Delight Your Marriage

I just have to apologize ahead of time because this headline is way too sensational. I can hear you saying, "It's frankly not realistic."

I get it.

But, hear me out. (Or, hear him out...? :)

So, Hunter had twin 4-year-old girls.

His wife was fed up with asking him to change. To pull his fair share. To be proactive in the family responsibilities.

She said she was done. They had talked about divorce in the past, but there was finality this time.

He could tell she was serious. And she was.

This is when a lot of people would feel helpless and decide they're going to give up and end the marriage since their spouse wants a divorce.

Not Hunter.

He had done a Clarity Call a year earlier and wasn't ready to take that step then. But knew, at this point, he had to dramatically change to save his marriage.

He said, "At the beginning of the program, I had trouble getting just a few sentences out before I would bust out in tears..."

Week in and week out Hunter plugged along.

But because of the amazing men in our program, he didn't feel he was doing it by himself.

They were texting him, praying for him, encouraging him each time it got hard.

When he had a bad week and felt absolutely worthless and hopeless, they'd be there to brush him off and remind him WHY he was doing this. They'd help him get encouraged and refocused.

Hunter did one scary change after another, one step forward and one step back, one awkward skill practiced after another until it became normal, natural, and just who he is...

And his wife started to respond.

She started to end the snarky, mean comments.

And she started even being receptive to his touch.

Ever so slowly, she started to trust that he is indeed a new man.

And he was indeed able to heal his marriage even though she didn't do the program.

Now he feels closer to God and he can see that she is closer to God, as well.

Now they are in love again… like when they were first married.

Now their 4-year-old girls are 5, and they are in a family with parents that are unified and loving.

This is a big deal and worth a giant celebration! And, a sensational headline (because it's true).

Love,

Belah

PS - If you need a transformation like Hunter, please don't let hopelessness overtake you. Focus on WHY it's so important for you to save your marriage, and get help.

We have resources to help you every step of the way (literally, it's step-by-step). You may be so flooded with fear and pain that you can't even think straight. It's okay, we've got a step-by-step process. It's proven, and it works.

Wife or husband, we want to help you. Go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc for a free Clarity Call.

Like Hunter, take the next courageous step. It's worth it.

Like Hunter, gain clarity on a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Like Hunter... it could save and transform your marriage, forever.

From a recent lady graduate:

"Delight Your Marriage has brought a breath of fresh air to our marriage! It helped me to forgive myself and others for wrong that had been done in my life.

DYM [Delight Your Marriage] gave me new tools to use to revive my marriage and a renewed focus on God to guide and direct our marriage through the next phases of life!

I enjoyed every aspect of this program! From the first podcast I listened to, to the clarity call, accountability calls, modules, and coaching calls! It all has been a joy, challenge, and work that has helped me and my marriage now thrive!"

We invite you to learn more! delightyourmarriage.com/cc

(If you know someone who needs this... forward this episode to them! Maybe you'll save a family.)

We're all insecure.

I am.

You are.

We might not be insecure about the same things, but we've all got it.

Today, I want to talk about the insecurities that are common for women and the insecurities that are common for men. Spoiler alert: they're different.

But the insight most of us miss is that our specific insecurity in marriage actually is harming our spouse.

Because of the way our spouse is designed by God, if there are certain things missing in marriage, it pains them.

Deeply.

This is an episode I hope you'll take to heart.

Your insecurities may be harming your spouse.

Included in this episode:

-What are insecurities?

-What are yours as a husband or as a wife?

-How are they affecting your spouse?

-How to move past them?

-How to get free of them?

I really hope this helps.

Blessings,

Belah

PS - We'd love to have you on the inside of a program and witness God do something amazing in and through you! Delightyourmarriage.com/cc is the place to sign up for a free Clarity Call.

When asked how we can improve the program a recent graduate wrote:

The course is absolutely brilliant. The course materials (videos and pdfs) are top notch in terms of content, and Belah is totally invested in her teaching and coaching, the content of which is simply superb.

It's been meticulously researched. And the materials are attractive and mostly very user friendly.

The accountability groups are a master stroke. Most of all, everything is covered by prayer and led by the Holy Spirit. I can safely say that I have learned more in this course than any course I have done in the past, whether secular or religious.

More importantly no course or teaching has effected such a radical change in my character and behaviour as this one. There are very few things that could be improved.

Well done Belah and all the team in producing something that is not only very professional, but is an absolute life saver in so many marriages, including mine!

Amber can tell you straight up... God has changed her.

For so many reasons, she would have said her behavior was warranted.

(I know the feeling and have said the words myself!)

And God was kind to open her eyes to her pride.

The pride that was ripping her husband apart.

And yet, God got her attention.

He stretched forth His hand and showed her what she couldn't see on her own.

He used her husband's leadership to bring her to a place of recognition of her sin.

And then she chose the humble and wise way.

I must say I am SO proud of Amber. How she has grown. How she now lives out the joy that God restored to her marriage!

It's worth celebrating. I hope you'll listen and be encouraged by what God has done in her heart (first), (then) in her marriage, and in her family.

Love and gratefulness for our amazing Father,

Belah

PS - If you'd like to see how to transform your situation, we'd love to help. The first step is a free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Client testimonial... before the ladies program (the state of their marriage):

"Completely overwhelming! It was causing pain and sadness in every area of our lives."

After the ladies program:

"Our love has grown beyond my imagination. My husband and I are tender and loving and supportive to each other like never before. My husband has truly softened over the last few months through my using the tools in this program. Our fighting has stopped! Arguing is not our way of life anymore. Our children are doing so amazing and I can see them feeling settled and safe. Our intimacy is God honoring and I desire my husband…which was never the case!

Our marriage will never be the same! I honestly rejoice every day that Jesus brought this podcast and program in my life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!"

There can only be 1 answer to this question:

Yes, or No.

Well, who do you go to to answer questions like this?

Do you have a pastor?

A friend?

A mentor?

A favorite author?

A researcher?

A scientist?

A porn counselor?

An SA therapist?

A previous user?

Your own experience?

Your own intuition?

Who has the authority in your life to answer this question?

Ahem... "the great Belah Rose?"

Just so we're clear, when I said, "Let there be light"... it stayed dark.

When your pastor said it... when your favorite author/researcher/friend/counselor/author/confidante said it... probably the same.

Maybe there was a window already open, so God's light actually allowed it to be light... but ultimately, they don't have power or authority anywhere, ANYWHERE close to God.

God.

But is He the biggest authority to you?

Does what He says matter to you the MOST?

I invite you to pause. Ponder.

Are His words MOST important?

To you?

Let's say, your answer is yes.

But then, how do you know what God says... especially about an exclusively 21st-century issue, i.e. porn?

Well, actually it isn't a 21st-century issue.

And God speaks about it. Many times.

And He clearly answers this question.

I don't know if you want to hear it, but He does speak to it.

Before we get there.

In truth...

Apathy is easier.

Skepticism is easier.

Laziness is easier.

But just because you don't care (apathy),

or believe (skepticism),

or want to (laziness),

...swim away from the impending waterfall,

doesn't mean it won't kill you when you inevitably get to it.

Do you care what the Bible says? Do you believe what the Bible says? Do you want to discover what the Bible says?

I had a conversation via email with a dear friend about a year ago. I would love for you to read it to learn why I think the Bible should be pursued, is trustworthy, and can be utterly wonderful for you: delightyourmarriage.com/bible

So, to answer this question...

"The great Belah Rose" fears God too much to not tell you:

yes, it is a salvation issue.

"Anyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart...

better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell."

Jesus says it is. We're talking about hell. We're talking about lust. We're talking about salvation.

(In Matthew 5:28)

I hope one day this will be true of me...

"I never shrank back from telling you what you needed to hear... either publicly, or in your homes [or in your earbuds].

I have had one message...

the necessity of repenting from sin

and turning to God,

and of having faith in our Lord Jesus."

Acts 20:20-21

Belah

PS - Next steps:

Repent from your sin.

Turn to God [i.e. read your physical Bible to learn / discover / encounter who He actually is] and have faith in our Lord Jesus.

PPS - There IS hope AND help. Maybe we can help. Jesus most definitely can help! If you'd like to investigate whether or not we can help, we invite you to schedule a free, no obligation Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Quote from a graduate of Masculinity Reclaimed:

Before MR: "My sex life was a mess before I found DYM. It's really hard to find anyone that will talk to you about sex in a godly way. The world is full of lies, DYM pulls the truth out of the Bible and gives you exactly what you need to get on a healthy trajectory for your marriage and sex life!"

After MR: "I think my biggest celebration is just having the weight of discontentment lifted. It is so frustrating and depressing to be constantly dissatisfied with your sex life. It truly is like carrying around a huge weight. To finally be free of that and realize that I could be satisfied and happy without doing anything but changing my heart posture was amazing. I no longer feel like the victim of a bad marriage, but rather the recipient of a blessed marriage!"

I don't have to tell you that the enemy is out for families. Because the best-case scenario is a mom and dad that love each other raising children that grow up to be the men and women to do God's will in the earth.

So, if the enemy can tear at the soul of the marriage. The most sacred part. The intimacy. Then the family crumbles.

But God.

Wayne is so courageous to share what God has done because he knows it can help someone, maybe like you to know you're not alone.

This is a story I've heard many times. Wayne made a big error. One that could have changed his family's future to one completely different with so much pain and heartache.

When he was found out, it was the hardest days of their lives. It was devastating.

A friend told him about Delight Your Marriage.

When he heard Mick's testimonial (Episode 363) he knew he had to do the program and he went ahead.

It wasn't easy for him. It took ownership. It took struggle. It took perseverance. It took time. It took patience.

It took prayer. It took other men rooting him on. Encouraging him. Praying for him.

He didn't give up.

And God healed their marriage.

God healed their connection.

God healed his wife's heart.

There is so much good in that home now. Their many kids feel more relaxed and able to be themselves in the home. Their friendship is stronger. He appreciates all the levels of connection he now enjoys with his wife.

She said, "if you told me this [is how it would be] a year ago, I wouldn't have believed it." He agrees "That's not who I was" but now it is.

God be praised.

I hope you are encouraged by another journey that God is healing families. It's not easy but it is SO worth it.

If you needed this to own your mess and turn your family's future around. It's time. Don't waste any more precious time and join our men's program to transform it all.

Blessings,

Belah

PS - Have a conversation with Dana at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to see how we can help you.

PPS - A different husband who graduates next week wrote:

"I feel very different. A kinder, more gentle, caring human being has emerged.

I feel more confident in myself and in my masculinity.

I can safely say that I have learned more in this course than any course I have done in the past, whether secular or religious.

More importantly, no course or teaching has effected such a radical change in my character and behavior as this one."

Maybe it's your turn: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Driving down the road, crying out to God. And, maybe, the strongest he's ever heard the Lord responded to him.

It wasn't rebuke. But an invitation. He saw into the heart of God.

Real tears started rolling down his face.

---

I invite you to listen to Dan's story.

Maybe it's not unlike yours...

...have a marriage, for some decades.

...have gone through struggles and broken dreams. ​ ​...have a couple of children. ​​...desire to be who God called him to be. ​​...desire to have the connection with God he hoped was available.

A friend at church shared with him about the podcast.

He started listening to dozens of episodes... and eventually felt he needed to do a call.

He took the courage to have a Clarity Call with Dana.

Then found out his friend did the program and was on the podcast himself testifying of what God had done.

I hope you are encouraged that, just as God spoke to Dan, He wants that level of connection and intimacy with YOU.

I invite you to shut off distractions and go before Him...

...in joy, silence, praise, worship, prayer, bowed head, bowed knee, bowed heart... before our love, God, King and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Love,

Belah

PS - We'd love to help you draw closer to God, live His way, and witness God transform your relationships: delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPS - Dan references the Pre-Dating workbook.

Also, from a different wife who graduated today:

"What can a blind man who now sees say, except "Praise God! It's a miracle! My life has been forever changed and I will be eternally grateful!"

God did ALL of the work and He gets all of the credit. But He 100% did it through this program."

Sign up for a free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

I should be clear... I don't struggle with this. The stories I share about my pride in this episode are a complete rarity. Almost never happens. ​I also don't struggle with lying... :D (Just kidding :) I need this learning as much as anyone... which is why I'm excited to share what God is teaching me!

----

"My spouse needs to change..."

"[He is / She is] doing so many bad things...so many..."

"There's nothing I can do unless [he / she] changes..."

I knew this was a disempowering mindset that I saw often.

But it wasn't until this week when God confronted me with my pride, that I learned that "self-pity" is the sin of pride.

Ouch.

But true.

(I learned this through the book by R. T. Kendall's The Power of Humility. I highly recommend it.)

Wallowing in your pain isn't God's way.

"But I don't deserve to be treated like this!"

I hear you.

Job didn't deserve his suffering either.

His suffering was profound.

Maybe yours is too.

Job started out strong. Even when others encouraged him to deny God's goodness, he stayed faithful to God and honored His faithfulness regardless.

But eventually, he succumbed to self-pity, he was severely corrected for his wallowing in self-pity.

I hope you and I will heed what God said to Job. And that we would respond the way Job did to His correction.

I encourage you to lean into His discipline.

He is a good Father who disciplines His children.

God is kind to bring us to repentance.

And don't worry... I needed this episode too. Let's draw near to God. Lay down our pride and acknowledge and seek Him as Lord and King.

Love, Belah

PS - We'd love to help you with your marriage, go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc for a free Clarity Call.

PPS - If you're wondering how healthy your marriage is right now to give you insights on what needs to change and the first steps in how to with free resources... go to delightyourmarriage.com/health to take the Marital Health Assessment.

From another recent graduate: Before the men's program: "Struggles - Arguing, lack of trust, loss of peace frequently, little laughter, lack of joy, lack of fun. I was worried that if I didn't change, my wife might leave me after the kids leave for college.

After:"Getting compliments and thanks from my wife (I would get them so so rarely). My wife hugging and kissing me and being playful. Holding hands and walking together when outside in public. Peace at home, laughter between us and with kids. We are in love again." Final thoughts: "It's the best life changing thing that happened to me. Its changed my view about my wife, about women, it helped me change to understand my wife and women better, helped with my relationship with my kids, my mother and sister. My relationship with my mom and sis was very bad, it's improving now. Trying to use the CIRQUE, No arguments, gratefulness, compliments at work and other relationships. It's worth a million bucks!!!!" Glory to God! We'd love to help you too! Find out more on a free Clarity Call: http://delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Back 1.5 years ago, Taylor went through the men's program and witnessed God do some important work. Most important: in his heart.

But as Jesus says:

For from within, out of the heart of man,

come evil thoughts, sexual immorality,

theft, murder, adultery, coveting,

wickedness, deceit,

sensuality, envy, slander,

pride, foolishness.

All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person."

If the point of Delight Your Marriage is to help men and women get their heart right, then of course the rest would follow.

My encouragement to you today, is focus on the heart. Focus on surrendering your heart to the Lord so He can free you of all of that which you hate.

He is God and there is freedom with Him.

Blessings,

Belah

PS - If you're looking for changes like this, we would love to help you on a Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

From another recent graduate:

MR Grad: "GOD is certainly using DYM [Delight Your Marriage] to impact lives."

Before MR: "Some of the biggest struggles I was facing were that marital intimacy was all but nonexistent. That included emotional intimacy- whether I wanted to see that or not.

I have long struggled with pornography... My self-worth was in the dumps. I was always looking for affirmation from my wife and she from me. Neither of us delivered - neither could deliver enough.

After MR: "I'm taking ownership. This is my home. This is my marriage. She is my wife. Ours is a union blessed by God.

In taking my roles as husband, father, help mate more seriously, my whole family has begun to benefit.

The man's role is not to simply coexist, but to lead the marriage and family. I can make a difference in the family by leading to and with God."

You may be on a journey to get a better marriage...

But do you know where you are right now?

The trouble is when people with a 9/10 marriage give advice to someone with a 2/10 marriage...

It doesn't make sense. AND a left turn at the WRONG TIME could lead to disaster.

That is why we developed the Marital Health Assessment, a tool you can use to determine if you're on track in your marriage.

Or if you need a left turn now or to stay straight for another 37 exits :)

I invite you to take this free Marital Health Assessment to determine where you are now so you can wisely choose your next steps!

Delightyourmarriage.com/health

We are indeed at war.

Now is not the time to walk idly by.

Now is not the time to pretend it's all just fine.

Now is not the time to think only about ourselves.

And your marriage matters during the tribulation.

Regardless of who endures the end times (our generation... or the next, or next, or next...) what you do or don't do in your marriage matters.

Whether or not Christianity is worthwhile to your kids can be significantly impacted by what they see in your marriage.

But what does preparing for the end times PRACTICALLY look like?

What does marriage have to do with the end times? Actually, a lot.

Well, I am hoping today's episode is entertaining and encouraging.

Thank you,

Belah

PS -

We'd love to help you delight your marriage. Your first (courageous, yet super easy -- and worth it!!) step is a free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Men's Graduate Quote:

"Your program is so holy spirit inspired. I just continue to be amazed at the content in the teaching. I like that it was very practical and easy to understand. I love that the first and main focus was on our relationship with God before it moved into other areas or even included our wives."