Doing It Together: Making Sense of Low Libido, Sex, and Intimacy in Marriage.

I'm always speaking to women and their husbands about the need for safety with physical touch in and out of the sexual experience. In our culture, women are bombarded with unwanted sexual attention in media, in schools, in homes, and out in the streets.  We don't even know that feeling safe is a possibility!  

This week, I talk to Erin and her husband, Rob in separate conversations, about how they have moved towards a safer sexual experience together. You can listen to Rob's conversation in Episode 41.

Looking for where to start? Get Janna's Intro Videos for men and women.

Ready to learn on your own? Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is always open for registration.

Ready to learn as a couple? Learn about Janna's coaching program for couples, Doing It Together.

As sexually loud as our culture can be, so many women (and men) experience the silence around helpful information on sex and pleasure as we prepare for marriage.  

This week I talk to Keira about growing up in a Christian household and the guilt, shame and dirty feelings she held on to for years. 

We also discuss her experience with painful intercourse and the dramatic turning point that helped her rethink her body and the meaning of intimacy in marriage in an entirely new light.  

Regardless if purity culture was part of your upbringing or not, I encourage you to listen to this episode as most of us were raised in a culture that was hush-hush about sex with little helpful education.

Looking for where to start? Get Janna's Intro Videos for men and women.

Ready to learn on your own? Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is always open for registration.

Ready to learn as a couple? Learn about Janna's coaching program for couples, Doing It Together.

I don't believe that making the choice to explore a sexual connection AND enjoy the experience is connected to physical attraction to your spouse in any way (aka, you don't need to be turned on by his body.)  

This also includes you if you DO find him hunky and still don't want and/or enjoy sex with him.  

This doesn't mean anything about you or your marriage.  

Curious to know why?  

I'm choosing to be honest in hopes that it will calm some fears on this hotly debated topic.

Looking for where to start? Get Janna's Intro Videos for men and women.

Ready to learn on your own? Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is always open for registration.

Ready to learn as a couple? Learn about Janna's coaching program for couples, Doing It Together.

In all the ways I’ve opened my life in service of educating the world about healthy sex, this may be the most vulnerable I’ve ever been.  

If pleasure and connection are the purpose of good sex, could we be creative with how we explored those intentions through texting?  I won’t lie, it did feel a little strange and I had some cultural shame to overcome but it was an incredible learning experience. It was so good that my husband and I are going to read out our text conversation in this week’s episode.  

If there is anything I’m passionate about, it’s making conversations about sex more accessible, real and honest.  And, goodness gracious, this is an honest podcast episode. 

Here’s to being real, continuing to learn and reducing the ridiculous shame culture has heaped on intimacy. I hope this episode brings you some laughs, relief and some real human-to-human connection.

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1. Janna interviews Nick, the husband of a current Wanting It More (WIM) participant, about his experience going through the program.

2. Nick explains the challenges and rewards of vulnerability in male friendships.

3. His ah-ha moment realizing the lack of physical connection was not the real problem in his marriage.

4. How his attempts at “gentle pressure” and reverse psychology backfired and what actually worked to rebuild their connection in and out of the bedroom.

5. His misinterpretation of his wife’s lack of desire and what was actually going on.

6. His liberating experience in understanding boundaries and how they enhanced feelings of closeness.

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Janna's Program: Wanting It More

Looking for where to start? Get Janna's Intro Videos for men and women.

Ready to learn on your own? Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is always open for registration.

Ready to learn as a couple? Learn about Janna's coaching program for couples, Doing It Together.

1. Janna interviews Sarah, a current Wanting It More (WIM) participant, about her personal and relational shift after seven weeks in the eight-week program.

2. Sarah describes her tearful breaking point the week before signing up for WIM, thoughts of divorce, and how she’s used the tools learned in WIM to save her marriage.

3. Honest talk about her declining desire over 15 years and why it’s so hard for women to verbalize what happened.

4. How honestly acknowledging and expressing her anger, fear, and resentments was the first step toward finding freedom.

5. Details about her first intimate experience during WIM and the amazing discovery she and her husband shared that they never knew about each other.

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Janna's Program: Wanting It More

Looking for where to start? Get Janna's Intro Videos for men and women.

Ready to learn on your own? Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is always open for registration.

Ready to learn as a couple? Learn about Janna's coaching program for couples, Doing It Together.

1. Janna shares a love note filled with compassion and validation to her listeners feeling the weight of this difficult work.

2. Her thoughts on how our culture has completely lost the true meaning of intimacy.

3. Why it’s still hard for her in her own relationship after all these years.

4. The importance of knowing you're not alone, you're not broken, and it's definitely not your fault.

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Janna's Program: Wanting It More

Looking for where to start? Get Janna's Intro Videos for men and women.

Ready to learn on your own? Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is always open for registration.

Ready to learn as a couple? Learn about Janna's coaching program for couples, Doing It Together.

1. The amazing gifts that Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) have and how they can be translated into the sexual experience.

2. Why broadening out the definition of sex is so critical for HSPs.

3. Practical examples from Janna's own life of how she explores her creativity, intuition, and HSP-ness in the bedroom.

4. What to do when you get overwhelmed, triggered or need a break.

5. The most important thing your husband can do that will make all the difference.

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Janna's Program: Wanting It More

Dr. Elaine Aron: Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) Self-Test

Looking for where to start? Get Janna's Intro Videos for men and women.

Ready to learn on your own? Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is always open for registration.

Ready to learn as a couple? Learn about Janna's coaching program for couples, Doing It Together.

1. The two phrases Janna and Melissa model and use in the community to decrease shame and increase safety.

2. Why shock, grief and sometimes anger are understandable emotions in the beginning stages of the process.

3. The surprising results of getting the husbands together for a support call.

4. What they are learning about making space for a diversity of lived experiences.

5. How the basic concepts taught in WIM are sometimes misunderstood as radical.

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Janna's Program: Wanting It More

Looking for where to start? Get Janna's Intro Videos for men and women.

Ready to learn on your own? Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is always open for registration.

Ready to learn as a couple? Learn about Janna's coaching program for couples, Doing It Together.

1. The three "steps" towards initiating more touch with your husband.

2. The two main causes of "touch pressure" and what to do about them.

3. Why unlearning cultural messages about acceptable touch is critical before getting curious about what you like.

4. How Janna and her husband create space for her to initiate touch.

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Janna's Program: Wanting It More

Looking for where to start? Get Janna's Intro Videos for men and women.

Ready to learn on your own? Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is always open for registration.

Ready to learn as a couple? Learn about Janna's coaching program for couples, Doing It Together.