Conversations from the Heart

From the moment we enter the world, we begin learning.  We absorb the rules of our families, communities, and larger societies.  Some of these lessons serve us well, fostering connection, growth, and resilience.

But others come from systems designed to control and dominate, systems that teach us to trade our authenticity for approval, our agency for compliance, and our creativity for conformity.

In this episode, we speak with Carol and Jen who are working with ways to voice their needs with an eye to getting those needs met.  We discuss:

• 1:02 Opening thoughts
• 3:45 How can I create a more mutual friendship with an old friend?
• 9:55 How to check out my assumption with my friend
• 16:06 I'm scared to speak up about what I want
• 23:20 My suggestion was shot down in a meeting and I collapsed afterwards.  How can I show up when I'm shut down?
• 27:20 Step 1:  Accepting where I am
• 28:00 Step 2:  Ask a question.  ANY QUESTION.
• 35:25 How to lead with more "I" and less "You"
• 40:06 Shadow work:  I get to take up space
• 47:30 What can I do for myself once I've woken from a freeze response?

Want more direct access to me? I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Join regular live calls where students in the school bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Join the School of Human Connection
• Hop on my free Wednesday live call
• Follow me on YouTube

This episode is devoted to those of us who feel frustrated when we're interrupted, or when a conversation we're having is diverted in a way that doesn't feel generative and connecting.  

Listen in for the three strategies we can use and the three goals we can shoot for in order to create a new conversation. 

We discuss:

• 3:10 I was having a heartfelt conversation and got interrupted.  What can I do in moments like these?
• 8:09 Strategy #1:  Say it badly to someone else, first
• 15:19 Doing our work on the backend allows for more choicefulness in the moment.
• 16:15 Strategy #2:  Reflect the person back to them, and ask consent for a different conversation
• 21:45 Strategy #3: Raise awareness about the current dynamic
• 29:16 Goal #1: Shoot for playfulness
• 35:20 Goal #2:  Detach from the other person's reaction 
• 36:58 Goal #3:  Accept yourself at your current level of practice
• 40:01 When I can't access humor, it might be because pain is present
• 41:54 Closing thoughts

Want more direct access to me? I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Join regular live calls where students in the school bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Join the School of Human Connection
• Hop on my free Wednesday live call
• Follow me on YouTube

Today, Colleen shares her experience of balancing emotional authenticity with others' expectations, while CJ explores the challenges of offering meaningful apologies and overcoming guilt and shame. This episode is for you if you've ever wondered:

• How do you stay connected when emotions run high?
• What’s the secret to offering an authentic apology without getting stuck in guilt or shame?
• How can you repair a strained connection and set boundaries with clarity and compassion?

We explore the tools and insights to navigate emotionally charged moments with care, curiosity, and courage. If you’ve ever struggled with miscommunication, misunderstood intentions, or the messy beauty of being human, this conversation is your guide to finding deeper connection—even when things feel imperfect.

Tune in and discover practical ways to bring more honesty, empathy, and resilience into your relationships.

We discuss:

• • 3:30 How do I share with my friend that I care, even if I'm not as upset as he is?
  • 9:12 I inadvertently offended someone.  How can I repair that?
  • 14:18 We don't have to do things better - we can do them differently.
  • 19:10 How can I have a conversation with my roommate that prompts her to move out?
  • 24:45 Hard conversation tip #1:  Pick up the other person's perspective.
  • 26:06 Releasing fear of conflict
  • 29:21 Closing thoughts

If, like CJ, you are yearning to up level your ability to take accountability for mistakes without sinking into regret or shame, that's exactly what we'll be practicing this spring in my Deep Dive.  

Learn how to repair relationships while maintaining your dignity in From Regret to Resilience:  The Art of Repair Work.  

Use Coupon Code:  PODCAST50 to save $50

Want more direct access to me? I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Join regular live calls where students in the school bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Join the School of Human Connection
• Hop on my free Wednesday live call
• Follow me on YouTube

This week I talk to Steve, who is trying to balance his care for a friendship that has become emotionally draining, with his care for himself, and we explore questions many of us grapple with: 

• How do we distinguish between setting boundaries and abandoning someone we care about? 
• How do we honor our own well-being while remaining compassionate toward others?

You’ll hear Steve’s initial conversation about his struggle to let go of a friendship that isn’t meeting his emotional needs, followed by a powerful follow-up discussion two weeks later as he reflects on his journey.

Episode Highlights:

• 3:12 Steve’s Initial Question: Detaching from a friendship that has become emotionally unbalanced.
• 10:00 A script for disengaging from a friendship 
• 12:00 Part 2 Intro
• 16:40 What is making it difficult to disengage?
• 21:10 The Role of Validation: How seeking external affirmation can lead to unhealthy dynamics.
• 29:03 Caring for the impact of our actions is not the same as feeling responsible for them.  
• 30:31 Closing thoughts:  Tools for Boundaries and Clarity: Strategies for balancing care for others with self-compassion.
• 37:20 Questions to ask yourself when wanting to disengage.

Key Takeaways:

1. Setting boundaries is not about rejecting others; it’s about preserving your own emotional well-being.
2. Guilt often arises from taking too much responsibility for others’ emotions—self-compassion is key.
3. Fulfilling relationships are rooted in reciprocity and mutual respect; it’s okay to let go when that’s missing.

Resources Mentioned:

Blog: Boundaries vs. Abandonment: How to Prioritize Yourself Without Guilt

Boundaries Masterclass: A step-by-step guide to setting boundaries that both connect and protect.

Free Resources: Explore tools for self-compassion and emotional clarity at yvetteerasmus.com.

Want more direct access to me? I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Join regular live calls where students in the school bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Join the School of Human Connection
• Hop on my free Wednesday live call
• Follow me on YouTube

What if the smallest moments of care could transform a relationship or change a life? In this episode, we uncover the surprising power of empathy and connection through two compelling stories. Discover how to meet people where they are, foster deep understanding, and create conversations that truly matter.

We discuss:  

• 2:01 How can I help shift someone from self-blame to self-compassion?
• 6:33 What happens when you prioritize connection over solving?
• 7:34 How can presence and empathy shift someone from self-blame to self-compassion?
• 12:57 The difference between a monologue and a conversation
• 16:37 What are some strategies I can use to stay in my lane?
• 23:28 How can I help the woman I care for make a difficult decision?
• 35:44 Practical tips for creating co-created conversations that inspire growth.

Join us for insights, stories, and an invitation to bring these lessons into your life. Don’t forget to sign up for the Getting Grounded in Your Goodness retreat by January 31st!

Want more direct access to me? I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Join regular live calls where students in the school bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Join the School of Human Connection
• Hop on my free Wednesday live call
• Follow me on YouTube

In this episode, we tackle one of the most challenging aspects of communication: defensiveness. Whether it’s a friend who dismisses others, a family member who reacts sharply, or a coworker who resists feedback, defensiveness often creates distance in relationships. But what if we could work with defensiveness instead of resisting or judging it?

Drawing from real-life listener questions, I explore how to engage with others’ defenses in ways that foster trust, empathy, and connection. Together, we’ll uncover why defensiveness arises, how to approach it with curiosity, and the surprising ways it can become a bridge rather than a barrier. If you’ve ever struggled with someone’s resistance—or your own—this episode is for you. We listen to three different scenarios that can be turned around with the use of really clear requests.  


We discuss:

• 1:00 My friend is so judgmental of my other friends.  How can I talk to her about this?
• 6:00 Why clear requests are so essential.
• 9:49 Want to experience more care?  Try this move.
• 11:39 Leading with curiosity
• 19:44 Working with others' defenses.
• 20:57 How can I warm the relationship I have with my daughter?
• 29:07 How can I request an invitation to dinner?

Want more direct access to me? I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Join regular live calls where students in the school bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Join the School of Human Connection
• Hop on my free Wednesday live call
• Follow me on YouTube

Today's conversation with Julia and Meka explores the problems with being "normal" and recommends strategies for being authentic and real, instead. The idea of being "normal" can be misused to keep people compliant and obedient - but this isn't always the "healthiest" or wisest move.  

Additionally, this episode features some discussion on the way domination systems use the concept to uphold existing power structures via moralistic judgements of "good/bad" and "normal/abnormal".

A takeaway:  Instead of asking "Is this normal?" try asking instead "Is this working for me?"

• 3:10 How can I remind others how I want to engage?
• 7:30 Care for the impact vs. responsibility for others' reactions.
• 11:30 What is "normal"?
• 14:26 What the concept of normal is used for.
• 15:32 Why we want to inspire change.
• 18:55 Just because something is normal doesn't mean it's healthy.
• 22:20 The way domination systems use the idea of "normal" to enforce obedience and conformity.
• 30:30 The difference between normal and healthy.
• 35:02 The benefit of embracing our authenticity.
• 39:02 Questions we can ask ourselves to reflect

Want more direct access to me? I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Join regular live calls where students in the school bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Join the School of Human Connection
• Hop on my free Wednesday live call
• Follow me on YouTube

This week we explore critical themes around racism, bullying, emotional safety, and systemic bias, as we talk with Simone about how to protect her kindergarten son from bullying.   In this powerful and emotionally charged episode, you'll witness both empathetic support and strategic advice for navigating the complex dynamics of racism, bias, and systemic inaction. Together, we discuss restorative circles, adultification bias, and practical ways to engage allies while ensuring the safety of vulnerable children. This episode is a must-listen for parents, educators, and anyone working to create safer, more inclusive communities for children.

We discuss:

• 4:05 My son is being bullied at school and it feels racially charged.  How can I encourage all parties to care?
• 10:43 Who are the people with the power that need to engage first?
• 14:24 How can I determine my clear request?
• 18:38 A two-pronged approach:  changing people's hearts AND changing systems.
• 20:13 Dreaming BIG: imagining a system that works for all people. 
• 23:45 Closing thoughts

Want more direct access to me? I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Join regular live calls where students in the school bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Join the School of Human Connection
• Hop on my free Wednesday live call
• Follow me on YouTube

In this special holiday episode, we explore what happens when connection feels strained, boundaries are tested, and communications gets tough.  From dealing with unsolicited advice and navigating silent partners to addressing unresolved conflicts in community and bridging value divides, these four callers bring real-life challenges that many of us can relate to.  Together, we'll unpack practical tools, compassionate insights, and reflective questions to help you stay grounded, set boundaries, and maintain connection--even when it's hard.

Show Notes: 

• 3:36 Dealing with unsolicited advice from a friend and how to navigate boundaries without snapping.
• 12:17 Silent partners, and how to create emotional safety when difficult conversations arise.
• 26:10 Unresolved conflicts in community, and how to approach delicate conversations with curiosity and care.
• 34:36 Bridging divides on life-and-death issues like vaccines, and how to stay grounded and compassionate when values clash.

Tune in for insights and practical tools on handling the messiness of human relationships, especially during the holiday season. 🎧✨

Resources Mentioned in This Episode:

Relationships as Spiritual Practice
Human 101 (free for Members!)
How to Have Hard Conversations
Blog Post:  How to Respond to Silence and Shut Downs

Want more direct access to me? I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Join regular live calls where students in the school bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Join the School of Human Connection
• Hop on my free Wednesday live call
• Follow me on YouTube

One of the most important stops we can make on our healing journey is figuring out how to sit with uncomfortable feelings.  Often, this will appear in the form of others being upset with us.  In this episode, we discuss one approach to others' upset:  the ability to hear the message even when couched in a clumsy delivery.

We consider:

• 2:00 How can I speak with a friend who's always on her phone?
• 9:22 The key to a difficult conversation?  How to elicit more care for more people.
• 14:34 My daughter doesn't want to spend time with me and is often mean.  What is a healthy response?
• 18:10 Can you hear the message and ignore the delivery?
• 21:59 Key practices when others are upset with us.

Want more direct access to me? I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Join regular live calls where students in the school bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Join the School of Human Connection
• Hop on my free Wednesday live call
• Follow me on YouTube