LISTENER’S QUESTION

“I sought out your podcast a few days ago and have found it very helpful for the difficult situation my relationship is currently in. My partner lost his job a couple months ago due to downsizing at his company. Since then he’s also lost a lot of confidence, reignited many insecurities, become extremely negative about everything related to job searching, been unmotivated. Meanwhile, I work hard 40 hours a week so it’s really hard for me to remain positive and supportive. I would love to hear an episode that could speak to this.“

If you missed part one to this conversation, please check out episode ERP 086.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear my stories and examples to describe these points.)

HERE ARE 6 (OF 8) TIPS ON HOW TO HANDLE THE STRESS, SUPPORT YOUR PARTNER, AND SUPPORT YOURSELF THROUGH THIS DIFFICULT TIME: 3. CREATE A PLAN

• As soon as possible, sit down together and look at your budget.
• Be honest about what the loss of the income will mean for your family.
• Look at where you can scale back for the moment (i.e. cleaning service, laundry service, personal trainer, massage, dining out funds, premium TV, etc.).
• Develop a plan together. Working together will help prevent uncertainty, assumptions, and expectations. Having a plan together could offer a sense of support and closeness as a couple.
• Re-evaluate your family responsibilities.
• Check out these two podcast episodes ERP 063: How To keep Your Relationship Strong (when she is more successful) & ERP 064: How To keep Your Relationship Strong (when she is more successful) – Part 2

4. OFFER SUPPORT:

• Check out this podcast episode ERP 003: 6 Ways To Be Supportive (When Your Partner Wants Your Attention)
• Some of the common ways to offer support are; Listening, Empathy, Encouragement, Challenge, Feedback, and Physical presence.

5. ATTEND TO YOUR NEEDS:

• Notice how you feel towards your partner.
• Ask for what you need. Share with him.
• Let him support you. Let him show up for you.
• Don’t make it all about him.
• Set limits and boundaries for yourself.
• Take time to fill your own cup (i.e. time with friends, exercise, etc.).
• Check out this podcast episode ERP 083: How Vibrant Community Helps Support Healthy Relationship With Christiane Pelmas.

6. RECRUIT OUTSIDE SUPPORT:

• Even though it may be vulnerable to connect with friends and family at this time, let them offer support in ways that they can.
• Utilize local groups.
• Hire a professional (i.e. coach, therapist, etc).
• Get into nature.

7. GET CREATIVE:

• Look for activities that do not cost money, so that you will have ideas to pull from when you want to do something together.
• Host a potluck one evening. Go on a bike ride or a hike.
• Many big-city zoos and museums have occasional “free” days.
• Give each other foot or neck massages.
• Search online for no-cost date ideas.
• Make time for each other that is nurturing and loving.
• Volunteer together.

8. HAVE AN ABUNDANCE MINDSET:

• Focus on what you do have instead of what you do not have.
• Take about highlights from the day or week.
• Share gratitudes.
• Find things to appreciate about one another.
• Focus your attention on to the present moment.
• Use your breath as an abundance exercise.

“A proactive and positive mindset will differentiate you from the masses, making all the difference in how “lucky” you get in an unlucky economy. It will even determine whether you one day look back on this time with some measure of gratitude for what you gained from it—whether it was the chance to re-evaluate your life, spend extra time with your family, teach your kids about budgeting, or to simply re-affirm what matters most.” By Margie Warrell From “Bouncing Back from Job Loss: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Job Hunters”

MENTIONED:

• ERP 063: How To keep Your Relationship Strong (when she is more successful) (podcast)
• ERP 064: How To keep Your Relationship Strong (when she is more successful) – Part 2 (podcast)
• ERP 083: How Vibrant Community Helps Support Healthy Relationship With Christiane Pelmas. (podcast)
• ERP 003: 6 Ways To Be Supportive (When Your Partner Wants Your Attention)
• “Bouncing Back from Job Loss: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Job Hunters” By Margie Warrell (article)

TRANSCRIPT:

Click on this link to access the transcript for this episode.

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

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Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Empowered Relationship Course or doing relationship coaching work with me.