Connection Codes

Most of us think clutter is a stuff problem.

Organizing coach Tracy Hoth has spent 18 years learning it's usually something else: a skill we were never taught, a belief we picked up as kids, or an emotion we'd rather not feel.

In this conversation, Tracy, Dr Glenn, and Phyllis Hill talk about why hired organizers rarely make a lasting difference, why clutter tolerance causes so much conflict between couples, and what Phyllis discovered alone in a house full of boxes the Monday after a move. Then Tracy sits down with the Core Emotion Wheel for the first time — and finds out just how much was already in there.

In this episode:

•Why "we don't outperform our identity," and how to rewrite the "I'm just messy" story

•Tracy's SPACE method: Sort, Purge, Assign homes, Contain, Energize

•The simple definition of organized that brings people relief (hint: it doesn't look like Instagram)

•Clutter tolerance, and why it causes so much tension in relationships

•Co-regulation, cortisol, and why getting help with your home isn't a weakness

•Why "overwhelmed" isn't an emotion, and what's usually underneath it.

About Tracy Hoth:

Tracy is an organizing coach with 18 years of experience helping people organize their homes, offices, and businesses. After becoming a certified life coach in 2018, she began combining the practical skill of organizing with mindset and identity work, because the systems only last when what we believe about ourselves changes too.

She leads the Organize Life Academy, hosts The Organized Coach podcast, and works with clients one-on-one.

Find Tracy:

Website → https://simplysquaredaway.com/

Free 15-Minute Declutter Challenge → https://training.simplysquaredaway.com/declutter

Resources mentioned:

Free Core Emotion Wheel → https://connectioncodes.co/cew

Masterclasses → https://connectioncodes.co/courses

The Connection Codes Community → https://connectioncodes.co/community

We say it all the time: "You need to process that." But what does that actually mean?

John Kilmer is back with Glenn and Phyllis to answer the question so many people are quietly asking, and the answer is simpler and more physical than you might think. Through Phyllis's childhood memory of being told she couldn't make a sound, her mother's pattern of getting sick after hard news, and John's year of crying in his car after 20 years without tears, this conversation shows what happens when emotion stays stuck in the body.

You'll walk away with three simple ways to start processing today: move, breathe, and make a sound.

In this episode:

•What "processing" an emotion really means, and the three ways to do it: movement, breath, and sound

•Why naming the core emotion out loud makes a difference (even at the grocery store)

•The emotional dam: why a "breakdown" never really happens on a Tuesday morning

•Phyllis's mom, the bronchitis pattern, and what unprocessed emotion can do to the body

•John's tip for when you can't feel it yet: ask, "What would my body do if it felt this?"

•Why getting outside helps, and why "nature is a big Ooh"

About John Kilmer:

John is an occupational therapist and Connection Codes certified coach with a deeply somatic, body-centered approach to emotional health. On his last visit, he led Glenn and Phyllis through the Core Emotion Wheel using sounds instead of words. He's currently writing a children's book about emotional health for families.

Resources mentioned:

•The Core Emotion Wheel → https://connectioncodes.co/cew

•Find a certified Connection Codes coach → https://connectioncodes.co/coaches

•Reach John Kilmer directly → mailto:[email protected]

•John Kilmer's book documentary → https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUBjxH2k1Yg

•Join our community → https://app.connectioncodes.co/

Elijah woke up one morning with a familiar weight on his chest. It was the start of the kind of heaviness that had cost him two to three weeks with his people, over and over, for years. This time he caught it. He named what was happening, and then he made the harder choice: he answered his wife Christina's call and let her in. Dr Glenn and Phyllis Hill unpack why isolation can feel safer than connection, why staying silent is less kind than speaking, and what it looks like to step out of psycholation and into relationship, sometimes in as little as three minutes.In this episode:•Why familiar pain (shame, heaviness, loneliness) can feel safer than letting someone in•Psycholation: the psychological isolation that turns a hard morning into a lost month•Catching the pattern early and using the Core Emotion Wheel to name what's happening•The "I don't want to burden them" myth, and why not telling is less kind•"You're communicating it either way": how silence gets filled in with nineteen wrong guesses•Phyllis on moving day: loneliness, tears, and the text that changed everything•Glenn on why we don't need to pathologize people in order to be present with themAbout Elijah Runyan:

Elijah is a certified Connection Codes coach, directs the Connection Codes coaching program, and serves as COO in The Connection Codes, wearing many hats to keep the mission running. He has been married to Christina for 20 years and teaches couples and individuals the same tools he shares so honestly here.Resources mentioned:🛞Free Core Emotion Wheel → https://connectioncodes.co/cew🫂Join the Connection Codes community (free) → https://app.connectioncodes.co/signup?invite=getstarted🪢Connected Marriage master class → https://connectioncodes.co/courses💪🏽Connect with Elijah → https://www.runyanstronghealth.com/📧Questions? Email us at: [email protected]

Dr Glenn and Phyllis Hill are recording from a new house, surrounded by half-unpacked boxes, and the conversation turns to something some of us haven't fully unpacked either: grief.

Phyllis opens up about the thirteen years since her mom died and the fact that she doesn't remember crying, or anyone asking her what was happening for her.

Dr Glenn names the thing most of us do instead: spiritual bypass, where we throw a scripture or a prayer over someone's pain so the conversation can end and nobody has to feel it. It's rarely malicious. It's almost always well-intentioned. And it shuts people down anyway.

This episode is about what it costs us, and what Jesus did instead when he stood outside Lazarus's tomb, already knowing how the story ended.

In this episode:

•Why mirror neurons make us rush to fix other people's pain and why it's not a faith thing; it's a human thing

•Spiritual bypass: what it is, why it sounds so right, and how it ends the conversation

•Phyllis on losing her mom at 90 and still not being ready and the questions nobody asked her

•Jesus with Mary and Martha: he had the miracle in hand and still chose to weep first

•"You can be totally correct and absolutely wrong at the same time"

•Why no emotion is negative

•What we teach kids when we say "you're fine" and why the 15-year-old won't open up now

Resources mentioned:

🛞The Core Emotion Wheel (free download) → https://connectioncodes.co/cew

🖥️Our Blog: https://connectioncodes.co/blog🫱🏼‍🫲🏽Work with a Certified Connection Codes Coach → https://connectioncodes.co/coaches

❤️‍🔥Connection codes courses → https://connectioncodes.co/courses

Email us: [email protected]

Two weeks before we hit record, Andrew came home white-faced and said, "Are you sitting down?" He'd been let go with no warning, and because their family's entire life in the U.S. is tied to that one job, this wasn't a setback; it was a sinkhole. In this episode, our dear friends and certified Connection Codes coaches Andrew and Lara Pilcher let us in on the rawest two weeks of their lives: the fear, the shame of asking for help, the community that showed up, and what it looks like to run the Core Emotion Wheel when everything is actually on the line. It's tender, it's honest, and it's a picture of emotion as information in real time.

In this episode:

•Why Andrew's sudden termination is a "sinkhole, not a bump" — and how a visa clock changes everything

•The moment Lara chose to sit in the pit with Andrew instead of fixing it

•Owning your story: how Andrew wrote farewell letters to every colleague — even the one who let him go•"Social capital zero" — rebuilding friendship from scratch by throwing a wide net (and lighting a front-yard fire pit)

•The shame that shows up around asking for help — and why the human condition is actually to ask

•Phyllis' own dam break: naming a wave of sadness out loud and feeling her body change

•Lara and Andrew wheeling it out live — anger, hurt, sad, glad, lonely, fear, guilt, and shame, all on the table.

About Andrew & Lara Pilcher:

Andrew and Lara are Australians raising their family in Atlanta, and certified Connection Codes coaches. Lara is a professional performer, author of Audacious Artistry, and speaker; Andrew is a physical therapist (and ICF PCC coach) who weaves the emotional layer into how he treats performers and clients in chronic pain. They've been part of the Connection Codes family since 2021.

Resources mentioned:

❤️ Support the Pilchers→ https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-with-pilcher-immigration-costs-after-andrew-lost-work

Connect with Lara & Andrew→ https://larabiancapilcher.com/marriage

Check out our courses →https://connectioncodes.co/courses

Core Emotion Wheel (free download) →⁠https://connectioncodes.co/cew⁠

Your nervous system is running the show — and most of us never learned how it works. This week, psychologist Dr. Margaret Nagib joins Dr. Glenn and Phyllis Hill to unpack why the body sounds the alarm, why "sucking it up" actually works (and what it quietly costs you), and why the same protective wiring that shuts you down is also waiting, patiently, to bring you back online.

From the smoke alarm that can't tell bacon from a house fire to the fuse box that flips off "aliveness" to keep you safe, Margaret makes the nervous system feel less like a malfunction and more like wisdom. If you've ever felt like your body was working against you, this conversation reframes the whole thing.

In this episode:

•Why the nervous system is "the gatekeeper of your experience" — and how neuroception decides what's safe before your thoughts get a vote

•The difference between regulation and relief — and why survival strategies always cost you eventually•How unprocessed emotion shows up as back pain, tightness, and even suppressed immunity

•The fuse-box analogy: how "aliveness, visibility, and desire" get switched off to keep you safe

•Why doing the work often feels worse before it feels better ("I feel like I just walked into a storm without a coat")

•Phyllis's own story: the year her mom was dying, her body shut down, and "sad" changed everything•Why midlife is the beginning, not the end, of building real capacity.

About Dr. Margaret Nagib:

Dr. Margaret is a psychologist who integrates faith, psychology, and somatic (nervous-system) work to help people move from surviving to living in full capacity. She's the creator of Full Capacity, a live "school for your nervous system," with round two beginning September 15.

Resources mentioned:

⦾Join Dr. Margaret Nagib's in Full Capacity nervous-system course (starts Sept 15) ⦾Connect with Dr. Margaret

⦾⁠The Core Emotion Wheel (free download)

We've all watched a kid "check out" and assumed they weren't trying — or weren't smart enough. This week, Teresa and Mark Lubovich blow that up. They run a learning center built on one radical tagline: connection before content.

Their students don't get better at math because they get smarter; they get better because they finally feel safe enough to think. Glenn connects it straight to the Connection Codes protocol — intense emotion shuts down cognition, unprocessed emotion hinders it, and then gets honest about his own story of being called "dumb" as a kid and carrying that fear into his sixties. If you're a parent, grandparent, teacher, or just someone who's ever felt like you were "doing it wrong," this one names something you've felt your whole life.

In this episode:

•Why "connection before content" changes everything about how kids (and adults) learn

•The "ladder" of learning: core, processing, and executive function (and why we start at the bottom)

•Primitive reflexes and the Moro (fight-or-flight) response — the kids who look fine but are holding their breath inside

•How curiosity and identity get lost between age two and age ten — and what brings them back

•Glenn's own story: fear of failure, fear of judgment, and the exhaustion of learning something new.

About Teresa & Mark Lubovich:

Teresa and Mark run a learning center that partners with students and families across the country and internationally, using assessments and directed programs to build the foundational skills: regulation, processing, executive function — that traditional tutoring can't reach. Longtime friends of Connection Codes, they've woven the Core Emotion Wheel into how they work with every student and family. Their guiding belief: program or not, kids need connection, regulation, and safety first.

Resources mentioned:

Teresa & Mark's website → https://brightheartlearning.com/

Teresa & Mark's email: [email protected]Their "ladder of learning" chart → https://drive.google.com/file/d/1M6DJqiTZArA6WqJtYkYDCPXcpPXe07S9/view?usp=sharing

The Core Emotion Wheel (free download) → https://connectioncodes.co/cew

John Kilmer is back 💥 and this one we couldn't stop. Picking up where the last conversation ran out of time, Glenn and Phyllis sit down with John to talk about what it actually means to live in your body instead of in your head. Somewhere in the middle, something unplanned happens: John invites Dr Glenn and Phyllis Hill to do the Core Emotion Wheel not with words, but with sounds — a sigh for Fear, a groan for Hurt, whatever the body wants to make. What starts as a "redemptive risk" turns into one of the most honest, surprising conversations we've had on the show. If you've ever felt like you're holding your breath through your whole life, this episode is for you.In this episode:•Why "our issues are in the tissues" and how the body keeps telling the story we're too busy to hear•Doing the Core Emotion Wheel in sounds instead of words •"Slower is faster" the Connection Codes protocol for a body that won't stop rushing•How we were all born making these sounds, and got trained out of it•Why Anger, expressed cleanly, "feels so good" and what it protects•Making space for big grief instead of asking people to quiet down•The one-line reframe that changes everything: you already had permissionAbout John Kilmer: John is a certified Mental Health Life Coach who grew up across the Middle East and East Africa. He's passionate about embodiment and present-moment living and about helping people get back the emotional expression our culture quietly trained out of us.Resources mentioned:•The Core Emotion Wheel for free → https://connectioncodes.co/cew•Find a certified Connection Codes coach → https://connectioncodes.co/coaches•Reach John directly → mailto:[email protected]

Two years after his first visit, Justin Jones-Fosu is back, and this time he's rewritten a story we all thought we knew. His new fable, Stop Chasing, Start Creating, reimagines the Tortoise and the Hare and asks a question most of us never stop to consider: what if the tortoise was never slow, just wise, strategic, and intentional?

In a conversation that moves from absent fathers to morning routines to a live run through the Core Emotion Wheel, Justin and the Hills dig into the quiet exhaustion of chasing worth from the outside in and what it actually takes to start creating meaning from the inside out.

In this episode:

•Why "information fatigue," not just overwork, is driving so much of our burnout

•The Tortoise and the Hare, retold: proving your worth vs. simply being your worth

•Phyllis on Identity, and 20 years of chasing her siblings' approval

•"Getting on the wrong train" why running fast doesn't help if you're headed the wrong way

•Why meaning doesn't mean happy

•The Meaningful 67 Challenge and the seven small habits behind it

•"Create before you consume" — protecting the first 10 minutes of your day.

About Justin Jones-Fosu:

Justin is a meaningful-work researcher, keynote speaker, and author of six books, including his newest fable Stop Chasing, Start Creating: A Timeless Fable on Mindset, Resilience, and Meaningful Work His work is grounded in a national study on meaningful work in America, and the foundation he built funds schools and technology labs in Ghana.

This is his second time on the Connection Codes podcast.

Resources mentioned:

Get the Core Emotion Wheel (free) → https://connectioncodes.co/cew

Justin's last book "Stop Chasing, Start Creating: A Timeless Fable on Mindset, Resilience, and Meaningful Work" → https://a.co/d/09sVKYQOJustin's "number 67" tool → https://workmeaningful.com/this-is-my-67/

Join The Connection Codes Community: https://connectioncodes.co/community

We're taught to rush past grief. To fix it, explain it, or hurry someone back to "it is well with my soul." Pastor and author Vadim Yurchenko learned the hard way that healing runs the other direction. After losing his newborn daughter, Hope, at just 56 days old, Vadim discovered that before you can say it is well, you have to be honest enough to say it is not well.

In this deeply moving conversation with Glenn and Phyllis, he reframes grief not as an enemy to defeat but as love wearing a different face — the "dark side of the moon" that turns out to be full of light. If you've ever lost someone, or sat helpless beside someone who has, this one gives you language for what you couldn't name.

In this episode:

•Why "grief is love" — and the NASA image that changes how you'll see loss forever

•The difference between grief (the event) and grieving (the choice), explained through an earthquake

•How all eight core emotions fire at once in loss — and why that's not disordered, it's designed

•Being angry at God: why honesty draws you closer, not further away

•The relief-and-guilt no one warns you about when a long illness ends

•Presence over fixing: what to do when you don't know what to say

About Vadim Yurchenko: Vadim is a pastor and author who never expected to write about suffering — until he and his wife lost their daughter, born premature and held for only 56 days. His memoir told their story; his second book, It Is Not Well With My Soul, invites readers to befriend grief instead of running from it. He also leads grief seminars helping people find language for loss.

Resources mentioned:

•Vadim's book: It Is Not Well With My Soul: Volume I: Recovering the Art of Grieving → https://a.co/d/0eArFWHV•Grief seminars →https://www.reimaginehope.com/

•The Core Emotion Wheel → https://connectioncodes.co/cew