Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. 

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 36: Why They Cheat

In episode 36 of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Hensley takes a deep dive into the complex reasons behind infidelity, viewed through the lens of attachment theory. As a seasoned social psychologist and attachment expert, she offers a nuanced exploration of why individuals from different attachment styles might cheat, shedding light on the often-hidden wounds that drive this behavior.

Why Each Attachment Style Might Cheat
1. Dismissive Avoidant:
Dismissive avoidants often cheat as a way to maintain emotional distance and protect their independence. Deep down, they fear vulnerability and intimacy, and cheating allows them to avoid the commitment that comes with being fully emotionally present. They may rationalize their behavior as a way to preserve their sense of autonomy.
2. Fearful Avoidant:
With a mix of longing for closeness and a fear of rejection, fearful avoidants may cheat due to their inconsistent emotional needs. They might seek validation or comfort from someone outside the relationship while simultaneously pushing their primary partner away out of fear of betrayal. Their inner conflict often leads to impulsive decisions driven by unresolved trauma.
3. Anxious Preoccupied:
Anxious-preoccupied individuals are highly driven by a fear of being unloved or abandoned. They might cheat as a misguided attempt to get attention, reassurance, or to feel desired. Often, their infidelity stems from insecurity and an underlying belief that their partner isn’t meeting their emotional needs.

Recovering From Infidelity

Midway through the episode, Dr. Hensley shifts gears to discuss the aftermath of cheating and how couples can work to rebuild trust—if they choose to do so. She explains that recovery from infidelity is an uphill battle, requiring immense effort, vulnerability, and accountability from both partners.
• Steps to Recovery: Dr. Hensley outlines specific steps for couples attempting to heal:
1. Complete transparency and accountability from the unfaithful partner.
2. Commitment to honest communication, even when it’s uncomfortable.
3. Addressing the root cause of the infidelity, often tied to individual attachment wounds.
4. Seeking professional guidance to navigate the intense emotions and triggers that surface during this process.

However, Dr. Hensley candidly shares her professional opinion: full recovery from infidelity is rare. While some couples rebuild stronger relationships, most struggle to regain the trust and emotional safety necessary for long-term connection.

Support for Those Impacted by Infidelity

In the final segment, Dr. Hensley emphasizes the importance of compassionate, actionable support for individuals navigating the aftermath of infidelity. Whether listeners are healing from divorce, trying to mend a relationship, or contemplating leaving, Dr. Hensley’s coaching practices offer a lifeline.

She highlights how her tools and tactics—grounded in attachment theory and years of experience—equip clients to:
• Regulate their nervous system amidst emotional turmoil.
• Break free from self-blame and shame cycles.
• Set and enforce healthy boundaries, regardless of their decision to stay or leave.

Dr. Hensley assures her audience that while the pain of infidelity is profound, it is possible to heal, grow, and rediscover self-worth. Her compassionate approach provides both validation and practical strategies, empowering clients to navigate one of the most painful experiences in any relationship.

Tune in to this episode for an eye-opening discussion that combines academic insight with heartfelt guidance for those grappling with the fallout of infidelity.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. 

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