The myths and misconceptions about domestic violence and narcissistic abuse prevent those who want to support their loved ones who have been victims from supporting them without victim blaming.

I asked hundreds of survivors what they felt were the most important things for their support people to understand in order to offer the support they need throughout their healing journey.  I was overwhelmed with responses and identified some of the most common themes to share with you in this episode.

The top 8 most common ideas or themes that survivors want you to understand in order to support them are:

• Secrecy allows the abuse to continue.
• There are many different forms of relationship abuse outside of physical abuse which are often times more damaging.
• Victims often return to their abusers for a myriad of reasons; their brains have been conditioned to assess for the danger based on where their abuser’s mind is at that day to allow them to compute the safest behaviors for them and their children.  This makes it feel less safe when they have no contact.
• Abuse does not end when the relationship ends.  Sometimes post-separation abuse is worse.
• Our family court system is set up to support continued abuse, does not look out for the best interests of the child, and supports secrecy to continue.
• Domestic violence and coercive control do extreme amounts of harm to children and someone who is abusive to the other parent of their child is unable to be a safe parent.
• A survivor of relationship abuse has so many internal struggles including self-doubt, shame, and extreme indecisiveness.
• If you are supporting a survivor of narcissistic abuse you need to ensure that you have support too.

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