations Masterclass: www.connectioncodes.co/foundations- Visit www.connectioncodes.nl to connect with AnnemiekAbout Annemiek Vernhout:Annemiek is a Connection Codes coach based in the Netherlands. Married to Bastiaan for 14 years with a 12-year-old son Nathan, she discovered Connection Codes through a Facebook message two years ago. This summer, she became a certified coach and recently hosted Connection Codes' first major event in the Netherlands, impacting 70 people in one day. She has a heart for teaching and bringing emotional connection tools to her community and beyond.

What happens when you've spent a lifetime being silent—and suddenly, you can't do it anymore?

In this powerful conversation, Connection Codes coach Laurel Simpson shares the moment that changed everything: a walk with her husband John where she realized she had to rebel against the silence that was suffocating her marriage and her mental health.

After years of caretaking her mom through Alzheimer's, living in chronic dysregulation, and navigating her husband's anger while drowning in her own fear, Laurel reached a breaking point. The phrase that haunted her since childhood—"shut up, shut down, shut off"—was no longer sustainable.

In this episode, you'll discover:

• The moment Laurel decided to rebel against emotional silence and what gave her the courage to finally speak up
• Why anger was shutting her down and how she learned to navigate it in her marriage
• The phrase that changed everything: "I have fear in sharing this, but..." and how it transformed her relationship with John
• How to do "one brave thing every day" and why it's more powerful than you think
• Why Connection Codes training isn't just for coaches—it's for anyone who wants to become a better human
• The difference between eliminating fear and processing through fear to take brave action
• How to recognize when you're living in chronic dysregulation and what to do about it
• Why we're not designed to suffer in silence—and how to get back to your authentic voice

For couples navigating crisis, individuals feeling voiceless in their relationships, or anyone who's been told to "shut up" their entire life—this episode is for you.

Laurel demonstrates the Core Emotion Wheel and shares her current experience with grief, transition, and the ongoing work of staying connected to herself and others.

Keywords: emotional health, mental health podcast, marriage communication, breaking emotional silence, chronic dysregulation, processing emotions, finding your voice, relationship healing, emotional safety, nervous system regulation, marriage after trauma, caregiver burnout, emotional processing, healthy relationships, leadership through vulnerability

Resources mentioned:

• Connection Codes Foundations Course
• School of Connection (8-week program starting September 30th)
• Connection Codes Coaching Cohort

Ready to get started?

• Get the Core Emotion Wheel: www.connectioncodes.co/podcast
• Book a Connection Codes coach: https://connectioncodes.co/coaches
• Find Laurel Simpson on the Connection Codes website under "All Coaches" (https://connectioncodes.co/all-coaches)

What happens when a simple email about work scripts triggers a complete relationship nosedive? In this raw, unfiltered episode, we witness Dr. Glenn and Phyllis Hill work through an actual conflict from the day before—and discover how identity loss was at the root of their disconnect.

This isn't theory. This is real marriage work happening in real-time.

You'll discover:

• Why the first 60 seconds of conflict can determine your entire day
• How "being the workhorse" or "the fixer" can destroy emotional connection
• The difference between acknowledging pain vs. trying to fix it (and why one creates intimacy while the other creates distance)
• Why logistics never matter (and what actually does)
• How to identify when you've tuned out fear to maintain your identity
• The surprising reason why saying "you don't have to do it all" can strip someone of their identity
• Real tools for repair when you've already spiraled into disconnection

Key Timestamps:

• 3:12 - The conflict begins: How a missed acknowledgment triggered everything
• 18:05 - Identifying the first unprocessed emotion (the make-or-break moment)
• 26:10 - The workhorse identity: Why "getting things done" becomes self-destructive
• 39:02 - The validation breakthrough: What acknowledgment actually does
• 47:08 - Walking through the Core Emotion Wheel together

This episode is essential for:

• Couples who keep having the "same fight" in different packaging
• Leaders carrying identity roles that no longer serve them
• Anyone who's been called "the strong one" and wonders why they feel so exhausted
• Parents navigating empty nest transitions or career changes
• Anyone who feels unseen in their closest relationships

Resources Mentioned:

Download the Core Emotion Wheel: www.connectioncodes.co/podcast

Work with a certified Connection Codes coach: https://connectioncodes.co/coaches

Explore the School of Connection for deep-dive marriage transformation

Topics: marriage conflict resolution, emotional health in relationships, identity crisis in marriage, emotional processing, leadership and emotional intelligence, relationship repair, overcoming disconnection, mental health in marriage, core emotions, validation in relationships

Episode 188: Identity Over Truth - Why We're All Desperate to Be Seen

In this powerful episode, Tera Wages and Dr. Glenn and Phyllis Hill explore why humans prioritize identity over truth—and how this fundamental need shapes everything from our marriages to the polarizing world we see online.

What You'll Learn:

• Why identity is your #1 human need (backed by the Still Face Experiment)
• The 5 critical questions your brain is constantly asking
• How identity loss makes us do things we'd never recommend to others
• Why "calling someone back to truth" never works in relationships
• The real reason people stay in lower-paying jobs (it's not about money)
• How to recognize when someone is losing identity—and what to do instead
• Why the "us vs them" narrative is more dangerous than you think
• Practical tools to give identity instead of stripping it away

Key Topics Covered:

• Emotional health and regulation
• Marriage communication and conflict resolution
• Leadership development and team culture
• Mental health and depression
• Identity formation and validation
• Connection vs disconnection
• Emotional intelligence in relationships
• Workplace culture and employee retention

Resources:

• Get the FREE Core Emotion Wheel: www.connectioncodes.co/podcast
• Book a Connection Codes Coach: https://connectioncodes.co/coaches
• Learn about Connection Codes training for businesses and leaders: https://connectioncodes.co/at-work

Follow Connection Codes:Instagram: @connectioncodesFacebook: Connection CodesWebsite: www.connectioncodes.co

In this deeply vulnerable episode, Dr. Glen and Phyllis continue their real-time conflict from last week, diving into the messy reality of what it looks like when one partner is thriving while the other is just beginning to recover from burnout. Recorded just moments after a morning conflict, this episode captures the raw, unscripted reality of navigating relationship pain when one person has no reserves left and the other is wondering when things will feel "normal" again. Glen and Phyllis, along with host Tera Wages, explore the invisible weight of mental and emotional labor in relationships, how partners experience the same events differently and arrive at different emotional places, the fear and uncertainty of not knowing how long a partner's pain will last, identity crisis and what it means to feel completely empty of reserves, the importance of getting curious instead of trying to fix, why processing pain 10,000 times is actually healthy (not a problem), how to support a partner who is in a season of deep transition, and the power of doing the Core Emotion Wheel regularly, especially during hard seasons. You'll learn why one partner can feel like they "sprinted" across the finish line while the other "crawled," how to recognize when mental/emotional labor is just as taxing as physical labor, the difference between desire and capacity in your body, why it's crucial to turn toward your partner and share your emotions in the moment, how to invite your partner back into connection when they miss with you, why identity pain is the greatest pain and requires the most patience, and the importance of slowing down and asking "Ooh, tell me more" instead of problem-solving. Whether you're the partner crawling across the finish line or the one wondering when your spouse will "bounce back," this episode offers permission to feel all of it, process it together, and remember that you're not broken—you're just human.

Chapters:

00:00:00 - Disclaimer

00:02:30 - "I Don't Know If This Is a 5 Year or 25 Year Plan"

00:05:50 - Phyllis's Perspective: "I'm Still Discovering Me"

00:10:40 - The Identity Crisis: Selling the Company and Losing a Lane

00:13:00 - Learning to Feel Emotions for the First Time: "Oh, That's What Burnout Feels Like"

00:21:05 - "I Have No Reserves": A New Experience

00:22:10 - Desire vs. Capacity: Learning to Listen to Your Body

00:24:10 - Different Experiences at the Finish Line: "I Crawled, You Sprinted"

00:40:00 - Identity Pain Is the Greatest Pain

00:42:00 - "I Just Want You to Turn to Me"

00:47:20 - The Lifeline: Using the Core Emotion Wheel in Hard Seasons

Links and Resources:

Connection Codes Website

Take the Connection Codes Assessment

Connection Codes Coaching

Watch previous episodes on navigating conflict

Connect with us on Instagram: @connectioncodes

Tera, Dr. Glenn, and Phyllis dive into the powerful interplay between vulnerability and safety in relationships. Drawing from personal stories, cultural examples, and decades of work with Connection Codes, they unpack how many of us were raised to silence emotions—and how this creates barriers to intimacy. The hosts explore why vulnerability is not weakness but the very act that creates safety, and how micro-moments of authentic sharing lay the foundation for trust. With practical insights, like using the Core Emotion Wheel and reframing fear, this conversation equips you to transform your relationships into safe spaces where real connection can thrive

Chapters:

- 00:00:00 - TV shows and vulnerability

- 00:01:20 - Introducing core concepts

- 00:04:51 - Childhood lessons on suppression

- 00:07:51 - The vulnerability paradox

- 00:11:12 - Unfamiliar territory

- 00:15:30 - Foundation-building moments

- 00:19:24 - Recognizing safe people

- 00:23:30 - Fear vs. safety

- 00:28:39 - Everyday vulnerability

- 00:35:26 - The cab story

- 00:41:42 - Authenticity without guarantees

- 00:47:35 - Losing and finding relationships

- 00:53:01 - The Core Emotion Wheel

- 00:58:04 - Starting your journey

Links and Resources:

- https://connectioncodes.co/

- https://connectioncodes.co/get-the-cew

- https://www.amazon.com/Connection-Codes-Blueprint-Creating-Relationships-ebook/dp/B093TLDT71

In this episode Tera, Dr. Glenn, and Phyllis take on one of the most misunderstood and weaponized words in relationships: forgiveness. They unpack why simply saying “I forgive you” rarely brings peace, and how unprocessed pain lingers in the body long after conflict. Through personal stories, faith reflections, and the practical tools of the Connection Codes, they reveal why true healing comes through release—acknowledging, voicing, and processing hurt in safe spaces. Listeners will learn how to move beyond judgment, create authentic emotional connection, and experience freedom without erasing their pain or enabling harmful dynamicsChapters:

• 00:00:00 - Setting the Stage for Authentic Healing
• 00:02:09 - Rethinking Forgiveness: Moving Beyond Traditional Approaches
• 00:04:26 - How Forgiveness Gets Weaponized in Relationships
• 00:11:04 - The Compassionate Truth About Forgiveness in Faith
• 00:15:47 - Creating Safety to Process Pain Together
• 00:29:34 - Why Simply Saying "I Forgive You" Doesn't Heal the Hurt
• 00:36:53 - Embracing Emotions as Pathways to Deeper Connection
• 00:47:42 - Real-Life Example: Using the Emotion Wheel in Relationships
• 00:54:55 - Practical Next Steps for Your Relationship Journey

Links and Resources:

- Connection Codes Emotion Wheel - https://connectioncodes.co/wheel-download

- Connection Codes Book - https://www.amazon.com/Connection-Codes-Blueprint-Creating-Relationships/dp/B093QCHZ76

- Become a Connection Codes Coach - https://connectioncodes.co/certified-coaching#certifiedcoachingtopofhome

In this vulnerable and empowering conversation, host Tera Wages sits down with Ally Bullock — licensed marriage and family therapist, Head of Relationships at Paired, and creator of Relationships with Ally. Together, they unpack the realities of sex and intimacy after parenting. From mismatched desire and the weight of invisible labor, to the science behind stress and sexual satisfaction, Ally shares practical strategies couples can use to reconnect. Listeners will hear real-life stories, expert insights, and powerful tools — like co-regulation rituals, responsive desire reframes, and scheduling intimacy — that can transform the way partners approach connection in the busiest seasons of life.

Chapters:

• 00:00:00 - Welcome to Connection Codes Podcast
• 00:00:27 - Meet Aly Bullock
• 00:01:50 - 45% of parents report less intimacy
• 00:03:58 - Aly's Background: A marriage and family therapist with the Paired app
• 00:05:48 - Aly's Personal Story: Marriage, three kids, and "chaotic" life
• 00:07:28 - How does sex change after kids?
• 00:08:13 - Why Intimacy Decreases
• 00:09:00 - Feeling "touched out" after 10 years of pregnancy/nursing
• 00:10:17 - Desire Types: Spontaneous vs. responsive desire explained
• 00:12:55 - Use a shared note to "brain dump" the mental load
• 00:15:47 - Reframing Expectations: Embrace a new normal post-kids
• 00:17:45 - Why to Schedule Sex
• 00:19:06 - Study: A mother's stress predicts lower sexual satisfaction for both partners
• 00:20:00 - A New Approach: Schedule "intimacy time," not just sex
• 00:24:08 - A Moment of Empathy: Tera's husband experiences overstimulation
• 00:25:37 - Tip for Overstimulation: Co-regulation with back-to-back breathing
• 00:28:03 - Use AirPods with relaxing music during sex
• 00:28:53 - Study: Small, daily intimate acts boost satisfaction
• 00:30:18 - Identity Matters
• 00:31:21 - Tip on Identity: Separate your "parent" and "partner" roles
• 00:32:21 - Intimacy can get better with time
• 00:41:41 - Recap: A summary of the episode's key tips
• 00:42:13 - Resource: The Paired app's "Recharge Your Sex Life" course
• 00:42:57 - How to Connect with Aly

Links and Resources:

• Relationship with Aly Website: