GUEST: DR. SUSAN HEITLER

Susan Heitler PhD is a Denver clinical psychologist and widely-read author. Educated at Harvard and NYU, Susan Heitler offers self-help information for individuals and for couples. Dr. Heitler also writes for therapists, offering new understandings and treatments for anxiety, anger, depression, narcissism, and relationship challenges. Dr. Heitler's web-page provides an overview with links to 40+ years of books. blog posts, articles, podcasts, videos, webinars, online marriage education program, and more. Dr. Susan Heitler has earned a national and international reputation as one of America's leading psychologists.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

DEPRESSION:

"What triggers depression is feeling powerless and giving up on something you want." by Dr. Susan Heitler

• Emotions get manifested in the body by physical changes.
• What triggers emotion is important.
• Depression is a disorder of power.
• There is a continuum of depression (going from being down or blue to having little ability to function and having suicidal ideation).
• Get help if you or your partner are experiencing severe depression through the way of a therapist and psychiatrist.

BUMP MODEL:

• Challenges in life are the bumps in the road.
• How you respond to the bump in the road helps determine what you experience going forward.

3 P'S PRESCRIPTION FOR DEALING WITH DEPRESSION:

• Pinpoint. Figure out the trigger. What is the bump in the road?
• Pump up. Take a deep breath. Take a power pose. Imagine yourself getting bigger and taller.
• Problem solve. Think of solutions from a much more empowered position.

TWO QUESTIONS TO TEST FOR DEPRESSION:

• After pinpointing the issue, ask yourself "Do you feel small compared to the other person or other thing involved?"
• Are you engaging in the negative cognitive triad (thinking negatively about self, others, and the future)?

HOW COUPLES CAN DEAL WITH DEPRESSION:

• Share concerns.
• Listen to concerns.
• Aim for win/win solutions.

ENJOY ANTIDOTES FOR DEPRESSION TOGETHER:

• Sunshine.
• Music.
• Nature.
• Activity.

HOW TO DEAL WITH YOUR PARTNER'S BAD MOOD:

• If you want to help your partner, don't assume what they need. Ask. Ask your partner "What helps and what doesn't help?"
• If your partner is in a negative space, you may want to go do a separate activity to create some space (where you can experience positivity). Then, maybe your partner can join your positive mood, rather than you joining your partner's negative mood.
• Don't take your partner's irritability and anger.
• Create safety together for talking about what is going on.

Engaging in a relationship well requires maturity and skill.

MENTIONED:

• Lift Depression With These 3 Prescriptions- Without-Pills | Susan Heitler | TEDxWilmington (Video)
• Prescriptions Without Pills (Website)
• 5 Realities About Depression That Make It Highly Contagious, by Dr. Susan Heitler (Article)
• Therapy Help (Website)
• The Power of Two: Secrets to a Strong and Loving Marriage (Book)
• The Power of Two Workbook: Communication Skills for a Strong & Loving Marriage (Book)
• Prescriptions Without Pills: For Relief from Depression, Anger, Anxiety, and More (Book)
• Conflict Resolution for Couples (Podcast episode)
• Depression: A Disorder of Power (Podcast episode)
• Dr. Susan Heitler on Psychology Today (Webpage)
• Power of Two (Website)

TRANSCRIPT:

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