Dear Divorce Diary: A Fresh Approach To Healing Grief & Building A Life Of Confidence After Divorce

There are things you learned to carry because, at one point, you had to.

The responsibility. The mental load. Other people's expectations. Keeping everyone okay. Being the strong one. Being the woman who could handle it.

But just because you needed that version of yourself then doesn't mean you have to keep being her now.

This week, Dawn sits down with Alexis Contos, founder of The Breadwinners, a community redefining what it means to be an ambitious, successful woman—and creating spaces where women can put down the titles, roles, accomplishments and performance long enough to figure out who they actually are.

Which, hello. Divorce.

Because divorce has a way of forcing you to confront the identities you've accumulated—and decide which ones actually belong in the life you're building now.

Dawn and Alexis talk about:

• What you carry vs. what you bring into your relationships and your life
• The versions of yourself you never became because you got so good at being this one
• Why divorce can feel like both falling and failing in public
• The friendships, careers and identities we eventually outgrow
• Why protecting everyone else can quietly become sacrificing yourself
• The "egg" you're terrified to drop
• What happens when accomplished women stop performing and start telling the truth
• How to borrow someone else's belief in you while you're learning to believe in yourself

Because sometimes the next version of you doesn't need more.

She needs you to finally put something down.

So what are you still carrying that doesn't belong anymore?

Support the show

Join Cocoon VIP - "The Room Where Support Without Guilt Happens"

For just $5 a month, you can access all thursday eps where we apply the concepts we cover on Tuesday. You will also be invited to attend monthly live workshops with Coach Tiffini and other exclusive content. Can't attend the live workshop? No problem! You'll get access to all the recordings plus handouts that help you DO the healing work you need!

Real Conversations. Real Regulation. Real Relief.

Dating after divorce is a whole different world.

Dating apps. Men holding fish. Men who apparently have never taken a decent selfie. Threesomes. Ethical non-monogamy. And the occasional man who looks way better in person than his profile would have you believe.

But underneath all of the chaos is a much more important question:

How do you know who you're actually dealing with before you get attached?

With Dawn away, Coach Tiffini and Joy are joined again by Christianna, Kelly, and Jo from our current A Different D Word cohort for a very unfiltered conversation about what it actually looks like to start dating after divorce.

And this one goes places.

We're talking about the questions women often don't ask soon enough:

• What was your part in your divorce?
• What does “I want a long-term relationship” actually mean to you?
• How do I know you've done the work?
• Are you actually ready for a relationship—or do you just think you are?
• How do you talk about your ex?
• What are you looking for five years from now?
• Are we monogamous?
• And how early is too early to start asking the really uncomfortable questions?

Plus, Jo shares what it's like to date again after nearly 50 years—and why she's asking about everything from STD testing and meeting the family to sexual boundaries, physical health and, yes… whether the pipes still work.

But the biggest conversation isn't really about finding the right man.

It's about who you are while you're looking for him.

Can you state what you want without shrinking it when someone attractive shows up? Can you hold a boundary and watch what he does instead of getting swept up in what he says? Can you walk away when something doesn't fit instead of convincing yourself you can live with it?

Because chemistry can make a lot of things feel negotiable that weren't negotiable five minutes before you met him.

Before you swipe right—or get attached to the next person who does—this is the conversation we want you to hear.

Ask the hard questions. Have a plan. Stick to it. And don't do it alone.

Support the show

Join Cocoon VIP - "The Room Where Support Without Guilt Happens"

For just $5 a month, you can access all thursday eps where we apply the concepts we cover on Tuesday. You will also be invited to attend monthly live workshops with Coach Tiffini and other exclusive content. Can't attend the live workshop? No problem! You'll get access to all the recordings plus handouts that help you DO the healing work you need!

Real Conversations. Real Regulation. Real Relief.

What does it actually take to become yourself again after divorce?

Today, Dawn is away—which means Joy and Coach Tiffini have been left unsupervised. And they invited three women from the current A Different D Word cohort to take over the mic with them.

Christianna, Kelly, and Jo came into this year in very different places.

One was in free fall after the end of a 30-year marriage. One was already in therapy but felt like she spent every session catching her therapist up instead of actually moving forward. One says she felt like she was physically dying—her hair was falling out, she couldn't sleep, and she'd lost 60 pounds.

Nearly a year later, they sat down together to talk about what happened in between.

The fear of joining. The money. The resistance to needing other women. The hard work they didn't see coming. The boundaries they learned to set. The relationships that changed. The retreat moments they'll never forget. And the strange, beautiful experience of realizing that somewhere along the way, they had actually started to feel like themselves again.

This isn't a polished before-and-after story.

It's three women telling the truth about what a year of intentional healing really asked of them—and what became possible when they said yes.

And if you're somewhere near the beginning of your own divorce, wondering who you'll be a year from now, you need to hear what they have to say.

Because as one of these women puts it: the next 12 months are going to pass either way.

The question is who you might meet on the other side.

Support the show

Join Cocoon VIP - "The Room Where Support Without Guilt Happens"

For just $5 a month, you can access all thursday eps where we apply the concepts we cover on Tuesday. You will also be invited to attend monthly live workshops with Coach Tiffini and other exclusive content. Can't attend the live workshop? No problem! You'll get access to all the recordings plus handouts that help you DO the healing work you need!

Real Conversations. Real Regulation. Real Relief.

Learn more about  A Different D Word and apply here ✨

Divorce has a way of exposing everything you were never taught.

Not because you're broken.
Not because you're "too emotional."
And certainly not because you're failing at healing.

The truth is, most of us were never taught how emotions actually work.

We were taught to push them down.
To "be strong."
To stop crying.
To get over it.
To keep the peace.
To believe that having big feelings somehow meant we were too much.

In this episode, Dawn, Joy, and Coach Tiffini unpack 10 powerful emotional lessons that most women never learned—but desperately needed long before divorce forced them to figure it out on their own.

From why suppressing emotions never works, to the difference between feelings and actions, to how childhood, relationships, and even faith can shape the way we experience emotion, this conversation will help you understand yourself in a whole new way.

If you've ever wondered:

•  Why your emotions feel so overwhelming... 
•  Why you bottle everything up until you explode... 
•  Why you question your own feelings... 
•  Or why healing has felt so much harder than you expected... 

...this episode may finally give you the emotional education you never received.

Because your emotions aren't the problem.

Understanding them changes everything. 

Support the show

Join Cocoon VIP - "The Room Where Support Without Guilt Happens"

For just $5 a month, you can access all thursday eps where we apply the concepts we cover on Tuesday. You will also be invited to attend monthly live workshops with Coach Tiffini and other exclusive content. Can't attend the live workshop? No problem! You'll get access to all the recordings plus handouts that help you DO the healing work you need!

Real Conversations. Real Regulation. Real Relief.

Learn more about  A Different D Word and apply here ✨

Have you ever caught yourself thinking...

"I'm so tired of healing."

You went to therapy. You read the books. You journaled. You listened to the podcasts. You learned about attachment styles, your nervous system, boundaries, and trauma.

So why does it still feel like your ex is taking up space in your mind?

In this episode, Dawn, Coach Tiffini, and Joy unpack the quiet resentment so many divorced women carry: the feeling that you're doing all the work while your ex seems to have moved on without looking back.

Together, they explore why healing can start to feel like another full-time job, how self-improvement quietly turns into burnout, and why trying harder isn't always the answer.

In this episode, you'll learn:

•  Why healing after divorce can feel like it never ends. 
•  The difference between actually healing and endlessly processing the same pain. 
•  How to tell if you're spiraling upward—or simply spinning your wheels. 
•  Why comparison and perfectionism keep so many women stuck. 
•  The surprising reason some of the smartest, most self-aware women struggle to move forward. 
•  Why self-compassion—not self-improvement—is what finally creates lasting change. 
•  How to know you're making progress, even when healing still hurts. 

If you've ever wondered whether you'll ever be done healing after divorce—or whether your ex gets to haunt your nervous system forever—this conversation is for you.

💛 Ready to stop healing alone?

Enrollment for A Different D Word, our signature 12-month divorce recovery program, is now open. If you're ready to stop collecting healing tools and start creating lasting transformation, we'd love to walk alongside you.

Support the show

Join Cocoon VIP - "The Room Where Support Without Guilt Happens"

For just $5 a month, you can access all thursday eps where we apply the concepts we cover on Tuesday. You will also be invited to attend monthly live workshops with Coach Tiffini and other exclusive content. Can't attend the live workshop? No problem! You'll get access to all the recordings plus handouts that help you DO the healing work you need!

Real Conversations. Real Regulation. Real Relief.

Learn more about  A Different D Word and apply here ✨

Have you ever asked yourself what you really need... and drawn a complete blank?

After divorce, many women become experts at anticipating everyone else's needs while slowly losing touch with their own. The voice that plans, solves problems, overthinks, and keeps everything together gets so loud that the quieter parts of us barely get a chance to speak.

In today's VIP episode, I'm guiding you through a powerful non-dominant hand journaling exercise that helps you access those quieter parts of yourself.

Don't worry—you don't need to be artistic or have good handwriting. You just need:

• A journal
• A pen
• A crayon, colored pencil, or marker for your non-dominant hand

Together, we'll explore prompts like:

• What has been keeping me up at night?
• What do I really feel about that?
• What haven't I said yet?
• What do you need me to understand?
• What have you been missing?
• If I didn't have to hold everything together... what would I want?

This isn't about finding the "right" answers.

It's about slowing down long enough to hear the parts of yourself that may have been overlooked, silenced, or carrying more than you realized.

If today's practice brings up big emotions, I encourage you to follow it with our recent VIP Yoga Nidra episode. It's a beautiful way to help your nervous system settle and integrate whatever surfaced.

The wisdom you've been searching for may not be somewhere outside of you.

It may simply be waiting for you to listen.

Support the show

Join Cocoon VIP - "The Room Where Support Without Guilt Happens"

For just $5 a month, you can access all thursday eps where we apply the concepts we cover on Tuesday. You will also be invited to attend monthly live workshops with Coach Tiffini and other exclusive content. Can't attend the live workshop? No problem! You'll get access to all the recordings plus handouts that help you DO the healing work you need!

Real Conversations. Real Regulation. Real Relief.

A Different D Word apply here ✨

You keep telling yourself that everything is going to be okay...

So why doesn't your body believe you?

If you've read the books, listened to the podcasts, repeated the affirmations, and you're still waiting to feel calm, you're not failing. Your nervous system simply doesn't heal through information alone.

In this episode, we're unpacking why uncertainty feels so terrifying after divorce, how hypervigilance disguises itself as responsibility, and why trying to control your ex, your children, or your future is often a nervous system strategy—not a character flaw.

We also explore the difference between anxiety and intuition, why positive thinking can't create genuine self-trust, and what it actually takes to build a deep, embodied belief that you'll be okay no matter what life throws at you.

In this episode, we discuss:

•  Why "everything will be okay someday" keeps you stuck 
•  The nervous system's relationship with uncertainty and fear 
•  Hypervigilance, codependency, and the illusion of control 
•  How to tell the difference between anxiety and intuition 
•  Why healing requires more than therapy, books, and podcasts 
•  What real emotional safety feels like in your body 
•  The missing ingredient that helps self-trust finally stick 

If you've been quietly thinking, "I know all of this... so why can't I actually live it?"—this episode is for you.

💛 Enrollment for A Different D Word is officially open.

If you're ready to stop collecting healing tools and start experiencing lasting transformation through nervous system repair, community, coaching, EMDR, IFS, somatic healing, and individualized support, we'd love to talk with you.

You can't think your way into healing 🥵 You have to practice your way there 👭 If you're ready for the next step, learn more about  A Different D Word and apply here ✨

Support the show

Join Cocoon VIP - "The Room Where Support Without Guilt Happens"

For just $5 a month, you can access all thursday eps where we apply the concepts we cover on Tuesday. You will also be invited to attend monthly live workshops with Coach Tiffini and other exclusive content. Can't attend the live workshop? No problem! You'll get access to all the recordings plus handouts that help you DO the healing work you need!

Real Conversations. Real Regulation. Real Relief.

Secure attachment isn't a feeling you suddenly arrive at.

It's something you build.

It's discovering that you can be overwhelmed, uncertain, emotional, imperfect... and still let yourself lean on other people.

In this week's After the Mic, we're reflecting on what happened during our annual A Different D Word retreat—not because we want you to wish you had been there, but because we want you to know what's possible.

We talk about what it was like to be held by a room full of women while also holding space for each other. How healing changes when it happens in relationship instead of isolation. And why the deepest transformation often comes from experiencing something your nervous system has never had before.

This isn't an episode about having the perfect weekend.

It's about what happens when women practice trusting, receiving support, repairing after hard moments, laughing until they cry, and discovering they don't have to carry everything by themselves anymore.

If you've ever wondered what practicing secure attachment actually feels like...

This conversation is a glimpse.

Support the show

Join Cocoon VIP - "The Room Where Support Without Guilt Happens"

For just $5 a month, you can access all thursday eps where we apply the concepts we cover on Tuesday. You will also be invited to attend monthly live workshops with Coach Tiffini and other exclusive content. Can't attend the live workshop? No problem! You'll get access to all the recordings plus handouts that help you DO the healing work you need!

Real Conversations. Real Regulation. Real Relief.

Have you ever heard yourself say "Sure!"... while every part of you was screaming "Absolutely not."

You promised yourself you wouldn't text him.
You wouldn't overcommit.
You wouldn't rescue everyone.
You wouldn't have sex just to keep the peace.
You wouldn't keep saying yes when your body was begging you to say no.

And then... you did it anyway.

If you've ever walked away from a conversation wondering, "Why do I keep doing this?" this episode is for you.

Today, we're unpacking why saying yes when you really mean no has so little to do with willpower—and so much to do with old survival strategies, nervous system patterns, and the deep fear that disappointing someone might cost you love, safety, or belonging.

Inside this episode, we talk about:

• Why boundaries feel hardest with the people you rely on most
• How divorce guilt fuels people-pleasing and self-abandonment
• The surprising ways this shows up with your ex, your kids, dating, work, and even yourself
• Why awareness alone isn't enough to change your patterns
• How to start rebuilding self-trust—one honest "no" at a time

Because healing after divorce isn't just learning to say no to other people.

It's finally learning to stop saying no to yourself.

💛 Ready to practice with women who truly get it? Join our free community, Cocoon, where you'll find support, workshops, and real conversations that help you turn awareness into lasting change.

Support the show

Join Cocoon VIP - "The Room Where Support Without Guilt Happens"

For just $5 a month, you can access all thursday eps where we apply the concepts we cover on Tuesday. You will also be invited to attend monthly live workshops with Coach Tiffini and other exclusive content. Can't attend the live workshop? No problem! You'll get access to all the recordings plus handouts that help you DO the healing work you need!

Real Conversations. Real Regulation. Real Relief.

You know the things that would probably help.

The walk.
The boundary.
The therapy session.
The earlier bedtime.
The journal sitting untouched on your nightstand.

So why does it feel so hard to actually do them?

If you've ever found yourself reaching for your phone instead of your healing, texting your ex when you knew better, pouring another glass of wine, avoiding the hard conversation, or putting off the very thing that might help you feel better... this episode is for you.

In this conversation, Dawn explores the frustrating paradox so many women face after divorce: wanting to heal while simultaneously resisting the very things that support healing.

You'll learn why your nervous system often chooses familiar pain over unfamiliar growth, how childhood conditioning can make healthy choices feel surprisingly uncomfortable, and why this struggle has far less to do with willpower than you've been led to believe.

Most importantly, you'll walk away with a simple, practical tool to help you start choosing yourself—even when it feels hard.

Because healing isn't about being perfect.

It's about learning to recognize the moments when you're standing at a crossroads between temporary relief and lasting change.

And choosing yourself, one small decision at a time.

In This Episode:

• Why healing often feels harder than staying stuck
• The post-divorce paradox nobody talks about
• How your nervous system confuses familiar pain with safety
• The childhood patterns that may still be driving your choices
• Why self-care can feel uncomfortable at first
• A simple exercise to help you stop abandoning yourself in real time

If you've been wondering why you can't seem to follow through on the things you know would help, this episode might give you the answer you've been looking for.

Support the show

Join Cocoon VIP - "The Room Where Support Without Guilt Happens"

For just $5 a month, you can access all thursday eps where we apply the concepts we cover on Tuesday. You will also be invited to attend monthly live workshops with Coach Tiffini and other exclusive content. Can't attend the live workshop? No problem! You'll get access to all the recordings plus handouts that help you DO the healing work you need!

Real Conversations. Real Regulation. Real Relief.