Evolutionary Men

In this episode I invite relationship and dating coach Shana James, author of Honest Sex and The Honest Dating Guide, to discuss why many men see honesty as a loss of power. We explore nice guy conditioning, the scarcity that pushes us to posture rather than speak the truth, the distinction between attachment and desire, and what really occurs in the body when vulnerability feels dangerous instead of intimate.

• Honest Dating Guide + Companion Course
• Honest Sex Book
• Shana's Website
• Man Alive

In this episode I break down the moment I lost it with my daughter over a coloring page, the sharp voice, the walk to the car when I realized what I'd just done to her. I get into Dan Siegel's hand model of the brain, why your kid feels your nervous system more than your words, and where you're supposed to put that charge when your family isn't the place to dump it.

• Join us Monday August 24th for Rage & Anger: How to Wisely Channel Your Power as a Man
• Build your space to bring your tantrums in The Heart of Shadow Men's Group & Retreat

In this episode I'm joined by Dr. Luke Adler to talk about shadow work for regaining your power, especially for nice guys who've gone allergic to their own force and desire. We get into the difference between power over and power under, why so many men carry a clog in their body around their center, and how father wounds shape our relationship to anger and protection.

Join us in reclaiming your power in The Heart of Shadow Men's Group & Retreat

In this episode I get into touch, why it lands or falls flat with a woman, and what her body is already reading in you before your hands ever move. I break down the physiology behind it, your breath, your nervous system, and the different kinds of tension that decide whether she melts into you or just tolerates you. I also get into my own history with touch, which wasn't pretty, and the frame I now use with the men I coach around all of this.

If this episode landed and you want to go further into it, Elizabeth Anneka and I are teaching a live workshop on Zoom this Monday, August 10th. Ninety minutes, 5:30 Pacific. Today's episode was about your breath. This workshop one is about hers, how to read it, and use it as a compass toward deeper connection and better sex. That's Elizabeth's teaching and it's very good. Ninety-seven dollars, and everyone who signs up gets the replay whether you make it live or not.

​evolutionary.men/touch​

September 3rd through the 7th, out at Bell Valley in Anderson Valley, Northern California. Four days. The ground, the breath, the capacity to stay in contact with another human being without bracing. Everything in this episode, trained at depth, with a crew of men doing the same work. We cap it at 26 men and there are three spots left. If this one has been tugging at you, this is the window.

​evolutionary.men/retreat​

Most of us never had healthy anger modeled for us. We watched men explode, or we watched men go numb, and somewhere in there we swore off the whole thing and called the shutdown maturity. But the anger you never let yourself feel doesn't leave. It comes out sideways, or it turns inward and your body carries it.

Luke and I are running a free live session on Monday, August 24th. We'll break down the difference between clean anger and aggression, show you how to build a container for that energy so it fuels you instead of leaking onto the people you love, and then lead you through a guided practice so you leave having actually felt it move. Come with a private space where you can make some noise. A car works. A garage works.

​Grab your spot here​

• ​EP151 - Why Would She WANT to Have Sex with You?​
• ​EP24 - She Wants to Trust You, Not Just Feel Safe With You​
• ​EP150 - How to Touch Women (with Elizabeth Anneka)

In this episode I break down what's happening when life looks fine on paper but you feel like you're not the one driving it. Losing direction is nearly inevitable once the track (school, career, mortgage, kids) runs out, and you can't think your way back. I walk through the two compasses I've watched work in hundreds of men's lives, the practice men have used to read them for thousands of years, and the one place none of us wants to look.

• ​Master reading her breath to enhance her pleasure on August 10th​
• ​Grab one of the last Labor Day retreat spots​
• ​Snag the early bid on the Heart of Shadow men's group and retreat​

• ​EP85 - The Difference Between Waiting and Resting​
• ​EP29 - Three Questions Every Man Needs to Be Able to Answer​
• ​EP100 - Shadow Work for the Chronically Driven (with Luke Adler)

In this episode I get into the question most men never ask, why would she want to have sex with you? I break down Rosemary Basson's research on responsive desire, why her wanting often arrives through connection instead of before it, and what it actually takes to be a man she can open toward. I talk about tending your own nervous system, learning her warm up sequence, feeding the connection all week, and the real difference between reaching for her from tension release versus reaching for her by name.

What to expand your capacity as a lover? Learn from touch coach Elizabeth Anneka about the power of breath for good sex by signing up for How to Touch Women: It Starts with Your Breath Workshop on Monday, August 10th at 5:30pm Pacific. $97.

Only a few spots left for the Evolutionary Men Labor Day Retreat, snag your at https://evolutionary.men/retreat

In this episode I bring on touch coach Elizabeth Anneka to break down why so many men have the desire to please a woman but not the skill. We get into her bullseye mismatch concept, the difference between penetrating and receptive states, how to keep touch alive once it's gone stale in a long term relationship, and the power of breath to guide it all for men.

Learn from Elizabeth about the power of breath for good sex by signing up for How to Touch Women: It Starts with Your Breath Workshop on Monday, August 10th at 5:30pm Pacific. $97.

Learn more about Elizabeth at https://www.howtotouchwomen.com

In this episode I'm joined by Gethin Aldous, co-director of The Work, the award-winning documentary shot inside Folsom Prison. We get into what happens when the hardest men in the system sit in circle and let themselves break, why prison cuts straight through the judgment that men's work is soft or goofy, and what it awakens in the men who witness it. If men most people have written off can go this deep, so can you. Go watch the film, then do your own work.

Show Notes

• Watch The Work on Apple | Youtube
• Gethin's Production Company MythoWorks
• All Kings NY
• Inside Circle

Get involved with Evolutionary Men

• Do your work at the Evolutionary Men Labor Day Retreat
• Join The Heart of Shadow
• Take the free Evolutionary Edge assessment to find your edge as a man at quiz.evolutionary.men

In this episode I talk about the real cost of staying numb and what's actually happening when a man feels flat. I get into the one-pipe reality, why clamping down grief and anger also chokes off joy, desire, and aliveness, the difference between a state and a stage, and why you can't think or read your way back to being fully alive and how important it is to plunge into spaces of depth to give you a lived experience of your power and vitality.

Come Fully Alive at the Evolutionary Men Labor Day Retreat

In this episode I lay out a map I've been building for nearly two decades: nine specific capacities that separate the man who walks into a room and changes it from the man nobody quite remembers was there. I take them one at a time: vitality, devotion, curiosity, rigor, initiative, presence, empathy, depth, and discernment, go through what each one looks like when it's online and what it costs you when it's not, and why a tenth capacity, belonging, wraps around all of them.

Cultivating these capacities if the lifelong path of Evolutionary Men.

Discovery your capacity map by taking the Evolutionary Edge quiz at quiz.evolutionary.men