Death Becomes Him

Often in the aftermath of loss, we enter into autopilot. Life needs to go on, the washing needs to be done and the children need to go to school. But for those who have lost people during 2020, these usual vices have been taken away. Mourning in lockdown presents a set of totally unique challenges. This is something Bronagh Burke talks about in today’s episode. She opens up about grieving her husband Thomas who died unexpectedly and talks about the differences in processing that grief compared to the coping mechanisms she had after her father’s passing in 2015.

Kathie’s family rallied around her sister Elaine when she was diagnosed with cancer in 2014. After rigorous treatment, life was getting back to normal in 2015, when Elaine’s husband Pa suffered a fall and passed away. Just over a year later, Elaine’s cancer returned and she too sadly passed. Kathie  opens up about caring for her sister’s children, their fundraising efforts to honour Elaine and Pa and how their wider friends and family will ensure Jason and Adam will always know their parents.

Jess joins me virtually from Perth austraila where she has been since earlier this year with fiancé Rob Kearney. Jess opens up about her father’s passing last year and how he encouraged her to live life to the fullest. She talks about the shock of his death, her plans for marriage and finding hope for the future.

The first year after losing a loved one can be the hardest – the first birthday, the first Christmas and the first anniversary without them can be heart breaking. Jess is still very much processing her grief but has used these key moments to remember her highlights with her father and share the love he showed her with the world. 

Amanda opens up about the loss of her son Avery in 2019 when the family were on holidays in Spain.  While Amanda’s story is heart breaking, she has bravely made the decision to share what her family had endured in the hopes of helping other families.

Lisa is known to many for her incredible talents as a makeup artist, she’s a gorgeous woman with a wide smile and beautiful young family. But today Lisa opens up and shares her story – a history that she has kept close to her heart for years. Lisa lost her mum Helena after a long battle with mental illness. Lisa talks about supporting her mother and finding happiness after tragic loss.

Benji Bennet has dedicated his work to bringing happiness to families. He’s the much-loved author of the Adam’s Cloud books in which our young hero Adam adventures through space, saves Christmas and hunts for buried treasures. The series was inspired by Benji’s son Adam who passed suddenly in 2007 of an undiagnosed brain tumour. Benji talks today about the shock of the diagnosis, the feelings of hopelessness and how his grief manifested in writing and creating a beautiful memorial for his son.

This week I speak to John McAreavey. In 2011, John suffered the loss of his new wife Michaela on Honeymoon when she was attacked and murdered by two intruders. The story of what happened was plastered on newspapers and John found himself at centre of  an investigation, and his grief on public display. He opens up to me today about the trauma of the incident, how he rebuilt his life and why he will never use the term “moving on.”

On this episode of death becomes him, I sit down once again with my sisters.

Earlier in the year we got together to talk about our mums passing, the shock and the immediate aftermath. At the time I wanted to understand whether I’d ever feel like me again and whether my sisters were experiencing the same sense of something missing. We talked, we laughed, we cried and really we walked away from that conversation understanding each other’s grief a little bit better.

I wanted to revisit this conversation now, a few months and one pandemic later. I want to know if my sisters feel like their grief has changed, how they managed to overcome the shock and how they feel now.

Today’s conversation is one of the most important we can have. Over the last two seasons, though I’ve spoken to so many people with such varied experiences there is a commonality in their grief – there has been a tangible reason, a sense of inevitability and ultimately an acceptance. But for Jackie Fox, the death of her daughter Nicole in 2018 is an injustice. Nicole sadly took her own life after years of online and offline bullying. Nicole’s whole world was impacted by the torment, and she was deprived of the everyday joys a young woman should be able to enjoy. Jackie talks to me candidly about the time leading up to her daughter’s death, dealing with the aftermath and how she’s campaigning for  change in legislation to ensure this never happens again.

On today’s episode, Mairead Ronan laughs when she tells me about her mum encouraging her to pursue a career in radio. At the age of 20 she didn’t think she had the contacts or background to succeed in such a competitive industry but her mum was her champion. She encouraged her, supported her and gave her the confidence to land her first radio gig at just 21. Mairead opens up to me about the devastation she felt when her mum passed on the eve of her 21st birthday and how despite the sadness, she thrived thanks to the upbringing her mother had given her.