Conversations with Dr. Jennifer

**Click HERE to learn more about Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Enhancing Sexual Intimacy course**

Many of us have been taught the misguided idea that to be virtuous we must be desireless.

Not all desires are created equal, and there is an important distinction to be made between our lower and higher desires. Lower desires are driven by our ego—they are self-serving, driven by our need to feel good, and are antithetical to spiritual development. Higher desires, on the other hand, encourage our growth and expansion, these are the desires that promote our development and increase our ability to love those around us.

The pursuit of our higher desires is not only worthwhile, it’s imperative to our psychological, emotional, and spiritual development.

In this episode, I joined Ryan and Jordan, hosts of The Stoic Dad podcast, to discuss the difference between higher and lower desires, the important distinction between wants and desires, productive and unproductive suffering, as well as what defines mature masculinity and the dynamics of attraction.

**Click HERE to learn more about Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Room for Two podcast!**

The brief years of young adulthood are a vitally important period of our development. 

These are the years when we learn how to self-define. A time when we take the ideas and beliefs that were offered to us by parents, peers, and society and really sort out what we think about those ideas, and how we want to relate to them as we go forward. 

As most adults will remember, this can be a turbulent process, for both young adults and their parents.  

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with Isaac Burton, a bright young college student, to discuss several topics on the minds of many young adults. During the conversation, we discuss dating, career choices, the importance of self-definition, and more.

A few months ago, I had a fantastic conversation with Monica Packer (@aboutprogress) about the uncomfortable, rewarding, and essential process of self-expansion.

In this episode, I discuss with Monica the importance of expanding ourselves and how constricting this process and taking refuge in stasis and what is familiar, limits not only our peace with ourselves but also our ability to whole-heartedly love our partner. 

Listen to the full episode to learn more about how the courage to grow will impact every aspect of your life, including your intimate relationship. 

**Click HERE to learn more about our 2023 Art of Loving Retreat (for men)**

-Boundaries 

-Spiritual Maturity 

-Self-Definition 

-Obedience vs Integrity 

The trepidation that many of us feel makes a lot of sense, given that most of us got very little guidance about sexuality during our formative years. And the guidance we did get, often came from a place of fear and anxiety–ultimately doing more harm than it did good. 

While I am sure that these messages were well intended, they resulted in a lot of fear and confusion, both of which interfere with our ability to accept our bodies and sexuality for what they really are –incredible gifts from our Heavenly Parents. 

If we want an intimate connection with a spouse, we have to be at peace with our sexuality. Because If you don’t know your sexual self, you won’t be able to share an intimate connection with another–we can’t share what we don’t have. 

The good news is that this is an area in which we can and should grow. It’s not too late.  And I assure you that every effort that you make to come to peace with your God-given sexuality will pay incredible dividends in your life and in your marriage. 

Recently, I joined Dr. Paul Jenkins of Live on Purpose Radio to discuss the role that peace with our OWN sexuality plays in our ability to create a soulful and sustaining connection with our spouse. In the episode, we discuss several roadblocks that couples face as they try to create sexual and emotional intimacy–these roadblocks are more common than you might think and the good news is that they can be overcome. 

You can listen to the full episode to learn more about: 

* What REAL intimacy is and how you can create more of it! 

* The keys to creating real sexual and emotional intimacy in marriage 

* The gift of coming to peace with your own sexuality

**JOIN US in Spring City for the 2023 Art of Desire Retreat! Click HERE to learn more**

While freedom and discipline seem like competing ideas, the reality is that they actually work alongside one another. When sexuality goes awry, it can usually be attributed to either excessive freedom or excessive rigidity. Both extremes are anti-spiritual positions that keep sex from becoming the rejuvenating, soul-sustaining experience it has the potential to be. 

In this NEW podcast episode, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife joins Tammy Hill of the Live Your Why Podcast to discuss the divine gift of sexuality and the important role that our sexuality plays in our spiritual development.

Listen to the full episode to learn more about: 

*The divine gift of sexuality

*How to create real connection through sexuality 

*Theological principles of sexuality and joy 

*The important balance of freedom and constraint 

*The important connection between sexuality and spirituality 

Just mentioning masturbation can make many of us uneasy.

But, In this NEW podcast episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Dan Purcell of the Get Your Marriage On podcast  (@getyourmarriageon) for a deep dive into the topic of masturbation. During the episode,  Dr. Jennifer explores the reasons why there is so much anxiety surrounding masturbation and offers insight on what we can do to make decisions around our sexuality that are wise and make us stronger.

Listen to the full episode to learn more about:

* Helpful ways to think about the topic of masturbation.

* Why labeling masturbation as “right” or “wrong” isn’t as clear as you think

* How you can overcome sexual shame

* Understanding and achieving sexual Integrity 

* Increasing intimacy in marriage 

Human beings are sexual beings from birth. As such, children are naturally and rightfully curious about their growing bodies. While this curiosity and subsequent exploration manifests differently in toddlerhood, childhood, and adolescence--a parent's comfort level with this natural process will have a big impact on the child's relationship with sexuality.

In this popular podcast, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Taralynn of the Find the Magic Podcast to discuss what parents can do to help their children develop a healthy relationship with sexuality.

Listen to the full episode to learn more about:

Taking the shame, fear, and anxiety out of talking to kids about sex

Normalizing sexuality

Teaching our children to be deliberate and thoughtful in their choices about sexuality

Handling toddler and pre-adolescent curiosity about embodiment and sexuality

Modesty

**Dr. Finlayson-Fife will be hosting a Facebook Live for singles on January 27th at 1 PM MT, click HERE to join our Facebook Group so you can participate!** 

When dealing with unwanted porn use or unwelcome sexual feelings, it’s easy to feel victimized by our environment and choices. 

Certain framing leaves us feeling powerless and that we have little control over our behavior. But when we shift to a more agentic frame and take deeper responsibility for our lives and choices, we open ourselves up to making decisions that are more in line with our higher selves.

In this NEW PODCAST episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Taylor Chambers MS, LMFT to discuss unwanted porn use and how our framing of the behavior can make all the difference. They also discuss how honesty with ourselves and our partner can open us up to more sexual fulfillment and connection.

Listen to the full episode to learn more about:

Addiction framing vs Agentic framing

Sexuality as a mechanism for personal development

Coming to peace with your sexuality

Honesty and its role in our relationships

Positive ways to respond to unwanted sexual thoughts/feelings

Trust vs Trustworthiness